Tuesday's trivia

• baby chicks in cardboard box sound just like a bunch of sparrows
• not sure when they'll start the cluck-cluck talk
• tomorrow will look in attic for collapsible soft-sided baby bed
• would be perfect for putting chicks in for a bit of sunshine
• gary's brought home wood and roofing for a coop
• they were scraps from a porch he saw being torn down today
• a neighbor down the street has plowed up their yard/side yard for crops
• not sure what i think, but gary's really, really miffed about it
• he's hoping the guy's not planting corn
• i said that maybe he's going to make it a decorative garden
• i got the look
• makes me laugh, nonetheless
• gary says it'll definitely be rows and rows of corn
• will have to drive by it tomorrow to see for myself
• me, i just do herbs and such
• lots of flowers
• don't think i'll put in anything additional into the garden this year but herbs
• i seem to fail at tomatoes, etc.
• but that's okay
• enjoying making tictures
• decanted 3 bottles of valerian/scullcap tincture for sleep 
• gary needs all 3 bottles to help him relax
• at one time
• type 'a' personality
• he gets in bed and his brain goes to town
• i get in bed and am asleep about 10 minutes after i shut my current book
• makes him roll his eyes at me
• which i miss since i'm asleep
• must go now to dose him with the stuff
• take care

Real life

Well, as it happens....extended family dynamics are not in a happy place now.  Not sure how to heal it, but with lots of prayer.  Even so, some things just get sort of messed up and we in our sinful lives, can't salvage them.  Sometimes they don't get any better. Dang it.

And guess if someone has to be the black sheep, I'll step up to the plate, though not quite sure how that happened.  Put one non-believer who happens to be an extreme anti-Christian, liberal and all around angry, though he can be nice when he wants to be, oldest brother in a situation with other believers (one charismatic/name it-and claim it who is my mom and one emergent church post-modern preacher man who is other brother and me a new anglican) and it's a bit like the 'one bad apple' story, where the rotten fruit affects everything in its path.  It ain't pretty. Head banging nonsense.  Oh, and my oldest brother isn't at fault ever; must be my mom wanting to show compassion on her firstborn, dunno.  Do you sense some angst on my part?  Yeah, figured.

So, am in bed again, with the window open and much quiet time planned for this week.

And honestly, I share these things to be open that life is often ugly and it's okay to talk about it.  I have very few secrets, and it's not like I'm telling tales out of school.  This Internet blogging business is usually about puppies, sunshine and dust-free houses. What's up with that?  Crafts and getting-it-all-done, and having time to get all prettied up for the husband when he gets home. Children who behave, never act up and meals that cover the 4 food groups.  Please.  Life isn't that tidy.

I find that mine is too often dis-jointed and frustrating.  Vacuuming that gets neglected, mess that accumulates on kitchen surfaces as quick as a wink, and meals that empty the refrigerator more often than not.

I remember someone saying something in the recent past about how every so often friends aren't meant to be your friends forever.  There is sometimes a shelf life to relationships.  I agree with that, not that friends are things to be toyed with, but there are occasions when we meet, share and move apart.  Odd when that happens with families.  When blood relatives lose their interest in you or your opinions.  With my extended family, our shelf life is about past its due date. Accepting that, while painful, is almost a relief.  I feel I can move on a bit.  Push that situation behind me just for awhile and move on.  Focus on what's in front of me and not be so bogged down.  Get well.  Hear me?  Get WELL.

I wish the preceding paragraphs were just a fantasy that I've made up.  A story in my head that wants to get down on paper, but it's true life.  And it's sad.

Facing things...

~painting by carl holsoe

Resting in bed.  Necessary, and so nice.

Thinking about a certain situation we've been involved in.  Realizing I've not dealt with it and need to.  Funny how things lurk in the back of your mind until you process them thoroughly.  Stuff leaves a trail that has to be dealt with.  Odd how that happens.

And no matter how busy you are, it's still there sneaking up on you when you least expect it.  A person will call or an event will happen---just something to bring the annoying issue to mind.  For me it was a text message from a person out of the family who was part of something I'd rather put in the waste bucket.  Brother.  Can't we get past this?

Wish I was better at taking care of things when they happen, but life is so busy, and it's so easy to shove things aside.  And it's not avoidance so much as just busyness.  The brain is a curious organ.  It along with our hearts scream out to be listened to.  And that's something I really need to work on.

A rainy Saturday

"Sometimes life is too difficult to be lived.  So it's better to be sick for a bit." ~from 'Wise Child' by Monica Furlong

Mercy.  Here I am, taking a pretty extensive herbalist class, and I've felt ill more often than not this year of 2013.  Can't seem to shake stuff. But with taking this class, you'd figure I'd know what to toss down my throat.  Huh.  I will say, though, that I had an epiphany sort of moment last night, thinking of the struggle we had with one of the boys, last month.  I've got a chronic skin condition that attacks my hands (my wrists now) when I'm stressed.  That's a problem now, as is a sorethroatcoughcoughcough thing that's come to call. Again.  The throat's better, but I was up until about 4am with the cough last night/this morning. Again I say, mercy.

Finally got some relief with an herbal tea oldest daughter had bought, and I put some lemon/honey into a brown glass bottle with a dropper to shoot down my throat.  That was a yummy alternative.

Anyway, this week I need to focus on myself.  I've often found it interesting that health issues aren't timely.  It's not that we can ever be prepared to be sick. All the clothes washed and folded, all the kids behaving, the bills paid, the kitchen stocked with food, toilet paper in abundance, and the grass cut.  THEN and only then are we ready for something to smack us upside the head.  But that's not what happens.  We get sick mostly when things AREN'T going smoothly. When life begins to pinch a bit.  Because we've allowed ourselves to be beaten down.

Holding up my hand for that one.  I thought I had things under control, but each Monday morning when it's time to do schoolwork again, and the house is, once again, in after-weekend-mess-mode then I get all rankled.  The pattern continues.

As Gary says, "We've all got a wheelbarrow full of junk to carry around, but the thing is, we all have our own junk."  Too true.

The rat race we find ourselves on, however, can be changed (talking to myself).  It's so easy to feel overwhelmed when what outside our own realm gets wonky.  I need to deal with me right now.  I've got a responsibility to take care of my family, and when I'm sick, so much doesn't get done.  That's my focus this week.  Me.  And, you know. Nothing self-consuming about that, but just a good attitude about self-care.

Friday night

nora & madelyn, w/ anon. chicks on floor

Just trying to get caught up.  Failing miserably.  The house needs vacuuming very badly since the dust and fur from the dogs is EVERYwhere.  It's really shameful, but I cough at the least encouragement, so less busyness really is mandatory.

But chicken life is fun.  Gary and I had to pick up two of the kids from a dinner with their Sunday School class tonight, and when we got back, the remainder of the kids were blocked in the kitchen and playing with the chickens.  Gary says it's like watching a tiny circus.  Or an aquarium.  Or a fire in the fireplace. Just watching them is a kick.

We really have to watch the big dogs.  The pugs are curious about the chicks, but more interested in their feed.  We left the kitchen unattended day before yesterday for only about 2 minutes, really, 2 minutes.  In that time, Opal our shepherd/husky had pushed aside the dog gate, gotten to the cardboard box the chicks are in, left some awful chew marks on the side of the box and was in the process of trying to knock it over.  In two minutes?  Seriously?  Thankfully the water container in the box is heavy and weighted it down enough to prevent Opal from having a snack.

Second son says we'd better think of the chickens as goldfish rather than pets.  He might have the right idea.

Thursday morning

The roses were brought home from oldest daughter's job this week.  So pretty, and they smell wonderful.  As to life on the farm here (my goodness), chickens are really easy to add to the household.  My husband was on Craig's List after bringing home the chicks, looking at a guy's beehive set-up down in Mississippi that he was selling.  I think Gary's unaware of the small space we live in here.  Quite the one for animal husbandry, but has a blind spot in terms of square footage.  Kidding.  I will say, though, that he keeps us on our toes. For as long as I've known him, Gary, from time to time, has the deep need to stir the pot.  And we keep stirring it.  But that's just us.  At least the kids will have interesting memories to sift through when they're off and grown with their own houses.  Probably they'll all shun children and pets.  We've probably damaged them for life!

It'll be nice, though, when Gary's able to build the chicks' pen/chicken coop/outdoor hotel area.  He's got some things put back at the shop, and is researching best wire to use, etc., to keep out the raccoons, rats and all.  Too bad you have to think that way, but really, chickens are pretty dumb and innocent.  As of now, they stay in their box in the kitchen, and are in our room at night.  We've had to put an old window screen on their box when we're not playing with them.  Two of the chicks have flying aspirations.  And for the most part, the dogs leave them alone, but our shepherd thinks she wants to play with them, and since she's so huge, it's a task to get her past the box and outside without her getting all aggressive on us.

Oh, and thanks to MK for her link to Penelope Trunk the other day, and a curtsey to Trunk for her link suggestion.  I've gotten our three youngest (the only ones homeschooling now) interested in Khan Academy, with their free online classes.  Very, very good.  Gives me a much-needed break from sitting down with them, and it's a treat to leave the teaching responsibility to someone else for a change.

Must go now.  Oldest daughter has also brought home some Method spray cleaner for me (pink grapefruit), and a bottle of Mrs. Meyer's Radish scent dish soap.  My main weakness---fancy cleaners.  Who knew?  Oh, and in the photo, you can see my tiny Snow White.  Another favorite of mine.  I tend to change her dress every other day.  Small indulgences.

Have a sweet day.

Nora, Madelyn, Anastasia, Milk and Piglet

~the proud father

~daisy says she likes to eat chicken

~blurry 'cause they're always moving

Break-time

Taking some time off from blogging.  When I decided last night I wanted to do that, felt such a sense of relief.  One less thing to think about.  Life has just been too full lately, and am needing to limit what I do.  Living 3-dimensionally sounds pretty good as well.

For those of you who know me, you have my email address.  I'll check in with my iPod for emails, but will be gone otherwise.

See you later on.

Friday's jagged thoughts

Having a bit of a rest before making the least one's cake.  Curried chicken's in the big enamel pot (and smells wonderful simmering away), and we're all in varied stages of a sorethroatsnifflynosecough sort of thing.  Least it's not an exhausting illness, but we're able to function.  Fatigue is always a drag.

And thinking, like everyone, of Boston and all that's going on up there.  Mixed emotions, and am sad today about the MIT cop who died being that he was 26, and about the age of my oldest children.  I can't imagine his parents' pain. Devastating.  Not so sad for the other young man who died, since murderers don't tend to draw my sympathy.  I do feel for his family and their aches.  Such complicated emotions.  A parent never wants to witness the death of their own children, but when they're involved in heinous acts, must be even more strange.

But thankful we're all well here, if not in a health-wise way, at least in spirit.  The children are all doing fine in many ways, and I'm proud of them.  Parenting continues to be a challenge, but tell me when it isn't.

Neighbors still haven't moved (tapping foot), but am hopeful this weekend will see the back of them.  Curiously enough, when we moved here 23 years ago, our realtor had said that when you move into a neighborhood with older houses, choose one that needs the most work.  In other words, the ugliest one, and make it up the standards of the others.  Well, we did that.  Unfortunately, with many older people living here then, they've since passed away and landlords have bought up those houses.  From our front porch I can count over 8 rentals.  Not all are occupied now, 2 are up for grabs, and one's burned out with plywood on the windows, and 2 on the other side of me are empty (not rentals).  It's a neighborhood in transition, and could go either way.  We still love it here, however, but sadly our joy is often tempered by who is allowed to rent across the street.  I personally think the house is haunted in some way because EVERY person who's lived there has had issues.  Every single one.

Must think happy thoughts now.  I've got a cake to bake!

Thursday afternoon's thoughts

Resting in bed.  Tuckered out.  Got all the clothes washed and hung out pretty early, thinking the wind we're having (pre-rainstorm sort of wind) would dry things pretty quickly.  Right on all counts.

And reading a new Joanna Trollope book, this one called The Soldier's Wife.  She's one of my favorites, and she never disappoints.  Not far into it, so that's my treat for the rest of the day.

Tomorrow is the least one's eleventh birthday, and Gary and I've already shopped for her.  Will need to pick up some groceries for the dinner of her choice, though, which will be Chicken Curry on Basmati rice (my new-found favorite food since it cooks up so beautifully), green beans and Italian Cream Cake (swoon-worthy).  Probably run that errand in the morning, since the rain will make a mess later on this evening.

Oh, and our neighbors who have driven us NUTS are supposedly moving today.  Bring out the streamers and balloons. Can't wait for them to leave.  I know.  You're saying that I don't show much Christian charity, aren't you?  Well, now. That's okay.  Let some folks move into your neighborhood who trash the front yard,  put their speakers on the front stoop and play Rap music, use old mattresses and box springs for trampolines, carve up the Oak tree in their yard, fuss about pulling up their garbage can, and generally swear and carry on every weekend, and we'll talk again.  Not to mention the teenagers who show up from 'who knows where' to hang out and fill the street with their common behavior.  Not sure Christian charity even enters into the picture.  Anyhow, there will be pony rides for the kids too. You should come.

Guess that's it from me.  Ready to chill for a bit.  Waffles and sausage for dinner.  Yum.

Piles

Been going through the piles of magazines I've collected over the years.  Can't get rid of the Victorias, or the Country Homes, but am able to, pretty much, tear up the Country Livings (US and UK), and the Romantic Homes without breaking into a sweat.  

Like lots of folks, I don't think Victoria is what it used to be.  I did buy a new copy today, since it's the French style one, but usually I pass it up.  Even when the new editor took over (the current one), the magazine suited me, but then it seemed to get a bit prissy....little by little.  It's not cozy so much anymore, but very dressy, and I'm not the dressy sort.  One friend called me a Bohemian one time, and while that seems to be a bit extreme, it fits what I like to see in a magazine.  More laid-back, not so fixed up and maybe a tad more livable.  

Anyway, it's nice to whittle down my piles of stuff.  Not done, but enjoying the process.

Crazy stuff

You should hear my husband talking as he's browsing the Internet.  I think he's gone chicken mad.  It's interesting that hen-raising doesn't have to be expensive, and really, is quite cheap.  And turns out we can use one of the dog kennels as a coop while they're young.  (what are we doing???)  My one stipulation was that he not surprise me by bringing in little chicks without fair warning.  My nerves are so stretched right now that if he brought home a charming little box of peepers I might go over the deep-end, you know.

In other news:  The landlord of our annoying neighbors dropped by to talk to them today, and I can only hope it was a reminder that they're supposed to LEAVE.  (pardon me)  The daily late afternoon routine of 8-9 teenaged boys milling about the street and wandering through front yards while occasionally using foul language is getting a bit old.  The girls can't even go outside without being gawked at.  Like they've not seen girls before?  Please.  One of the young ones was riding a grocery cart down the street this afternoon.  Thankfully he didn't hit any parked cars, ours included.  The curb, yes, cars, no.  Obviously I have no sympathy for any injuries he might sustain (which were nil).

Do these children even have parents?

Reminds me of our dog, Romeo, and his tawdry behavior lately.  Really?  Haven't you seen a girl dog before?  Control yourself.  It doesn't make us like you any more, rather the reverse.

I hear chickens are very soothing animals to raise.  I could use some farm life to settle my shattered nerves, don't you think?

'Folk Art Needlecraft' by Clare Youngs

What a delightful book. Clare Youngs' Folk Art Needlecraft has something for just about anyone who enjoys free-hand embroidery.  And this isn't for only the experienced stitcher.  Youngs includes basic stitch instructions in the back of the book, along with very clearly drawn templates.

The variety of projects is amazing, with 35 different pieces to make including:  a darling little pin doll which the author says is based on traditional Guatemalan worry dolls.  They're very tiny and fit snuggly into a small child's hands.  That's probably my very favorite project in the book.  There are pot holders, craft bags, a make-up bag, a quilt and a playmat, decorated espadrilles, and even covered buttons.  And that's just scratching the surface of what's shown.  Everything is dressed up with embroidery in designs that hale from China, Japan, Sweden, Eastern Europe, the Incas and more.  And what's wonderful is that with her work being so unusual, your finished products will be unique as well.  She guides you, but you're not locked into completing your pieces exactly like hers.

This book would be a perfect addition to any stitcher's collection.  I'd offer you mine, but would rather not lend it out!

(i received this book free to review from CICO books)

Sunday afternoon

Thinking about making tomorrow a Domestic Science sort of day. I'm hankering to go through some piles of decorating magazines, and just need to re-arrange things and putter.  Tuesday we're going to the library, which tends to take the bulk of the day and Wednesday I have the Intercessory Prayer group to go to at church.  Easy to stay busy, that's for sure.  With remembering Patricia's passing a year later today, and thinking on Gary's friend who just had the stroke, I want to enjoy the days more.  Stress less over schoolwork and just live.  Hear me?  Just LIVE.

On that note.  Hey.  Gary's got a bee in his bonnet to get chickens. Like we need chickens?  He's got friends he's made through his e-cig forum who raise them, and seems to be a current fancy with several families in church as well.  And as it so happens, our priest just got 8 chickens himself.  They already have 4 dogs, so are as mentally-wanting as we are.  In the city. Chickens.  Huh.  I think either Gary or we collectively are nuts to even be having this conversation.  I ask him why and he says he likes the colors of the eggs, and then laughs and says that maybe finally we can have something living here that gives a return.  I site the Pugs as being my babies and he kindly backs off a bit.

We have no sense at all.  This is why we have eight kids, 4 dogs, one conure, and a small house.  We love lots of activity around us---meaning bodies and beating hearts---but aren't very realistic in what being adults requires.  We're both the same in that respect.  What a pair we are.

(photo of cluttery kitchen awhile back...looks the same today!)

Brilliant Lewis quote

"Long ago, before we were married, H. was haunted all one morning as she went about her work with the obscure sense of God (so to speak) 'at her elbow,' demanding her attention. And of course, not being a perfected saint, she had the feeling that it would be a question, as it usually is, of some unrepented sin or tedious duty. At last she gave in—I know how one puts it off—and faced Him. But the message was, 'I want to GIVE you something' and instantly she entered into joy."~ from C. S. Lewis' A Grief Observed

Saturday night

• tamale casserole is in the oven
• smells yummy
• we're eating late tonight, because i couldn't get it in gear
• daisy's better
• a sunny warm day is a help, since i believe her coughs are generated by weather changes
• neighbors haven't moved yet, but am optimistic
• don't like seeing large crowds of boys congregate, and the two boys in that house seem to draw a crowd
• always am leery of gang influences, and you just have to wonder
• our other loud neighbors across the street (we're on a corner) cranked up the tunes this morning, causing me to get really ornery
• when you can hear it in the house with the windows closed, it's too loud
• our kids were able to blow it off, but me, not so much
• flavored some tea today
• bought a box of Lipton's loose tea at the store and spilled it out in a bowl
• added powdered cardamom and some vanilla extract
• it smells wonderful
• when life is a bit stinky, you've got to do stuff that detracts you from the stink
• one of the interior designers gary works for had a stroke recently
• makes me very sad
• he's recovering, but is having to re-learn walking, and the saddest part to me is that he's having to learn how to write his name again
• makes you look at life with a different perspective
• my friend, patricia, passed away one year ago this weekend
• if i seem overly chattery, it's a defense mechanism
• i tend to be quiet, but when i'm upset, i get a bit talkative
• don't know what's up with that
• must go now
• dinner's smelling like it wants out of the oven
• take care

A yammering I go...

Sitting here in bed with the laptop in my lap.  Seems I've spent most of the day holding Daisy the pug in my lap, being that she has one of her coughs again.  We never seem to be able to anticipate when she'll get hit with them, but temperature changes and maybe blooming things appear to be key.  I have one more of the expensive cough pills a neighbor gave us for her to take later on.  I've divvied them out sparingly, knowing a trip to the vet is inevitable when this happens again.  Well, one day at a time is the saying that fits, I reckon.

And happily I can say that we think the annoying neighbors I blogged about recently are moving, and believe it's this weekend.  Least that's what one of the boys told our next door neighbor.  Couldn't be more pleased.  Don't want to sound too catty, but the noise they make and the numerous kids who bounce on mattresses in their front yard, after flying off of a shopping cart (which is the equivalent of a diving board) is really hard to take.  Quiet evenings after dinner with a hot drink on the front porch are missed.  When they move, hopefully those times with Gary can return. Why they seem unable to carry on a conversation without hollering is beyond me.  And it's not just the kids.  The adults are just as loud.

Looking forward to the weekend.  Had to take middle daughter to the dental school downtown yesterday, which always takes about 3 hours (on average), but I took my herbal books and such to read and study.  One sweet thing happened while I was there.  A woman sitting right beside me, waiting for her appointment, used her cell phone to call a friend to wish them a happy birthday.  She actually sang it right there.  I'd never have the nerve, and won't even use the phone to talk in front of other folks, but dearly loved hearing her sweetly sing.

Had to wonder, though, if I overdid putting on my perfume spray.  I was sitting on an end seat in the waiting room, and one of the nurses walked past me and briefly sniffed the air and told another nurse that it smelled like China Rain in there.  You know those cartoons when the character looks straight ahead with their eyes bugged out?  That was me. Yes, I was wearing China Rain, which I get at the hippie store, but no, didn't think I sprayed with abandon.  Might have to re-think my spraying technique.

Must watch our male dog for the next few days.  I think he wants a girlfriend, but with our three females having been surgically de-enhanced, I'm afraid he's outta luck.  Oldest daughter didn't want to get him physically adjusted, and I think he must be feeling the spring-time air.  Or a neighbor's female is catching the breeze.  Romeo (apt, don't you think?....shaking my head) keeps nudging our shepherd, Opal, who snarls at him.  Repeatedly.  He really is dumb as a bag of hammers, as Gary's fond of saying.  The stupidest dog I've ever owned.  Ah, that felt good to say.  Holding my tongue is hard at the best of times.

And I enjoyed MK's post this morning about technology.  She talks about the olden days (not that far back) when we didn't have our faces stuck in iPods, phones and such.  A very good post and one I agree with wholeheartedly.

Blah, blah, blah.  Must shut up now.  Second son bought fixings for chocolate chip cookies, and while he's at work has given me permission to make them.  So off I go.....

First homemade tinctures

My first homemade bottles of tincture are on the right-side of the top shelf. Put them up last night. Way to GO, me.  And, btw, it's Wood Betony---not an herb in the everyday garden or house, but one that was incredibly important in its day.  For depression as one use, and to get rid of evil spirits as well.  Who could ask for more? :)

Now, if you look behind those small, brown bottles (I got 4 of them from one batch), you can see a peanut butter jar and a small Mason jar.  One is a St. John's Wort tincture, and the other is a mixture of Scullcap and Valerian for sleep.  Those will be ready by the end of the month. Supposedly, you're supposed to begin making a tincture as the moon goes into its waxing stage, and finish up as it becomes full.  I'm a bit offtrack, but it's a cool idea.

And in the other small Mason jars on the second and bottom shelves, I have put Kelp, Yellow Dock and Bee Pollen in capsules for easier taking, but of course, in separate jars. I'm having such a wonderful time learning and doing. It's what I'm meant to be doing, if that makes sense.  I get so excited reading about the herbs, finding out about the cures and now, actually making the mixtures.  Fulfills a need deep inside me.  Gary calls me Witchy Woman, and since he signed me up for the Herbalist Class, guess he's allowed.

Monday night

~painting by carl holsoe

Golly, what a day of driving.  Got up early to take fourth son downtown to the dentist.  Then two hours later dropped him off at work to the north side of town. Went home, ate lunch, took a short nap, went over schoolwork.  Then took third son to look at stuff at a shop he wanted to visit, and then dropped him off at work to the east of town.  Directly from there picked up fourth son at work to return to the dentist to pick up whitening trays for his teeth so he'll look like a movie star. Waaaay too much driving for me, especially being that I have a Suburban which drinks gas like nobody's business.

When I got home, I felt like I'd been on rides at the fairgrounds.  Too much movement for a homebody like me.  Gracious.

Now I'm all tucked up into bed, thinking of taking a bath and finishing the cup of tea that sits beside me.  Tomorrow ought to be pretty laid back.  A short grocery store trip, no surprises (fingers crossed) and just puttering along.  We're supposed to get some wild rain on Wednesday, but you know how that is.  We'll see about that.

I need a day of quietness, hand sewing, washing dishes and preparing one of my tinctures that should be ready to decant into a pretty brown bottle.  Just me stuff. :)

Well-said

"One came out of the church with a kind of comfortable and satisfied feeling that something had been done that needed to be done, and that was all I knew about it.  And now, as I consider it after many years, I see that it was very good that I should have got at least that much of religion in my childhood.  It is a law of man's nature, written into his very essence, and just as much a part of him as the desire to build houses and cultivate the land and marry and have children and read books and sing songs, that he should want to stand together with other men in order to acknowledge their common dependence on God, their Father and Creator.  In fact, this desire is much more fundamental that any purely physical necessity."~from Thomas Merton's book The Seven Storey Mountain

An Art Gripe

ring display in different setting....

Feeling squirmy and like my life doesn't fit just right.  Woke up that way, then went out to an art gallery with one son.  That didn't help. Funny thing---one of the shows was local art.  Weeeelllll, a particular display first appeared like there must've been workmen around doing workmen sort of stuff, considering what was on the floor.  In the dining room of the gallery (a re-done huge home that's really classy), there were two piles of plastic piping, like irrigation pipe cut and put into rings like hula hoops.  Just about the same size.  There were two piles in the middle of the floor, with about 10 rings in each pile.  But not workman goods, but according the the printed card on the wall, a REAL ART DISPLAY.  Give me a big fat break.  Post-modern art is so often a big crock.  I went to art school.  I know that often that hairbrained ideas get to be in the show.  Brother.

Now really.  If the person who put up this garbage wanted their name to be known, they'd do something worthwhile, but as it is, I remember the lousy hula hoops.  Their name is lost to me.  But they got accepted.  Go figure that one out.

On the other hand, the gardens were lovely.  Tulips about done, but the reds still beautiful, daffodils gorgeous and fluffy, but not much else out of note but the ornamental cherries, which are a treat just now.

Not meaning to sound ornery, but I never have understood poor excuses for artistic expression.  I have a very large, messy pile of books by my bed, but is it creative-looking and worthy of note?  Well, 'course not.  And our garden hose curled up in the backyard isn't a Picasso either.

Just makes a person wonder.  Mediocrity.  That's what I call it.  Yet, if the so-called artist was trying to get a rise out of folks, they completed their mission.  End of story.

Thoughts on Mothering

Was talking to one of the boys this afternoon before he went to work, and was telling him that it's plain difficult to cover everything we need to cover with each of the kids.  Said that the sheer number of children we're tending to is mind blowing.  He understood.  He's our recently wayward child.  And probably he's the most sensitive.  He wants to understand and as he's been quiet lately (no electronic gizmos), I've seen the old son coming back to us.  He's good about hearing me out and trying to get into my head.  I like that.

Sometimes one of our boys (a different one) in particular seems to want us to have it all figured out.  Not sure if he needs reassurance, security or whathaveyou, but I'm not always able to satisfy him.  Sadly I can't claim to know diddly squat.  Sort of playing it by ear as I go.

My parents seemed to have it in hand when I was growing up.  They were the adults and we were the children.   End of story.  No comment to add to that, but there was a serious line dividing them from us.  With our kids, that isn't how we've raised them.  And while I don't think being buds with them is always the focus to take, they do need authority figures.  Just don't always feel capable of being the grown-up.  I have way too many questions myself.

So far so good.  I married a man who's seriously street smart and he married me, whoever that is.  It's up for grabs.  At least I'm sincere, and wildly domestic.  Guess that might be my claim to fame.

Guess when it's all said and done, I want to be known as a mom who loved fiercely and also allowed her children to be themselves.  Whoever that is.  To encourage a strong faith in God Almighty and a joy in living. Gary might be more the life enthusiast, but I sure do love all of them.  And yes, fiercely.

A rainy Thursday

This has been a very nice, quiet day.  Rainy too, and that always makes me feel more settled.  Got up late (as I planned), had my tea and gradually the rest of my brood got up.  I encouraged middle daughter to go back and snuggle down, and she tucked into our bed until mid-afternoon.  Sometimes the world has to be kept at bay while we recover from whatever life throws at us.  Seems, here lately, life has thrown more than we can handle, so we adjust.

We were so tired after working at our friend's house packing boxes yesterday, and today has been a wonderful break.  And even when we got back from her house, I told one of the kids that I'm always so relieved to get back home after leaving for a bit.  Doesn't have to be long, just enough to make me yearn for our house.  I actually get desperately hungry to be home.  Such a relief to walk in the door again.

Anyway, that's life here.  Quiet today, a tidy house, and will take a few of the kids out later on for shopping. One has a Target need and I'll be chauffeur.  Nothing pressing (which is a pleasant change of pace) and all is well.  Least mostly so.

Midweek rambles

• still scratching our heads over the son who's a bit muzzy-headed himself
• he's still under house arrest/grounding/whateveryouwannacallit, but the next step has yet to show itself
• we're confused
• tired of talking
• i read my previous post, while full of parental wisdom, is a bit more of a challenge
• what was i thinking?
• needing a vacation from the worries of parenthood
• in other news...
• question...what do you do about a situation when you're paid too generously for a job and don't feel right about accepting it?
• some of the kids and i helped someone, and they paid way too much for our services
• what's your first instinct?
• we didn't realize it until we were headed home and opened the check
• wowza
• thinking i'll take tomorrow OFF
• yeah, we'll do schoolwork, but i need to shut off my brain
• gary laughs at me when he has a heckuva time getting to sleep
• i'll climb into bed, turn over and, click, i'm in lala land
• he's jealous, but at least grins and shakes his head
• see, he has this brain that goes into overdrive once he hits the bed
• me, not so much
• i'm thinking my body and head are so exhausted at the end of the day, that escape is the best option
• running away from home is option #2
• asked second son, who's got an apartment now, if on the nights he sleeps here (about once a week), we can treat his place as a sort of beach house
• no, it's not on the beach, but i have a pretty lively imagination
• he said no
• shoot, i was thinking i'd gotten him at a weak moment, and he'd agree
• huh
• well, anyway...think i'll wander off and read or something
• sadly won't be going to the beach