For those of you who take in regular paychecks, maybe you'll be more interested in passing over this post. It's not a grumble, either, but proof of God's care.
It's no secret that my husband is self-employed and that his paychecks fluctuate without any set plan. He builds/repairs furniture and folks pay when he's done. It's as simple as that. But while he doesn't have a regular retail shop, he does have working space behind an antique shop (not owned by us), which has been lucrative for both the owner of that place, and for us as well. She requires no rent. Very generous and special of her.
But when the paychecks become a bit few and far between, I have been known to frequently vent on my blog about how frustrating I find that situation. Sometimes I hate it. Sometimes I'm patient about it, but always I struggle against it.
Issue two: My Suburban has problems. If I don't have enough gas in the tank (at least 1/4 full all the time), then the check engine light comes on and the transmission doesn't switch into third gear. Yes, the fluids are correct, but with over 230 K miles on the truck, it does have its own peculiarities. And, no, this doesn't make any sense at all. So, I've been low on funds, but with having to take the boys to work each day, have also had to keep an eagle eye on the gas. Even considering that the boys help pay for gas, still, it's not my favorite thing in the world to accept money from them, though I do.
Had a chat with the Lord this morning, complaining about how tight life fits just now, and how stressed I am about it. Shared with Him about how I couldn't ask for anything more from the kids, and would even hesitate if they gifted me any cash.
Fast forward. Took them to my mom's and the truck acted up once, letting me know that I'd have to figure out a way to put more gas in it. Got to my mother's house, and she had a $20 bill waiting for me. I got all teary-eyed, and told her we were waiting for a client to come back in town and pick up some tables that Gary'd repaired, and she said that the Lord was aware of that too. See, she'd been given some money unexpectedly from a neighbor whose house she'd watched recently, and passed a bit of it onto me. She does that sometimes and vice-versa. But for this time, I was blessed.
What I love about this situation is first, how quickly I'm pacified. Twenty bucks makes me smile. Secondly, how the Lord allows us to rant and rave and still He blesses. As second son told me the other day---God isn't so taken with our performance, but with our faithfulness. As my mom calls it, our stick-to-it-ive-ness. For that, I'm grateful, because many times I'm one sorry excuse for a Christian.
It ain't easy, but right this very minute is just fine. Oh, and btw, the folks picked up their tables too. But frankly that was beside the point. I was dandy after the twenty!
