Okay, so you're going to regret having visited my blog today, because I have my rant pants on.
I don't have a clue as to what's going on, but it's clear that the Lord is at work. I'm just not keen on how things are playing out. My truck is dead (as you're aware). My laptop has, what appears to be, a fried motherboard. I have one more serving of clothes soap and about 2 tablespoons of dish soap to finish out the day, and we're broke. Not just sorta broke, but really broke.
One of our kids talked about someone the other day who mentioned how poor they were, but it wasn't our kind of broke. They weren't able to indulge in a vacation or something to that effect, and were harping on the fact that they were unconvenienced. I'd say that's not that awful of a predictament to be in. Least you have grocery money. And quickly I'll follow that to say that we always eat. Never fear. Always food on the table, just sometimes a bit more unusual than I'd prefer. The combinations can be startling.
Gary's busy working on two bookshelves for the church---they're doing a remodel of an area, which will be a gathering room sort of place, and he volunteered his time, and our youngest son's as well, to do coffers on the ceiling, which are amazing. Just saying...he has been busy.
As for now, his phone is silent, but he has things for sale, including my truck.
I've heard it said that if your life is going swimmingly, then you're not on the evil one's radar, but if the opposite is true, be thankful. You're doing something right. Well, the only thing I'm doing today is gripe, and not sure of the appropriateness of my mood. I'm just tired of making do, while we wait for something to happen.
Like the women who wait to see if they're expecting a baby---every month waiting and watching. Then crying when their wishes aren't answered. Or like praying for someone to turn to the Lord and you wait and wait, and nothing seems to happen. It's the not knowing that's such an effort. P U. I realize that's not a very prayerful attitude, but I'm human. I'm allowed to show that side of myself. It's the folks who always behave as if everything's fine that get to me. It's okay to admit that life is hard. You're not bad for feeling that way.
I did say to Gary last night, though, that I seem to be caught (this very minute) in a situation where I'm more drawn to what I think won't happen, than what I believe He can do. I'm going to the dark place. Maybe it's exhaustion.
Anyway, I know something will break. It always does. I tend to have to get to the place called surrender before He works. Just having the ability to say, "Whatever. It's in Your hands. I give up. You can have the house, the kids, my marriage, my refrigerator, my kitchen cupboards, and all my stuff. I ain't got nothing to fight with, so have at it."
So, now, let's sit back and watch.
