Church thoughts

Palm Sunday.  Could I love our church anymore?  I don't think so.

After the service, oldest daughter (who visits very often) got waylaid by our priest to mention something about her impending, but not planned yet, no engagement as of yet, no 'will you marry me?' yet situation.  He told her that with the mood in the world today, the church is changing its habit of allowing the building to be used for marriages outside the church membership, and even though I'm a member, she'd have to be on the roll herself to qualify. I'm in total agreement.  The church doesn't want to be caught in a lawsuit turning someone down for the privilege of using the building for a wedding that goes against what we believe is right in God's eyes.  You know where I'm going with this.  Bottom line, she has to become a member.  Her non-fiance doesn't, but the Vestry is trying to cover all the bases.

As opposed to the mainline Episcopal church in America these days, we (the reformed Episcopal church aka Anglican) strongly take a stand against abortion, same-sex marriage and while divorce is frowned upon, there are several members who have divorced and remarried. Hence the Anglican church is making a strong comeback, acquiring members from the Episcopal flock who just can't stand the direction that group is taking.

So, go us.

Just a little background.  If you don't know what to ask, you might not know, and I don't like for anyone to think we're keen on the huge Episcopal church in America.  They really have embraced everything that I believe Christ's church is against.

Added after initial post:  For clarity, since it can be confusing.  Anglicans are Episcopalians. The term Anglican is used more in Great Britain, with Episcopalian being more American in usage. Conservative Episcopalians in the US are starting churches including their beautiful history, but using the name Anglican.  That makes a safe distinction from their brothers/sisters who are in the baser liberal Episcopal church.  Ask a conservative cradle Episcopalian about the degradation of the church and you'll see heads roll.  Passion.  My goodness.

Looking inside

~milk in my lap outside, w/ a chair as a worthy prop

Sat out with our sweet chickens and had my tea this morning.  I got out there before the 3 youngest were up and moving, and I enjoyed the quiet. Really enjoyed. it.

Thought about how crowded my brain can get.  How I want to appreciate things more, especially in the light of my mom's stroke and how mind-blowing that disability can be.

I want to breathe deeply, see more, and really live.  But I want it all---to really live but to avoid the pain.  The thing is, the hard parts help me to focus on the joys.  Just hard to keep them dusted off.

The minutes

With not using my mom's car this week I've been able to get my head on straight again.  Well, as straight as it gets 'round these parts.  Seems I'm always a bit side-ways.  Not driving her car and being without a vehicle of my own has locked me into being at home, which has been a very good thing.  Stuck, so to speak.

Making dinner tomorrow for my aunt (mom's sister) who lost her husband a few weeks ago and who had his service while we were out of town.  Makes his passing a bit distant to my heart, having not been able to share in his burial.  Glad I saw him in the hospital recently.  I knew then that it would be the last time.

My aunt is recovering from a fall last week, which I mentioned.  Such doings in our family.  You think things will go on as they have before, old folks outliving everyone and all of a sudden, it's all changed.  In the last six months much has gone on.

Seems all the pain I seem to be surrounded with has allowed me time to stop and appreciate things. Maybe I'm gaining perspective.  Hope so.  When you see folks' lives change in a brief moment, the minutes ahead of me seem more precious.

To watch the cream swirl in my cup of tea.  To sweep up the leaves and dry mud the dogs and our shoes bring in the house---always sweeping.  Slicing potatoes for a pie.  Washing my hands with soap that smells like rosemary.  Listening to a new song.  Separating threads to guide through a needle.

Just ordinary things that seem special because any of those moments could be the last.  Or if not the last, at least not thought of as dearly as they might.

A quiet Tuesday

Just checked the weather online and the site I go to says that rain will begin in 16 minutes. My goodness, no guesswork there.  I remember reading someone talk about how we look online or check the radio for things that are smack in front of our faces.  We don't have to be intuitive anymore since we depend on someone else to fill us in.  I see some truth in that.  I do like to plan ahead, though.  If I know the rain is coming, I won't do so much wash to hang out.  But still, I get it.

Trying to keep my focus low-key today.  Have spaghetti sauce bubbling away, will do schoolwork with kids this afternoon, keeping the house clean has gotten easier with the de-cluttering I've been engaged in, and trying to have an all-around easy afternoon.

Nothing new here.  Just juggling and keeping my b/p at a level place.

Hoping to pick some wild violets in the next day or so.  It's supposedly a very useful herb. Need to get some more brandy, and oldest daughter was going to ask her boss if I could have some of the vodka she keeps in her freezer at work (it was for a function she had and it's just sitting there).  Might be nice to try something new.  I did make a tincture out of elderberries and brandy and it's supposed to be as powerful as that Tami*flu folks take.  The younger girls caught a sinus/cold from the nursery at church, and oldest daughter and I were having the first signs of it as well.  Began taking several doses of the elderberry and it seemed to tamp down the illness, and in a couple of days we were all fine.  Maybe there is something to that elderberry, eh?

Well, that's it from me.  Just keeping it level.

End of the week...

Overtired last night.  Slept through a very loud (so the kids say) thunderstorm the previous night, so I'm thinking I need to rest more.  When I go to sleep, which is quick and easy, I sleep hard.  I told Gary it's my escape mechanism.  Turn off my brain and experience relief.  A mental retreat.

So.

Went out with oldest daughter this afternoon.  Lunch out, which was her treat.  A trip to Michael's for some notecards for writing Joseph at AIT (advanced individual training) camp. Some Easter pretties just for fun, including a tiny ceramic pig, who's adorable.  There's something so appealing about pigs.

Good to get away and out.  To not focus on my mom, even though we went later on and bought groceries, including some for her, which we took over.

Shoot me now.  Sometimes I feel as if life has played a big joke on me.  It's like someone mixed up our name tags and we're not playing the roles I'm used to.  A son in the Army Nat'l Guard (what's up with being a military mom?) and a mother who's not herself.  I need a do over. ;)

New mantra...keep sense of humor.  Keep sense of humor.  Repeat.

After the rain

*Still in bed after drinking my tea.  Chickens making racket in backyard under my window, and I'm thinking they're vying for the choice spots in the hen house for egg-laying.  They can be so fussy.

*Violet the Pug had a seizure yesterday morning before Gary left for work (never happened before), but she seemed fine afterward.  He and I both had the same thought that the chicken poo she seems to relish in had a toxic effect.  Google dog seizures and poisoning ranks up at the top.  Apparently the high phosphorus content in it can be dangerous, though you can also read that dogs eat it all the time (I know, right?) and aren't affected.  We have a full-time job cleaning up after the hens, and Gary says as soon as he's able, he'll fence them in.  Violet has turned into a poo-eating Pug extraordinaire.  Makes me nervous, just the inkling in the back of my head that it'll happen again.  I was having my tea with her in my lap after Gary left for work yesterday and she was asleep and began to dream and run in her sleep.  My adrenaline went whoosh, then I realized she was fine.  Dang. the drama in this house.

*And on the heels of my uncle passing away 2 weeks ago, my aunt (his wife---my mom's sister) fell last night while out at dinner and has a brain bleed.  Seriously?

*But in the midst of all the stuff that's going on, God is still taking care of things.  His Grace washes over even the rough places, and I feel that more now than ever.  Some days feel blessed before I get up and going. Just today, and you might think this sounds silly, but the termite man was scheduled to come today. Gary was showering at about 8:15am, and I was still in bed, wondering when the guy would come.  Knew I had to get up and get dressed. Well, he came as Gary was heading out the door.  I didn't have to do a thing. I believe even that was a God-orchestrated blessing.  He knows it jazzes me not knowing when the guy will come, putting away chickens, opening gate, signing the receipt, just being available.  Not a big deal, but one thing less I have to do.  See...I get anxious about the simplest things, even the termite guy, and God knows that.  Isn't that incredible that He cares about even that?

A glorious sunny afternoon

A full day.  At mom's, at the store, returned home and so happy to be here.  Went over kids' schoolwork to make sure they're not turning into idiots, made a salad and got into bed. Window's up, chickens are clucking outside my window, sunshine streaming in, library books beside me, husband soon to come home (haven't seen him since last night when I went to mom's for the night), anxious to give him a hug, meatloaf-mashed potatoes/gravy-English peas for dinner, a quiet evening with a cup of tea beside me after dinner.

What could be more perfect?