Wonderful song

Am listening to this repeatedly. So pretty. :)

A re-whine

Used to, Mondays were my favorite day of the week. Now, not so much. The pressure begins again, and the responsibilities with schoolwork and tending to the dailies slaps me in the face. I think I'm in a rut.

Get prepared...here comes the whine.

Have gotten un-used-to being thankful. And have allowed myself to wallow a bit in self-pity, though I really have no honest excuse for that. The kids are great and my husband is wonderful as well. I think I'm just exhausted. My sleep is interrupted almost every morning *too* early, and I feel like a slug. The sparkle is missing, and that frustrates me. I want my twinkle back.

Little by little, I want to bring something----not sure what, into my days that causes me to sit up a bit straighter. Just little happies. Honestly, with all of these kids, it's easy to become overwhelmed. Sadly, the things you read by women with lots of kids tends to lean toward how well-organized they are and how jolly their households are. I think those women are lying.

Plus, it's easy to get into a mindset of feeling unappreciated. I was mumbling to myself the other night (within hearing distance of a couple of my housemates) and said that I worked so hard at getting as much squeezed out every penny as possible, and that nobody seemed to notice. The gratitude seems to be missing. My husband teased me back, trying to lighten the mood, when actually I wanted a pat on the back. He's tired too. He's working hard, getting little appreciation in the way of clients, and is a tad frustrated as well.

Funny how what we need and what we get aren't always the same thing. Well, it'd be unrealistic for things to fall into place that easily, wouldn't it? And while it'd be nice to get human pats-on-the-back more often, I need to be satisfied when that doesn't happen, I guess.

Patting myself on the back (and trying to think of something to lighten my husband's mood).

After Thanksgiving

Tucked up in bed with my laptop after taking the majority of my offspring over to my mom's. She said here last night at dinner that the kids always visit with her a day or two after Thanksgiving, but our memories are so sorry, none of us could remember. Well, considering that my mom's 81 and we're trying to cherish her more, we'll do whatever makes her happy. So, they're there and I'm here!

Glad that oldest son is home now as well. You hear all the time about the folks who want to shop in the middle of the night after Thanksgiving, and he's one of those who has to man the store while folks do just that. He had to be at work at 3am, and worked until noon today. Came home hungry, hankering for the piece of chocolate chess pie he'd not eaten last night. Sadly, the least one found it in fridge, asked me about it, and since I was clueless, she ate it. Oops. Not the first time that's happened.

And she said the funniest thing the other day. We were talking about a poem youngest son had read for school, and elk were the main topic of it. The younger ones got to wondering what elk looked like and I brought up deer, following up with telling them that we'd had elk meat before.

The least one misunderstood and said, "When did we have elf meat?" All said with a shocked look on her face.

Not much more I can add to that, is there?

Mothering

Am forever amazed at what sorts of things the kids throw at me---figuratively speaking, of course. One son is attracted to the worldly side of life, and is straining at the bit to be more *out there*. Seems to me, he'll have plenty of out there time when he moves away (no time in the near future), so he's got to continue to live under the law here, until then. Still, it gets a bit tiresome. He knows how we do things.

What's to learn?

We've sheltered our kids, and I make no excuse to that. They're decent folks and they've not been hit with lots of the peer pressure that my husband and I had to deal with. Sure, there are folks who say we're not giving them a chance to experience life, but I defer to my first sentences about how we do things here. They can be wild and crazy when they move out. To turn a blind eye to that behavior and allow it while they're under our roof would be a bit foolish in my mind.

Why am I talking about this? I have no idea. Just a mild vent about how 24 hour/day parenting is. Not so much complaining either, but just wish there was more down-time, you know?

Pre-holiday thoughts

Read an advertisement from a local drugstore, saying something about there still *being time* to do something or another before Christmas. Can't believe we're already being encouraged to hurry. I don't wanna! I really, and I mean really want this next month to be sweet and not overdone. My husband reminds me that I say that every year, only to do the same old thing repeatedly.

It gets to where I dread Christmas. Partly it's the attitude that's so prevalent to be busy and spend lots. It's not really a quiet and cozy holiday anymore. Folks are fussy and this time of year lacks that Dickensian sort of flavor. Hard to get a mindset of simplicity and peace. And I'm not sure how to actually do that. The reality of eight kids smacks me in the face, and it's a tad overwhelming. And I'm not talking about greed, either. It's just the volume of stuff that needs doing...or maybe all of it doesn't need doing, eh?

I'm reminded of last Christmas, when my oldest friend, Dana, passed away---and that was on the seventh of December. I wasn't in a mood to decorate or hang lights out on the porch, but the kids got around to it, and that in itself was very special.

Just simple things. Little expense and sweetness. That sounds awfully good about now.

Books and stuff

Think I'll continue my news fast a bit more. Peeked at the headlines earlier today, and they got me so worked up, had to leave the sites. Just don't figure it's advantageous for me to read stuff I can't do anything about---things that seem out of control.

So will putter around the and read more of a book I downloaded for free the other night (a brief give-away from Tyndale), called 'Almost Heaven' by Chris Fabry, a very unassuming author. This book is just magical, and reminds me of Leif Enger's 'Peace like a River'. Both books are touched with pain, but tell the story of what life's really like in such an endearing way.

With my mind racing at times, it's good to read a book that doesn't overdo the drama, but speaks of a life that's ordinary, and dear to God's heart. Makes the mundane seem all the more special.

Besides, it's good to be home just now. Have you noticed that the holiday traffic has already begun? Was out with two of the boys, this afternoon, and there were folks everywhere. Give me home EVERYtime, and I mean it!

Sunday

About to watch some more of Elizabeth Gaskell's 'North and South' on YouTube, then will think about making some yeast rolls for dinner. Think being the operative word. We'll see what actually happens.

The weather is totally wonderful today. It's breezy and warm. The windows are up here and there and we can air out the house from this cold that's swept through the kids. They're all better now, and anxious for Thanksgiving.

Just a restful day, and that's a blessing indeed.

And so it goes...

Am putting myself on a news fast for the weekend (and maybe drifting into next week). The world's gone a tad mad, and I'm not mentally equipped to listen to all of the nonsense, so will turn off my brain for awhile. Besides, just plain living holds enough drama without dragging in everybody else's, right?

For the most part, the house still sleeps. Oldest daughter is up and about ready to leave for her Saturday job at a cute shop near her weekday job. She's been blessed that way. Has never had to look for work, but at both places where she helps out, was asked by the owners before she even began job-hunting.

The rest of the kids are still asleep, and I don't really want to wake up anyone. No need, really. It's Saturday and the boys who work don't have to go in until later on. The least one was teary-eyed before she got to sleep last night...restless...but hopefully will be a bit better today.

Now, if I can just get my mind in a settled place, that would be a treat. Maybe I'll take a nap!

An even quieter Friday

OK, I lied. It's not always so great when the kids are sick. 'Course, as they get older, they're a bit more mature when illness strikes, but still---it does make me tired. No helpers, you know? And yeah, I still enjoy a sympathetic ear from time to time. Now is one of those times.

Two more with sore throats today, so the grand total of sick or recovering children is five (one recovering/four sick). I figure we're more than halfway there.

Just feeling weary, both mentally and physically. Could do with someone fussing over me, because the anxiety (though mild) of watching over these kids is wearing. And sometimes doesn't the parent want mothering as well? I think we all know the answer to that question. A definite resounding *yes*.

A quiet Thursday

Two of the kids have caught second son's cold (who's already recovered), and are hold up in their beds. One is a bit irritated about it, and the other one is weepy. Funny how differently they react to something so simple. But honestly, I'm a parent who doesn't dread the kids getting mildly sick. It slows the house down just enough so that we all get rested. And I showed incredible wisdom on renting 'A Christmas Carole' with Jim Carrey in it. Will watch that today and maybe bake something tea-party-worthy as well.

The world's been spinning a bit too quickly to suit me and don't even get me started on the current news that's out there. My goodness. I'll just duck my head in the sand a day or two until the madness settles a bit. Besides I'm so enjoying my new library book, 'The Distant Hours'. Total dishy-ness.

Take care, sweet ones.

Prettiness

Just found (quite serendipitously...is that a word? if not, it should be) a new online magazine called Gifted Magazine. Was linked at Porridge, which used to be Simple Sparrow.

I used to follow Simple Sparrow years ago, and seems as if she used to talk about not being online on Fridays. Not sure if that was her (such a sweet blog, then and now) site, but think so. Anyway, I got to thinking this morning of how I need to organize my time more---and not be so off the cuff about what I do. More intentional, you know? And maybe making a day where I discipline myself to be away from this machine would be a good thing.

Thinking about it.

Funny how an Internet trail can be so here and there. I was just trying to find Simple Sparrow (love her new name, btw...Porridge is so cute), and found a new magazine to browse as well. Check out Porridge's Etsy shop as well---linked at her blog. Her photos and her daughter's handwork are wonderful.

A slow day

It's raining again...a glorious day, and I'm tucked in bed for a few minutes before getting up for real. Oldest daughter took care of dog duty this morning, so I was able to actually sleep in. Am achy, so must've relaxed beyond what's normal and my body must've said, "ahhhh!" There's been tension tucked up in there somewhere, and guess it got out during the night, eh?

Oldest son gave Gary some cash last week, for us to go to dinner (this was more of his birthday goodness). Not quite sure what we'll do, but G. said that tonight was the night. Considering picking up some Chinese take-out and bringing it home. We've been watching Stargate movies on iTunes (he got an iTunes giftcard for his birthday as well), so might watch the last one while we stuff ourselves. Or might eat out. G. mentioned that since I rarely get out anyhow, that we might do that instead. Whatever...it'll be a nice change (must work into an excited mood, since I sound a bit too mild in talking about a date night).

For now though, will get it in gear and put in a third load of wash while I teach these kids something. Needless to say, won't be drying anything outside today. But it's cozy inside, even though we're only turning on the heater occasionally. Not quite ready to have the utility bill soar just yet. Besides, a house full of 4 dogs and assorted children does warm up all by itself, you know?

Remember to take time today.

Mental stuff

Mostly, I think I'm overstimulated. Woke up this morning at 5:30am with the big dogs clambering to get let out. At five-thirty? You've got to be kidding. I fussed at them, and had to shove Opal, the shepherd, back onto her covers. She was a bit put out. Then they renewed their annoying behavior at 6:15am. A little better, but still...

When I got up for good, brought my hot tea and raisin bread back to bed for some more quiet. The kids were making noise by then, and except for the least one, they're pretty good about respecting the closed door. I had about half an hour of alone-time.

Used to, Mondays were my favorite day of the week. Now I tend to look at it as the beginning of more work. I've GOT to change this attitude. Life begins to be more of a burden than a joy, and that can't be good. For me, am downloading the last lessons in the art class I've been taking online. The hard part? Making time to actually do the work.

Time for a mental vacation, I'm thinking.

My view about opting out...

Please pray for a friend of mine (don't want to share her first name since I'm not sure her proper name is out there in the public eye just now) whose husband, Michael Roberts, is the pilot who opted-out of the full body scan and pat down at the Memphis airport last month. He really was instrumental in the movement of opposing the TSA's new procedures.

Now, mind, all of the folks I've shared this with aren't on the same side of the fence as we are. We completely stand behind Michael, and what he's speaking out against.

The way I look at it, we're turning even more into sheep and will do whatever the authority figures are requiring. And I ask you, is that even right? Something to consider as they attempt to recondition more of us all the time.

Today

Can't do the colors justice, esp. in the first photo. The burning bushes are SO intense, but my camera seems to wash the richness of the reds down a bit. Still, they're pretty stunning!

Saturday's delights

Raining.

I could stop writing just there, since I'm such a sucker for a rainy day. Perfection. Oldest son says that these sorts of days are only worthwhile for depressed people, anyway. Silly boy.

Got up at 6am with the dogs, and it wasn't raining yet. The burning bushes out front, though....my goodness. The sky was yellow and the light coming through the bushes was amazing. They're huge anyway (must post photo), and when it gets to this time of year, they cast a pink light into the kitchen. I don't think we'll get any wind this weekend---don't want them to drop their leaves yet, so I ought to be able to take some pictures tomorrow.

About to make a grocery list and then stop off at the library for a book on hold as well. A totally relaxing and delicious day. Oh, and middle daughter is making cinnamon rolls for tomorrow's breakfast---a triple batch! The Kitchen Aid will be moaning for sure.

Take care.

The book project

Working on the book that I mentioned to you a few weeks ago. Had to can the idea of doing the Nanowrimo to write it since the idea of hurrying sort of defeats the purpose of writing it in the first place. The mindset is one of slowing down and savoring our work at home. If I scribble it down as an exercise in quantity over quality, then I miss the point, you know?

And also, I began the book on the computer, but find that it's more restful to write it in my notebooks---in pen. I noodle more and feel more relaxed. If I type on the keyboard, I'm more of a mind to feel rushed. Go figure.

Must go now (and I'm not in a hurry!). The kids and I are about to tackle this disjointed house and hopefully will end the day with a clean one. As a quote for today (not that there is one everyday), read this gem:

'I have often said that the sole cause of man’s unhappiness is that he does not know how to stay quietly in his room.'~Blaise Pascal

Enjoy your day.

What about Friday?

Thinking tomorrow will be a cleaning day. I need the grounding of a weekend that's settled in a tidy house. I've got some more pine straw to put down, and with the weather so ultra-dishy, I'm figuring it'll be a perfect day to have the windows up and scrub the house to death. Well, it sounds pretty darn good to me.

Oh, and re-watched 'Howard's End' this afternoon while the kids were at my mom's and SO enjoyed it. Those old Merchant-Ivory films are my favorites. Just wish that there were more of them that I've not seen. As it is, seems we've rented them all.

Blessings

Thankful that the Lord knows what our limits are (pushing us to a point that's not always pleasant), but He's always there at the end of that tunnel. Folks paid today, I was able to buy a couple of birthday presents this afternoon, and the pressure lifts a bit.

Figure it's important for me to be open and honest about the self-employed life. I'd be lying if I was always chipper about it, and I definitely don't give that impression.

For those of you who prayed, thank you so much.

Now. Exhale.

WhatEVER

Feeling that I'm not passing the test of endurance just now. A bit overwrought and needing some intervention on the Lord's part. Not wanting to sound disrespectful, but when several customers owe money and we end up depending on the kids in the meantime---well, that just stinks. At least they're willing, though. And the thing is---I've shared with the kids about how hard it is to ask for their help and they just look at me with that look (you know the one!), but this time the look says that we're family and we help one another out. They are sweet, I'll admit.

Plus it's Gary's 55th birthday today, and he's been so down, he could use a pick-me-up as well.

Think I'll try to get some focus today. Life is just a tad prickly, and I need to look up rather than at my clogs. 'Course it's been LOTS worse before. Shoot, at least there's work, but not having the blessing of payment really puts a different spin on the everyday.

New ways with manna

I'll tell you---blogging at a new site with a new screen view sure does feel odd. Had gotten so that Blogger felt comfortable, but it's good to be stimulated in a new way, I guess. Life does get to feeling full of ruts that have to be jumped over. I like new stuff!

And am still thinking about a lunch Gary and I went to on Friday---this with a customer who lives out in the country, about 20 minutes from his shop. He was making a delivery---well, giving them a guitar stand he'd made to say thank you for being such dishy customers. And in an interesting twist, they're wildly wealthy (way out of our comfort zone of income), and are just wonderful people besides. What was going to be the two of us making the drive and a quick drop-off, turned into a baked chicken lunch. Gary wanted me to see their house (they're the ones who ordered the grandfather clock case he'd finished recently), so I was geared up to hop out of the truck, breeze through the house and go back home. When he called the lady of the house on Friday morning, she said that we just had to eat lunch with them. I loved it. And she sent us home with a pan of brownies, and a quart container of raspberry jam for everybody else in our house.

Now to get into a birthday mindset. Gary has his day tomorrow, and will wait to see who pays us before I go shopping. Back to manna living in our house, not that I like it, but it's the way of it. I'll admit to being a bit testy, but still open to how the Lord nudges folks. Still, we're having to be slow pay on a bill of our own, and it does put things in their proper perspective. Life's a bit pinchy for lots of folks, and we have plenty of company. But thankfully, in the midst of all of this, there's work in the shop and the above-mentioned lady has a bureau she's wanting. It'll all work out. Always does.

My virtual moving day

Find me here now :)   (see how empty the room looks up above...I'm moving!)  Funny, I used to move my blog every so often, and haven't done it in AGES.  Change can be good.

Glenn Beck's newest book

Just finished Glenn Beck's book, The Overton Window, and while he does cover some valid aspects of what's going on, I was VERY worried after finishing it. Just too much food for thought, I guess. He's a talented writer, though. It's well-researched, but maybe too realistic? Made me want to install a wood stove and learn survivalist techniques. I've got a lot to learn. :)

Then afterward, picked up a new book called Blood Harvest by S. J. Bolton. So far so good...but we know that that means. It's great at this point, but could change at any minute! (update...got to a disturbing part regarding children and I had to put it down).

Must go. Time to chill.

Drama, and not mine

Am finding it hard to be overly compassionate with our across-the-street neighbors who always have an uproar brewing.  As I looked out the front window yesterday (had heard someone yelling and  was wondering what was going on) I saw the 20-something daughter of our neighbor's son (neither live with our neighbor, but visit often) take a hand tiller out of her grandmother's backyard---the ones on a pole like a shovel, and bash it into her dad's new-ish pick-up, crushing his windshield.  Twice.  Is this normal behavior?  We got to counting and there have been 4 incidences at that corner in the last 6 weeks.  And, yes, someone called the police (not me) and the dad ended up handcuffed, though not arrested.

Can't figure out what goes on in people's lives that allows for such drama.  And I think violence is so startling, especially when you're watching it first hand.  The really creepy part is realizing, though, that if this daughter will damage her own father's truck, what would she do to a stranger's?

Folks do walk around with such pain.  I need to pray more about this, but have to deal with the disgust as well.  Not easy.

Drama, and not mine

Am finding it hard to be overly compassionate with our across-the-street neighbors who always have an uproar brewing.  As I looked out the front window yesterday (had heard someone yelling and  was wondering what was going on) I saw the 20-something daughter of our neighbor's son (neither live with our neighbor, but visit often) take a hand tiller out of her grandmother's backyard---the ones on a pole like a shovel, and bash it into her dad's new-ish pick-up, crushing his windshield.  Twice.  Is this normal behavior?  We got to counting and there have been 4 incidences at that corner in the last 6 weeks.  And, yes, someone called the police (not me) and the dad ended up handcuffed, though not arrested.

Can't figure out what goes on in people's lives that allows for such drama.  And I think violence is so startling, especially when you're watching it first hand.  The really creepy part is realizing, though, that if this daughter will damage her own father's truck, what would she do to a stranger's?

Folks do walk around with such pain.  I need to pray more about this, but have to deal with the disgust as well.  Not easy.

'Amy Inspired' by Bethany Pierce

Bethany Pierce's newest book, Amy Inspired, is wonderful, and is beautifully presented as well.  I loved it.  The main character, Amy Gallagher, is flawed and very human.  And Pierce develops her personality in a very engaging manner.

Amy Gallagher is a college English instructor who's still trying to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up.  Well, specifically she wants to be a published author, but keeps getting rejection notices in the mail which in turn messes with her already shaky self-esteem.  She's a compulsive list maker, and is accused by her roommate of being overly cautious about living her life to its fullest.

Amy's stuck.

What follows in the story are her complicated, yet appealing relationships which are so rich and inviting to read about.  I was so pleased with this book and went from laughter to tears as I read it.  But rather than gush much more, I'll stop now.  You know what they say about how a joke isn't funny if someone repeatedly tells you ahead of time how hilarious it is?  Same here.  Read the book and judge for yourselves.  But for me, I'll enjoy waiting for Pierce's next work of fiction.  Bravo! 

(i received this book for free to review for bethany house publishers)

'Heaven is for Real' by Todd Burpo with Lynn Vincent

In a tiny nutshell, Todd Burpo and Lynn Vincent's book, Heaven is for Real, is the story of Todd's then four-year-old son, Colton, and his illness with a burst appendix which involved him having a death/near death experience.   The little boy talks about Heaven and in such detail that you can't help but be intrigued.

I'm sure there are folks who will pooh-pooh the book calling it frivolous, and maybe books about near death happenings have been a bit over-marketed in recent years.  But the thing about this book is that it's very sincerely written, and it is totally believable.  The writing is excellent, never trite, and I found it easy to fall in love with the Burpo family. 

We tend to want to put God and Heaven into a box that matches our understanding, making things all neat and tidy.  Who am I to question what this family so obviously went through?  And to be honest, I put the book down with a greater sympathy for those who claim to have seen what God has in store for His believers. 

(i received this book free to review from booksneeze/thomas nelson publishers)

Just thinking

Partly it's the pace everyone seems to be living these days.  I don't remember folks being in such a rush when I was a kid.  We did have to actually wait for stuff.  Packages took their time getting to the house, we'd have to wait until someone got home before we could call them, and cooking food took a bit longer.

At the grocery store yesterday, as I was putting things on the counter for the clerk to scan, I asked him if he ever got tired of having to rush.  He grinned at me in his twenty-something way and said he loved it.  Said he couldn't do anything slowly, and besides, they have a counter of some kind that tallies how quickly they scan each customer.  He said he was number one in getting each person through quickly, and he was proud of it.  He brought up the fact for him that it was a daily challenge that he enjoyed.

So while I whizzed at getting things on the counter, he pushed them over the scanner as quickly as possible.  And, no, there wasn't another customer behind me at that time.  Hurrying really wasn't necessary, but with the store making it a policy with the clerks, guess we all had to zoom through the process.

And it's everywhere.  You can buy frozen meals that look and taste like you spent hours and hours on them.  Send an email; it's faster than regular mail.  And my own children rush through conversations like someone's holding them for ransom.  Obviously, it's contagious.  

But I ask you, really...what are we in such a hurry for? 

Two wonderful links

See Amy's newest online magazine at Inspire Co.  Total cuteness. :)  And as a complete switch, please read this short story at Stuck in a Book.  My goodness.

Snippets of the afternoon

All snugged into bed with the children doing whatever it is they do.  Three of them are at work, second son is off today but is on his laptop.  Post-birthday girl is baking a cake and the least one is hanging over her watching.  Other sons are finishing up schoolwork.

Had a couple of errands to run after taking third son to work this afternoon.  Found myself feeling a bit overdone, so really felt the need to climb into bed (all dressed, of course!), and get cozy.  It's deliciously rainy outside---the storm seems to have settled in nicely on top of us.  A perfect day in my mind.

Easy dinner of spaghetti sauce in a jar and frozen veggies as a side.  With fun preparations playing in my head for oldest daughter's 23rd birthday on Thursday, all is well.  With this dishy weather, what could be wrong?

Now must rest.  Whatever got into me yesterday isn't gone yet, but with nothing hanging over my head, that's fine as well.  Going to read some more of Edith Wharton's Bunner Sisters (on my Kindle), which is an excellent story.  My first Wharton.  Imagine that. :)

A necessary slow down

Have had to come to a full stop today, after waking up with a dizzy head (what my mom's always called feeling swimmy-headed).  Not sure what that was all about, but it was hard to manage when I kept swaying to the right.  Went back to bed and feel much better now.  I'm thinking I've been carrying some extra stress lately, and with the boys working 'til around midnight over the weekend (which involves getting their dinners ready after they come home and listening to their stories)---put it all together and you get some head noise in return.

But it's funny how a rest day makes things feel so much better.  Oldest daughter and second son (who are off work today) have run my errands for me.  Sold a couple of books on Ama*zon and they'll mail that package and get some dinner for us to fix later on.

Deep sighs.  Can't make myself feel more energetic by doing much, so will (finally) get dressed and move around a bit, not that I'll get much accomplished, but that's not the name of the game today, is it?  At least I'm not running into things anymore. :)