Fourth son came by this morning to pick up youngest son for a shopping spree. Really, just lunch and small trips here and there. Guess that qualifies as a spree. I'd not seen this son in over a week, and even when I saw him again this afternoon at the grocery store (an unplanned, though happy, surprise), I found myself staring at him. Wondering if he's eating right (he tends to thinness) and if he's happy inside. He looks gobsmacked. I told Gary he looks like someone pulled the rug out from under him and he can't quite figure out what happened. Well, that's sort of what DID happen. But, sadly he pulled the rug out from under himself. And when he told Gary a few weeks ago about his lifestyle, his dad said to him, "Are you sure you want to go this way? Are you sure?"
Oh my.
At Bible study on Wednesday, the teacher on the video for Isaiah mentioned us laying things out before God, asking for His intervention---especially when we can't do a thing. Powerlessness. I feel that way a lot. Mentioned how sometimes we pull together our bills that we can't pay, including mortgages and all the twiddly bits of life at God's feet and ask Him to cause a miracle to happen. But it's never a miracle with Him. Just business as usual. We tend to think all these bad things require some outlandish involvement from the Lord. He's seen it before----for centuries. I'm glad the Bible is full of blessed misfits. Makes me feel better for our houseful.
In searching for another header photo, I was looking on my phone. Saw the Christmas photos we'd taken, and with zooming in, can see how sad and lost our children look. All but a couple of them. Middle daughter is now suffering consistently from migraines---I believe stress-related. The least one is still herself, but a more sober version. And these are children. Children. It shouldn't be this way. Their brothers, who they love dearly, have messed with their joy.
Spring Break.
A time to breathe, rest, take time to refresh. Put things in perspective. Get enough sleep to make the waking up parts happier. Lightheartedness. I want me some. Grounding. Walking barefooted in the front yard on the prickly brown grass. And praying all the while for the redemption of our dear children.