Monday evening

A good day, but need to watch how much I go outside.  It's HOT.  Still recovering from the migraine (minor pain at the outset, but harder to lick this time), and the heat sort of cranks it up a bit.

Having some sweet quiet time, though.  Not taxing myself and finding puttery things to do.  Had to get out for a bit today and visited a liquor store nearby.  I'm a total novice in that setting, so when I went inside there, told them I wanted a small bottle of brandy for tincture-making.  Happily not expensive, but I did prefer the glass bottle over the plastic.  Liquor in plastic seems a bit uninspiring to me.  Nice to talk to the girl who waited on me about what I was doing.  Next time might wander around a bit.

And second son bought me a bottle of sweet almond oil.  Priced grape seed oil at the grocery store as well, and will need to get some natural (unbleached) beeswax next---not sure if I'll go to craft store or hippie store for that, but we'll see.  My herbal lessons require me to make a salve, an herbal oil and a beverage blend this month.  Always a treat to experiment.  Just gathering my equipment a bit at a time.

Also began making a dream catcher last night.  With all the pretty chicken feathers we're collecting (a bit of a molt), I figured it'd be amusing to make something out of them.  Found an American Indian site with instructions for weaving the threads in the center of the catcher's circle to mimic a spider's web.  Will hang the feathers tomorrow.

It's been awhile since I've allowed myself creative time.  I must say it's about time.

Photos to follow later. :)

Chickens and herbal stuff

• about to go out back and watch the procession of the chickens into their house to bed down
• it's a nightly ritual at about 7:30 in the evening
• amazing the instincts of plain, old chickens
• we just sit there and watch them eye-ball the sun going down, and off they go
• visited a neighbor this afternoon and she'd been using a homemade tincture i'd made and given her to help her sleep
• she said it didn't make her sleepy, but was curing her aches from rheumatoid arthritis
• i'd say that was a win, for sure
• never saw that coming
• that's the sort of news worth getting up for
• found a field of red clover near 4th son's workplace
• gary and i were picking him up the other day and i shouted out as we passed the clover
• stopped the truck and picked some, dug up a few pieces as well
• will try to plant it and see if i can get some of my own
• dried a couple of cupsworth---takes a lot to get enough to fool with
• red clover is pretty wonderful anyhow
• looking forward to a quiet week
• the chatty, sweet neighbor called tonight about the house she's wanting to buy, so we won't have to worry with that later on in the week
• wanted to give her time to tell me, but my head still begins to hurt when i get tense
• long phone conversations about difficulties (her ex-husband is being a stinker) are in the tense category
• oh, gary's ordered a couple of books on bee-keeping
• you can see where this is headed :)
• now it's about time for chickens 
• rest well, my sweets

'Dorothy Reading' by Mischa Askenazy

~isn't this lovely

Saturday before dinner

You know what I'd like?  I'd like to go to one of those monastery places folks visit when they need sustained quiet.  To hear monks or nuns singing their chants at the hours. To go to prayers at a set time.  For a room to sleep in with little furniture and a cross on the wall.  Simple food and very little conversation.  For someone to bring me a cup of hot tea and buttered toast in the morning with a rough linen napkin lining a pottery plate.  That's what I'd like.  I don't even require flowers, which is saying a lot since I'm a flower glutton, but less is really more in this scenario I'm painting for myself.

Wondering if I can pattern this-coming week into something with little or no drama.  No surprises, no phone calls, no unexpected conversations.  A healing time.  Wonder if that's possible.  I want to be a hermit, and really mean it.  I want someone to stand guard ahead of me and keep the creepies away.

To turn off my head.  To be able to ward off folks who want to steal my time, and insist on horning in on it either emotionally, or in a physical way.

I have a couple of neighbors who I care deeply about, but who talk when they get to talking.  My goodness, can they talk.  Will have to avoid them, because I know there's an issue with a house one of them wants to buy and it's going to be settled in some way this week.  I just don't have the strength to listen right now.  Lingering migraine symptoms, you know.

Let's call it one of those Staycations.  I'll stay and everybody else can sort of 'get outta Dodge' if you get my drift.

For tonight, am going to watch the last Inspector Lewis in PBS I've not seen.  Caught up the past few days, not realizing they'd been on t.v. lately. Love them.  Relaxing, and such wonderful music.  If a murder mystery can be classy and non-gory (for the most part) then these fit the bill.

Will go now.  Had plans for a moderately fussy dinner, but think it's waffles or pancakes instead.  Whichever seems the less complicated, and might be pancakes.  Would much rather clean a skillet than a waffle iron.  Take care.

Post Fourth thoughts

Well, as it happens, Gary took the majority of the kids to my mom's yesterday for cake and ice cream.  I got hit with a migraine just a couple of hours before we were getting ready to leave.  Got the full gamut of partial loss of eyesight, sparkly rick-rack, soon followed by the pain in the left side of my head.  Classic.  Hmm.  Guess my body knows what NOT to do, eh?

Then just when I was ready to think about going, vision back, etc.---figuring it was necessary to keep the peace, the rick-rack came back.  The family left, I stayed home medicated and drinking lots of ice water and puttered around with the chickens.  That's what needed to happen.

Now I have to make a choice, Gary says, and either talk to my mom and try to find some level area, or just walk away.  Considering the bruise on the side of my head, that's the remnant of the headache (doesn't pay to shake my head today), I'm thinking the decision is being made for me.  Not much I can do about it.

Loving that I can depend on our kids and my husband.  No problems there, and all this talk about cleaving to one another.  Always a good thing.

Perspective

~painting by carl holsoe

A year or so back, I can remember being at the grocery store with Gary and him stopping me in my tracks and telling me that he'd worry about the income and that I wasn't to fret over it.  He was adamant, and a bit testy.  Sort of shook me up, his aggressive attitude about it, but frankly, I'd gotten to where I put that conversation out of my mind. Kept picking that worry up. Figured worrying would sometime work to my advantage.  Uh.  Not working out that way.

I reminded him of that conversation the other afternoon, being that the groceries keep disappearing and the bills keep piling up.  He said that yes, he's still the one who's going to handle the income, and I can do whatever it is I do.  He wasn't playing with me, but was dead serious that he wants me to be happy here at home while he goes and slays the dragons.

Honestly, after reminding myself of that chat, I've made a concerted effort to let financial worries be set aside.  I'm paying better attention to my own job here....head cook and bottle washer, and I'm so much happier.  My fretting doesn't put food on the table, or money in my pocket.  It just makes me sad and aggravated.  The bills are still getting paid, and I'm much happier.

I mean, really, is Gary worrying about the kids during the day, whether I'm making sure they're getting fed?  Is he wondering if I'm washing the clothes or tending the chickens?  Does he think about the possibility of me running away from home?

It all makes such sense now.  Just have to keep it up.  That's the hard part.

Fourth Eve

We now have new neighbors across the street in the house that's been a torture for those of us who live on this street.  The last folks there drove us nuts (as did most renters before them), and the house has stood empty for a couple of months now.  An extended Mexican family has moved in and we just met them tonight, to take over some chocolate chip cookies.  They're WONDERFUL.  A mom and her husband, daughter and her husband and a baby.  Beautiful women.  And as soon as we'd come home (the two youngest girls went with me), the mom and her daughter were at our door with a gift for us.

I'm so happy.  Now I can brush up on my Spanish and maybe learn a new dish to cook.  That would be so cool.  Might have a communication problem, but the daughter speaks English like an American, so that's a plus.  This looks like a winning family.  It's early yet, but I'm encouraged.

In other news, first-born is moving into third son's apartment with him. Another win.  Oldest son's excited, I know, and since he's more like me (slow to make decisions), it took his younger brother to take the plunge first.  I know they'll both enjoy being together, not that they do anything as a pair, but they've shared a room their whole lives.  This'll be a snap.

Also, we're going to my mom's for cake and ice cream tomorrow, and considering our potentially toxic relationship with her now, we're praying for a nice visit.  She might've asked my oldest brother (the one who's put me on his hit list), but not sure.  Seriously hope not.  Drama with my mom is enough, thank you.

Wishing you all a joyous Fourth, no matter.  After we come home from my mom's, we're cooking out pork roasts and making homemade baked beans and Hawaiian bread rolls for the barbecue.  Lots of yumness.

Take care, all.