Anyway, I have a book soon to arrive to review called My Life in Middlemarch, and figured it'd be wise to know what the author was talking about. And I'll just say, I really am enjoying it. Rich sentences, and so unlike what's written present day. We're so lame today. Don't sit still long enough to create a string of words that have any value beyond the moment. Nothing is lasting. Well, rarely it's lasting. My greatest love in literature is late 1800's, with the Brontes being at the top of the list. Jane Eyre at the VERY top. Adore the clothes, and lifestyle, and the literature is breath-taking. Sentences you have to move around in your mouth to enjoy. Glorious.
::segue::
"Woe to those who quarrel with their Maker, those who are nothing but potsherds among the potsherds on the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, 'Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.'"~Isaiah 45:9
"Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand."~Isaiah 64:8
Gary's been reading in Isaiah, hence the verse up above. We got to talking outside the other night about God's will and our tendency to try to manage things. And as for me, I tend to try to figure out what needs to happen to an extreme. Probably a mom thing. I'm always mentally running ahead....like knowing what's for dinner, do we have supplies in the house, where is everyone going today, who will be here for dinner, is there enough dog food, etc. All the time there's a mental dialogue going on in my head. Never a quiet moment.
But when you get into your thinking that we really are the God-made pottery, with very little control, well....the whole idea of a playing field involving us and the Lord changes. And with this financial situation lengthening, I'm forced to search for God's face even more. That's the name of the game anyhow, though, isn't it? Not about us. All about Him.
Here's the deal for me. Maybe you're way ahead of me in this. Maybe I'm the only one. Here goes....we hear all the time of preachers talking about free will. I hear that, but not so sure I buy it all the way. Now, I'm an Anglican, but spent most of my adult years in the Reformed Presbyterian church. Totally believe in God's irresistible Grace, meaning He touches you and marks you as His own and you can't turn away from that no matter how hard you try. I don't buy the Anglican's teaching of salvation occurring at infant baptism, though I do believe it can be and should be a spiritual experience.
Okay. So I'm His. I'm really His. All of me. But as I've grown older and more tired, it's been my habit to take bits of me back from His hands. I have a really hard time believing He wants to manage all of it. Here in America we praise folks who are entrepreneurs, who come up with self-sufficient ways to manage their lives, the creative ones. The rich ones especially.
I've gotten into the place now where I'm not sure I'm supposed to be in charge AT ALL. Huh. At all. For me to let go of everything is hard. The house, my marriage, my attachment to our children and my sometimes-not-so-subtle desire to control their choices, our finances, my health. I could go on and on.
I'm reminded of a show on the Food Network where contestants make dishes and have a timer and have to walk away at a particular moment. They throw up their hands. I'm throwing up my hands. Not sure anything amazing will happen, but it's the right thing to do.
Yeah. Sort of repeating myself. I'm working this out in my head, blogging it, talking about it, praying about it, and maybe I'll see some differences in how my life pans out. Maybe. :)
