"Heavy thoughts bring on physical maladies; when the soul is oppressed so is the body."~Martin Luther
Oldest daughter took the kids to church this morning, telling me to stay home and rest. Such a good idea, and it was sweet to be spoiled. And before Gary got up, I had my quiet time alone in the living room, Pugs in my lap and Romeo at my feet. Candle lit, cozy time. Read the Daily Office from my phone, which isn't my first choice, but with Pugs in my lap, getting up and spilling them onto the floor wasn't a nice option. And my Book of Common Prayer was across the room.
Found some peace inside with prayer. I was reminded by the Lord that the choices of my mother and our sons have been their choices. My mom's involves her inability to do things that, with diligent exercise, she could otherwise accomplish. Laziness. I'm not trying to be heartless either, but she's sort of mulish about not wanting to make the effort to at least try. And according to my oldest brother, she's making noises to him when he visits about her driving again. News to me. Considering she goes nowhere around the house without her walker, that's a bit odd. I'll let them go at it. He says he'll take her out when it gets warmer, have her get behind the wheel and see the difficulty. Now, that's some tough love.
As for our sons, as I remembered from days past with another rebellious (now-married) son---nobody's holding a gun to anyone's head. They're exercising their free will and are making choices for their own lives, though foolhardy, that are completely their own. My dilemma is keeping my mental mitts off. I continue to feel that they're being controlled by someone else and are miserable in their lives. Nothing could be further from the truth. And everyone involved is 21 or older, so legally, they're free agents.
I want a goal. Something that sets my focus inwardly and not at what's playing out here. Some folks do a photo-a-day and set that as something to look forward to on a daily basis. I'm not really a photography person, so not sure if that's what I want to do. But I'm thinking on it.
Have loaded Instagram on my phone, and reopened my account. Maybe that'll be my way to do this. I follow some folks, always enjoy their pictures, and one by Tif Fussell (Dottie Angel) had up today just got to me. It's not anything out of the ordinary, but there was something about it that clicked. She's standing there holding up an afghan she'd made, looking sweet as always, but it brought tears to my eyes. I was reminded of her own struggles. Seems she's had issues with depression and other health concerns that have been hidden, but long-standing. Life. Anyway, seeing her there, plowing ahead nonetheless was so inspiring. I felt like I could try to beat this sadness and frustration, along with this intense fatigue that hits mid-afternoon.
Just today. That's all I have to do.
