Got very little done yesterday, in a flower bed sort of way. Took my clippers out there, filled the wheel barrow once with cuttings and then just sat and drank ice water. My energy level was way down there in terms of enthusiasm. Just. Not. Interested.
Plus we have 6 or 7 of those big black and yellow spiders in the beds, spreading their webs across wide expanses of bushes. Not too keen on getting one on me while I cut out the weary black-eyed Susans (which grew like crazy and are everywhere!). Might have to use a long stick to encourage them to move and spin their webs elsewhere, maybe.
And am in a frustrated mindset, wanting my faith to be bigger, but struggling with my attitude. I've always felt that blessings from God were tied to my behavior----a works-related way of looking at things, I guess. But it's not the way I want to be. Hard to break free from it, though. It's like if I mess up, then the Lord looks on me with a frown and then wants to take away blessings. If I'm a good girl, the nice things happen.
Isn't that sad?
I really have a hard time believing in Grace. That God shows favor *just because*. That I don't have to earn it (I know all of this, but tend to beat myself up anyway) and that He's pleased to take care of me.
This is my mind today. Not a pretty place to be, but obviously something I need to address.
