Told oldest daughter yesterday that I wanted a goal of some sort for the new year. Nothing spectacular, but something. Said I needed to take better care of myself, mostly as an aside, not really thinking of anything in particular. She mentioned why not let ME be my focus. Huh. Never thought of that one. Spend so much time taking care of others, that I allow myself to be put way over to the side.
.
I need to lose weight. That would make my knees happy, and my insides as well. Been toting around extra baby pounds for way too long. But the thing is, with my tendency to have a bad self-image, it's easy to look at myself as being unworthy. Gosh, this is a never-ending conversation in my head. Stop it.
It's not about the food, it's about stuffing down emotions with the temporary fix of something to eat. If I was drawn to alcohol, I'd be a drunk---or had a yen for cigarettes, that'd be my habit. Seems I've always needed something to be a comfort. Something additional.
I realize the Lord is supposed to be sufficient. I know that. But my tendency is to reach for a food item when I'm stressed---engrained like nobody's business.
Going all-out like some folks with being in a denial sort of diet doesn't work for me. To say no to flour or sugar makes me feel scolded. I realize I'll hate myself if I mess up, then I'll throw up my hands. Limiting portions works. Loving myself works. Caring enough about ME works. But the bad habits of years---hard to make work.
Today is good. I can live with baby steps. Really the only thing that makes any sense.
