Here's the thing. I have a history of disbelieving that God is Who He says He is. And considering I've been walking with Him for forty years now, you'd think I had a better handle on faith.
And not to blast my parents, but my dad was a huge fan of Oral Roberts. His seed faith teaching was what appealed to my father. He figured that if he himself did something, then God would do the same. Works oriented.
On the flip-side, my mom and her sister are closet Pentecostals, and I remember one time my aunt asking my mom, genuinely confused why our household here had the flu if we'd been faithfully praying. Gary's first comment was that we're in a fallen world and sin is part of it. Not that sin caused us to have the flu, but it's a messed up world we live in and we don't live sanitized lives. You can't be a Christian and expect everything to always pan out. You'll get sick, the paint will peel, the dog will mess up on the carpet, your car will run out of gas, and away we go.
Being a believer doesn't equal a perfect life.
We've experienced a hard summer. Money's been as tight as it ever has been. We've done without, and have barely kept our heads above water, but God has provided for us. Last week we needed dinner one night, and while we had some small funds I was going to the store with (after dinner-time hours), a neighbor called just as I was about to leave, and she said she had some BBQ and asked if we'd like to have it. Her boyfriend didn't want it and she's a vegetarian, so you can see the way that conversation went. We said yes, ate a delicious meal, and Gary just laughed.
I'm learning in my old age that I really can pray about something, leave it with the Lord and enjoy my day. I really don't have to tote the baggage of unanswered prayer around with me. I can trust Him. My habit and practice for years and years has been to pray about something, then spend an inordinate amount of time fretting over whether the Lord actually heard me.
I know Jesus is the Son of God. I believe in my heart everything concerning His birth and resurrection. I trip up, however, on the part where I trust Him with my problems. It's not that I can do better, but I know I fail and how can I believe He'll answer when I don't hold my mouth right. Darn those Pentecostals. It's not about how well I can pray, but about trust. And I'd say I'm working on it, and that'd be true, but I don't want to work on it. I simply want to believe like a child. No work, just faith.
Tomorrow we need X amount of dollars for the balance of a bill we partial-paid last Monday. If you follow here you read about us getting funds 45 minutes before the online due time. Here we go again. Deadline tomorrow.
Do I trust Him for this? Actually, yes. Am I curious to see how this pans out? Absolutely. :)
{egg count to date today---30}
