On my Saturday

Glad the kids and I went to the grocery store last night. One of my dreaded chores is doing that on Saturday, esp. since we go to church on Saturday nights. Plus, with some handy calculator skills, and sales, I was able to get dinners to last through about Wednesday. Not bad for me.

Now I'm just trying to get some order in my day.

What I really want to do is go by Fresh Market and get another bottle of the Mrs. Meyer's Lavender cleaner. I get the concentrated bottle and put a couple of tablespoons in the MM countertop sprayer I have. It's so soothing---the fragrance just makes me feel better. Besides, that store makes me feel good. What richness. I rarely buy many things---mostly just tea and Mrs. Meyer's goodies, but even walking in there is a treat. Plus, their fresh flowers are the best. We're still enjoying some pink and white carnations oldest daughter bought me last Monday.

And (to change the subject) I need to work on my attitude in regards to interruptions. I'm constantly hit on my kids; their needs are so enthusiastic and immediate. I have to admit to being less than jolly when I'm in the midst of something (usually writing) when they need to share, and my patience has been a bit worn lately. Not sure if the expression on my face matches the mood in my heart, but I'd hope not.

Part of what I deal with is guilt, feeling that even with all the work I do here, I have to justify time for myself. Is that just a Mom thing? I wonder. My husband doesn't seem to have the same problem, and maybe it's something to do with being home all the time. There's no separation between work and play. The environment stays the same, so it's harder to draw a dividing line. Not a new argument, but one that continues to puzzle me.

But rather than beat up myself, I need to find some time to myself. Am just about screaming for time alone, without any chatter. Love them though I do---my needs require a bit more attention this weekend. Maybe it can happen.

Relief

So, my husband reminded me of the herbal concoction from the health food store which makes me at ease again. Have been out for a dog's age. Got it earlier today, and already, the clouds are passing by. Phew. I hate feeling low and when I get to dragging my tail, it's just the worst.

Praising the Lord too about another furniture build job that got approved today. Funds continue to be tight, but what else is new? That's the way it is for us now, and always has been. The shop remains open and God provides. There are folks with much harder times to deal with, and I'm deeply thankful for what's been sent our way. I'm afraid to take my eyes off of the Lord, choosing instead to stay close. I'm reminded of Job's situation (not that I could even touch those hardships), and the way God reveals Himself in those verses. In the past, I've been a bit too familiar with Him in my attitude, and now am more in awe. I'm thinking that's the place I need to be.

Again, so grateful to feel better. Glad I'm ultra-sensitive to herbs/drugs/etc., because what takes some folks hours or even days to respond to---well, it's pretty quick with me.

Cloudy days

Stinky cheese depression. Used to, I thought it was a spiritual issue. Turns out it's more chemical in nature with me, and it just drives me nuts. Thankfully, my family is understanding and they don't try to kick me out of it. I'm acquainted with folks who try to coax their depressed relatives into a good mood, taking the attitude that it's something that can be changed like a new shirt. Wish it was that easy.

Time seems to be a great healer, that and some useful herbs. But still, the darkness comes and I learn to let it pass. Within a day or so, or a few days in some cases, the clouds part. Fortunately, it rarely lasts as long as a week. In the meantime, I yearn for a book to disappear into or something to distract my attention. That helps.

Just wanted to talk about it. I know some of you have the same problem. Good to know someone else understands. It's not whining. It's just the way it is.

Why this journal title?

Contemplative definition: adjective 1. deeply or seriously thoughtful (ruminative, musing, reflective, pondering, pensive, meditative, brooding)

Just wanted to clarify. In the Internet world, it's easy to be misled or misleading, depending on your point of view. Me? I just want to find ways to fold the Lord into my day that's habitual and of comfort to me. I like the way Brother Lawrence (who's known for this) made the effort of practicing his faith even in washing the dishes, that his goal was that every work he participated in would become a form of worship. Word has it he struggled with this and wasn't a great fan of dish washing. Guess that's what I want to do too. There's joy in that connection with the Father, but it requires effort. So, for me, the title of this journal means more than just something I grabbed out of the air. It's something I'm working on.

Contemplative definition: adjective 1. deeply or seriously thoughtful

Contemplative definition: adjective 1. deeply or seriously thoughtful

Pug video on YouTube

Found this Pug/baby video tonight and just laughed and laughed. And how 'bout here.....they really do explode around the house after a bath. (I've shared these sorts of videos before, on my Tea with Milk blog, but figured you could do with a refresher. )

Here's one more....here!

After watching these I just want to hug Violet and Daisy. These videos are so accurate as to the real joys of Pug-ness. Love 'em!