Exhale...

The boy is home, and quite honestly, that's all that matters. His flight got delayed in Charlotte with the storms that rattled through, but after spending the night in the airport (which, after being in barracks for over four months), proved to not be a big deal.... he got here yesterday at 8:30am.

And the sweetest thing happened on his flight. One of the flight attendents walked back to his seat and offered him an empty seat in First Class.  He was decked out in his dress blues (from the graduation ceremony which we were unable to attend), so was obviously military, but he was embarrassed a bit, but honored to accept.

Glad he's home. He's out and about now, relieved to be out from under the sergeant's watchful eye. And for the first time in four months, I don't have a nagging feeling about him.

You should see the boys' bedroom though. Joseph has so many clothes....in varying shades of beige, and when he opened his huge cases, they exploded onto the floor. Camo galore. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Friday afternoon's doings

~and the hair continues to grow

So looking forward to the next few days. Counting the time until Joseph comes home, next Thursday to be exact.  Shivers. Maybe my shoulders will finally relax, do you think?  And with school ended, and the Memorial Day weekend, then cleaning the house for his homecoming, what more could a mom possibly want?   Sounds pretty blissful to me.

Gary and I were sitting on the front porch the other evening and he was saying how tired he was.  I reminded him that he'd been sick the previous week...some virus, I guess, and while that's gone, the fatigue has hung on a bit.  Also, I said we had to recognize how stressful the past year has been.  One of our children had some serious issues, my mom and I weren't getting along, we all had words, Joseph joined the Guard, my mom had her stroke, she's been in lengthy recovery, Joseph's been gone since January, mom's back home alone, and I think Gary and I are both sort of shell-shocked at all that's been going on.  He just doesn't like to allow things to take over---to admit that they affect his physical well-being.  He's tough.  He'll be exhausted, but with his personality, will keep going on and going on, and going on.  Can't do that.  Things hit the fan eventually, and maybe his getting sick was part of that.

Now I'm trying to be kinder to myself, to slow my pace, to allow rest and recovery, and not look at life as a race to finish.  It's harder than you think. To say no when yes is easier said, but has more repercussions.  To put limits on what I allow myself to do in a given day is a plus.  I've talked about this before, but haven't ever seriously applied it.  Talk is cheap.

So, while the younger kids have cleaned my mom's house and cut her backyard, I've been at the library with my laptop.  Different setting and noises, and no children to ask me for help.  Just needed alone time.  Now just need to make it a habit.

'Success Can Kill You' by Rodney Jetton

It's not often you find a book about someone who's been there and back, and is willing to own up to their mistakes.  But honestly, who hasn't messed up?  I think it's the public shaming that's so rare, and something we tend to be unfamiliar with.  Most of us commit sin in a more quiet and private way.  Rod Jetton's life came to a glorious head with fast-paced popularity, but his fall was just as swift and not-so-glorious.

Rod got in touch with me a few weeks ago about a new book he's written called Success Can Kill You---he is incredibly open about his rise and fall in the political scene, his indiscretions, failed marriage and woven through all of it is God's grace.

I have to admit to not knowing who Rod was before his email.  I'm not up on politics in Missouri where he was in office, but he was the House Speaker and gained that prestige within four years to being elected to the state legislature.  He was also marked as a possible candidate for the Governor's office at a future date. That in itself is heady information.  He did an awful lot of good for the Republican Party while he was in office, but that's not all of what the book is about---the point of his writing it in the first place, is to minister to others who get caught up in the glamour and ego-building lifestyle of being success-oriented, no matter what occupation.  Of wanting what we want at the cost of everything, whether it be our marriages, morals, or faith. He suffered through each of these and more.

With the help of God Almighty, his parents and close friends, Rod was able to turn his life around.  I'm not saying it was easy, since it came at a huge cost, but he is recovering.

I'd recommend this book to anyone who's so driven that they've forgotten their roots.  We can become so enamoured with fame and success that we forget God's hand on us.  That's Rod's point.  To warn of the dangers of becoming so entrenched in work, especially if the job becomes our main focus, that we neglect our families and our faith.  There's a price to pay, and hopefully with the ministry of Rod's book, many men and women can heed his warning. Sadly though, we think it'll never happen to us.

Now, as an added perk, Rod sent me an extra copy to give away on the blog. If you're interested, please email me at herbgardener@gmail.com and on June first, I'll notify the winner after tossing your names in a basket.  You'll want to read it, believe me. :)

More information can be found about Rod at The Recovering Politician, and at his own website here.

(i received this book free to review for my honest opinion)

Sunday evening

I was reading at an herbal site earlier about the uses for the violet tincture I've made, and the main herbalist there was talking about how stress can land in unexpected places in our bodies. Then that got me to thinking about Joseph coming home next week (insert hallelujahs), and I realized how tense I've been for so long.

It's been tough 'round these parts. For a mom especially, least that's what I'm telling folks. Or rather, what's being told me. When you hear time after time how someone can't understand how I can bear our son being gone to boot camp/extra training, makes me wonder how far into the ground my head's been stuck. Yes, I'm tense. But relief is in view now. Hallelujah squared.

Anyway. Violet tincture is good for heart pangs of the emotional sort. Have taken it several times today.

And am reading a wonderful used book I came on quite by accident, if there is such a thing, at an Indie bookstore the other night. It's by Sue Monk Kidd and is called 'Firstlight'....highly recommend. I've underlined in almost the whole book so far. High praise, huh?

Gonna rest now. Got some more vanilla tea yesterday at the hippie store. Time to chill.

Odds and ends

Feeling a tad more overwhelmed than normal, which is saying something.

Gary's been under the weather....think it's dehydration....working outside and not drinking enough. Whupped him bad, even stayed in bed yesterday, which never happens.

Mom gets re-evaluted for her therapy this week, and I was told she's probably on target for another 8 weeks of it. She wants to be done with the bother, but unless she really steps up to the plate, onward they'll come. It really is up to her.

And in a troublesome piece of news, a college-aged son in a dear family we know (large family of ten kids), went out looking for trouble, found it, and the baby is due in December. Very disturbing, especially considering his Christian upbringing. Sadly, I understand, since this could've been the scenario we faced last year. Keeps you humble, that's for sure.

On a totally unrelated topic, read Ann Lamott's newest book 'Stitches' and it's wonderful. She often calls God by the feminine, so.....not buying that, but the book really is magic, at least for me.

Just started raining, so will go now so I can look out. Love rain in the afternoon.  Thunder too. Lovely.

What not to do...

Bonnie, sweet Bonnie shares the best links, and has given me Malcolm Guite in the past.  She has a bit up now on her FB page in reference to Julian of Norwich (who Guite writes about) and I loved hearing him read that piece, also a bit on getting unplugged, to put it briefly.

His words, before I even get to the poem he follows up with, make my mouth water.  I want to rest in the grass tomorrow, weed the flowerbed which is becoming overgrown, and enjoy the day for what it is.  To not check my email on my phone.  To not stare at the computer screen.  He mentions via negativa.  That's the second time I've heard that phrase this week.  In Carrie Brown's book The Last First Day (which I read this week and enjoyed very much---jotted down so many phrases) she has this quote..."Maybe it's sort of like the via negative, he said.  Understanding a thing by understanding what it is not."  (note:  in this book she doesn't use quotation marks with her dialogue.....different)

Anyway, tomorrow I have nothing hanging fire.  We'll have leftover spaghetti for dinner, and my mom is fine for the day.  Besides, Thursdays are her busy days, and I'm not needed.  She'll have therapists galore.  Friday will be busy with taking a son to the dentist to get advice on wisdom tooth extractions, but Thursday is all mine.  Schoolwork, yes, but even that will be easy to manage.

I want to drink in some solitude.  To slow down my brain.  Funny, but even a few years back we didn't talk about getting 'unplugged' and our only distraction was the television, and that was only in the evenings.  Now with the ability to get online on a cell phone (which I can do on mine), we're constantly tempted to check things that are so unimportant.  Just brain trash.

Maybe I can focus tomorrow on less.

Thoughts on marriage

Someone I'm aware of online is getting a divorce. It's not a friend, or a person who visits my blog and comments.  I've emailed her before, but then so have lots of other folks.  She has a fan base. I tend to be a fan.

Anyway, she announced on her blog the other day that she and her husband were splitting up.  I was shocked. You know how it is, you become familiar with folks online, they're sort of celebrities, but at the end of the day, they're just folks like the rest of us.

So, I got over my surprise and a friend who knows of this woman said we need to pray for a restoration of their marriage.  Excellent idea, and one to put into practice.  Healing, always a good thing.

It's curious how a divorce, or a marriage that's suffering, puts a different light even on ordinary circumstances.  While now I'll be busy with working in my journal cutting out and gluing magazine photos.  Gary might be re-filling his vapors with the liquids he gets in the mail.  We'll pack a box of books for his parents to read.  I'll whip up a bowl of chicken salad for dinner.  But if you put the angst of divorce in the mix, all of those occupations carry a different sort of weight.  Or I imagine they do.  I've not been divorced so am just putting my spin on what I think might happen.  And I'm not cocky enough to be real sure of my idea, but I think it's valid.  The mundane isn't as precious when a relationship is safe.  After hurtful and permanent words are said, cherishing those chores we take for granted just feels different.

I'm one who thinks that marriage is delicate and needs to be treated with care.  It's easy, so easy to let one day go by with anger and not resolve it. Or to be insensitive.  Or to cheat.  Or be less than honest.  Or get to the point in a gradual way where you don't love the other person like you used to.  As I said, it requires care, that I do know about.  Even if you believe in the 'til death do us part' bit of the marriage ceremony, you almost have to put the word divorce completely out of your vocabulary.  And you can't let your guard down, assuming your mate will stay faithful in all the ways you promised you'd be faithful.  A person has to be vigilant.  Assume nothing.

'The Nesting Place' by Myquillyn Smith

The overriding feeling that hit me during and after reading Myquillyn Smith's book The Nesting Place was sweetness.  Not the sugary type, but honest sweetness.  That's how Smith comes across, like just an awfully nice person.  I read about her family moving so many times, suffering from financial hardship, rearranging their lives over and over again, and was struck with how solid her marriage appears to be. I was encouraged.

Add to that she knows how to decorate on the proverbial shoestring, which is what the book is really about.  Because of tight times, she's learned how to make her home inviting and cozy with minimal resources.  You'd never know it, though.  Judging by the photographs of the rooms in her house, the first impression is style and maybe even a bit of opulence.

And to compare my house to hers would be ludicrous.  I could learn a thing or two.  She weeds through her things and either tosses what she doesn't need, or uses less items to style her rooms.  I tend to put it all in.  In one exercise, she recommends taking out everything except the furniture.  To take out the accessories and items that are flexible.  Then she says to put back only what's necessary.  Brilliant.  I should do this.

I highly recommend her book, partly because of the practical knowledge she shares, and also because she deserves kudos for providing a new way to think about interior design.  I applaud her.  I really do.  More information about her life and work can be found at her blog called The Nester.

(i received this ebook free to review from booklookbloggers/thomas nelson)

Saturday evening

Tea out with chickens this morning.  Lunch with fourth son.  Errands. Groceries for my mom and our family. Flowers for altar.  A nap.  Probably a longer list than need be, but it needed to be.

It's funny, or not so funny, but I tend to run with a buzz in my head most of the time.  Tends to be, I think, because I've got too much on my mind----always thinking ahead to the next task.  I dislike that about me, but it's been this way for years.  I was talking to Joseph (nat'l guard son) on the phone last night, and said it was hard to take it down a notch and really get to a place where I feel relaxed.  It doesn't happen instantly, or as soon as I want it to.  Sometimes even a whole day will pass before I get to where I feel totally smooth.  That can't be healthy.

Oldest daughter was sharing the same thing, how she'll be reading in her bed after dinner and will realize how tight her shoulders feel.  And she's just reading---no pressures, just resting.  Well, supposedly.  Guess her body doesn't catch up to what her brain is doing.  At least not all at once.

We're all too wound up.  Maybe it's the way life is, but I find that a lame excuse.  To be in a constant state of waiting for the other shoe to drop is probably harmful to our hearts and minds.  Holding our breath.  

I want to change that.  To learn the knack of finding that quiet place without having it take so much time.  Suggestions appreciated. :)

Rest

It's chilly today.  The windows are cracked open here and there, but not wide open.  The weather site online says it feels 70 degrees outside (did they really check?), but it doesn't feel like it in the house.  Sweater weather. I have on my old shabby-looking part cashmere sweater.  Lovely.  Honestly, I would've enjoyed having the heat on while I was having my tea, but was too cheap to turn it on.

Will heat up some leftover tuna casserole instead.  Leave the oven door open afterward.  We're still microwave-less and while heating something up again in the oven is time-consuming, I'm not missing the microwave.  More shelf space.

A mild day.  Will sit out with the chickens after hanging out some clothes.  Putter around.  Tidy up a bit.  Make a meat and potato pie for dinner.  Rest.  Sew.  Read.  Listen to some music perhaps and make attempts at restoring my soul a bit.  All good, and necessary.