Thursday noon

Today is one of those days I want to attempt to live more in the mindset of a Luddite (one who resists technology, etc).  I have a few books on hold at the library, two of them are ones by Mary Randolph Carter, who takes wonderful photos which celebrate the old and worn.  A personal mindset lately as I look at our house with new eyes.  Old and worn.  Yes, indeed.  Technology reminds me of the benefits of the perfect and sleek, which I'm not and don't live in at present. 

Banged up house trim, kitchen drawers that close only with a waggle, and drafty windows.  This is my life, and it's one that suits me.  Candles that warm up dark corners, drawn curtains in the evenings, and the curls of smoke from a hot cup of tea are settling, and very fitting for older houses.

I want to breathe deeply and just relax.  The holidays loom, with Thanksgiving only a week away, and many things yet to buy.  Making do with less in order to have the money to go around.  But it's do-able.  Have to focus on the comfort and chores of just this day, and avoid borrowing trouble.

One thing that seems to work for me is to keep busy for, say 20-30 minutes, then sit down.  Think about it and get up again after a few minutes.  On and off.  Work and rest.  Keeping a rapid pace just doesn't work for me, making me overtired before the job is done.  

After getting our schoolwork done today the younger girls and I will get some groceries.  Just a few.  Just enough for a day or two.  Easy dinners.  Cream for my tea (which I had to do without this morning, making me very sad), bread, makings for pizza now that the oven is fixed, maybe some soup.  

Quiet thoughts in the midst of the bustle which you can feel when you shop.  I won't give in.  I won't give in.  At least not yet.

Evening

I love the evenings when the day is done, the kids are safe in bed and we're all ready for sleep.  Quiet, with a day finished and survived.  No chores for the following day that take us out of the house.  My mom with her needs met.  Tea to be here in bed the following morning.  A book to read that hates to be put down.   

 Contentment.

That is now, or will begin in about an hour or so.

Headache is gone, groceries in the house for a couple of days.  Puttering to enjoy.  Nothing pressing.  

School finished for another season.  Weeds to be pulled.  Pots to be watered.  A storm to listen to from the open window by my bed tonight.  Chickens to be held tomorrow.

A cloth book cover to be stitched for middle daughter to keep safe a very old copy of fairy tales.  

Rest.

Monday

A day of cleaning, with the two youngest girls taking over.  The work they get done in a short amount of time is amazing.  With that done, sort of a Monday routine, we can relax a bit tomorrow.  It's second son's 25th birthday, so we'll make curry and naan for dinner, plus middle daughter will bake his cake. Unfortunately he's working (and lives away in an apartment with first-born, so we can't hit up on him first thing).  He'll probably pop in mid-day before he goes on into work, but he'll be here to eat after his stint at the restaurant.  That'll be late, though, about eleven pm or so.  We'll eat at the regular time and save his...with him blowing out candles late.  Can't be helped.

Just finished watching some old home movies. Everybody is in them, with the least one being less than a month old in one (2002) and walking in the next one (2003). Everyone was so cute, eating all the time, but being silly.  Guess they had a happy childhood, hmmm?  Oldest daughter cuts a look at me when I say things like that.  Just checking. ;)  Making gingerbread cookies, the vacuum cleaner still sitting in the hallway as it is this very minute, folded clothes piled up on the back of the sofa, middle daughter who was about 3 wearing her turtleneck shirt inside out with the tag hanging out, g.i. joes, but lots of laughs.  It passes way too quickly.

I had tea on the front porch after dinner....still raining. Supposed to be cooler tonight and the next few days. Bliss.

Monday morning

Began reading a very restful book last night.  I picked it up at the church library, and got it mainly for the title, Bread and Wine.  The author is Ignazio Silone, and it's about fascism/the Catholic church/hardship/peasants/Italy/1930s and is wonderful.  And yes, soothing even with those topics being covered.

In some way it reminds me of The Diary of a Country Priest by Georges Bernanos.

Are you sure I wasn't Roman Catholic in a previous life?

Kidding.  No reincarnation for me.  Once is definitely enough.

There is something about certain writers.  There's a quality that's missing in most literature---almost a magic.  Some writers can inspire me visually, some just make me feel good inside after I put a book aside, and some cause me to appreciate the day. This one does the latter. Just walked through the untidy living room, saw the Pugs all cozied up on the sofa and said to myself, "Yes, it really is a good day."

I read an email on Saturday about a video this guy had out about how America is destined for disaster.  How we need to stockpile food, ammunition, etc.  Watched about 5 minutes of it and figured it wasn't good for my health to torment myself any longer.  Besides, he was all about how amazing he was since he had this wonderful information to share with folks.  Honestly, I don't believe the Lord would have me drink in all that heavy stuff.  If I buy into it (and maybe this guy is totally on the up and up and we're headed for the brink), I'll be tormented daily, wondering if I have enough food set aside, and where we'll get our water.  But on the other hand, if I trust God, I'll have peace.  Easy toss-up.  Doomsday apostles never set well with me anyhow.

So today we tidy the house for sweet Indian boyfriend to come to dinner.  I'll borrow oldest daughter's truck and do errands---mostly for my mom.  Schoolwork in the afternoon. Vacuuming and the washing of clothes.  More reading.  Open windows for today, and closing them tonight---expecting the thirties!  Deep breaths and affection for the gift of another day.

(added to the bottom of this page the link to the blog I'm keeping about my mom's stroke---not pretty, but as it is)

Just thinking

"Without the contemplative dimensions, the whole day can slip away into a mad chase, but those few minutes can give it meaning and joy.  And if you can set aside a little corner in your home, however modest, as a sanctuary, that space can readily conduct you each day back into the contemplative mode."~ from Music of Silence by David Steindl-Rast and Sharon Lebell.

You know, I like to post here and just jot down my thoughts.  It's settling in some odd sort of way.  Rarely does anything wild and crazy happen here---well, nothing any different than other folks, but it's a good way to keep up with things for me.  That's pretty much it.

But today ran away from me.  After sleeping in a bit, that rain I mentioned came in with a whoosh mid/late afternoon.  I mended our bedsheets on the sewing machine while the rain ran wild and the kids stayed in the further end of the house away from our big oak.  The wind was that amazing.  But all is well and we got a great rain, and it's cooler outside too.  Nice.

Tomorrow I plan on getting up for prayers at church, then will pay a visit to a couple of places to shop for birthday boy.  Minor chores.  Then home and icing his cake and making burgers.  Second son will buy him a steak from the restaurant and grill it here.  That's his gift to him.

Just ordinary things.  Wouldn't mind something thrilling happening, but not holding my breath!

Friday morning

Thought I'd let this journal background come out and play for a bit. Tweaked and doodled with computer stuff last night, and couldn't come up with anything new that dazzled me. So, back to the tried and true.

Middle daughter and I will take my mom to the doctor this afternoon. And hoping that the forecast that shows on the weather map will hold off until we get back. There's quite a bit of snow showing up to the west of us, and I'm not keen to drive in it, especially her car. She's unable to easily climb into my Suburban, so we'll go to the doctor's in her's.

Had to shake myself a minute ago as well. Her appointment is at around 2pm, and I was figuring we'd get to her house at 1:15pm or so, to allow her to get her things together, etc. Then it hit me that she can't even get dressed by herself. Guess I'm still not prepared mentally for all of the details that I'm responsible for. She is getting stronger everyday, but it's amazing how a broken arm can be so debilitating. 'Course her age is a huge factor.

Must go now and find a good mood to wear. Honestly, the one I have on now just won't do.

Wednesday after dinner

Will be at my mom's in the morning to help her bathe and wash her hair. Then the fiasco of me setting her hair will come into play. She was sweet about saying she liked the way it looked after it dried and was combed out last week. 'Course she's a captive victim and can't fuss too much. The girls will do her nails, so that they look pretty again. All in all, she'll have a spa-like day. Plus having the kids to visit will be a perk. Her first appointment with the doctor will be Friday and we'll be able to see her progress with the broken arm. She's not seen him since the first visit. We're prettying her up so she feels good beforehand.

Looking forward to time alone tomorrow afternoon as well. I need it. But will stop at the dollar store first, though. I celebrate the February carousel of gifts for Gary in this month since our anniversary (Saturday will mark 28 years), my birthday, and Valentine's are all the same month. He gets a tiny gift each day. Need to get several little somethings tomorrow to see out the week. And on Saturday, we'll use the gift cards given to us by the boys' boss at the restaurant where they work. Oh, and one more thing...one son is training to be a cook there. Pretty neat.

Will go now. A hot cup of Darjeeling is waiting.

Late Tuesday

Lots to say. My goodness. And my head is definitely in a better place than 2 days ago.

*God is faithful, even when I'm not. Learning all the time.
*Praying about stuff doesn't always return what you expect. God's ways are often out of the blue.
*Ann Voskamp's book 'A Thousand Gifts' causes me to cry whenever I crack the cover. This could take awhile.
*Listening to this song that oldest daughter found online, and if you stick around to listen to the advertisement afterward, you can hear Sam Elliott. A double treat. Ahem.
*Mom's able to be alone at night now. Yay.
*Holding off turning the heater on as long as possible. Ten people filling up a house is often ample heat, without additional help.
*Got the taxes completed. Phew. And it really didn't hurt at all. The only difficulty is when they're done by someone who's slightly dyslexic (and that would be me). Funny how 3's and 8's look alike, as do 2's and 5's.
*Reading 'Trouble the Water' by Nicole A. Seitz, when I'm not getting all worked up reading the other book.
*Have ordered 'Miss Hargreaves' by Frank Baker, and 'A Homemade Life: Stories and Recipes from my Kitchen Table' by Molly Wizenburg with my free Amazon bucks, earned with Swagbucks.
*Feeling a bit of a spiritual breeze blowing through the house. Taking a deep breath.

Thoughts on Sunday afternoon

Might be quiet around here at the blog this week. Need to get back to normal at our house, and concentrating on what's in front of my face would be wise. Cleaned up some messes this morning and got the house back to some sense of tidy. With life being a bit off kilter and one son at my mom's overnight, we stayed in from church, and not sure if that was the best choice or not. But it was the choice we picked, so no looking back.

Hard to know what to do, and I've felt so scattered that my brain has been on pause.

Have decided, though, that my mom needs to be in a position of doing more for herself. Again, not sure if that's wise either, but she's weak from staying down, afraid of falling, but you can't live that way, you know? Like her electric blanket. She broke her arm from tripping over the cord, which was sticking out from under her bed. Now she's afraid to use it. I told her we can snake the cord to where the sun don't shine, but I'm not persuasive enough. Also said that if you had a car accident, you'd not avoid going anywhere in a car. This is no different.

You tell her. Apparently I don't have the knack of being very convincing. I've lived my whole life under the curse of fear, whether justified or imagined. Gradually it's becoming clear to me where that originated.

Now. Will go be a wife and mother. The daughter stint is on hold for a couple of hours.

And am I being feisty? Why, yes.

Saturday's end

Spent last night at my mom's with middle daughter (who's 12) and was gratefully to get mom into the shower, get her hair washed and also to roll it. The silliness slipped in when I was rolling her hair and had dumped the plastic rollers out on the kitchen table. There had to be about 30 rollers in that bag, and I don't think I'm exaggerating. Anyway, I got to rolling it and after about 12 rollers, asked her how many she usually put in. She said that she generally used all of them. Imagine my horror in seeing that I was almost done and had used about 15. Thankfully she was just glad to be clean and shiny and the quality of my hair rolling wasn't an issue. Still, it was nice and poofy when it was all said and done!

One of the boys is there tonight, and we're slowly weaning her from needing someone at her house all the time. She's been alone the past 2 afternoons. It's maddening, though, how weak her right hand is even though that's not the arm that's in the splint/sling. She's just not very strong, anyway. We're going to have to figure out ways to get food set aside for her that's manageable. Told the kids that we need a meat or vegetable-flavored PopTart that she can put into the toaster. Don't think that there is such a thing, though. A great marketing idea, I'm thinking, and I'm only partly kidding.

Not sure what tomorrow holds, but glad to be here at home tonight. Have juggled our schedules enough to drive anyone nuts, but it's necessary and the kids are very willing. Having us split up is a strain, however, with the little girls a bit off kilter at either me or their older sister hither and yon. And we're avoiding Gary or me being out of the house one right after the other. It's so sweet when the kids tell me that he's like a lost puppy when I'm gone overnight. And likewise is true as well. One night in a row is enough of that, so I guess that shows we're still smitten.

Well, today's good and I don't have to figure out the rest of the weekend yet. Time to rest, and after only 5 or so hours of sleep, I think it's overdue.

Blessings

"O Father, help us to know that the hiding of Thy face is wise love. Thy love is not fond, doting and reasonless. Thy bairns must often have the frosty cold side of the hill, and set down both their bare feet amongst the thorns. Thy love hath eyes, and in the meantime is looking on. Our pride must have winter weather."~George MacDonald (from Elizabeth Goudge's 'A Diary of Prayer')

This quote was from the devotion from yesterday and is spot on to our situation. I never understand the times when we pray and God is silent. Or maybe I'm too hasty to think that He's not aware. I see the practical side of our needs, and He has more in store. It's really never about a paycheck or even more mundane things, but is always about our relationship to Him. I'm often blind to that. I want results, and in return I get guidance and (hopefully) growth. But I'm not always so willing.

So many times I get horsey with God (but in a mild way) and frown about how my prayers aren't being answered. I'll shake my head about how the bills have to be paid, and why doesn't He do something about it. Then I'll feel ashamed at my attitude and ask forgiveness, but always after I've had my rant, and not during.

Then, the Lord sends a breath of His Spirit that lets me know that He's still there, even though seemingly a background figure. But He IS there. And He's done that today...given a breath. And you know, that's all I needed. Won't go into detail, but I so needed that blessing. We all did. A bookmark on my soul to let me remember that He's listening. Makes my eyes prickle.

On a sunny Thursday

In bed with the laptop, a pile of library books at my side. I'll leave to pick up kids directly, and oldest daughter is doing grandmother duty tonight, so I can be at home. The least one slept with me last night with Gary over at my mom's. I slept fitfully, but sweetly, as I felt her gradually roll over to my side of the bed until this morning she was tickled to be almost on top of me. Such an angel. She's been feeling momma withdrawal with me running back and forth and seeming distracted.

Today I've had some time to myself, and washed some machine-made lace pieces in Mrs. Meyer's lavender cleaner. Will put a tablecloth-sized piece on the dining room table before dinner, and since it's not an old family bit of lace, won't fret if it gets messed up. There's more where this came from.

Many things hammering at my head, namely my mom, but also needing work in the shop. A dry spell alongside new routines is difficult at best. Still praying that the lady who made noises about Gary's chairs will be inspired to take them home. This week would be nice for that.

And trying to listen to God's quiet voice when I don't understand the manner of how He does things. I scratch my head a lot. Good thing I've got an abundance of hair, or it'd be piled up in my lap.

Take care.

Late Wednesday afternoon

Feeling like my head's gonna explode. Too much to do, my goodness. My brain is whirling at an extraordinarily unaccustomed speed, and I'm being challenged over and above what's normal for me.

After many errands this afternoon, which I could NOT have accomplished without assorted children's help, I'm now in bed with a cup of hot Lady Grey while meat simmers for tacos (oldest daughter's contribution for dinner). Husband is staying with my mom tonight, and the rest of us are home, except for 2 boys who are working.

I know there are women out there who can *do* all of the time and appear to be tough and able. I just don't happen to be one of them. I have to have daily naps. Will likely be the help overnight tomorrow for my mom and am trying to man up to the task. Don't know why I'm having such a hard time, but I am. And it's not like I'm physically challenged, but it's more in my head. Will try to chill and avoid the exploding factor. Must look after myself.

So, while I debate whether to buy the latest issue of 'Victoria' or 'Romantic Homes' with my bit of fun money, will look at 'Matchbook Magazine' online. Looks good. :)

Good book for a rainy day

About to rotate the kids at my mom's house, but wanted to pop in here with my thoughts first. Reading a wonderful book by River Jordan, and I can honestly say that it's one of the best I've read in ages. Perfect for where my head is now, though not really sure why. It's called "The Messenger of Magnolia Street", and could be considered Christian fiction in my mind (though not advertised in that way), but the spirituality is light and not what you'd expect. I have sticky notes tucked all through my library copy, and will jot down the quotes that jumped out at me when I get a minute. I will say this about the book...it takes place in the South, and she nails the dialogue right on the money. Folks don't sound like hicks and we can use the word *ain't* without being labeled hillbillies. Least not to each other. Not sure what anyone else would say. Anyway, I have about 20 pages left in the book, and will be sad to put it down. The highest praise I can give.

Anyway, as I said, it's my day to ferry kids to my mom's house, and one of the boys spent last night, and another one will do likewise tonight. Bless 'em, they're holding me up and keeping me from sinking. Gary reminded me on the phone just now, though, that we have to watch how we deal with this situation, and not put too much on them. They're willing, but are also easily hurt. Even oldest daughter is recovering today from too much stress from the weekend and the trauma of my mom's fall in particular.

One day. And just this very minute.

Us common folk

"Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?"~Romans 9:21

My husband was saying the other day something about being content to be a chamberpot. He was frustrated at his business just limping along at times, and his desire to be better at his woodworking skills (though I can vouch for the fact that he's darn good at what he does---he just doesn't see it). And wanting to be able to do more for us, but being limited in a financial way with that. It's hard to be the main bread winner of a family of ten, regardless of half of the kids having full-time jobs. The balance of the responsibility continues to be on his shoulders, yet our children are extremely generous at the same time.

But he says honestly that he's learning to be a chamberpot and not a vase (he pronounces it vahz). Don't get me wrong, he'd like to be more successful, but we're realizing that that's not where the Lord has placed us. We're bread and butter and not pastry. Cotton and not linen. We're not fancy.

But sometimes, just sometimes, it'd be a treat for life to manage us a bit gentler. Often enough we run into folks who are very happy to treat us like chamberpots. We get the 'below the stairs' treatment. And I guess that's okay, 'cause if the Lord sees fit to place us where He wants us, then we need to make sure we settle into it.

Being humbled isn't always comfortable, but necessary, I guess. And grumbling needs to be kept at a minimum.

More of the same...

At the risk of this blog turning into a whine-fest, I'm thinking that at this juncture of life, it'd be wise to document life as it appears now. So, if you shake your head at my posts, I understand. But as our oldest daughter said something to the effect that we really don't know how folks feel about certain experiences until we run into the same things. Well, she's right. I can *feel* for folks all day, but until my life parallels theirs in some way, I really don't have a clue. I'm now understanding more about how straining the days can become when something new is tossed into the mix, especially when it regards elderly parents.

Daughter is at my mom's now, as her out-of-town company is heading back home now. We've been feeling on edge since Wednesday, when mom broke her arm, trying to *be there* all the time. Frustrating. Had it all settled in my head, last night, that we could rotate who sleeps over at her house (a benefit of having my brood of children), then switching out in the morning, then possibly leaving Mom to her own devices for the afternoon until the night shift went over. Then it hit me that she's totally unable to get herself out of her den chair without help. She'd be captive, and that's probably not a good thing (very small attempt at humor). So my brain goes into 'figure-it-out' mode again, thinking how we'll fit in the schoolwork as well. Could someone invent a tool that will turn off my thought processes for a bit, please?

And thinking it'd be foolish to take my blood pressure this morning, because it'd likely be in the danger zone. Must do yoga and some deep breathing to settle my spirits. Man.

The real kicker came yesterday when I got over to her house, and saw that my SIL had bought a toilet seat gadget that allows mom her privacy and the ability to get up by herself. Excellent. And she also got a chair specifically for the tub/shower. Another great idea. But my problem came when my mom showed enthusiasm for taking a bath THEN. Immediately. Well, I'm not ready for that form of intimacy, even though she is. Put her off by telling her that she didn't have anymore plastic garbage bags (the honest truth), and so there wasn't anything in the house to cover her hard splint with. She backed down, though a bit unwillingly.

I need to take this slow, as I do everything. Shove a new idea or situation in my face and it takes me some time to adjust. So I snuggle here in bed, though snuggle gives the impression of coziness, and I feel far from cozy, but I'm trying to turn off my head. Good luck, eh?

Saturday morning

First off, thanks so much for your sweet comments in regards to my last post. That means a lot, truly. But I'm struggling here, trying to be in two places at one time (here and at my mom's), and the juggling part (which I'm famous for) is now more difficult. To be leaned on so much is a challenge with my mom reminding me that I'm her 'right hand man' and that she only wants me to help her do certain tasks. It's hard. For a person who's already stretched to her limit (or what she 'thought' was her limit), it's causing me to freak out a bit.

And one part is watching my mom's helplessness. She really is beginning to be so frail, and just in the past year. I remember a year ago thinking that her resilience was amazing. Now, not so much. Well, her spirits are high and she has WAY more energy than I do, and always has. I tend to need a nap in the afternoons (which I've not had in 3 days---ouch), and she can sit up and talk for hours. Me, not so much.

Truly this is one day at a time living. She's thinking she'll be more up and around in 2 weeks, when her next appointment with the doctor rolls around. We're thinking 2 months is more realistic, with more time after that for physical therapy.

Sorry for the down post. I just feel overwhelmingly overwhelmed and needed to whine.

It's still not about me

So I hesitate posting about one more drama, but this one sort of puts the icing on the cake. My mom took a fall yesterday afternoon (caught her foot in the cord of her electric blanket) and broke a bone in her upper arm. And I'm spending a few minutes online looking at pretty photos in order to get my head on straight.

Can't process the fact that my 82 year old mom will be in need of constant care for awhile. And while she is fiercely independent (which is a good thing), she won't be able to deny that help is needed. Even going to the bathroom is a trial, and one that can't be attended to alone. Not easy to have to depend on folks for something as basic as that.

Thankfully, oldest daughter spent the night with her last night, and is over there now. The kids are going to spend the day, and help her out. I'll be there tonight, and my brother and his sweet family will be in town for the weekend (unrelated to her accident, but they were already coming).

Will not focus on next week, and how we'll manage with the juggling, but will sit here and drink my tea and take tiny bites of life. Tiny.

And as my mom has been known to say, "Life sure gets teejus, don't it?"

Wednesday morning

Thinking that life holds very little blog-originality, here lately. But thankfully, we're getting into our routines again after being sick. The coughs have lessened, and everyone's more perky. And work has picked up in Gary's shop, at least for the past two days. Praying for it to keep up. One customer is thinking about buying the chairs he made last year. She bought a checker board table from him not too awfully long ago, and wants the chairs to go beside it. She'll have to have them finished and caned (or whatever seating she chooses), but the sale would be dishy for us. It'd take us through the rest of the month, and then some.

On other fronts, the house is relatively sparkly again, with major cleaning done on Monday. The girls are working on their dollhouse this week as well---painting it pink and about to wallpaper it. Will have to see what scraps of paper and cloth we can find to do the inside walls.

Pinto beans, salsa, cheese and flour tortillas for dinner. Wish you were here. :)

Monday

It's a nice, cozy and rainy day. And the first day back to doing schoolwork since the flu smacked us upside the head. I'm thinking we'll take it slow. And the house is in dire need of a good cleaning. I don't even want to talk about the condition of the kitchen floor. Hoping to get the boys to mop it and put on another coat of Danish oil. It's just sad-looking, as is the rest of this place.

One day at a time. I'll try to keep my focus on what's in front of me, and not borrow trouble. January has traditionally been a slow month for the workshop, and this month is no different. September is the other slow time, with folks getting their kids off to school. Usually we sort of grin and bear January, but I'd prefer to be a bit more grown-up about it.

This faith stuff (even after all these years) still trips me up. I want to believe (even to the point of clicking my heels together), but find that I'm not always as trusting of the Lord as I need to be. So, will just do today. Just this hour. Just this small space of time that's in my lap. Just now.

And just read the email from the Breakthrough Intercessors, a prayer group that Catherine Marshall started around 30 years ago. They had this excerpt from her included today. So appropriate for me.

On Prayer: Catherine Marshall
This morning, I awoke full of worry about the future, with my husband Len having resigned from his job as editor of Guideposts. Len and I were in agreement in this step, and he is enthusiastic about going into book publishing, but I see so many obstacles ahead, especially when his salary stops coming.



Then the Lord directed me to the fourth chapter of Philippians particularly to verse 8. Whatever is worthy of reverence, is honorable and seemly, is just, is pure, is lovely and lovable, is kind and winsome and gracious; if there is any virtue, excellence, anything worthy of praise, [we are to] think on and weigh and take account of those things - fix your minds on them.



Now this might seem to be the worst kind of not facing reality were it not for the fact that earlier in the same chapter Paul has already exhorted us (v.6) to pray about everything, to pour our hearts out to the Heavenly Father with "definite requests."



Yet I slip into the worry stance in spite of telling myself over and over that God is the problem-solver, that we can confidently leave our situation in His hands. I know what I should do, yet emotionally and practically I do not act out this letting go. This morning, God seems to be pointing out chapter four in Philippians as a blueprint for handling crises His way: rejoice, pray, don't fret, be content, and guard our thoughts.


From "A Closer Walk," by Catherine Marshall (Chosen Books © 1986).