Am listening to this repeatedly. So pretty. :)
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
A re-whine
Used to, Mondays were my favorite day of the week. Now, not so much. The pressure begins again, and the responsibilities with schoolwork and tending to the dailies slaps me in the face. I think I'm in a rut.
Get prepared...here comes the whine.
Have gotten un-used-to being thankful. And have allowed myself to wallow a bit in self-pity, though I really have no honest excuse for that. The kids are great and my husband is wonderful as well. I think I'm just exhausted. My sleep is interrupted almost every morning *too* early, and I feel like a slug. The sparkle is missing, and that frustrates me. I want my twinkle back.
Little by little, I want to bring something----not sure what, into my days that causes me to sit up a bit straighter. Just little happies. Honestly, with all of these kids, it's easy to become overwhelmed. Sadly, the things you read by women with lots of kids tends to lean toward how well-organized they are and how jolly their households are. I think those women are lying.
Plus, it's easy to get into a mindset of feeling unappreciated. I was mumbling to myself the other night (within hearing distance of a couple of my housemates) and said that I worked so hard at getting as much squeezed out every penny as possible, and that nobody seemed to notice. The gratitude seems to be missing. My husband teased me back, trying to lighten the mood, when actually I wanted a pat on the back. He's tired too. He's working hard, getting little appreciation in the way of clients, and is a tad frustrated as well.
Funny how what we need and what we get aren't always the same thing. Well, it'd be unrealistic for things to fall into place that easily, wouldn't it? And while it'd be nice to get human pats-on-the-back more often, I need to be satisfied when that doesn't happen, I guess.
Patting myself on the back (and trying to think of something to lighten my husband's mood).
Get prepared...here comes the whine.
Have gotten un-used-to being thankful. And have allowed myself to wallow a bit in self-pity, though I really have no honest excuse for that. The kids are great and my husband is wonderful as well. I think I'm just exhausted. My sleep is interrupted almost every morning *too* early, and I feel like a slug. The sparkle is missing, and that frustrates me. I want my twinkle back.
Little by little, I want to bring something----not sure what, into my days that causes me to sit up a bit straighter. Just little happies. Honestly, with all of these kids, it's easy to become overwhelmed. Sadly, the things you read by women with lots of kids tends to lean toward how well-organized they are and how jolly their households are. I think those women are lying.
Plus, it's easy to get into a mindset of feeling unappreciated. I was mumbling to myself the other night (within hearing distance of a couple of my housemates) and said that I worked so hard at getting as much squeezed out every penny as possible, and that nobody seemed to notice. The gratitude seems to be missing. My husband teased me back, trying to lighten the mood, when actually I wanted a pat on the back. He's tired too. He's working hard, getting little appreciation in the way of clients, and is a tad frustrated as well.
Funny how what we need and what we get aren't always the same thing. Well, it'd be unrealistic for things to fall into place that easily, wouldn't it? And while it'd be nice to get human pats-on-the-back more often, I need to be satisfied when that doesn't happen, I guess.
Patting myself on the back (and trying to think of something to lighten my husband's mood).
Friday, November 26, 2010
After Thanksgiving
Tucked up in bed with my laptop after taking the majority of my offspring over to my mom's. She said here last night at dinner that the kids always visit with her a day or two after Thanksgiving, but our memories are so sorry, none of us could remember. Well, considering that my mom's 81 and we're trying to cherish her more, we'll do whatever makes her happy. So, they're there and I'm here!
Glad that oldest son is home now as well. You hear all the time about the folks who want to shop in the middle of the night after Thanksgiving, and he's one of those who has to man the store while folks do just that. He had to be at work at 3am, and worked until noon today. Came home hungry, hankering for the piece of chocolate chess pie he'd not eaten last night. Sadly, the least one found it in fridge, asked me about it, and since I was clueless, she ate it. Oops. Not the first time that's happened.
And she said the funniest thing the other day. We were talking about a poem youngest son had read for school, and elk were the main topic of it. The younger ones got to wondering what elk looked like and I brought up deer, following up with telling them that we'd had elk meat before.
The least one misunderstood and said, "When did we have elf meat?" All said with a shocked look on her face.
Not much more I can add to that, is there?
Glad that oldest son is home now as well. You hear all the time about the folks who want to shop in the middle of the night after Thanksgiving, and he's one of those who has to man the store while folks do just that. He had to be at work at 3am, and worked until noon today. Came home hungry, hankering for the piece of chocolate chess pie he'd not eaten last night. Sadly, the least one found it in fridge, asked me about it, and since I was clueless, she ate it. Oops. Not the first time that's happened.
And she said the funniest thing the other day. We were talking about a poem youngest son had read for school, and elk were the main topic of it. The younger ones got to wondering what elk looked like and I brought up deer, following up with telling them that we'd had elk meat before.
The least one misunderstood and said, "When did we have elf meat?" All said with a shocked look on her face.
Not much more I can add to that, is there?
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Mothering
Am forever amazed at what sorts of things the kids throw at me---figuratively speaking, of course. One son is attracted to the worldly side of life, and is straining at the bit to be more *out there*. Seems to me, he'll have plenty of out there time when he moves away (no time in the near future), so he's got to continue to live under the law here, until then. Still, it gets a bit tiresome. He knows how we do things.
What's to learn?
We've sheltered our kids, and I make no excuse to that. They're decent folks and they've not been hit with lots of the peer pressure that my husband and I had to deal with. Sure, there are folks who say we're not giving them a chance to experience life, but I defer to my first sentences about how we do things here. They can be wild and crazy when they move out. To turn a blind eye to that behavior and allow it while they're under our roof would be a bit foolish in my mind.
Why am I talking about this? I have no idea. Just a mild vent about how 24 hour/day parenting is. Not so much complaining either, but just wish there was more down-time, you know?
What's to learn?
We've sheltered our kids, and I make no excuse to that. They're decent folks and they've not been hit with lots of the peer pressure that my husband and I had to deal with. Sure, there are folks who say we're not giving them a chance to experience life, but I defer to my first sentences about how we do things here. They can be wild and crazy when they move out. To turn a blind eye to that behavior and allow it while they're under our roof would be a bit foolish in my mind.
Why am I talking about this? I have no idea. Just a mild vent about how 24 hour/day parenting is. Not so much complaining either, but just wish there was more down-time, you know?
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Pre-holiday thoughts
Read an advertisement from a local drugstore, saying something about there still *being time* to do something or another before Christmas. Can't believe we're already being encouraged to hurry. I don't wanna! I really, and I mean really want this next month to be sweet and not overdone. My husband reminds me that I say that every year, only to do the same old thing repeatedly.
It gets to where I dread Christmas. Partly it's the attitude that's so prevalent to be busy and spend lots. It's not really a quiet and cozy holiday anymore. Folks are fussy and this time of year lacks that Dickensian sort of flavor. Hard to get a mindset of simplicity and peace. And I'm not sure how to actually do that. The reality of eight kids smacks me in the face, and it's a tad overwhelming. And I'm not talking about greed, either. It's just the volume of stuff that needs doing...or maybe all of it doesn't need doing, eh?
I'm reminded of last Christmas, when my oldest friend, Dana, passed away---and that was on the seventh of December. I wasn't in a mood to decorate or hang lights out on the porch, but the kids got around to it, and that in itself was very special.
Just simple things. Little expense and sweetness. That sounds awfully good about now.
It gets to where I dread Christmas. Partly it's the attitude that's so prevalent to be busy and spend lots. It's not really a quiet and cozy holiday anymore. Folks are fussy and this time of year lacks that Dickensian sort of flavor. Hard to get a mindset of simplicity and peace. And I'm not sure how to actually do that. The reality of eight kids smacks me in the face, and it's a tad overwhelming. And I'm not talking about greed, either. It's just the volume of stuff that needs doing...or maybe all of it doesn't need doing, eh?
I'm reminded of last Christmas, when my oldest friend, Dana, passed away---and that was on the seventh of December. I wasn't in a mood to decorate or hang lights out on the porch, but the kids got around to it, and that in itself was very special.
Just simple things. Little expense and sweetness. That sounds awfully good about now.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Books and stuff
Think I'll continue my news fast a bit more. Peeked at the headlines earlier today, and they got me so worked up, had to leave the sites. Just don't figure it's advantageous for me to read stuff I can't do anything about---things that seem out of control.So will putter around the and read more of a book I downloaded for free the other night (a brief give-away from Tyndale), called 'Almost Heaven' by Chris Fabry, a very unassuming author. This book is just magical, and reminds me of Leif Enger's 'Peace like a River'. Both books are touched with pain, but tell the story of what life's really like in such an endearing way.
With my mind racing at times, it's good to read a book that doesn't overdo the drama, but speaks of a life that's ordinary, and dear to God's heart. Makes the mundane seem all the more special.
Besides, it's good to be home just now. Have you noticed that the holiday traffic has already begun? Was out with two of the boys, this afternoon, and there were folks everywhere. Give me home EVERYtime, and I mean it!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Sunday
About to watch some more of Elizabeth Gaskell's 'North and South' on YouTube, then will think about making some yeast rolls for dinner. Think being the operative word. We'll see what actually happens.
The weather is totally wonderful today. It's breezy and warm. The windows are up here and there and we can air out the house from this cold that's swept through the kids. They're all better now, and anxious for Thanksgiving.
Just a restful day, and that's a blessing indeed.
The weather is totally wonderful today. It's breezy and warm. The windows are up here and there and we can air out the house from this cold that's swept through the kids. They're all better now, and anxious for Thanksgiving.
Just a restful day, and that's a blessing indeed.
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