A bit misty outside, and should rain in awhile. I'm lying in bed, window open, and can hear a dove in the Oak tree in the backyard. The chickens are all settled in the corner of their run, just fluffed up and thinking about things. Quiet. Nice.
I find that lately I'm craving silence so much. Way too much noise in my life. I read a piece by Lanier at The Rabbit Room about that same topic. And while a 'get away' would be ideal, for most of us, we have to take it as we can find it. And to find it at home seems to be the way. Not the easiest process. Going to make today a restorative time. At least that's the plan at this very moment.
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With a busy weekend behind me, I'm taking my week more slowly. And am planning on us taking a break with no church duties the weekend of the 8th of November. Will ask someone else to do the flowers, acolyte for the least one, and will take a pause from teaching children's Sunday school.
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Youngest son is at the shop with Gary today. This son has been a bit of a challenge lately, not in a disrespectful sense, but just annoying. He drives the girls nuts as well. And I told Gary, it appears that most of my boys doubt my wisdom a good bit of the time. He blames it on a natural rift between mom and sons, not so much a disrespect issue, but a denial of moms having much going on. He seems to be speaking from experience. Huh. Not too crazy about being thought of as being low in the intelligence scale. To my boys (at least the majority), I'm the mom who may have a college degree, but is still just a mom. Maybe to them I excel in mediocrity. Not going to dwell on that one.
No hard tasks lined up for today. Make shortbread---the butter is out on the counter now, softening up. Tidy and maybe hang the fall wreaths. I'm late doing that. Maybe I excel at puttering?
I recently read a book (can't think of the title, but it sounds like an Elizabeth Berg or Carrie Brown type of story, but can't remember), about a young woman who had lost her husband the previous year and had a small daughter. For a full year she'd stayed in bed and had totally withdrawn. She was living with her mother-in-law, I think, and was finally waking up mentally from the despair of her husband's loss. The story next goes into she and her daughter skipping town and truly allowing themselves to experience life again. Great story, but can't place it. While I've not had to deal with a death in the past 12-18 months, there have been an over-abundance of difficulties. But life is beginning in small ways to glimmer, and I'm waking up again to my own life. In that space of time three sons have moved out and two of those have moved in directions contrary to their upbringing. My mom has lost her independence, leaning on me more and more, so I've misplaced my mother in one sense with her stroke affecting her ability to be the adult. Many changes in a tight space of time.
Hard realities. But you know what helps? This might sound silly, but Gary says that these boys have chosen the paths they're on. They're really happy with what they're doing. I tend to think someone has tricked them, taken over their minds (and maybe these girls have, but my boys aren't mindless idiots) and made them be rotten. And honestly, in her odd little way, thankfully my mom is happy as well. Anti-depressants have helped in that area, I'm sure. She doesn't know how to cry anymore, and a stroke is definitely cause for tears. So, the three individuals who tap my joy can be checked off as requiring so much of my mental energy. I cause myself undo angst.
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But, the thing is, I have to look past the difficulties and get on with it, so they say. In the new Jan Karon there's a perfect quote.
"We, however, need to keep praying ad trusting God, and moving ahead to things like lunch and dry-cleaning and a dozen eggs at the Local." ~from Somewhere Safe with Somebody Good
Pray, trust the Lord, and LIVE. Repeat the next day.
I just have to do today, and that has to be enough. Sufficient to the day..., you know.
