On my Saturday

Glad the kids and I went to the grocery store last night. One of my dreaded chores is doing that on Saturday, esp. since we go to church on Saturday nights. Plus, with some handy calculator skills, and sales, I was able to get dinners to last through about Wednesday. Not bad for me.

Now I'm just trying to get some order in my day.

What I really want to do is go by Fresh Market and get another bottle of the Mrs. Meyer's Lavender cleaner. I get the concentrated bottle and put a couple of tablespoons in the MM countertop sprayer I have. It's so soothing---the fragrance just makes me feel better. Besides, that store makes me feel good. What richness. I rarely buy many things---mostly just tea and Mrs. Meyer's goodies, but even walking in there is a treat. Plus, their fresh flowers are the best. We're still enjoying some pink and white carnations oldest daughter bought me last Monday.

And (to change the subject) I need to work on my attitude in regards to interruptions. I'm constantly hit on my kids; their needs are so enthusiastic and immediate. I have to admit to being less than jolly when I'm in the midst of something (usually writing) when they need to share, and my patience has been a bit worn lately. Not sure if the expression on my face matches the mood in my heart, but I'd hope not.

Part of what I deal with is guilt, feeling that even with all the work I do here, I have to justify time for myself. Is that just a Mom thing? I wonder. My husband doesn't seem to have the same problem, and maybe it's something to do with being home all the time. There's no separation between work and play. The environment stays the same, so it's harder to draw a dividing line. Not a new argument, but one that continues to puzzle me.

But rather than beat up myself, I need to find some time to myself. Am just about screaming for time alone, without any chatter. Love them though I do---my needs require a bit more attention this weekend. Maybe it can happen.

Relief

So, my husband reminded me of the herbal concoction from the health food store which makes me at ease again. Have been out for a dog's age. Got it earlier today, and already, the clouds are passing by. Phew. I hate feeling low and when I get to dragging my tail, it's just the worst.

Praising the Lord too about another furniture build job that got approved today. Funds continue to be tight, but what else is new? That's the way it is for us now, and always has been. The shop remains open and God provides. There are folks with much harder times to deal with, and I'm deeply thankful for what's been sent our way. I'm afraid to take my eyes off of the Lord, choosing instead to stay close. I'm reminded of Job's situation (not that I could even touch those hardships), and the way God reveals Himself in those verses. In the past, I've been a bit too familiar with Him in my attitude, and now am more in awe. I'm thinking that's the place I need to be.

Again, so grateful to feel better. Glad I'm ultra-sensitive to herbs/drugs/etc., because what takes some folks hours or even days to respond to---well, it's pretty quick with me.

Cloudy days

Stinky cheese depression. Used to, I thought it was a spiritual issue. Turns out it's more chemical in nature with me, and it just drives me nuts. Thankfully, my family is understanding and they don't try to kick me out of it. I'm acquainted with folks who try to coax their depressed relatives into a good mood, taking the attitude that it's something that can be changed like a new shirt. Wish it was that easy.

Time seems to be a great healer, that and some useful herbs. But still, the darkness comes and I learn to let it pass. Within a day or so, or a few days in some cases, the clouds part. Fortunately, it rarely lasts as long as a week. In the meantime, I yearn for a book to disappear into or something to distract my attention. That helps.

Just wanted to talk about it. I know some of you have the same problem. Good to know someone else understands. It's not whining. It's just the way it is.

Why this journal title?

Contemplative definition: adjective 1. deeply or seriously thoughtful (ruminative, musing, reflective, pondering, pensive, meditative, brooding)

Just wanted to clarify. In the Internet world, it's easy to be misled or misleading, depending on your point of view. Me? I just want to find ways to fold the Lord into my day that's habitual and of comfort to me. I like the way Brother Lawrence (who's known for this) made the effort of practicing his faith even in washing the dishes, that his goal was that every work he participated in would become a form of worship. Word has it he struggled with this and wasn't a great fan of dish washing. Guess that's what I want to do too. There's joy in that connection with the Father, but it requires effort. So, for me, the title of this journal means more than just something I grabbed out of the air. It's something I'm working on.

Contemplative definition: adjective 1. deeply or seriously thoughtful

Contemplative definition: adjective 1. deeply or seriously thoughtful

Pug video on YouTube

Found this Pug/baby video tonight and just laughed and laughed. And how 'bout here.....they really do explode around the house after a bath. (I've shared these sorts of videos before, on my Tea with Milk blog, but figured you could do with a refresher. )

Here's one more....here!

After watching these I just want to hug Violet and Daisy. These videos are so accurate as to the real joys of Pug-ness. Love 'em!

The views from inside

A snowy morning

Our house looks like the photo on the header just now. Well, I guess it does. I'm inside, and my husband was outside when he took it, but you get my drift. It's snowy out there. Almost laughed out loud when I opened the back door to let the Pugs out earlier. I was expecting only sleety stuff, but snow is a happy thing when you never see it.

From the weather map, our snow is about over----really over, but the sky still looks heavy, and I'm not sure what this does to me taking the kids to my mom's for lunch. It's above freezing, so maybe we're OK. The streets have the look of going slushy when more traffic hits it.

Time will tell. Now I think I'll fix me a cup of tea and sit here with Pugs in my lap. That's all I can do for now.

Tuesday night

Tired of going to the grocery store (tired in terms of it getting old---these kids eat all the time!) after running low on flour, sugar, shortening, peanut butter, coffee, toilet paper, milk and bread, etc. Gary suggested we go to the store to get coffee and Puppy Chow. Came home with much more. Well, not a huge supply, and not in direct relation to the weather, but the money was there (all gone!) and it felt good to stock up.

Homemade spaghetti for tomorrow, and it'll last two days, plus we got a 4 lb. bag of Great Northern beans and unfortunately I'm married to a man who wants NOTHING done to them besides just plain cooking and salt/pepper. Talk about boring. He actually gets his dander up if I mix anything with them. Huh. (Yeah, like if that's about the biggest annoyance I find in him, I'm doing pretty well, yes?) Anyway, the other deal at the store was 2-10 lb. bags of russet potatoes for $5 total. I know what we'll be eating this weekend. :)

I now have to get my brain into a relaxed mode, not fretting about the possibility of ice tonight, and looking forward to a day alone tomorrow. Well, by myself if I can drive the kids to my mom's through hazardous wintery conditions. Not. It's just rainy now. If that stays true, we'll be just fine. This chick needs a break, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Btw, thanks for the comments about the grammar post. You tickled me. And, Dotsie, I don't have a clue as to what I was talking about! But apparently I can do it now, even though I used to couldn't.

And I teach grammar

OK, I admit to not being an English whiz. I did fine in high school with that class, but we all know how long ago we're talking about. I tend to be ignorant on how to use adverbs, and am usually nuts about using commas. I love them. So, you'll forgive me my Southern-ness by the following sentence which flowed out so effortlessly from my mouth at dinner the other night:

"I didn't used to could do that."

How's that for a deliciously grammatically incorrect sentence? Feel free to use it. :)

Desperate for quiet

Wasn't planning on getting out today, but one son wanted to go to the library, and oldest daughter was home from work, so off we went. What began as a pleasant outing turned a bit overwhelming when I mentioned going to Kroger on the way home for some polish sausage to finish off the pinto beans I was simmering. I never go to that store, going instead to a small, family-owned store nearer our house---and the smaller store is less expensive than the chain store.

Folks must've been expecting bad weather (which might happen, or might not!)....the lines were horrible, and you'd have thought we were about to have Thanksgiving. I was so close to putting everything down (sure we grabbed more than the sausage--ha!), and running out the doors.

But, instead we were patient (well, in spirit) and waited it out. I'm not good in crowds and if you put me in a situation where I'm in line and sort of pinned in, well, I want to cry.

Tomorrow is a home day. I'm not going ANYwhere.

About solitude

Thanks to a link at Kim's site for this wonderful article called The End of Solitude. Well-worth the time it takes to read it. Better yet---read it twice, no skimming.

This hits me where I live and one of the issues for me is the cell phone. I've realized that while our house phone (which has been disconnected) had caller ID, I also have it on my cell phone when I log in the names/numbers. But loading them is key. Otherwise, I'm still in bondage to answering anonymous phone calls, which in turn make me nervous. Don't make me nervous.

So, this weekend I've turned off my cell phone. I figure if my mom or anyone else in the family needs me, they know to dial one of the kids or my husband. Yes, there are 5 phones in this house. Man. Yes, a security when the kids are out and about on their own, and thankfully our kids aren't very social. As a result, the phones have been a blessing and not a burden.

The thing about the cell is that it seems I have trouble NOT answering it because folks know that you have it with you, and that if you're not picking it up---either you're on another line (and will, of course, check to see what calls you've missed, or maybe you just don't pick it up). If you're talking about a land line, many times when you don't pick up---you're not at home. That luxury isn't used with cells. You have phone...you answer. Period.

Nuts.

It's like bondage. You're seemingly accountable to someone, even folks you don't want to have contact with, whether you want it or not. Like the article says---there IS no alone time. Even recently the senior pastor at the church we attend said that he thought folks at church, his church, got uncomfortable when they encouraged a quiet prayer time during the services. What? I'd love it if they didn't seem driven to fill each moment with activity---either music or talk, prayer by a person at the front, or announcements. There is absolutely no quiet at the services. It makes you wonder, but in the case of the article, it makes more sense to me.

Our oldest daughter got overwhelmed recently by being sick and feeling too available to her friends. She turned off her cell phone and didn't use her laptop for the weekend. That might sound easy to accomplish, and she did fine---didn't miss them---but we're so used to packing it in and don't even know how to cope without all of our busyness. We're addicted to it. And are so full of self-importance, that to be unavailable doesn't seem to fit into the scheme of things. I want to print out that article and paste it around the house. To memorize it and keep it near my heart. Good stuff.

Time to rest

When I get to this time of the week---all work is done, we're home from church and with a free day tomorrow---I feel like I can begin to exhale. My shoulders begin to relax just a bit, and there's the opportunity to really rest.

This afternoon, Gary bought 2 dozen donuts for us to have for breakfast tomorrow, and he even got a deal since the donut shop was about to close for the day and were clearing out the shelves. With a tight pocketbook, we've not had the treat of a fun Sunday breakfast in awhile. With my hot tea, that'll be dishy. :)

All I have on my agenda is to watch part two of Wuthering Heights Sunday night. Oh, and color my hair tonight. And that's all. Do you hear me? :)

Inkheart

The Inkheart movie was so good...I felt so cheerful afterwards, and our son (who's 15) and is a big fan, just loved it. He was greatly relieved that it seemed to follow the storyline so closely, with few variations.

I will say, though, that since our kids are pretty unworldly and not used to some of the things that some other kids are aware of---I'd not take our younger ones. The three least ones here (12, 10, 6) haven't seen any PG13 movies, including the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone else has worn out our LOTR DVDs. Inkheart is PG, but there was some very slight swearing, and one hand gesture that was unnecessary, but wouldn't be obvious to someone 'not in the know'. Not sure if it was intentional, but in my experience, things like that aren't put into movies by accident. Plus there's a character called the Shadow and he's creepy in the end. His face shows on the movie poster, and is tame enough for 13 and older, but again...depends on the kid. Our little ones would have nightmares. Really.

Just wanted to share for anyone who's interested. Our oldest daughter (21), who also went, had read an online review and they mentioned more language than I noticed. But, it is a busy movie (love all the books and the set design is choice!), so I missed all but two inappropriate phrases/words. Reminds me of the situation we ran into with The Waterhorse movie. Supposedly there was language in it, but I got so engrossed in that story, it just flew right past me.

I'd recommend it, but then again, it depends on the parent's point of view on what's correct for their kids. We're pretty overprotective, so what works for us might sound extreme to someone else.

Attitude adjustment

I'm acquainted with a young mother of two who calls me from time to time. For anyone who knows me well, talking on the phone for a lengthy time, or even routinely, makes me squirm. This person came by yesterday with her kids---just needed to get away from her own company, but she called again this afternoon and I can feel my anger even now. She wanted to update me about something regarding a health issue she's dealing with. The sad thing is that I don't really care, and I don't like admitting that about myself. She's prone to exaggeration, and to hear her talk about her health problems and the outlandish things that happen, causes me to get antsy.

I don't do well with needy company. And I get frustrated by people who are big talkers. Right now I want to scream, am feeling snippy with my own children, and want to know how to put more space between myself and this person.

Do you think I'm mean yet?

Have had to apologize to my kids for my sore attitude after I hang up the phone with this person. I'm not setting a very tolerant or loving example. But on the other hand, want the other person to take some responsibility for her own behavior. To not use me as a sounding board, but to be more self-sufficient. Yeah, I have age and number of kids to my advantage, but that doesn't put me in the mentoring category.

This is tough to deal with. I'm empathetic when the other person is truly in need, but when there's more of a dumping-on-someone-else attitude, I get cranky. Obviously, I'm not an enabler. And the only solution I see right now is to either avoid answering the phone when she calls, or be more grown-up in my handling of it.

Must work on this, and with the way this keeps coming up in my life, seems to be an ongoing problem that I need to vanquish. Just needed to say it.

Things to look forward to...

Countdowns going on here. One of our sons is a fan of the Cornelia Funke Inkheart books, and the movie based on the first book is opening today. I think the trailer looks super (click image to view site).

We'll go tonight (just 3 of us), and he's being downright obnoxious with his excitement., but in a good way! Looking forward to it. :) And.....another son is anxious to see TobyMac in February, but honestly, I am too. My kids. Without them I'd live a boring existence. Well, to give my husband credit, he's always keeping me on my toes as well.

Maybe I'm too, uh, vanilla---and live with folks who are a bit more colorful than I am. Whatever it is, it seems to be working.

On Thursday

Have had a couple of good days, not that I have a habit of having bad ones, but when things pan out, we're all happier. With the painting I did yesterday, that good feeling transferred over to today. This morning, two of the boys washed the kitchen ceiling---one of them tall enough to not need a chair (!) and with the fresh-looking cabinets, my goodness, the kitchen shines. And this afternoon, I put a coat of lavender enamel on the girls' bedroom door---it formerly being covered with stickers and nonsense. Krud Kutter took off the stickers, and I'm thinking we're on a roll.

Little by little things are getting tidied up, paint being the main problem solver.

Plus, and this is a biggie, my husband's work has been steady. I'm trying to keep my head in the right place, to stay faithful and not get either too comfortable, or cocky. Complacency has no place in my head right now, and things can get tight too easily. This Winter has been tough financially, and to feel just a smattering of relief is a joy.

Stew for dinner with tiny little pearl onions in it (my splurge purchase at the store)....with baking powder drop biscuits. One son just finished making chocolate chip cookies and the rest of the afternoon will be made up putting my sheets back on the bed after hanging on the line all day, and of cleaning the place a bit.

Enjoy what's left of it!

Tidying up

I dunno. I have trouble patting myself on the back. Oldest daughter is off work today, and came into the kitchen to see what I was doing this morning. "Nothing," is what I said. Then in my head I began listing what I'd been doing since getting up with the dogs at 6:30am.

• cleaned up dog mess from oldest dog lacking sufficient self-control on the odd day---thankful it was on the hardwood and not the rug
• fed dogs
• got online and checked email and ranted
• drank tea and ate cereal
• began putting clothes in washer (did five loads) and setting clean ones in basket for the boys to lug outside and hang-up
  
• dug through various paint cans until I found what I was looking for
• opened can of white enamel and lavender enamel for inside jobs
• began to touch-up paint on door frames in kitchen/dining room (this is while kids are getting up, eating breakfast and waiting for me to start going over schoolwork)
  
• when daughter found me I was putting fresh paint on fronts of kitchen cabinets

And my silly response to her was that I was doing nothing. When will I learn? Truth be told, moms are busy so much of the day, and at least for me, unless I'm doing something earth-shattering (never happens!), I lack the ability to give myself any credit.

Now, thankfully, the trim in various places and the cabinets look all fresh. One son touched up the paint (lavender) in the bathroom. What happened to spur me on was visiting a couple of friends lately and seeing how my own house was slipping into disrepair. Theirs were too. We can live with dinginess for only so long until things have to change. Home maintenance is rarely on the top of my to-do list, but when things look clean, we all feel better.

I must rant

I've just unsubscribed from a second blog I've enjoyed because of their negative remarks about the Bush administration. I have to wonder---do folks think that doing nothing about Ir@q, and leaving Husse1n in power was better than offering the people of that country a freedom they're just now enjoying? Do these Americans believe in not making sacrifice on behalf of others? Are folks really that narrow-minded?

I shake my head. Or hang it in shame at this mindset.

And really, if they believe that one man (Bush) was able to cause so much heartache, do they also truly believe that one individual can fix it? I agree, the past 8 years haven't been all rosy. But I'll also say that we don't have a clue as to how we ourselves would run a country that went down the toilet after 9/11. We're so smug.

I love this country, as these blogging women do. I don't deny them that. But I'm really not interested in hearing the tearing down posts---the ones that almost deify people who are inexperienced and are now in power, and will, for the most part, be the puppet of a greater plan.

Give me a big fat break.

Favorite books

Favorite books of all

• Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh
• I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith
• Jane Eyre by Charolotte Bronte
• Miss Buncle by D. E. Stevenson
• Parnassus on Wheels by Christopher Marlowe
• Thale's Folly by Dorothy Gilman
• The Pace of a Hen by Josephine Moffett Benton
• The Rosemary Tree by Elizabeth Goudge
• The Scent of Water by Elizabeth Goudge
• The Shell Seekers by Rosamunde Pilcher
• Thornyhold by Mary Stewart
• favorites from

Favorites from 2008

• Acedia & Me (A Marriage, Monks, A Writer's Life) by Kathleen Norris
• Adam by Ted Dekker
• Flies on the Butter by Denise Hildreth
• Gilead by Marilynne Robinson
• Home by Marilynne Robinson
• Rethinking Reason by R. Craig Strickland
• So Brave, Young and Handsome by Leif Enger
• The New Moon with the Old by Dodie Smith
• The Watchers by Mark Andrew Olsen

Favorites from 2007

• A Child Called Blessed by Bill Bright and Ted Dekker
• Blessed Child by Bill Bright and Ted Dekker
• Collected Stories by Katherine Mansfield
• Fire by Bill Bright and Jack Cavanaugh
• Holiness for Housewives by Dom Hubert Von Zeller
• Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson
• Pascal's Wager by Nancy Rue
• Proof by Bill Bright and Jack Cavanaugh
• Storm by Bill Bright and Jack Cavanaugh
• The Collected Short Stories by Katherine Mansfield
• The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield
• Without Reservations by Alice Steinbach

Favorites from 2006

• Precious Bane by Mary Webb
• The Country of the Pointed Firs by Sarah Orne Jewett
• The Historian by Elisabeth Kostova
• The Pace of a Hen by Josephine Moffett Benton
• The Quotodian Mysteries (Laundry, Liturgy and "Women's" Work) by Kathleen Norris
• The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

A this and that Tuesday

Have been up since 6:30am, which isn't bad. I'm put to shame by folks who normally (and with joyous hearts) get out of bed earlier than I do. OK, maybe put to shame isn't correct, but I do admire folks who regularly make a point of rising before the sun comes up by choice. It just ain't me!

It's been snowing this morning. Started at about 8am, and has been on-again/off-again about it. A couple of the younger ones are playing in the backyard, and the least one has already slipped, fallen and cried. She's tucked up on the sofa with a warm cup of hot chocolate. She and her teddy bear, Russel (one "L").

The rest of the day? No clue, except for Barley soup for dinner (I'm finding I LOVE barley), and something to bake, because I have ingredients. Thanks for the suggestion, AJ! There's comfort in baking, and don't I know it?

Will try to tidy this messy house too. If I sit here long enough and let my gaze pass over the rooms, I can see that painting is a must for Spring. The door frames are a bit scuffed (understatement), and overall cleaning and scrubbing need to be on the agenda WAY before Spring. We'll see about taking it in small doses. I know I'd feel better for the doing of it

(photo from Christies)

Feeling mighty cautious

At the risk of sounding un-American or your basic party pooper, let me say that I'm not excited about the big event that will take place tomorrow. Truth is, it makes me sick. I'm concerned about the changes that this will bring about. Nervous? Yes, absolutely, and I believe if we think we're going to glide smoothly through the next few years, then we've got another thing coming to us.

I won't use names or designate occasions since this blogging platform has shown itself pro-thatguy. They've deleted blogs that speak out against that man and his colleagues.

Do I sound a bit extreme? Well, so be it.

Today:

• grocery shopping---which unfortunately is one of my pet peeves on Saturdays, would rather go on any other day of the week but today,
  
• hanging out clothes---the laundry basket is piled high nearly to my waist!
• going to church this evening with well children
• looking after virus-recovering son and daughter
• 
  

My views on the weather

I feel I might need to qualify our attitude toward cold weather in my neck of the woods. I'm hearing folks say that we need to be grateful that it's not as freezy here as it is further North. You've got to understand, though. In the South, we don't get pounded like the Midwest or those up East. We do Summer really well, but cold and snow? We're not prepared and frankly, there's a reason for that. :)

Some scratch their heads at us shivering in our boots at temperatures in the single digits. It's just a rarity. And as to snow...well, we might get one healthy snowfall once a year, but without snowplows or any other snow-moving equipment, the schools close with even just a few scant inches of the white stuff. Truly we're not weak and unable to manage, but without the proper machinery to move the snow off of the streets, we get trapped. I remember my dad using chains on his tires when I was a kid, but I don't even see those used anymore.

Maybe we need to chat when other parts of the country are dealing with temperatures in the hundreds....we're really good at putting up with that!

Later on Friday

Just sitting down for a minute. The kids are 'supposed' to be doing schoolwork in their rooms, but the chatter I'm hearing causes me to think otherwise. As for me, I'm wandering from room to room, spraying Febreze-scented Mr. Clean here and there, making things more straight. I've not done a wipe down in several days and the appliance fronts and countertops are a bit in need.

Have laundry hanging from coat hangers in the doorways, catching some heat, while a couple of loads spin in the dryer. Not complaining...just adjusting to not adding to the electric bill.

Glad of a weekend. Oldest daughter is at work, and works a half-day tomorrow, but I've told her that she's grounded for the remainder of the weekend. She's got a cough from days ago and needs to chill. This weather invites the cozy settling in the house. Less to do, less to want to do, and no inclination to rise from a seated position.

I'll tell you, if you just give in to inclimate conditions, the result can be sort of relaxing. Least I think so. But what do I know?!!

A cold Friday

Trying to figure out how to divvy out the laundry, getting what's only necessary washed, so that the dryer doesn't run too much. The boys would weep if I had them hang out too many clothes and towels today. But to keep them in line, maybe I will! I'm already seeing dollar signs with the gas heater working so hard. Seems when I was up with the dogs at six-something, that as soon as the heater cycled off, on it'd come again.

Still dripping faucets during the day since it's only about 19 degrees. Yesterday, a house around the corner (a vacant one for sale) had broken plumbing and the water was coming up from the water meter at the street. Not fun. Told my husband I could endure the expense of eternally dripping faucets to balance out the heap of cash that'd be necessary if we broke pipes and had to have them replaced. No, thank you!

Just staying cozy today. It feels like a snow day, even though it's simply overcast. I feel challenged by the extra energy that seems necessary in simply staying warm. Just want to stay covered up and snug.

Bean and bacon soup for dinner with yeast rolls. Beans are simmering and will dress them up later on. Don't feel motivated as to anything else, and considering things in general, I'm thinking that that's OK. Life doesn't have to be moving all the time, does it?

Weather girl

OK. It's cold. The kids (well, most of 'em) are at my mom's for the day, so I've been able to sling myself out on the sofa and read a library book while draped with Pugs. Worked fine, but needed someone to sit on my feet too. My goodness. And yes, I'm a wuss. It's *only* 21F here, but this Southerner must have thin blood. :)

I realize many of you are dealing with much worse than I am, but for me, this is cold enough. But wait. It's not. Supposed to be in the single digits this evening, and heard someone hint at minus degrees of wind-chill-ness. I'll be thankful for a warm-up tomorrow. Should be more reasonable---well, more so that will allow for the faucets not to be dripping all the time.

Fuss, fuss, fuss. Everybody's talking about it, and figured I'd add my two cents. I'm done.

Oh, hang on. I've got to be thankful before I go. Here it is, I'm thankful for:

• a warm house, a definite given
• potato soup for dinner, which isn't very exciting, but they'll eat it
• the bills being paid up for now (hugely satisfying)
• that the virus that's downed one kid after another only lasts 24 hours
• for new library books that are fun to yearn over

Now, I can go. Take care and keep warm...sorry for sounding sarcastic, but it's hard to type with my right hand so cold. Yeah, call me a whiner. You'll be right!

A bookish Wednesday

What a nice day. I'd planned on taking the kids to a branch of the library we'd not been to, and was pleasantly surprised when we got there. This particular one is brand, spankin' new and was such a treat. The books are all clean and shiny and, as a result of our trip, everyone has had their heads in either, books on CD (the youngest ones), or in books themselves. Me included. This is the best sort of day. And since we didn't do school this morning (two boys had a yard to rake), the afternoon has been wonderfully relaxing.

I feel refreshed. I have my own pile---love that, and this feeling of relaxation is too good to be true.

As to thankfulness today, I'm going to keep up my list. Today I'm grateful for:

• vegetable soup on back of the stove made up of bits and pieces, and smelling cozy-like
• my husband sounding peaceful when we chatted on the phone earlier
• a quiet evening to look forward to
• simply feeling rested and more myself
• sweet Pugs who will drape themselves over my lap and snooze while I read after dinner
• a warm house, and new furnace filters, since it's going to get darn cold this evening and the next

Guess I'll wrap it up with that. Now that it's winding into 4:30pm, it's time to run through the house and tidy up. I love turning on the outside lights, vacuuming and dusting, and all-around straightening up before Gary gets here. Just seems appropriate that he comes into the house with it looking moderately reasonable. :) Won't be a palace, but it's home, and that'll definitely do.

Giving thanks today

I'm going to keep up my thankfulness attitude and spill it over into the journal here. For today I'm grateful for:

• food in the house, not to be taken lightly with these kids eating non-stop
• that glimpse of the moon I saw this morning at 6:30am when I let the dogs out--so pretty, all creamy yellow
  
• a sweet talk I'm still remembering that I had with our oldest daughter on Sunday, while we were out for a drive
• my husband, who works awfully hard, and thrills me when I hear his truck drive up in the evening--I still get a rush
• a day of no pressures, unless I conjure them up myself
• the fun of putting up Valentine's wreaths on the front doors today
• homemade pizza for dinner tonight
• my children, who are total joys--every last one of them
• good health all around, definitely not taken for granted

That said, there's schoolwork to go over this morning. Two of the boys have a yard to rake for an elderly neighbor. Oldest girl at work. I intend to stick my nose in Dekker's latest book, Kiss, again....totally enjoying this one, and to thumb through more of my pile of Valentine's magazines. Heart Day---my favorite holiday, second only to Thanksgiving.

Must go now and make oatmeal. It's darned cold out there, and the kids will want warming up. Least some of 'em will eat it!

Enjoy the day!

Looking up

Feeling better. Gary is getting a deposit on a job today, we've gotten an answer to our weeks old prayer request (not how we wanted it answered, but apparently what God wants), and I feel an easing of pressure, at least for a time. I'm not basing my better mood purely on finances, but security is a wonderful thing. I'll admit it.

Last night I figured I'd focus this week on thankfulness. I'm trying to notice things outside my immediate vision that make me smile. Yesterday afternoon, oldest daughter and I were leaving to go for a drive and saw a large woodpecker peckin' away in the neighbor's Tulip Poplar across the street. They always give me a rush, since seeing them is a rarity.

My goal this week? Look for more of these little serendipities (happy accidents). Just makes a person feel good. :) Figured I'd add them here, to keep me in practice. Look for them...

Sunday afternoon

Church was last night, so we're all at home today. Gary has taken the 3 youngest ones for a walk---their Sunday afternoon tradition. Oldest daughter took one of the boys out driving---he's about ready for the driving test and is trying to get the details down pat so he can get his license. The kids have all waited until they're 18 or older to do the test, and we figure this is easier all around, with avoiding the necessity of permits, etc. So far, so good.

Am hoping for a more upbeat week. While I realize we're not experiencing the official Tribul@tion right now (or are we?--just kidding), life certainly has been tribulating (is that a word?) enough for me. Those experiences a Christian goes through when God is silent are a study in patience. And confusion. That still, small voice has taken on the quality of a whisper that I can't seem to hear. Looking forward to that again. I've missed Him.

Will stop now. My melancholy nature makes for pretty morbid posts sometimes, but it's all about the journey, right? The sermon last night was about dealing with things in life that trip us up....the things we can't seem to let go of. I sense that my concerns about income border on the obsessive. I know I need to work on that. Maybe now, when income is slow-coming, would be a good time to let go of that one.

As for the rest of my Sunday---there are waffles or pancakes and sausage for dinner, and the second half of Tess of the D'Urbervilles to watch. That's enough for now. Not gonna go to tomorrow's issues. Today's good and that's enough for me. :)

Rest

Seems my life is ruled by dogs and kids, and in that order. Big dogs got it into their heads to go outside at 4:30am this morning. I literally staggered out of bed to let them out since I hear every little noise in the house, then husband woke up, and the end result was that husband took care of tending to the letting in of pups, and shutting me into the bedroom. He went to work early-early, and I went back to bed. The puppies themselves then slept until 8am. Bliss. Middle daughter picked up the slack after that, and I stayed in bed until 10:30am or so.

Not sure how I feel. I've not had more that 5 hours of sleep at a time in months, so am feeling a tad woozy. Must be that my system is all wonky.

I've learned that sleep is so necessary to my mental health. Get me rested and the worries don't seem as extreme. And when I actually close my eyes at naptime and take a bit of a snooze, I'm better able to handle the latter part of the day. The problem is sticking to the importance of it all.

You mean it's OK to have fun?

Have realized how out-of-touch I am in regards to simply enjoying life. I know. I'm tooting an old horn, but this is something that puzzles me. When I see folks having fun, or read about women dropping everything and playing, it stuns me. I have to stop and scratch my head.

Work I can do. Load the washer and wipe off counters---delegate chores and organize schoolwork. Shop for groceries and make the money stretch just so far. Do a bit of decorating so that things look cozy and make endless toasted peanut butter and jam sandwiches. Will slip in some reading, but that's mainly for necessity of sanity.

But to turn off the world and be idle...that's not so easy.

I truly am knocked off my feet when I realize that life is meant to be enjoyed too. It's not supposed to be all work. I guess somewhere along the way I missed the instructions. Maybe I'm a Puritan at heart, or a work-a-holic, or just plain being a mom who's trying to take care of her family. Maybe taking care of me needs to be higher on the to-do list, do you think?

Btw, the least one just asked if I wanted to play Barbies with them. I guess there's hope yet. ;)

Not the Pugs :)

Big dogs, Olive and Opal. They just get no respect with the Pugs upstaging them. Not!

This morning

I realize the photo is dark, but I do enjoy the quiet way the window looks when the sun is barely coming in. And, yes, that is Valentine's garland and lights (not on) around the top!

Computer issues

Spent an inordinate amount of time both last night and this morning trying to figure out why my laptop had been running so slowly. I hunted out suspicious files, deleted and pulled out my hair. Then oldest son got up this morning, I briefly told him the problem and in a few words he recommended that I restore the computer. I had visions just previous to that of getting out the original back-up disks I'd made when the computer was new. Was fretting over the idea of saving files. Wish he'd gotten up earlier. :) Just now, within a half-hour's time, I restored it to what it was a few days ago, and now it's working fine.

Kids. Sometimes, well many times, they know way more than I do. I'll admit it.

In the meantime, I've warned the two boys who use this laptop to check their email and surf a bit, to not go wandering off too far into Internet-land. Besides it being iffy, I'm not sure which one of us picked up the problem. We do download plenty of music, but even so, everything that comes into this computer is scanned. Guess you still can't be too careful.

I would issue a warning, however, to anyone who uses Tr*nd Micro freeware. That caused a major snafu with me last night when I loaded it, and this morning when it wouldn't uninstall, and I'll not go back. But oldest son uses their anti-virus software that he bought, and hasn't had one problem at all.

Go figure.

Afternoon cooking

Stew is simmering on top of the stove....well, separately. I tend to do the meat apart from the potatoes and carrots, not liking them to become too acquainted with one another until dinnertime. Then I'll serve the potatoes on a plate and top it with the meat and gravy. I put round steak in one iron skillet to brown and then added 2 Knorr beef bouillon cubes, some garlic and water. That's one thing, and the vegetables are in water now to the side. I'll add bouillon to them after they soften up. With that we'll have what my husband calls 'Mule Muffins' or rather, drop biscuits. They're pretty dishy split open and covered with the stew. Love it.

And in a minute, the little girls and I are going to make chocolate chip cookies with the mint chips I bought today. Have never used those, and since they were on sale, it seemed a fun thing to do. Well, we'll see about that!

Seems at least to me that happiness is often wrapped up in a meal. I figure if I can prepare a cozy meal, then the troubles that hit up on us will seem less overwhelming. At least that's the idea.

Cost for this wonderfulness? About four dollars and change for the meat (it's about 1-1/2 lbs. of meat), around 2-3 bucks for the 5 lbs. of potatoes we cut up (on sale), the bouillon for pennies since they came from a box of several, same with the garlic. I figure it's a ten dollar meal when you add up the ingredients for the bread. I try to stick with those limitations, and surprisingly, it most often works out for this family of ten. A buck a head. Can't beat that.

Dogs!!!

I was too busy yesterday, and felt it last night as I got into bed. Not aching or anything like that. Just drained. It's not that I did anything outstanding either. Just living.

One problem is, Opal is getting up earlier and earlier lately. This morning she was up at 5:30am. That's just not fair! Then after I shushed her, and thankfully she didn't wake the puppies up, she stood by the baby gate (set-up for the puppies) and jangled her collar at intervals, begging me to let her out. So annoying. Being that she's part Husky, she's rarin' to go when it's cold outside. She's found her special purpose....running around in the freezing temperatures. Lucky Opal. Funny or not so funny, but the last good nights sleep I've had with any regularity (more than one night in a row) was before we got her. She just celebrated her fourth birthday. You do the math. :)

A rainy Tuesday morning

Some days are slow to start. Fortunately. Otherwise I'd just want to cry. This morning, oldest daughter shooed me back to bed, saying she'd do the dog honors. She just added to her own work load, though. She had to get dressed, etc., but took time to let out Pugs, feed Pugs, let out big dogs, feed big dogs, delegate which dogs got to go out a second time, all the while dolling up herself for work.

She's a treasure.

Now here I sit, listening to the kids rustle awake---I've let them sleep in a bit. We seem to stay up too late, and make up for it with quiet mornings. I mean really---a house with ten people in it IS a noisy place, and if I can snatch some peace, then we're all happier. I will never claim to have it all figured out. I've never fit the mold of the mom of many who juggles successfully so much activity that you'd hold me up for honors. Not hardly. I'm just pretending to be an adult. I really don't have a clue. :P

But not much is on my plate for today. If I had my druthers I'd work in my hand-written journal a bit more. I write in it sure, but enjoy pasting in pictures and doo-dads. Just makes it prettier. And I'd like to have simple creative time that's restoring. I tend to not do that and don't seem able to fit it in.

Must go now. Our yellow Lab., Olive, who drives me nuts, now wants to go out. She's the epitome of patience, but it wears me out. She'll stand in one place (like by the back door) and will wait for someone to let her out, just like she'll stand by the dog covers if Opal, our Shepherd, happens to be in her particular spot, for the longest time. I should time her to see just how long we're talking about. Well, not sure if it's patience or brainlessness. I vote for the latter!

My Monday

Time to wind up the day. I had errands to run earlier this afternoon, and that always takes a chunk of time that I'd rather not share with the outside world. Took the older kids (four of 'em) to the drugstore, then the grocery, and we ended up at the library for a quick browse. After a tiny nap (much too teensy), I got a call from a neighbor who had to hurry her baby to the doctor. I stayed at their house with their five-year-old daughter, who was asleep the whole time, so required no effort at all on my part! Then, came back and made chicken pot pie with two of the girls. After chasing the vacuum around the living room and tidying up a bit, I ended the evening with updating my website, which was sorely in need of a facelift. Much better, thanks to Ivy's Graphics....her work is so dishy.

Tomorrow I hope to stay at home the whole, entire day. School in the morning and lots of naptime and reading. I'm optimistic, but we'll have to see. It's been so rainy and cold, a day in will be a total delight if it actually happens.

Some days just need to be cozy inside days. The world can stay out, and I'll stay in.

Just got back from a minor babysitting job with a neighbor. The mom panicked and took their smallest child to the doctor, worrying about his 104 temp. Their other child was asleep while I was there.

I was torn by the condition of their house----the dishes that

First Sunday in a New Year

The house is quiet. Since we make a practice of going to Saturday night services, Sundays are wonderfully peaceful. Well, they can be. This house is noisy with the sounds of 8 children, most of the time, and as they get older, they take up more room. As a result, they make more noise.

So, right now is perfect for me. The dogs have been outside and are fed. The children and my husband still sleep on. And the day is overcast and a bit drizzly....I even have a couple of windows open since the temperatures are mild just now.

In my own quiet time, earlier, I was remembering how much I prayed over a year ago for a lap dog of some sort. We already had the big dogs and I was craving a small dog to hold in my lap. I completely yielded that prayer up to the Lord, giving Him total control over the situation. As many of you know, we got the Pugs in December of 2007, and it's one of the sweetest answers to prayer I've ever gotten. We were blessed as a result of a puppy mill raid, otherwise we'd not have been able to afford the dogs. A rescue situation is sad, but a joy at the same time.

So, I got to thinking about how I gave up control over that prayer, even as to the breed of dog. Never in a million years would I have gone out searching for a Pug, but as it turned out, Violet and Daisy are about the best dogs I've ever had the pleasure to own. Plus, I was praying for one dog---not going after two of them. Again, two Pugs are better than one. God knew, and I didn't have a clue.

Goes to show you. Well, it goes to show me. Still don't know the answer to my nagging prayer request, but daily am finding out more in my search for answers. Yielding seems to be key, and my goodness, do I have trouble with that. Thankfully God is patient, because I do have that mother's knack for interfering, thinking I can do just as well.

So, glad of a day of rest. The world can't get me now, and I'll just turn off the concerns for today. Sounds like a plan. :)

(Btw, Tess of the D'Urbervilles is the choice on Masterpiece Theatre tonight. Loved the book, and hope the movie holds up. Looking forward to it!)

Just for the record...

...I support Isr@el in the war against H@mas.

And to repeat a phrase I read just now---come quickly Lord Jesus.

Waiting

It's a funny thing about waiting for a prayer to be answered. I feel like I'm birthing a baby---groaning and agonizing. The need to fall on my face is present, and the desire to throw up my hands, not in a giving-up-sort-of-way, but more like---well, maybe it IS in a giving-up-sort-of-way. I want action, but at the same time, realize that I've got to be patient.

Clearly struggling, and not ashamed to say so.

But it feels like a Monday

Not sure what today holds. I went to bed last night with the knowledge that two of the kids had a stomach thing going on. One has already gotten up, has extra rosy cheeks, but she said she slept well. Wasn't so sure when they all tucked into bed. Was expecting to be up and down a bit, but we all slept well. We sure needed it---everyone of us.

I think I won't look too far ahead. Last I checked, the Lord is still in charge of it all. We humans might try to fool ourselves into being the leader, but I say we need to think again.

Best rest in that reality.

Will focus on my real job here today which includes nursing healing children, making a pot of chicken soup, cleaning the bathroom really well, and sticking prayers inside the corners of the day. I think that'll about do it.

Letting go

I deleted a post the other night about a pretty important prayer request. Thought I was sounding a bit too needy, and didn't want to leave that impression. Seems I put myself out on a line when I'm too revealing. But the way I figure it, folks need to hear when others are struggling. Not always easy in an Internet-like environment, but I seem to feel comfortable baring it all. I'm not too awfully proud.

My prayer, as yet, is unanswered. I won't go into details, but it's pretty vital that this gets taken care of soon. God knows. His timing is different than mine, but I have to believe that He knows what He's doing. I mean, really, and not in a superficial way. I have to realize this in my heart.

One of our sons was playing a song by Audio Adrenaline this afternoon while we were out in the truck. Part of the words go like this: "Make me, take me, break me, I am pierced." Now if that doesn't touch your heart, then nothing will. Well, maybe the requirement is to be driven to the ground in need. I'm there.

I've got to sometimes get to the place where I want and need nothing but the Lord in my life. Do you realize how difficult that is to attain? We truck around so much baggage and want. I still don't know what His will is in regards to our prayer, but my first desire HAS to be God. Period. So hard. But, you know, there's a deep joy attached to that, knowing that He has the answer.

In those lyrics, the 'break me' part is the most important. I'm learning about that now. The strange thing is that it hurts and feels good at the same time. Go try to figure out God. :)