The Lord has a way of providing balance when I'm about at the end of my rope. Knot in place, dangling in space.
Last night third son (the nat'l guard one, who's officially getting married in september) called me to talk and we were on the phone about an hour and a half. A huge blessing. Our relationship has healed and grown so much, for which I'm immensely thankful. Immensely. And tonight second son called from California and we spoke for 45 minutes. We just got off. I needed to hear from my boys, and with the other two who live away being off the charts, well, God knows what heals my spirit.
After my last blog post with pouring out my pain, I find it so amazing that the Lord prompted my boys to call. Not surprised, but so touched. And they called me. Just me.
Focus is so hard. I got to thinking after we got home from church today. Trying to figure out what I need to do to help me for longer stretches of time, and what exactly wrenches my heart. I'm still having trouble with not breathing deeply enough. And anything I hear about friends' children wandering hurts to the extent I do have trouble getting a deep breath. Just stress, but yoga tonight helped. I know the triggers, but don't seem to be quick enough to identify the situations before they're on me.
Tomorrow. Tea in bed first---very important. Beginning to tear into the kitchen deep cleaning. I'm so pleased with the work we've done so far. I'm going to paint my grandmother's old cabinet a deep turquoise blue too. Now it's a pale green, which matches the walls, but a bit of drama might be fun to see. I've got to take the clothes dryer apart sometime this week. We've got a knock when it turns, and sometimes it has to be encouraged to spin. We'll open it, hand turn it and then it'll work fine. Some little zipper or button or something is catching somewhere. I've taken that dryer apart so many times, it's becoming a yawner. No big deal at all.
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Glad our kids here in the house seem to be on the same page. Gary talked to our youngest son who's 19, just checking what he's got on his mind. He's very quiet, is an awesome self-taught artist and spends lots of time alone, which he prefers. And usually, when our kids graduate high school, they've gotten jobs that fall. Well, considering (three of the four) other boys who've left and their reactions when they hit the public, not always knowing how to handle the pressure----we're not pushing him to do the same. Praying for something to show itself that Gary and he can do together. We're not setting him loose.
We followed their talk with our own Communion service here on Saturday night. Those Anglicans we go to church with might gasp with shock to hear we'd do that, but our son has issues with the Common Cup at church. He can't get his head around sharing the same cup with everyone. I get it. So, we got around that, and Gary led us in receiving together here. If you've not shared the Lord's Supper at home, you don't know what you've missed. Pretty cool.
Must go. Have said enough. Thanks for your prayers. I know you do really pray for me.
