Busy, but all is well...

Source: freundevonfreunden.com via melissa on Pinterest

Seriously cut thumb.  Taped up with butterfly bandages.  Wicked tomato can lid.  Least one recovering from fifth disease.  Nobody's ever had that here before, but suspect that fourth son had it a few weeks ago.  Incubation period can be lengthy.  Oldest daughter exhausted and teary from over-working and is taking the week off.  Oldest son began first day as toy department manager and all went well.  Gary's counting down the days until FedEx is only a distant memory.  Friday's that day.  Doing happy dance.  Rearranged the living room and dining room. A good sign of positive mental health for me.  Got my herbal concoctions all settled and am feeling better than I have in quite awhile.  Adrenal fatigue.  Herbs are dishy cures.  Also learning about altering some lifestyle habits.  Rule number one.  Have some fun.  Duh.   And it's okay, and even recommended to STOP every once in awhile.  For me, probably more often than not.  Even after a short, though filled, weekend, it's good to be back.

Time away

Trying to find my happy place, so might be outta pocket for awhile.  I realize it's okay to be in the doldrums, and at times it's necessary to process difficulties, but have to remember to look up from time to time.

Hoping Friday is one of light housework (though I'm in the running for a new corn broom---actually a bit excited about it---go figure) and easy tasks.  A dinner that's simple to make and minimal groceries needed to accomplish it.

Will catch you all in a bit.

Just past Wednesday

My ticker's been acting up a bit---stress-related, I know, so slept in a bit this morning.  Those hippity-hop beats get nerve-wracking, and are a sign that I need to watch it.

Found some Rosemary seeds that second son hadn't planted in the garden this spring, and will put them in a pot for Patricia.  For remembrance, you know.  I'm so overwhelmed in missing her and begin to cry at the slightest provocation. Small acts of quietness seem to help, plus not talking about it.  Talking does not help.

Will take fourth son tomorrow morning to check out a possible job with the VA.  A neighbor is encouraging him to apply for a clerical position, but am a bit wary of the whole situation (and am prayed up, so wondering if it's a spiritual nudging I'm getting).  She's being a bit heavy-handed, convinced that this is what he's supposed to do---in the meantime forgetting that he already has parents who have his best interests at heart, plus we're praying about it.  We've run into this sort of deal before with oldest daughter.  Her former employer got too pushy with trying to find her another job before she let her go.  We do know what we're doing, even though we're laid-back.  We might not fit into the world's idea of what parents should do with their children---advancement, big bucks, and looking good to the masses, but we're not fools either.  A bit concerned at this neighbor's hints at embellishing his resume as well.  Once you begin making yourself sound more qualified than you really are, problems ensue.  Plus your honesty is in question.

Having the kids do some extra reading this week while I lay low.  Tales from Shakespeare by Charles and Mary Lamb, How the Heather Looks by Joan Bodger, and good old Edgar Allen Poe. Re-reading The Raven, since a new movie is coming out about Poe.  I was a huge fan when I was younger, and of Emily Dickinson as well.  Depressing reads for a child, aren't they? Must've been a sign.

Must go now.  Reading Madeleine L'Engle and will cozy up with the bedroom window open. Take care.

(photo from unknown source)

Work stuff

Work in Gary's shop is increasing to the degree that he's giving notice at FedEx tonight.  At least that's the plan.  He left with a resignation letter in his pocket.  Still we second-guess things, and I guess that's the way of it.  But also---considering some pains he's having that are a bit disturbing, this heavy-lifting job for someone of his age had a sell date that was coming sooner than we thought.  It's a job for a younger man, that's for sure.

Clients of his came to the shop the other day, and want three custom beds made.  Plus another woman wants bookcases.  The two bids I mentioned recently are still 'out there', but he has calls into them to find out the outcomes.

It's like life can be more normal at our house again.  I've missed him, the kids have felt a void with their dad missing 5 nights out of the week, and some weeks he's gone days and days without seeing some of them.  Discipline has been left up to me, with him popping in when he's able.  Something had to give.  So thankful for the work and a bit awed by the generosity of it. Three beds?  Really?  Queen and king-sized?  Excellent!

Now must go.  Exhausted, still dealing with grief (which I'm allowing to run its course), and ready for bed.  Have, once again, stayed up too late, but with the boys home later than planned from the restaurant, they needed to chat and unwind.

Week's end

Good news today.  First-born got a promotion at work and is now toy manager.  I can think of all sorts of foolishness to hit him with at that news.  Gary said we ought to greet him with red clown noses when he gets home today.  Maybe we should watch that movie, 'Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium'.  Probably not.  Still, thrilled at his advancement, and even though oldest son said he'd rather not be in charge of the toy department, he said he figures it's a good step to the next place.  Well-said. He's been an asst. manager before in another setting, and is well-qualified.  I'm so proud.

And Gary has another client to see about a build job tomorrow. Still waiting on the two bids....goodness, sometimes it takes so long to get a response.  Hope is in the air, though, and often it seems so elusive.

Glad it's Friday with the weekend staring us in the face.  Sweet Indian boyfriend and his sister are coming over tonight to extend the least one's birthday and he and oldest daughter will cook us dinner on Sunday night.  His mom's recipe, so it'll be spicy delicious-ness.  Then we'll watch 'The Amazing Race' which is in India this weekend.  It'll be curious to get his spin on it.

Take care, all.  Hope your day is sweet.  I have a 'real' letter to read that came in the mail today, so I'm all set!

(photo from the front porch)

Vigil

One thing neat about getting into a liturgical church and getting used to ritual...it's made me more mindful of certain things.  On that note, I set a vase of our roses into a ceramic dish Patricia sent me a few months ago.  She said I needed it since it had a Tennessee maker's mark on the dish. Beside that I put a candle holder with one of those battery-operated candles.  Thought I'd have a tiny vigil for her, letting the candle stay on non-stop----keeping in mind the events/services for her through Friday, the 20th, the day of her burial.  It's a reminder of a life.  A note.  Tribute. Whatever you want to call it.  I call it pure affection.

(photo taken tonight in the dim living room)

Another birthday

About to tuck into bed and read.  We celebrate the least one's birthday today, and need to be all rested up.  She turns ten----and yes, I am wondering where the time went. Don't we all say that?  As to festivities, she's requested beef stew for dinner (which sounds very grown-up), and strawberry cake (more in her grade level).  There will be a new Barbie, some pixie sticks, animal crackers (a traditional gift), a new sort of fancy drinking cup, a Justin Bieber CD and maybe a couple of other little things from us.  Not sure what the kids will do for her, except that her oldest sister did spring for a new portable CD player.  Fun.

Chillin' and focusing on what's in front of me.  Hard, yes, but extremely do-able.  Take care, all.

(photo of birthday girl and daisy)

Just after midnight

So on the heels of my last post about our non-law-abiding neighbors, wanted to finish on an upbeat note, if that's possible this week.

Feeling my nerves shattering a bit, and thankful I have a pile of books to dig into.  Began one by an Indian author (can't remember it, books in the living room out of my reach just now), which intrigues me since having oldest daughter date sweet Indian boyfriend.  So bizarre to be introduced to this foreign-ness, but enjoyable as well.

Began work on some embroidery today.  Using the cream linen I got yesterday, and it has the prettiest thin golden threads on the top side that I didn't see when I bought it.  So dainty to look at.  Bought some variegated pearl cotton too, and am outlining some spots to put some designs in.  Thinking of something along the lines of Amy's piece (which will be like her class) or Pam's work, though much, much more amateur-like.  Much more.  I admire their ability to just jump in since I tend to over-analyze what I'll do to a ridiculous extent.  Being spontaneous with creative things tends to trip me up, thinking I've got to get it right or not do it at all.  The end result of that thinking, though, is that nothing gets done!

Must go now.  Middle daughter is overtired and needing some fussing over---should've been asleep ages ago.  We're all a bit stretched.  Needing to feel God's blanket over me/us tonight and tomorrow.  Sweet Indian boyfriend is dealing with the death of a dearly loved aunt today himself, so we're doubled up with sadness.  Sometimes life is so weighty and it's only by God's tenderness that we endure.

Deep breaths.  I know we're not alone.

No, I really don't live in *da hood*...really

Woke up later than I'd wanted this morning (after staying up too late reading) to a phone call from third son that his wallet had either been stolen or lost while he was out.  It'd just happened.  I climbed out of bed, put on the tea kettle and suddenly heard gunshots outside on the street.  Six shots.  Turns out second son was cutting a neighbor's grass up the street and saw a car drive by our corner and the passenger holding his hand outside the window, shooting up in the air.  Oldest son, who was off today, called the police immediately but it'd already been called in.  Give me a big, fat break.

We suspect this might be some sort of warning to our across-the-street rental neighbors who have some odd traffic during the day while the dad is at home.  This on the heels of finding out another rental neighbor (same landlord) 3 doors down was arrested on a cocaine conviction this month.  His family gets evicted as a result.

Can you believe this?

What really gets me is hearing folks talk about moving into 'safe' neighborhoods for their kids' sakes.  They want to live in a secure environment, but bring their so-called friends and business associates with them.  Then we all go downhill.

The real clincher is that the least one had wanted to go out to the mailbox just seconds before the car drove past, but I told her the mail hadn't come yet.  Timing really is everything.

The day-to-day

Took the four youngest to the library and then to get a gallon of paint for the younger boys' room.  All good distractions, but we got caught in after-school traffic on the way back, and the hustle and bustle was terrible.  I'm usually spared that sort of busyness, since we're usually home in the afternoons, so was surprised at all the hurrying.  Here I am, trying to cope with some pretty terrible grief, and was brought down-to-earth by folks rushing around.  I always wonder why everyone's in such a tizzy.  Is anything that big of a deal?  Doubtful.

Pulling into the driveway was a relief.  Walking inside the house to the barking of our dogs was a comfort, as was just plopping into a chair with a glass of ice water.  Home.  No place better.

Gary told me to mind myself for the next few days and pay special attention to headaches.  He startled me by saying that, since I wasn't thinking I'd have a hard time physically in dealing with Patricia's death.  He was right. I have to cool it.  How often we tend to think we can 'do it all' and breeze right through hard times.

Tuesday will be a quiet one.  The most taxing thing I have to do is figure out dinner.  With a new piece of linen and some threads, will putter around with what I want to do for the stitching class that's this summer.  I've got lots of time to plan, but am looking forward to it, so got my fabric ahead of time.  Watercolors, open windows, books to read and minimal schoolwork for tomorrow.  Moving slowly and soft voices.  We're all tending one another gently.

Honestly I don't how I'll cope with Patricia gone.  She's been my go-to person when my depression has gotten out of hand.  And with about 8 years of friendship, there's a painful void staring me in the face.  A Patricia-shaped void.

Tina, if you're reading this, note that if anything happens to you, the void will be even more wretched.  Do you hear me?  Take care, sweet friend.

Already missing her

Just found out that one of my very dearest friends, Patricia Tryon, who I met on the Internet years ago, passed away in her sleep last night.  Some of you have seen her comments here since she's written more than anyone---and she's been a faithful blogging/emailing friend for ages and ages.

She's helped me in more ways than I can number, and the huge void she leaves is staring me in the face.  The grief is fresh...just minutes old, and, once again, I don't understand the Lord's timing.  Gosh, I'll miss her.  I can't begin to express how deeply I mean that.

Of course I can't hold a candle to her husband's and only daughter's pain, but she's touched so many lives---my dear Catholic friend---I know we'll rejoice in Heaven one day.

this and that

• just signed up for amy power's stitching class that's to be held in june.  i'm SO excited!  and it's half-price now, so that's a treat in itself
• the boys got my mom's yard cut this morning, and she's feeling better about the car incident.  said she slept well last night, which is a blessing
• planning a quiet weekend with few scheduled events.  really no schedule at all. thinking some quiet time, with few demands, would be healing to this scattered mind of mine
• puttered in the garden today, cutting out intrusive little oak trees that the squirrels planted
• will cut more roses tomorrow to bring into the house
• have a craving for glazed donuts, so might have to buy a box this weekend
• sons two and three on their way home from the restaurant, so must put their dishes of nachos into the oven in a minute
• still waiting to hear if gary will get the two furniture build jobs he bid on recently....please keep praying
• reading p.d. james' 'death comes to pemberley' on my kindle...got it from the library as an e-book...so convenient
• that nap after dinner did the trick in putting me in a restful mood.  seems i rarely get enough sleep, and that really hinders the coping skills
• best go now.  time is creeping toward midnight

Perspective

The recurring need I have when life gets pinchy, is to dig into domestic sorts of things.  I woke up this morning with the hint of a migraine nagging at the side of my head and took something immediately.  Then, after getting my pot of cardamom tea and buttered raisin bread, I sat down with a pile of pugs.  This is my routine every morning.  Tea and pugs in my lap.  It seems to center my day and if I start slowly, then things usually fall into place.

Called my mom right after and since she needed a small thing from the store, I agreed to drop it off.  As the morning wore on, though, I could see that my own mental health was a bit precarious, so called her back and postponed the visit until Friday.  That in itself was probably the smartest thing I've done all day.  Have just not felt strong enough to go to see her again, re-visit her recent 'adventure' and be someone to lean on.  Today I wasn't lean-worthy.

So, tomorrow morning we'll visit---my four youngest offspring and me---the boys will cut her grass and since fourth son has obligations with neighbors around noon, we have an excuse to come back home.  That's my craving just now.  Home.  I realize my mom is under a great amount of pressure, but I'm learning to see to my own needs as well.  On the best of days, I feel a bit spent.  And with this Achilles' heel of a headache lurking since Mom's dilemma began to get sticky, I have to put things in perspective.  A 3-day migraine extravaganza, I don't need.  But unfortunately the mishaps of one family member sent out amazing ripples to the rest of us.

(painting by stephen darbishire)

Mom's dilemma, part two

Have been holding my breath about my mom's situation regarding her car, wondering when something else would happen, and today the guy came back again (see previous post). Exhale. One of my brothers, who lives out-of-town, was on the phone with my mom when the crook came to her door and my brother was able to motion to my sister-in-law to call me on the other phone so that I could call 911 locally.  I was in line at the grocery store, got out of line, called them and hurried home.  In route had two of our older boys rush to my mom's house, but by the time they got there the guy was gone.  The police came, took a report and said they couldn't really do anything, which I understand.

When Gary and I got there, our boys and the police were talking with mom.  After everyone left, Gary looked under her hood (this is the first free time he's had to go over there) and saw that there was NO new starter---no big surprise there---but what was sickening was that the guy'd cut the wires underneath her car and that was why it wouldn't start.  He set her up.

Today when he came, she opened the door to him, thinking his knock sounded like her best friend's.  He stayed outside on her carport and she was just inside the door---and fortunately he didn't try to get in.  He said his wife had been in a car accident and he needed my mom's credit card.  Mom of course told him she couldn't help him and that her children had wanted her to call the police the other day.  He walked away muttering that he was sorry she felt that way.  Can this nonsense end soon enough?

Oh my goodness...

Had just deleted a post about a situation my mom got into, but figured it was better not for public consumption---at least not told in great detail.  Just saying she was ripped off by a guy she met at the drugstore who offered to fix her car for her.  Her car broke down away from home and this stranger followed her home (which she allowed) and fixed it in her driveway. What further transpired was that he ripped her off by over $500 dollars (he said the part, the starter, was $625.00) and she willingly let him into her house as well.  That's been my reason for not being here.  Just too troubling to think about---her being so naive and thinking that most circumstances that pop up out of nowhere are from the Lord.  But that's the way she thinks---can't seem to get her out of that habit.

In other news....tattoo life is fine.  Hoping I'm over the itchies, and the first layer of skin has peeled off as it's healed.  The color is dark charcoal grey rather than black now and looks dandy.  And, yes, I still feel empowered.  It's a lovely feeling.

Must go to bed now.  With Gary's wonky sleep pattern, I've got to get my routine back on track.  Yelp.

The care and feeding of your new tattoo

When 3rd son and I left the tattoo parlor yesterday (a phrase that cracks me up to write...really), we were each given a little packet of A/D ointment and instructions on after-care. Then at home, since I tend to be a research babe, I got online and watched videos and read bits about what can happen if you don't take care of a new tattoo.  Ewww.  Well, so far, so good.  Mine looks neat and tidy with no redness and no flakiness yet.  Seems that's a normal process---the shedding bit.

Thought for my own information purposes, I'd document the healing process here.  Just move along little doggie if you're not interested.  It'll just take a minute.  Oh, and by the way.  When I went to the grocery store today, I felt so empowered.  Go figure.  This tattoo has made me feel so brave and strong.  Maybe it's the part where I sat still while enduring, what for me was, sort of hard-to-manage pain.  Or maybe it's the permanence of the decision.  Feels good, no matter.

Now onto the update.

Have washed the tattoo with mild soap about 6+ times today, using my hand and not a washcloth. Applied A/D afterward.  Had left it uncovered overnight and won't cover it again. Keeping it moist with the ointment is key to the healing.  Should expect it possibly to look a bit tattered in the days to come, but today at about 17 hours after coming home, it looks dandy.

Oh, told one of my brothers about it today on the phone.  He wasn't aware of what we'd done, and he said he fully expected me to get a second one.  Said he doesn't know one person who has only one.  Hmmm.

Thursday a.m.

Would appreciate work-related prayers, please.  I mentioned recently about some work Gary had to bid on, and one being a set of custom bookcases.  Have really taken for granted that he'd get this job, since this particular designer always uses Gary and while he tends to bicker about the bid prices, we get the work.  Well, he's hemming and hawing about this bid and says he's going to ask a cabinet-maker he uses to bid as well, saying Gary's too high.  So.  While I appreciate that the cabinet-maker also has to make a living, it'd be wonderful if the bid came to us.  We need the work SO badly.  Gary will re-work his bid (also known as making it lower) and present it to the designer today.  This is a designer who also works overnights at FedEx to make ends meet.  There are several of us, it seems.

And, if you please, a bid for a table will be shared with a client today as well.  Different designer, different client.  The table he's offered a price to build is shown here...it's the darling, low cocktail table, and the only photo we can find online.  The designer is Frances Elkins, whose brother was David Adler, a famous architect back in the early 1900's (I just love this sort of stuff).

Anyway, your prayers are certainly coveted.  Will update when I know something.

The proof

I won't deny it.  It hurt!  The tattoo artist said it's compared to getting scratched by a cat.  Repeatedly.  She wasn't kidding.  And while our son went before me and seemed much more stoic, I didn't cry.  Could've if I'd wanted to, though. But still, I'm proud.  Something I never thought I'd actually go through with---a tattoo.  And really, my husband seems a bit shocked as well.  It's one thing to talk about it, but something else entirely to follow through.  He's giving me these looks that can only be called admiring.  So funny.

FYI

Okay.  So the tattooing date is tomorrow at 4:30pm.  Both third son and I will get ours done.  And while I initially wanted to have a botanical-like honeybee, talked with one of the girls at the tattoo parlor and she said it'd have to be pretty big to get the detail.  I was afraid we'd get into the cartoon-like look otherwise, and that's not what I wanted.  Anyway, decided on honeybee in Chinese characters.  So excited!

And just for your information, Melissa is Greek for honeybee.  And with my fondness for Oriental things, seems fitting.

Oh bother...

I can't really even remember putting up Sunday's post.  Must be I'm tired?  I realize it's about 1am on Tuesday morning, but after a 1-1/2 hour nap after dinner, I'm not quite tired enough yet.

A bit of drama at our house is becoming the norm.  I think I need to put halters on some of our kids to keep them at home and in line.  Nothing big's going on, but the emotions are running rampant and we all need extended home-time in order to slow everyone down.  And now we have folks outside our home calling the shots or having an influence and that isn't my idea of fun.

Parenting isn't enjoyable lately.  And really, when they get a bit under the weather it's almost a good thing.  Even now, middle daughter and the least one are bothered by their eyes---a bit of a virus or just pollen---who knows, but they're quieter and are having to rest a bit more. That helps when the older ones are driving me nuts.  But as I said, nothing big, but stuff that causes me to shake my head a bit more than usual.

Looking forward to Easter weekend and HOPEFULLY some down-time.  Oh, and Tuesday (really today) is making-a-tattoo-appointment day.  They were closed on Monday.  Will have to get back to you on that one.

Palm Sunday

The chicken's done cooking in the pot and cooling a bit so I can handle it.  After a bit of a rest in bed will put together the Spanakopita w/chicken, which is our traditional Easter meal.  I already mentioned that we had a change of plan, with oldest son wanting to grill out next Sunday.  He's asked a guy friend from church and wants to cook for us.  Made noises about grilling a cake as well.  We all think that should prove interesting!

And church was sweet, this morning.  The two little girls went with me, but looked a tiny bit uncomfortable with thumbing through the Book of Common Prayer, but were good sports about it.  No big deal.

Now must chill out.  I've mixed up the sourdough bread mixture so we'll have fresh bread for tomorrow's dinner.  Trying to think ahead since tomorrow is 'make an appointment at the tattoo parlor' day.  These kids keep me on my toes, no doubt about that!  But besides dinner, my chores are done.  Must stick my head in a book for awhile.