Taking time

Oh goodness.  Migraine beginning before bed last night.  Was reading and minding my own business, then my vision began playing tricks on me.  Then the zig-zaggy lines begun to show themselves.  Tylenol and aspirin, my drugs of choice. Within a half an hour, the worst was gone, and I could sleep.  Couldn't read, though.

Slept in this morning, had tea, staying quiet, family walking tip-toe around me, not rocking my boat.

God is good.

Bought flowers for the altar---for a member's grown son who passed away a few years ago.  I got three dozen multi-colored roses from Fresh Market.  So pretty.  Came home, middle daughter made dinner, and the girls are still watching an old Cornel Wilde/Gene Tierney movie.  Wicked woman she plays, a movie we've never seen before.  Usually the girls watch romances or light-hearted 40's films, but this is awful, least the wife is.  Beautiful house, though. :)

About to have tea again.  Oldest daughter, who's recovering from a gall bladder attack (cure of apple juice and consistent doses of organic vinegar---perfect), bought cookies at Fresh Market as well.  Will have one with my tea.  

Not much cleaning done in preparation for company tomorrow.  Lightly dusted the bookshelves and Gary mentioned we should light lots of candles.  Brilliant.  We did that at Thanksgiving when military son's girlfriend came over.  Minimal housekeeping at night points directly toward candlelight.

Resting now.  Colored my hair with the dark purple last night.  Can't really see it unless I'm in the sun.  Just a bit of foolishness that seemed necessary.  Life hurts, must find the simple joys.

I appear to be typing in sound bytes, but that seems apt with my precarious brain.  Gary says he refuses to push me in an wheelchair, so must take care of myself.  He's only sort of kidding.  The thing is, I can't handle what's been thrust at me.  I just can't.  I'm having to make a concerted effort to turn off my thoughts.  When they veer where they don't need to go, I remember Philippians 4:18.  

'Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable---if anything is excellent or praiseworthy---think on such things.'

Amen.

Week's end

I read something recently, but can't remember where, about someone feeling as if they were walking in the shadow of God.  Picture that.  God's shadow.  As close as His breath.

That's the image that came into my head the other day.  I've prayed so continually and hard lately about our kids, and even yesterday the most curious thing happened.  I'd been looking for some records of the younger kids'---school papers, and couldn't put my finger on them. I needed them right then for something important.  I was frustrated.  Anyway, we looked everywhere, and I just knew where I'd left them, but they weren't there.  So, foolishly the last thing I thought of was to pray about it.  I stopped, I prayed, and instantly was told to look in this certain pocket in my notebook.  There they were.  In minutes I just went ahead and asked Him where the other set of papers were, being that I'd put them elsewhere.  Immediately, I knew where to look.  That small, still voice.  

I can be so slow.

That's how it's been this week.  

My heart is broken.  Who knew children could do that to you?  I thought that was the territory of our husbands, or as the case may be, wives.  But no, the children do hold our hearts in their hands.  

Sleep is a welcome escape.  

God has this one.  My shoulders aren't broad enough.  But His are.  Thanks, Diane, for reminding me of that the other day when I'd mentioned a problem.  Can't remember what it was, but your words 'God has this one' or something similar rang true to me.  It was a comfort to hear.

What's so awesome is that He's been preparing me for this, having me keep my face in His Word.  Disciplining me so that this isn't as hard to bear like it would be if I was having to move near Him, rather than already being at His Side.  (Ridiculously long sentence, but I think it just might make sense.)

Now then.  It's a holiday weekend (well, if you call football a holiday---one son is off work and will cook for us, but as to whether we watch the game---unlikely).  I'm going to apply myself to enjoying it.  Put up Valentine's Day decorations tomorrow, and make good food to enjoy.  Capisce?

War

Mothering.  Not for cowards.  Gary says he's only having daughters from now on.  Well, I'm fifty-five, so I think that decision is already decided for us, yes?  I spoke on the phone to one wayward son today, also his girlfriend, who I've never met in person.  They called.  Shoot me now.  They are deceived from the pit of hell.  Am I allowed to say that here?  I think so.

I'll say this to anyone out there reading this and hurting for your children that I feel for you.  If your children are denying their Christian upbringing and choosing, I say choosing to walk on the side of immorality and sin and all of its luscious attractions, then the war is definitely, as the Good Book says, one against the spiritual world.  Forget the material.  It's with the prince of darkness.

I keep hearing in my head to put on the whole armor of God, so I refreshed my memory.

Finally, be strong in the LORD and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of GOD, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of GOD, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of GOD. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep praying for all the LORD'S people.~Ephesians 6:10-18 (emphasis mine)

I'm exhausted.  Thankful for the Lord giving me the courage of my convictions, but tired beyond what's imaginable.   I will fight for our children.  We'll keep our tent (camp) clean here, and will continue to fight the fight.

The camp must be holy, for the LORD your GOD moves around in your camp to protect you and to defeat your enemies. He must not see any shameful thing among you, or he will turn away from you.~Deuteronomy 23:14

That's why I mark the doors, and burn incense.  A reminder to me and the unseen world that we've drawn boundaries.  May the Lord continue to protect us.

'Still Life' by Christa Parrish

I am in awe of this book.  Christa Parrish in Still Life has created a masterpiece of human relationships.  I spent the first half of the book totally engrossed in the beauty of her writing, and the second half in tears.  

The story goes:  Katherine is having an affair, and about to head home to her family when she suddenly gives up her airline ticket to Julian, a well-known photographer, (whose flight is overbooked), so he can be at home for his wife's birthday---their first since marrying five months previous.  The plane crashes.  The remainder of the story is about how Julian's wife, Ada, deals with the tragedy, especially the difficulties from her religious cult upbringing---a life full of no's and shall not's.  Also, you follow Katherine as she deals with guilt at giving up her ticket, yet as a result gets a second chance at healing her marriage.  

I kept gasping as I read, completely surprised at the actions of the characters.  There's so much heart in it---and gut-wrenching pain.  Her writing was so rich in how she portrayed the hurting individuals, and everyone was hurting.  Everyone.  Just like real life.  But God's grace had the last word, even though folks had to go through the fire to reach Him.  Julian's beautiful faith even in death carried the story.  

Truly an amazing book.  And definitely a ten star out of five.

(i received this book free to review from booklookbloggers)

Monday evening

~sweet milk

Time to quit.  Have been blowin' and goin' the whole day, but not too awfully tired.  Started the day with holding Milk the chicken on my lap for a bit in the sun.  Always an excellent way to begin the day.  Soon after took run to the Mediterranean store nearby for more loose Cardamom tea, and picked up a bag of red lentils as well.  I shared a recipe here awhile back for the lentils served with rice---that's tomorrow's dinner.  Thought I'd do that again, being that I'm tired of spending money on meat. 

After the tea trip, picked up the kids for a library trip to pick up a reserve book and they each got a stash.  Then got Mom's groceries and ran them to her house.  Finally home and bed, which is where I am now.

Having tea and looking forward to reading.  I got a review book from Thomas Nelson by Christa Parrish, who's wonderful.  She wrote Stones for Bread that I reviewed last year, and now I'm reading Still Life.  She writes absolutely beautiful sentences.  It's like she tastes them before writing them down.  Lovely.  And, at an Indie bookstore with Gary last week I got Virgin Time:  In Search of the Contemplative Life by Patricia Hampl.  Another keeper.  Another excellent writer.  

Guess you could say I'm like the cat with the cream.  Hot tea beside me, and books to tease me.  Perfect.  And tomorrow I ain't got nowhere to go. :)

'Simply Open' by Greg Paul

Greg Paul in his newest book Simply Open talks about using our senses to invite God more fully into our lives.  The book separately covers each sense, drawing on quiet moments to make us more available to what the Lord would tell us.  He uses wonderful quotes (a weakness of mine) including this one:

"I neglect God ad his angels, for the noise of a fly, or the rattling of a coach, for the whining of a door."~John Donne

His  reason for using the above-mentioned quote is that we, in the modern world, think that we alone know what noise is.  We're inundated with all the technological racket and interruption, not realizing that the interference has been present for every generation.

It's interesting that certain ancient practices are beginning to be popular among more contemporary church denominations.  As the attraction for the big and noisy wanes, folks are being drawn to the liturgical and contemplative.  Those two things aren't dependent on one another, but they do have similar traits.  I think we long for the tried and true, and the mystics do have several things going for them, and Paul uses their words and experiences to show how they connected with God.

Greg Paul is a sweet writer and as you read his words, you can actually hear his sincerity.  He really believes in what he shares.

(i received this book free to review from booklookbloggers)

Today

Jury Duty, or what's considered around here to be the preliminary of real Jury Duty went well today.  Met up with about 2,500 (really?) of my favorite people to be part of a pool of folks who'll serve in April and May.  Thankfully we have a system here in town where jurors can select the week they want to be there.  Apparently we're either the only city that does this, or one of the only ones.  Pretty cool.

Anyway, the man who runs jury selection is such a truly nice person.  He's got a job nobody would envy, but he's in charge, and very approachable at the same time.  He said something that really got to me, and I jotted it down on the envelope my summons came in.  He was referring to all the running around folks do and he said it "takes the sweetness right out of the day."

Is that the most beautiful thing you've read today?  He followed up with that being another talk for another day.  Wish he'd been able to preach it.  Makes you stop and take notice.

Again....running around takes the "sweetness right out of the day."

Beautiful.

'Moosewood Cookbook' by Mollie Katzen

It seems that I'm the only person in my generation who's not heard of the Moosewood Cookbook by Mollie Katzen.  Where have I been?  Likely married to a happy carnivore.

Fortunately we have a child who's become enamored with vegetarianism the last few months, so my eyes have been opened.  And with hunting for suitable cookbooks in that category, I've been disappointed in books which suggest using ingredients I'm either unfamiliar with, don't want to buy, or better yet, are too expensive.

Enter Moosewood Cookbook.  

Sections of the book include:  A history of the cookbook which I really enjoyed reading, Pantry Notes which describe various food you'd use in the book, a few pages on kitchen tools, and conversions, which are then followed by chapters with Soups, Salads, Sauces/Dips, Baked goods, Entrees and Desserts.  

This 40th anniversary edition of Moosewood is perfect for anyone who's not used to a predominantly plant-based (as they say) method of cooking, but is willing to try.  Vegetarian cooking for the curious, yet hesitant.  Love the hand-written pages, and the updates which add the use of a food processor, which wasn't included the first editions.  And listen to these recipes:  Old Country Pie, Polenta Pie (I see a trend in my tastes here), and Greek Pilaf.  Is your mouth watering yet?  This is a book to use daily, mess up and pass along to your children.  Wonderful.  Oh, and as a treat, look at Mollie's photo at the front of the book, and her most recent one at the back.  She's lovely. :)

(i received a copy of this book free to review from bloggingforbooks)

Wednesday night

Well, seems after talking to the bank, they're not affording us a grace period.  The website was wrong, but we can work with that.  Gary's shop has been blessed this week, so we're not complaining.  All is well as Sister Julian says.

~ ~ ~

I've got to report to Jury Duty downtown tomorrow.  I told Gary I was nervous about the first day---when you get the low-down and select the week you can serve.  He gave his standard 'it'll be okay' response, but I stressed that I was REALLY nervous.  He looked at me straight on, saw I was dead serious and was more generous with his sympathy.  I'm home so much that to go out of my comfort zone is very, very taxing.  I did have Jury Duty ten years ago, and it wasn't a big deal, even an adventure, but it was long ago.  I have this path I follow on a daily/weekly basis, and if it veers too far off course, I'm not a happy camper.

It'll be fine.  He's right.  Besides, he's driving me down there, and will just drop me off.  I know.  I'm a big girl.  

~ ~ ~

~darrian flying by on his longboard

Dealing with two boys especially saddened (the rest of us as well) with the news yesterday of a friend of theirs who died of a drug overdose or a possible reaction to meds taken for withdrawal (so much is unknown) on Tuesday morning.  The Lord woke me up abruptly at 5am yesterday to pray.  Bolt upright.  I got to it praying for our boys who live away from home, not knowing if something was prompting me to cover them.  This boy died at somewhere before six.  Wish I'd been aware of his struggle then.  So very sad.  Our sons met him through work at the restaurant, where he used to be a waiter.  Gorgeous young man.  He was over here a few times, I'd driven him around with the boys, and he's the one who taught our third son to use a longboard.  Our second son was frustrated after hearing yesterday because he'd shared the Gospel with him.  Not interested, had all the time in the world.  You always hope, though, that there's a reaching out, even at the last second.  

He was only 26.

~ ~ ~

Thankful for the gift of another day.   Warm, yet getting cooler weather.  Each one really is a gift.

Monday

Feeling better after being sick.  Reminder to rest.  That's what illness tends to do to me---remind me to slow down, and even stop when necessary.  Maybe the Lord even allows it to get my attention.  Very likely.

Bills paid but for one, and got a bit antsy wondering if Gary's shop would have work to cover it (faith hiccup).  I told him the other day we needed a 'big blessing'---mostly saying that as a need in the midst of our personal turmoil regarding our children.  To feel God's Hand in a tangible way.  Tonight found out we get a 30 day grace period with our new re-furbished house payments.  Not due until March first.  Gary discovered that while looking up tax information at our mortgage company's website.  Looked up our account, and turned to me and said it was due then, not now.  He said, "What was it you said about a big blessing?"

I stand amazed.  

He'll call the mortgage company tomorrow to verify.  We didn't know.  They'd not informed us.  But, yes, a big blessing.

~ ~ ~

Our chickens have begun laying again after about a two or 2-1/2 month layover (sorry, couldn't resist).  We've been buying brown cage-free eggs at the grocery store, but it's sweet to get our light browns and light greens/turquoises from our girls.  And the noise.  My goodness.  While I got a bit fed up in the summer with them crowing when they'd lay (being that their run is just outside out bedroom window), I've missed it so much that now it's a joy instead.  And hungry.  They eat all. the. time.  Thankfully they survived the great molt of the late fall/early winter and are nice and fluffy now.  Didn't like them being all grumpy pants when their feathers were falling out.  I do love them so.  Chickens are definitely therapeutic, that is if you can withstand their racket in the mornings.  I realize roosters crow (illegal here in the city limits), but even hens can be loud.  But good loud.

Going to go out and see if I can bear a bit of chill to praise the Lord on my swing in the backyard.  It's been too cold to do that lately, and I've missed it.  The only time in the day I'm alone.  And even then, I'll not be by myself. :)

'Own Your Life' by Sally Clarkson

I read a book review not too long ago where the reviewer recanted (in a way) a previous review because he was too caustic.  I don't want to do that.  And while Sally Clarkson's book is very thorough and well-written, it's just not my taste.  I doubted the sincerity of her remembered conversations with her children.  They just didn't ring true to me.  

There seem to be two camps in Christian literature.  Some enjoy more flowery language and lots of feminine detail.  The others lean toward Anne Lamott.  So far you can see where I'm going.  That's my defense for sounding too harsh.  It's just a taste thing.

Sally Clarkson gives extensive information on, what she calls, owning your life.  To facing up to the difficulties and mastering them with the Lord's help.  To not bend to the breaking point, but to learn through the tough times.  The book, in a nutshell, can be sized up in this wonderful quote:  

"Until we identify the burdens we carry, the voices we have become accustomed to hearing in our heads, and the fingers that accuse us about past sins, we cannot move forward.  Whatever the sourcs of our burdens, we do not have to carry them.  We are quite free to accept the newness and freshness of life that Jesus granted."

For young mothers who doubt their abilities, and need an older voice of experience, you'll likely appreciate Owning Your Life.  For those of us who feel a bit jaded, maybe something more earthy is the ticket.  Either way, there are books for all of us.

(i received this book free to review from tyndale)

Late Sunday afternoon

"You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply because they are HEAVY."~unknown

I read the above quote on Pinterest the other day, and it fit perfectly with what's been going on in my head, namely too much noise.  For that reason, I've shut down my Facebook account for a bit (pretty cool they offer the ability to switch it off for a certain period of time and will turn it back on automatically).  Not that I'm addicted like some, but they do provide more information than I need now.  I've stayed on Facebook to keep an eye on my kids, but even then I sometimes read things I'd rather not know.  Our kids are not mini-me's.  Well, maybe the girls, to some extent.

And the Internet is way too noisy.  I have a talent (not always a good thing) for being able to find out lots of stuff.  They call me the research babe around here.  Want to know something?  Just ask me.  I'll find it.  And sadly, I've recently found out things about the folks our kids are with.  I can't bear the burden of those facts anymore.  It's devastating to me.

Since we all (bar my husband) caught the cold virus that's been spinning in our house, he laid down the law on Friday and said we'd not be going to church today.  As a result, I had to ask our priest's wife to do the flowers and another friend to set up the altar elements since it was my week.  Tell the children's SS teacher I'd not be there, and one daughter had to ask someone to acolyte for her, and one son told our priest he couldn't be an usher.  See, we're busy---good busy.  But it was time to stop.

And today we slept the clock around.  I got up finally at 1pm.  When did that last happen?  Can't remember.  I tend to not get enough sleep, so this was a huge blessing.  Life doesn't feel so tragic when you're rested.  But when we were sitting outside with the chickens and pugs this afternoon, all quiet and peaceable, I decided to "live my great big beautiful life."  To take care of me.  With God's help.  Turning a page.

Whatever our kids get into---well, I can pray about it, but I can't manage or control it.  I'm not meant to take on that job.  But I sure can pray, and nobody can stop me from that. There's lots of power with prayer, my goodness.  The angels fly.

And I can't let the nonsense our kids get into ruin my own life.  I'm their mother, but my mothering involvement does alter once they move away.  I'll always be here for them, but they tend to need me less, and that's the idea of letting them go, right? 

When they make poor or dangerous choices, I'll pray.  When they disappoint me, as I will them, I'll turn it over.  Allow them to fail, as the Lord allows the same for me.  Do we pray for our kids more when they stray?  I think that's so.  Maybe not fair to those to toe the line, but probably likely.

Thank God for second (and third, fourth....) chances.

Tuesday evening

~madelyn, anastasia, milk, and nora

Too much information in my head concerning our children.  Time to focus on homemaking.  And chickens since sitting out with them is such an wonderfully calming experience.  I really have to change the way I've been doing my job.  I can't manage to know everything, and even when I'm able to find out stuff, I need to not do that.  My physical self suffers.  

Baked yeast rolls for dinner, made potato soup.  Second son (who I'm proud to say, preached at his small inner-city church on Sunday) brought over homemade spaghetti sauce, which we'll have tomorrow night.  Drinking a mocha now, and had glass after glass of water today.  Breakfast/tea in bed.  Lunch in bed as well.  Wearing comfortable clothes.  Hair in a braid (and yes, it finally grew to my waist).  Minimal cleaning.  Two sick, yet recovering children.  Schoolwork late in the afternoon.  Fourth son treating us to some groceries tonight.  

Seems I got side-tracked from my word of the year, REST.  Rest doesn't mean just physical quietness, but the same for my heart---and my soul needs the peace.  To avoid confrontation, not to the extent of overlooking things that need tending, but to not deliberately step into things I can do without stepping into.  YouknowwhatImean.  I stay in a state of waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Common predicament of women, especially of mothers.  Forget contentment, you always have to be ready to subdue the monsters.

God will have to take care of the bad guys for a bit.  Or maybe we'll make it a long-term commitment.  I'm done.  Must make a note of that.  Yeah, right.  I have to maintain a restful environment for our family here.  I did burn frankincense/myrrh today, and marked the doors with hyssop.  Keep away, monsters!  Might just be a, whatchacallit, gesture, but it makes me feel more secure when I go through the motions.  They do mean something to me.  Ancient rituals.  Love 'em.

In re-reading, this post sounds melancholy, which isn't my goal.  Just frayed around the edges.  I wear my heart on my sleeve, so my better half says.  Let it go.  Let it go.

Sunday night

Out to get coffee (chestnut praline latte) with Gary (mocha) the other day I said it'd be silly to think that the world is getting better.  That while things can be changed by God, the world out there is getting more toxic.  Not to be negative, but it pays to be on top of it.

Our kids are so vulnerable to all the junk.  And while I thought we'd grounded them sufficiently, seems I was mistaken.  The boys especially.  My goodness.  The titillating qualities of what they're up against amaze me.  Guess I'm more naive than I first imagined.  And you know what?  I really don't want to know the stuff I do know.  I like innocence.  It's got a charm like nothing else, but when it's gone, buh-bye.

I keep praying for the Lord to surround us.  To walk before, beside and behind us.  I want a hedge around my children.  The boys are so curious, and maybe that's the way with males.  If I made a comment like that to Gary, he'd just cut his eyes at me.  Like, Woman?  He's been there.  He gets it.  Do all guys get it?  Am I living under a rock?

I'm reminded daily how important it is to stay in God's face.  Daily.  Can't let your guard down for anything.  The monsters are always out there ready to devour us.  Our children especially.  Even in a safe and healthy marriage you have to be aware.  Stay prayed up, love on your people, and bind the evil one.  Bind that hater.

Used to we only had to worry about our boys getting hold of unsavory magazines.  Now the world is always at their beck and call, waiting to tempt them.  Now, I'm not really speaking of any particular situation, but a mindset that this generation is stuck in more than any before them.  Temptation.  Now that's a deep trap.  So easy to come by and fall into, you don't even have to look for it.

The challenge this new year is to pray like never before.  I have been under a rock, taking for granted our children would follow in the footsteps that we've laid out in front of them.  Well, some are.  Some are gladly going in the other direction.  We pray, we wait on the Lord's timing, and never let go.  Never give up.

A glimmer of romance...

I heard Gary singing a little chant to himself this afternoon, and it went like this:  "You can date my daughter if I can ride your motorcycle."  I listened to him for a minute, then it hit me what he was talking about.  Our oldest daughter met up with an old guy friend (not ever a boyfriend) last night at a bookstore.  He just wanted to see her, and share that he was breaking up with his girlfriend last night after their visit.  And he did.  

So.

Gary said after singing his little tune that it was inevitable for the two of them to get together.  This young man has a motorcycle, yes, and my husband tells me we need to pray about this.  I actually got excited about the possibilities.  Something to think about, however, is that he's divorced.  He would admit that it's something that hurts him to remember.  We've always been hardliners about our children not marrying those who've been married before.  And I know I'm jumping the gun.  Is it an issue?  I just don't know if I can draw a line about that anymore.  Sometimes I just want to pray about stuff and let the Lord clean up the rubble (a good practice, yes?).  There's forgiveness for everything, I realize.  If I get puffed up about this, I'm just being that.  Puffed up.  Thoughts?  He's a strong Christian, and is really seeking the Lord.  Can't knock that, can you?

This ought to be fun to watch.  As I said, I'm excited.  The Lord will have to do some work in hearts, but the preliminary work is maybe already in place.  

Prayer please. :)

Tuesday night

A good day.  Got up too early after too late a night reading (see previous blog post with book review responsible for my poor sleeping hours).  Shame on Lisa Samson.

So, after 5-1/2 hours sleep, I got my tea ready, wanting to get a jump on the day.  Figured with school starting, and having a youngest son who's oftentimes trying to my patience, I'd pave the way ahead of time.  Lots of prayer, you know.  Tears always a good idea.  Love that proof of the Holy Spirit's presence.  God is so faithful.  School turned out wonderful.  Everyone got along, and I was so pleased.  I think we all were.  Just getting along was simple and sweet.  I don't ask much.  Just be decent and polite.  All good.

Afterwards, we all went to the library to get 'on hold' math books, and then the store to buy Mom's groceries ahead-of-time.  She doesn't need them 'til Friday, but it seemed wise to getitoverwith.  Tomorrow's supposed to be in the teens overnight, so I figured less time away from home would be wise.  Warmth is so necessary to comfort.  Besides, tomorrow I have the Intercessory Prayer group to go to, and oldest daughter's best friend will be here overnight.  C-L-E-A-N the house!

~ ~ ~

Last night, second son baked bread at his apartment, and took one loaf to military third son who's engaged.  While he was there, third son and his fiance made noises about getting married next week.  Something about insurance.  Romantic, huh?  We'll see how it goes.  While part of me would like to see an honorable, moral solution to their situation, the other part wants an nice-Christian-girl for this son.  May the Lord continue to keep His hands on them, no matter what it looks like to any of us.  Not my call.

~ ~ ~

Oldest daughter gave notice at her job today.  We've all talked about it, and since she's financially secure for a bit, she'll just lay low for a few months.  Recover from some stress.  Well, her boss was a real stinker about her leaving.  Did NOT take the high road.  Our daughter will have to tolerate some ill treatment, unless the Lord intervenes, for the next few weeks until she goes.  Her boss even withheld one of her checks she's earned.  Aren't folks something?  She'll get the check, never fear, but might have to wrestle the woman for it.  Gosh.

~ ~ ~

Listening to Josh Groban, the least one's current favorite music. Eclectic tastes these girls have.  

Take care.

'A Thing of Beauty' by Lisa Samson

Almost as soon as Lisa Samson's newest book A Thing of Beauty arrived I began reading.  While I cooked dinner, after we finished, in the bathtub, and turned the last page at 1:30am.  Today was a wash.  Had to take a nap.

I credit it with Lisa's talent for portraying unique people in a very engaging manner.  This story centers around a young woman called Fiona, who's a former child star.  She was involved in a horrendous situation as a young girl which was ignored by her parents (namely her mother) which in turn led to Fiona divorcing her parents.  Doesn't this ring a bell with something that happened in real life with a celebrity?

Anyway,  I was drawn in immediately.  Enjoyed all of the characters, and so appreciated that Fiona was surrounded by people who really loved her, that is, after she left the life of being a celebrity.  

The ending is charming, and without giving anything away, the whole story is a joy.  All the pieces fit, even the tendency of Fiona to be a hoarder.  She tried to fix things that weren't in her power to repair.  Not always easy going with her, but full of gentleness and grace.

(i received this book free to review from booklookbloggers)

Word for the Year

My dear friend Patricia, who suddenly passed away in the spring of 2012, and I had a habit of coming up with a word for the New Year.  Lots of folks do the same thing.  Last January, another year without her, I came up with SURRENDER as my word-for-the-year.  And I did.  Surrender.  I gave my all to caring for/arranging for my mom (though admittedly often with a bad attitude), and I surrendered more than I ever have in how I've prayed.  Not to sound too precious, though.  It was a sacrifice I paid dearly for in terms of my health.  I need to work on balance. I'm sort of an all or nothing type of gal.  Not that I'd do anything differently if I had it to do over again.  Sacrifice is necessary, and called for.  God said so.  Maybe I did things in too much of a lop-sided manner.

This year's word is REST.  And as a secondary word, NO.  When you get used to surrendering on a regular basis, God's command or not, if not balanced with self-care, a person can get exhausted big time. One of the women on the Altar Guild at church emailed all of the rest of us today to see if any would fill in for her while she works.  She's taken a job at Apple, and her time is tight on Sunday mornings.  I haven't said a word.  There was a time recently when I'd jump and accept the extra responsibility.  Not now, though.  No it is.

I want to get to a place where my shoulders aren't tight all the time.  Where I feel rested.  And the guilt doesn't spur me on to do one more thing, regardless as to whether I feel I actually can do that particular thing.  After feeling so guilt-ridden about my mom's ruined Christmas (unbeknownst to us), I asked her about going to church.  And while a church member has taken her a couple of times, Mom always says how much trouble it is (which it is---no way 'round that), and says no when the friends ask to take her now.  I pushed her a bit after Christmas, asking if she reeeeeeally wanted to go.  She went into the 'it's so much trouble' speech again, and I said I'd just ask her on Friday (tomorrow), if she'd like to come with us.  She doesn't want to go to her church with just Gary taking her, and asked if I'd go there too, and while I could cancel teaching Sunday School and doing the flowers, I'm not up to juggling that stuff or passing it off.  Yeah, maybe I'm playing hardball just a tad.  Or maybe I just don't want to go to her church.  So there.  I hope it rains.  She won't leave the house if it rains.  Mean, aren't I?  Honestly.  I'm. just. tired.

Too often I wake up in the mornings and feel the burden of her care.  Fretting about paying her bills on time, and worrying at her being alone so much.  She really does like being a hermit, but I don't like her to get so hold up that she's fearful of every. little. thing.  I almost think she'd rather not have the questions of going anywhere unless she brings it up.  She's so utterly content to have her tiny routines, though it'd drive me nuts.  She loves not having therapists in her house all the time, and I totally get that.  But I forget that in most ways she's happy in her odd Swiss cheese mind.  Shoot, I fret more than she does.  She appears to be most occupied with just maintaining her routine.  It's simple and to the point, but it keeps her level.  

But in order to continue to care for her, even with her over at her house, and us here at ours, I need to put myself more at the top of the list.  If something happens to me health-wise, my family here would suffer more than my mom.

REST, and keeping my focus more with what's here in front of me.  And, by golly, that's a hard one, especially with my mom in constant need.  But, it's worth trying.  And as a bonus, I might even end up feeling really great.  Happy New Year.