Bill Tell, a former VP with the Navigators, suffered a major breakdown just prior to a 4-day missions conference held away from his home. His wife went to that day's services, and he stayed behind in their friend's guest bedroom, hoping the anxiety would pass. Nonetheless, he went to the evening's service, but only felt worse. He was terrified. The anxiety didn't go away, and he spent the next ten months going to doctors, taking anti-depressant medicines---anything to help the situation.
Finally, with the help of a respected Christian counselor, Bill was able to find relief.
The bottom line was that he had lived his whole life trying to please others, and was never able to believe he was good enough---thinking he was of less worth than those he ministered to. There was no peace or victory, just pain.
I was encouraged that a man in such a place of responsibility was willing to share this story. Folks go around with a game face on, pretending to be able to manage, all the while dying inside. He goes into great detail about events in his childhood provided part of the pattern of self-hate, if you want to call it that.
In the book, he goes through steps of recovery. He says, "I would figure out everyone's expectations of me, and I would meet and surpass every one. I would be everything people wanted and approved of. Little did I know it would lead me straight into captivity, the captivity of being a people-pleaser."
He stresses Romans 8:1 which says, "There is....no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
"...some of us punish ourselves for the sins we commit, sometimes continuing to do so for years. We feel we deserve to be the victim of our sins, to feel bad, to be punished, so we wage war on ourselves, beating ourselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually.....We demean ourselves. Sometimes we try to earn God's love back by doing something meritorious, sacrificial, or heroic."
Exactly. Lay it Down is a wonderful book for those of us who fit the 'not good enough' profile.
(i received this book free to review from tyndale)
