With any strong emotion or experience, I think there are stages most folks go through. Well, that's my experience. When my dad died (21 years ago), I remember asking my mom weeks afterward if she was angry, and she looked at me so surprised. My dad had smoked for always, and lung cancer is what caused his death. Still, she said that she'd not been angry. Maybe since then she has, but then, no.
With the knowledge of our kids' lifestyle choices I've been angry. Initially shocked, followed closely by 'how could you?' Have tried to think of how to handle it, fix it, make it right. I've battered our sons with words, both in my head (mostly in my head) and in a few emails. Tried to use persuasion to get through, because surely I can get into their spirits. Anger, surely, but until I re-read what I'd sent, hadn't realized how powerful my words had been. Sometimes too much honesty isn't wise.
Grace. That's what our oldest showed to me in return when I wrote to him tonight asking for his forgiveness.
Humility is a good thing, but painful to experience.
I'll love them through their sin as they do me. I sure don't have all the answers.
Funny thing. The Lord may or may not be changing our sons. He is changing me. Who knew? The rough edges need softening up. And yes, it hurts. But a good hurt.
