There's a story in Elizabeth Sherrill's book, All the Way to Heaven, where she refers to her struggle with being a loner. She felt that it was a negative in her personality held against the light of her husband's out-going nature. She couldn't seem to resolve that it was okay to be that way. Here's a quote from the book that hit home with me. I totally get where she's coming from.
Why did I need to be by myself when I could have a great time with others and give them pleasure too? "I've tried and tried to change, but I can't seem to."
"And why, " asked Joe (a pastor friend), "do you want to change?"
Well, because...wasn't it obvious? "It's not loving! Look at John (her husband). Look at you."
"But we're looking at you, Tib. Do you think when God created you, he meant to make someone else?
Joe had known me for many years, he reminded me. "I observed long ago that solitude is as necessary for you, Tib, as food and drink. Why not thank God for feeding you in this way?"
The withdrawing, the closed door that I'd struggled against all my life, was...okay? God-given, in fact? It was one of those heaven-tinged moments when in the mirror of someone else's eyes we catch sight of a better self than we knew.
I was in fact, Joe insisted, a profound lover of people---"in your way, not John's or mine." Me? Whose self-image was of a standoffish person---I cared deeply for others?
My whole growing-up life was tinged with my mom, even in her well-meaning way, trying to get me to be more involved with people. My mother, the person who enjoys being with others much more than I do, wanted me to do the same. It was so hard, though, to live up to her enthusiasm. It wasn't until I got married and had many children before I realized that that's just not me! Pure relief. Even my husband will try to encourage me to do things---says that it'll get easier. It doesn't. Now he's understanding my personality better as well. So, for those reasons, the above excerpt makes such sense to me.
