Forgiveness is a funny thing. I've had a couple of old girlfriends (not online friends, but in-real-life ones) on my heart lately, and sent one of them a letter last year, asking her to forgive me for some things I said years back. She had been disrespectful regarding the church/denomination we were attending, made fun of me teaching our kids the catechism and it cut me to the quick. I told her how much that hurt me, and she really didn't seem to get it. When she later tried to contact me to talk about it and to say she was sorry, I ignored her. Those things cost me that friendship. We went our separate ways and never had contact again. I tried to get in touch with her one last time, yesterday online, and was clearly ignored. Social networking is wonderful and horrible this way in how it enables certain things.
Sadly, my unwillingness to allow her to say she was sorry has come back to haunt me.
I don't like having ugly situations crop up again, but have to remember that forgiveness is a two-way street. I've had to forgive myself for my strong words to her in the past, and had to ask for hers. It was up to her whether she responded. I don't feel harshly toward her anymore...I'd love to be friends again. It's not up to me, though, and I just need to move on.
But you know, it nags. Just knowing that it's out there, unresolved, is annoying and a bit sad. But for me, it seems that the Lord puts things into my heart to deal with, whether it's to go directly to a person and clean up a mess, or to go to Him and let it go. I think it's time to move on.
