It's been a year of challenges, partly with my friend, Patricia's death and with me joining the Anglican church. Big changes. Things that sink into you in a deep way. Changes that don't just come and go, but stick with you and maybe make you sit up straight. Hard stuff.
When I either get out or put away the Christmas decorations, I'm reminded each year of where we are at that very moment. Who's passed away, who's been born and anything else major that's new and different. Possibly 2 of our boys will have moved away within the coming months---one, pretty much, for certain. And I'm not sure where our oldest daughter's relationship to sweet Indian boyfriend will be by the end of 2013. He'll have finished up his culinary schooling, but will have to get settled into a job as well. He's got, what they call, an externship to fulfill, and that may require him to be out of town to train too. Who knows?
I've got to trust the Lord with it. ALL of it. As a mother, it's too easy to pick at things, and inflict my personal longings on things. To burden my blossoming children with what I want for them. Usually I keep my mouth shut, and that holds its own frustrations. To see your children struggle when a word from you could make a difference, but knowing you have to keep silent. Not easy.
So, while I'm a bit anxious about what's to come, I do realize it's not my job to manage all of it. My name tag does not say God on it.
(photo from eduardo on morguefile)
