Nerves shot. That relief of our son wanting to enlist with the Army National Guard has been tempered a bit. He's all revved up, we're a bit overwhelmed and if I was a drinker, I'd be drinking. Too much energy spinning around and this is moving a bit faster than I'm comfortable with. My initial reaction yesterday is a tiny bit different today. Reality, I guess.
I tend to make decisions slowly and with lots of thought. This son is impulsive, which has been a challenge for us.
Just had a cup of tea. The warmth was a soothing break. This is how I roll. Hit me with something out of the blue and I tend to run to comfort. My bed, an escaping book, prayer on the front porch---you get my drift. I think I was so surprised by his decision, I was agreeable and encouraging to him, not taking my own feelings into consideration. Mothering. Hard and exhausting. I was reading last night, and middle daughter crawled into bed with me. She was all sniffly, and had been crying out on the swing. Just worrying about her brother. Sweet, but hard for her. What we do affects more folks than just us. It'd pay to remember that.
But as I told my friend Tina---for someone else to be in charge of him for a time (basic training aka hell) is a relief to think about. Maybe that was part of my reaction yesterday. Someone else be in charge. I'm tired of the job, but really, with these kids getting older, I need to let go a bit. Having a child join the military is the perfect solution, I guess. Do you think?
Must focus on my job here, and this seems to be a recurring theme. Do my job, support my husband and children, yet be able to remove myself from their lives as well. Together, yet apart. Easier said than done.
