Another Sunday

A week has passed since I've posted. Busy, but not overly so.

Have been on a spiritual and emotional high....one of those times when you're tucked so closely to the Lord that you witness prayers being answered swiftly. Sadly not so in the case of our son who's living with his girlfriend. Heavy grieving on my part, shaking my head and willing tears. Not a happy situation. And another son is causing me concern as well in his dating life. Please. Really, please.

Letting things go that I can't control. Yielding. Surrender. All good words on what I've had to do.

I'm learning to take life very slowly in the midst of my internal dissarray. Thankfully He continues to gift me with joy within the heartache. ~john 16:33

We had Church

Confirmations this morning.  Second son came, which was a gift for all of us...the least one especially wanted him there.  He's usually wrapped up in the inner-city church where's he's a member.  Nice for this momma to have an additional child sit on our pew.  Well, we overflowed and took up part of an additional one, but who's complaining?  My heart was full.  Sweet Indian boyfriend was there too for oldest daughter's confirmation.

And the Holy Spirit was in evidence.  Tears.  Lots of that.  A sweet sermon from our Bishop, and he usually cries at some point when he gives the lesson, and I'm always drawn to that.

He spoke about the verses in the New Testament where the Lord says He'll supply all our needs.  He paused and asked if we really believed that.  Serious pause.  A head-shaking moment.  Magical.  For a brief bit of time I actually believed in the truth of that Scripture.  

And then the doubt sneaks in.

May my faith grow this week.  And may I actually believe the Truth of His Word.

This morning

I've taken countless photos of my tea tray in the morning.  The cups change, as does my oatmeal bowl, but rarely anything else.  Sometimes the light is just right coming in the window, or if the weather is cool, I'll take it out with the chickens.  

There's just something about it.  Calming.  Sets the tone for the day.  A morsel of quiet that's just all mine.  I guard it jealously.  Light a candle, drink my tea and I'm good.  Today I sat in the living room, dimly lit with just the morning sun coming in through the curtains---pumpkin candle for scent, with Pug Daisy in my lap.  A pretty sweet slice of Heaven.

And today is clear of any responsibility, which rarely happens.  With it being Confirmation Sunday tomorrow, another person is buying flowers from the florist for the service, so my altar flower duty is clear.  Two of our girls are being confirmed and have been going to classes at church all summer.  Oldest daughter and the least one are the ones, along with about 7 others.  We'll have a sweet service, then a dinner.  

Looking forward to it very much.  

Ritual

"When tea becomes ritual, it takes its place at the heart of our ability to see greatness in small things....The tea ritual:  such a precise repetition of the same gestures and the same tastes; accession to simple, authentic and refined sensations, a license given to all, at little cost, to become aristocrats of taste, because tea is the beverage of the wealthy and of the poor; the tea ritual, therefore, has the extraordinary virtue of introducing into the absurdity of our lives an aperture of serene harmony.  Yes, the world may aspire to vacuousness, lost souls mourn beauty, insignificance surrounds us.  Then let us drink a cup of tea.  Silence descends, one hears the wind outside, autumn leaves rustle and take flight, the cat sleeps in a warm pool of light.  And, with each swallow, time is sublimed."~from The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery

~ ~ ~
Everyday I have tea in the morning, without question, just as you see in the photo.  Everyday.  Sanity in a teapot.  

'Move On' by Vicki Courtney

"My healing journey began when I finally granted myself permission not to be okay.  Not to stay there forever, of course, but rather to acknowledge that not being okay is a perfectly normal part of the Christian journey."

Excellent quote and it, pretty much, sizes up the whole gist of Vicki Courtney's book called Move On.  For the most part, I enjoyed the book, but for me it began to lag somewhere in the middle when I got bogged down in too many stories.  Too much personal information.  

While I understand the necessity for folks to air their pains, I really don't agree with the wisdom of telling every little secret.  For others to be blessed through your messes, is it necessary to share your family's hidden secrets as well?  

Yes, life is very messy and Christians should be the first to admit that they go to church with a lot of sinners, who are also saved.  We need to get over ourselves and our need to be perfect.  Point taken, and Courtney shares tips in achieving a greater self esteem, which I'm in favor of.  But not at the cost of too much information.  We shouldn't have to bear it all to the public at large in order to find peace.

(i received this book free to review from BookLookBloggers)

Taking a moment...

~painting by carl spitz

...and praying for Grace today.  

I was out in the front yard, greeting my husband as he came home from work yesterday and was shocked at the state of the flower beds.  I've been blinded by all the doings of our children, and have seriously neglected the outside of our home.  It's awful.  Weeds and more weeds.  And all the black-eyed Susans need cutting back, as does the Echinacea.  It really looks pathetic, but not unlike the interior of my heart.

With school back in session, I've got an opportunity to re-think and re-organize my thought processes.  

Seems, at least for me, I need the routine of homeschooling to get my life back in gear.  I hear other mothers say the same thing.  Summer gives us license to do 'whatever' and often we get sloppy in our personal lives.  Well, I do.

And while I'd like to have the energy to yank dead flowers and weed to my heart's content, my energy level is no-where near full enough to tackle that, even with the kids' help.  My spirit is exhausted.

So will probably just content myself with baby steps.  If I do nothing, our house and garden will eventually resemble our neighbor's house, where I'm still plant-sitting.  A trip to her son's that would last 3 weeks, has now reached the 7th week.  Seriously?  While I love her back garden, with all her herbs, her house is another matter.  She lives in squalor, and I tend to think of that as a mental type of illness---to be content with living in the midst of filth.  Going over there daily to check her house and water her plants, when they need it, wears on me.  It's not unlike sticking your head inside the garbage can on a daily basis.  Not very inspiring.  Her Zen tendencies don't cover tidiness, but allowing dust and dirt to have their way just as she allows weeds to lord over her back garden.  There's no self-control.

As a result of all this mindfulness, I'll search out Beauty today.  I painted my nails yesterday, and while the girls do that all the time, I don't tend to take the time.  But, I realized how nice they look, and Gary does like me to fuss a bit, which is rare.  Taking to create Beauty in our home and with myself is a very good thing.  Makes everyone happy.

Hope you can take the time to find some as well.

Wednesday's thoughts

The second day of school went swimmingly.  Wasn't sure earlier how it'd go, being that youngest son who graduates in May/June is such a non-talker.  Well, unless he's worked up about something, or excited.  Very introverted, but a bit more involvement in conversations especially related to schoolwork is appreciated.  You'd think that after teaching him for all these years he'd get it.  Speak to me!  The girls (12 and 15 years old) are best friends, so very willing to be involved.  They have one another to bat things off of.  As it was today, we went over his Trigonometry and involved the girls as well, and I read from TS Eliot's Murder in the Cathedral, which they all seemed to enjoy.  Some other things in Poetry, and we called it an afternoon.  A slow glide into the school year.  

Took my herbal concoctions, since the day began as a bad Mental Health Day.  Had to round up my bottles, and it always helps, as did a nap mid-afternoon.  Actually, with the high alcohol content of my tinctures, you have to wonder if the herbs help, or that swift shot of brandy/vodka.  Kidding.

Or not.

Now working in my head on a list of the 10 most important books I've ever read that I was tagged with on FB by a girlfriend.  Stumped on the answer.  I read ALL THE TIME, and to limit myself to ten is a bit challenging.  She says to not over-think it.  Also hard.  I overthink as a hobby.

Will post the books here when I get it all figured out.