Second son's adventures

Truth.  I'll miss second son crazy-like when he leaves for California.  The job start date has been extended both ways, so he'll now leave about April 30th, and stay out there til mid-October.  He'll be driving alone, unless a genie pops up, so prayers for his long journey from East of the Mississippi to there would be appreciated. 

And even though I'm hugely proud of him,  and excited as well, my goodness, kids stir up some parental stress.

A nice, warm Tuesday afternoon

~rowan oak

Oldest daughter asked me this morning if I wanted to drive down to Oxford on Saturday.  Sounds like a peaceful way to spend the day.  Plus, the weather should be in our favor.  And it only takes under an hour and a half to get there.  Easy to do.  So enjoyed Wm. Faulkner's beautiful property when we went before.  Deep breaths.  This time, I want to go inside.  At a very affordable 5 bucks, should be do-able.  Might have to read one of his books before we go.  A refresher course.

Just to be somewhere different will be nice.  And the next two weeks are full.  On the 18th Gary is participating in an Art Walk in our church's neighborhood.  He's been building things, polishing and getting things ready.  Made a sign, thinking about how to decorate and we'll pray for much success.  There will be other woodworkers, jewelry makers, painters, sculptures...and who knows what else.  The next day is the least one's 13th birthday, and the last weekend will be full with oldest daughter going to a Jewish wedding (which will be a first experience of that sort).  Being that this is all true, this is the only weekend we'll be able to go for awhile.  And second son will be leaving the first of May sometime.  

~some of my woodboy's spoons for sale

Gosh.  Stop the train, will you?

Know what?  I'm learning to enjoy life even when part of it stinks.  (Has that been a hard, life-long lesson, or what?)  And some of my kids do stink.  My husband?  One darn scrumptious man.  And others of my children bless me and are also trying to keep their heads out of water.  I love them all, but as I once said about one child when he was a toddler---I didn't always like him, but always loved him.  

Just trying to tend to what's in front of me.  No headache today.  Doing the necessary, which will include fetching Mom's groceries later.  We'll deliver them later in the week.  Too taxing to do it all in one day---found that out the hard way.  Emotional exhaustion.  My mental health thanks me when I don't press.  I'll surely fail tomorrow, but today is good.  Right this very minute.

Second son brought over two partially-used gallons of paint from his apartment.  Might paint one wall in the living room.  Something exciting, or just different.  His colors are oceany, watery colors.  Soothing.  But sort of punchy.  We'll see.

Enjoy the day.

Monday night

I've had prayers before where I ask God why He's allowing such suffering on our parts.  Why not have the hard bits when our health is peachy, when we have extra cash and don't feel so depleted.  So, He says to me, "It's easy to be faithful when life is tidy.  The challenge is to stand firm when everything's stacked up against you.  That's faith.  To see trouble in your life, but to trust in what you can't see."

I'm a slow learner.  

In our faith walk, it seems we go through the same steps every time.  Bewildered acceptance, confusion, anger, surrender, then the real faith steps in.  This is our experience.  Again and again.  After awhile I'm not mad, but sort of like throw up my hands and say, "Whatever!"  His will.  Not having much of a success rate with my will.  My track record is pretty lousy there. :)

Manna everyday, but bill money only trickles in.  And I say, "Lord, You know when this is due.  You know when it's overdue."  He smiles (in my head) and says to just trust Him.  The smile gets me every time. I get bogged down on the calender, and He tells me that there's a bigger lesson being learned.  He's not a monster, but does have a point.  Maybe the point is that He's not mean, but teaching me to not be fearful.

~ ~ ~

Migraine this morning.  One of those that makes you want to hold onto the top of your head so it won't fall off.  BC Powders are magical.  Took a second one about 1/2 an hour ago.  Blowing off some stress, I'm sure.  Migraines are sort of like volcanoes or earthquakes to me.  From time to time, I just need one to come along.  The smoke in my brain has to go somewheres.

Love my husband.  When the shop is slow, it's hard for him to bear up.  We're both resolved at this time that it'll be fine.  We've been reassured by a fleece (God instructed) that we're in the right place.  Fidgety, but good.

'Our One Great Act of Fidelity' by Ronald Rolheiser

Because I have a weakness for Catholic literature (though I'm Anglican), I reserved Ronald Rolheiser's book Our One Great Act of Fidelity to review.  Curiosity about the Catholic position on transubstantiation was my main objective.  He covers that.  For him/them it's about a physical presence, something that humans tend to need, and that makes sense to me, even though I've never been aligned with a church which literally believes in this.  I will say, though, that our church is very sensitive in how the elements are prepared and handled.  Never in a trivial manner and never thrown away after blessed.  There is something Holy about it.

And honestly, to read the Scriptures you can go either way---either the elements do change into Christ's blood and flesh, or they don't.  A laboratory can't prove it, but lots of aspects of God's presence can't be proven.  Can't prove the Holy Spirit lives in my soul either.

I decided after reading the book that whether a person believes in Christ's literal blood and flesh being present in Holy Communion is a personal position.  If the act of receiving the Eucharist is more dear for that belief, then absolutely believe.

Rolheiser's book is a gentle writing about the Lord's Table.  The importance of a regular partaking, the forgiveness and the strength it gives us to bear/live another day.  

(i received this book free to review from blogging for books)

Note:  I have to add a funny bit.  My husband saw me reading this the other night, and asked me about it.  I told him it was Roman Catholic.  He paused, took a breath and said he strictly forbid me becoming a Catholic.  Made me laugh.  Said I had no intention of doing that, not being partial to the Pope, etc., and told him I was completely satisfied where I am as an Anglican.  Still, cracked me up.  I actually think he was serious.

Easter night

Well, the kids keep me on my toes.  Second son is accepting the job in Northern California that starts in early May.  He's given notice at his apartment and his job.  He's so excited he can hardly stand himself.  God is allowing things to fall into place before him in a truly amazing way.  I think that makes the Lord smile.  I know this son does.  He SO wants to stay in His face.  And the girl he's been writing lives within an hour from where he'll be (mentioned before).  She's working at a Christian ranch (organic stuff and all), and he'll be cooking, which is his first love, and some outside work too at a Christian retreat.  Turns out, she's the one who recommended him for this job.  I'm thinking this might work out romantically as well. :)  His job is possibly seasonal.  May through August with the possibility of permanent.  He might not come back.  That'd be odd.

He'll drive, and was hoping oldest daughter would go with him, but she's not keen on the part where she'll fly home alone (two layovers were the easiest I could find).  She's not in an adventurous mindset now.  We'll have to pray for how this works out.  I'm not going to fix it, but this has been so smooth so far, no reason for that not to continue.  He'll shoot straight west on I-40, hit Sacramento, then zoom north.  Or something like that.  Don't quote me on that.

God has this.

Just wanted to say that some of our children really want God's will.  Not to slam the others, but it's so refreshing when I see their faithful spirits.  So huge a blessing to me.

~ ~ ~

As to Easter, Mom went to church with us.  She said she enjoyed it, but it exhausted her, so she didn't want to get out again for dinner here.  Just getting in and out of the truck was a surprise as to how hard it was.  She looked sort of shocked.

Anyway, three sons didn't come, but those who were here were second son (above), and the ones who live here.  We had such a good time.  No stress and just a restful day.  I actually felt so much better without the drama the others bring, love them though I do.

Feeling stronger, especially after my epiphany of sorts on Maundy Thursday while praying.  Leaving those burdens at His feet.....amazing.

Good Friday thoughts

Maundy Thursday services last night, and awesome is the only word.  Every time I see the altar stripped of everything one item at a time, I feel a shiver.  No candles, hymnbooks, Bibles, incense, altar cloths, chalices, remainder of Communion vessels, nothing left.  All physical aspects of God's presence are taken away.  His Spirit gone.  Really makes you think.  A void nothing else can fill, though we'll try our best.

After we left services, I had about 45 minutes at home before I had to go back for my hour of the Prayer Vigil.  One of my very favorite bits of the entire year, bar everything I do.  Candles are lit at the back of the church, a kneeler set up and votives representing everyone who'll pray.  One per hour. Each person who comes lights a candle.  A total of about 22 or so folks.   Our own Garden of Gethsemane.  Prayer books, a Bible, a copy of Augustine's Prayer Book (which I privately covet) and as much silence as you can drink in.  The streetlights shine through the stained glass and it really is a holy time.  Imagine the angels hanging about.  I did.  Love that.

I left all of my baggage there.  My frustrations with my life which include, of course, my children---my husband's work slow-down, my mom's care, my health issues lately, but mostly my intense rage.  Very intense rage.  I hadn't realize how much bottled up anger I'd been dealing with, or not dealing with is more apt.  Left it all.

Today has been blessed.  Cleaned the house in preparation for our Easter dinner.  And, here's a bit of news.  My mom is going with us to services at our church on Sunday (she's Methodist, but hasn't been to church in months), and she's coming over for dinner as well.  One thing I could understand her doing, but both?  I'm sort of excited about it.  I know, not what you expected me to say.  I'm feeling strongly she's maybe had some more weird brain activity.  She's a bit more child-like, but who's to know.  While we've had our moments, now is what's important.  And holidays are special.  We should be together.  Oldest son might come too.  Will have to hear back from him to know for sure.

But even before that, I'll meet up with the Altar Guild tomorrow around noon and we'll put the altar back to rights.  Fresh linens and all.  Easter lilies.  And tomorrow night we'll have our Easter Vigil and a special banquet afterward.  And that's only Saturday.  I'll have to hand it to them.  Our church sure does a Feast Day in a wonderful fashion.

Oh, and I find it curious to have a Lunar Eclipse on Easter weekend.  Not earth-shattering, but just curious.  I'm hoping to get up at around 5:15am to see at least a partial bit of it.  Don't think we'll get the full effect.  Still, I do love being outside just before sunrise.  So peaceful.  Then back to bed. :)

Happy Easter ahead-of-time.  

'The Grand Paradox' by Ken Wytsma

Ken Wytsma's book The Grand Paradox covers thoughts and truths about God's personality---His fairness (which we don't always understand), and His great love for us.  The paradox comes when His waiting and/or our impatience get in the way of seeing what He's attempting to bring forth.

Like when we're waiting for my husband's shop to acquire more work, and the bills are late.  Or someone is sick and you just can't see the benefit in it lingering, or ending in death.  Those questions we all run into and struggle over.  They don't make sense.

The best quote in the book, in my opinion, and one that sums it all up, is this:  "The problem is we are always trying to walk by sight but call it faith."

Recently I was in a Bible study class on the book of Jeremiah.  The thing that stood out to me was while God was delivering a hard truth to the Israelites, He was loving them at the same time.  Well, I saw that Jeremiah appeared to be almost sorry at the burden he was placing on the Israelites.  They disobeyed and he was hard-pressed to tell them what would happen as a result of their disobedience.  I felt that in a way it shadowed the reluctance of God to blast His people.  

That's what Ken's book meant to me.  God is with us.  Period.  And maybe He doesn't always enjoy putting us through the necessary to achieve His ultimate will.  We have to get over having to understand everything and really go by faith, not by sight, because it really is humanly impossible to see that far ahead.

And besides Ken's passion for justice issues and talking about the Neolithic period (which I question, being a strict Creationist) in the beginning of the book, I found the book spot on.

(i received this book free to review from booklookbloggers)