About the post just under this one---I think it's a bit about the fact that life in this house is all about them. Them being the kids and all of the things they're into. The fact that two suddenly have jobs (wonderfully at the same restaurant) and I have the responsibility of getting either one or both of them there each afternoon. Nap-time is interrupted, or non-existent. And I do love my nap-time!
While I'm enormously thankful for them to be working, I'd be lying if I said it was all a piece of cake. Things are different. And with less bodies here, the housework takes a different road, and sometimes doesn't get done at all. Least parts of it.
I think I just need time to adjust. To get my internal clock sorted out. See, I'm used to putting on this front of everything being fine, partly to give the impression that having a large family is simple. I got into that habit when we had fewer kids, mostly to throw suspicion to the wayside that we'd made a mistake in having a big family. My father (before he passed away) was very much against us having so many children, and made it very clear what his feelings were about the situation. So I got in the habit of acting like it was all okay, and that we had everything under control.
I was lying. It was hard then, and it's hard now.
It's constant, noisy and frustrating. But at the same time it's a joy, blessing and I'd not have it any other way. 'Course I have to say that last part because it's all I know. Having fewer children isn't something I'm familiar with. It must be fascinating, or at least less noisy.
Admitting my failings is a good thing. And letting others know that I don't have it all figured out is good as well. So I have allow myself time to exhale deeply. And to cry when necessary, and lately that's been sort of frequent.
