Just before dinner

Feeling a bit antsy.  The big job Gary's been working on in his shop ever since he left the part-time FedEx job is dragging on and on.  He's frustrated at how long each piece is taking to be built, and also at the client who's prone to changing her mind from time-to-time.  It's to the point where we'll have to hit on the kids for funds.  They don't pay rent (something my MIL doesn't quite understand), but they are asked to contribute when the bills come due and we aren't drawing money into the shop.

Still, I hate it.

Middle daughter, who's a sympathetic listener, said to me, "But you have good kids, and they don't mind helping out."

Still, it makes me squirm.

But when needs must, asking is necessary.  Pride is the big problem in this issue.  The almost worshiping of money tendency (which I have issues with in a personal way), and the inability to put things in proper perspective.  In the grand scheme of things, this is small potatoes.  With a neighbor who's in jail for the duration, or the house up the street that's been burned, or another neighbor who suffers from paranoid schizophrenia---well, my problems are pretty small.  A tidy check or two can solve my issues, but problems involving health or the civil authorities are way more serious than mine.

Not sure why the funds don't come through the shop---this is the thing I struggle with.  Why, oh why, are we driven to lean on our kids?  Why can't the money come via customers?  You know?  If I was the one holding the solution, my answer might be a bit different.  For some reason, it's necessary for our kids to be involved. I scratch my head about this---just can't figure it out, and maybe I'm not supposed to.  But still...

The word 'surrender' which I vowed in January to be my catch word for 2012 springs to mind.  Hard to surrender when the visions of late notices dances through my head.  The thing is....(and I hate this---must be honest about it)...life for a believer isn't about neat and tidy.  The material sorts of things we struggle with are incidental to what the Lord is tweaking with in our hearts and spirits.

Argggh.