Good news

You'll love this.  Regarding the man who didn't follow through on Monday when he said he'd call back about my truck, did in fact call Gary late yesterday afternoon.  Asked if my truck was still for sale, said he'd be here this afternoon with a tow truck, and he actually did buy it.  Hallelujah!  Exhale.  Also I'll add his excuse wasn't listed in my previous rant, his being he'd been working 16 hour days.  Accepted. :)

And Madelyn has now laid 2 eggs this week, one day apart.  Today's is regular large-egg sized and the first one was more of a medium.  Not sure why I'm telling you this, but we found it interesting.  And, if you wash them fresh, they aren't going to keep as well.  There's some sort of covering when they're new, pretty much makes them germ-free.  Also, they keep better unwashed and on the counter than in the fridge.  You know those photos of folks with bowls of fresh eggs out in the kitchen?  Perfectly acceptable, but hard to get my head around.

I am TIRED.  Praying the way I have is hard work, but sure has been a blessing to see God at work.  He's been so quiet, but we've been hanging in there.  Not out of the dark yet, but some vapor sales would come in handy just about now.

Silly, but as the tow truck was backing up in the driveway, I noticed my magnet on the bumper of the Suburban that said 'I love my Pug.'  Told the kids that I wished Gary would notice right then and pull it off. They quickly said, "But you don't have anything to put it on."  Huh.  Ride-less and laptop-less.  Darn.

In time.  All in good time.

Say what you mean, and mean what you say...

Well, no, the man who called Saturday about our truck for sale and said he'd call on Monday did not in fact call.  Second man who's said one thing and not followed through.  This seems to be a current problem with folks these days. They say what you want to hear, I guess not wanting to face your displeasure if you fuss at them.  Or maybe they don't know what they want.  Or maybe they're chicken.  Or possibly they're liars. Nah, that can't be it.

A neighbor asked for our boys to help them load a truck for pay.  This was Sunday.  Have we heard back as to when they need them?  No.  It was supposed to be on Monday or Tuesday.

I was offered schoolbooks from another neighbor over 2 weeks ago, and she said she'd get them to me the next day.  I called her last week (drumming fingers), reminding her that I needed to get my booklist in before September, or we'd be considered truants.  She called full of apologies a couple of days ago.

You might say I'm making much of out nothing, but I don't think so.  It's easy to allow people to make excuses.  To allow that life is so busy.  To give them an out which in fact proves their word means nothing.

We've tried to drum in our kids the importance of sticking to their word.  That if they promise a particular thing, that they follow through, even if it's uncomfortable.  Then you have no regrets.

I just get tired of getting my hopes up about a myriad of situations and not seeing the fruit of the promise. Where people used to say that 'their word is their bond' isn't the way of the world anymore, and I think that's sad.

'Forever Friday' by Timothy Lewis

Sometimes a book review is difficult to write, and this is another of those times. While I was drawn to Timothy Lewis' book called Forever Friday by the sales pitch on the publisher's site, and by the cover, I was soon overwhelmed by his overuse of descriptive writing and mushy plot line.

I understand his story of a weekly postcard sent to the wife by the husband was drawn on the true story of his great-aunt and uncle, but the book soon made me moan out loud.

Adam, an estate dealer, is the main character and is mourning the loss of his marriage through divorce.  He wants to do it right the second time around, if there really is a second time.  He's attracted to a collection of old postcards written from one spouse to another that span many decades, and wants to discover the secret of their successful marriage.

Adam drove me nuts with his whining about wanting a perfect marriage, and his 'woe is me' attitude was both immature and irritating.  He even tracks down the daughter of the couple's housekeeper in hopes of possibly returning the cards, but becomes emotionally involved with her instead, which appeared to me a bit desperate.  Her stories cause him to be further drawn into the history of the couple, and he's overly fascinated with several aspects of the couple's romance. That he was so astounded with their lives seemed a bit over the top to me, but maybe that's me being too critical.  He was constantly having light bulb moments in comparing his marriage with the Alexander's relationship, which caused me to wonder at his ability to relate to women.

Also, I was busy shaking my head at his overuse of period terms, I think trying to show the readers that he'd adequately researched what folks did in the first half of the twentieth century.  Lots of smoking, (which was common, and does prove valid at the end of the book) and also alcohol consumption, but this was partly during the Prohibition, which seemed a bit odd.  His main characters professed to be Christians, but had no qualms with drinking and violating the law.

What stands out so strongly in the story is the way the couple idolized one another.  Their love trumped any situation, and at times the wife, Huck, became a crybaby when she didn't get her way.  She made much of them never being separated, to the extent of causing a major situation, which resulted in another person's death.  Again, not very realistic.

Not to drone on, but while Lewis appears to be a good writer as far as sentence construction and all, his overly sentimental style was frustrating to read.  He can put together excellent dialogue, but what the characters said was, again, way too lovey-dovey.  People don't act that way.  But maybe fiction is the perfect vehicle for this sort of escape reading.  Considering the positive reviews at GoodReads, it appears Lewis has found his niche, it just won't be with me.

(i received this advance reader's copy free to review from waterbrook/multnomah)

'Notes from the Tilt-A-Whirl' by N. D. Wilson

N. D. Wilson's book Notes from the Tilt-A-Whirl is magical, simply that.  In reading it I was reminded of God's hugeness and also His sense of humor.  And while I'd admit to the book often being a bit 'out there,' which makes sense after a friend said the book wasn't linear, it all did fall into place.  I will say, though, that I never did understand his chapter titles.  Those didn't make a lick of sense.

Maybe right-brainers would easily get WIlson's style of writing.  I tend to be smack in the middle of the right/left brain debate, every quiz says so, and while sometimes his phrases would hit home, often I'd be wrinkling my forehead and stumbling along.

Bottom line---Wilson says "We have been created as recipients."  We're God's creation and He can choose to run things any way He chooses.  Life is art.  Yes. Life can be and is messy. Another yes.  But it's still God's.

Wilson takes some getting used to.  I'm familiar with his writing and also his dad's from 'Credenda Agenda.' I never fully understood that magazine either, but even so, it still had some darn good meat in it.

(i received this book free to review from booksneeze/thomas nelson)

Saturday's thoughts

• holding Daisy the Pug in my lap---she's all flat like pancake, a very fat pancake
• going to the grocery store later (more manna), and then buying flowers for the altar---thinking I'll go Shabby Chic this time
• struggling just a tad with arranging the flowers---I'm used to doing an arrangement that looks good on all sides, but with altar flowers, you're making them look good on the side facing out---can't seem to get that straight in my head
• Gary had a caller about my truck today, says he'll call back on Monday---was okay on the price, but we've been at this place before---folks don't always follow through, but will pray heartily that this gentleman has a wonderful weekend and feels generous about parting with some cash afterward :)
• reading some Frederick Buechner....my, my he writes beautiful sentences
• you'd think he was Southern by style, but I believe he was raised up North
• enjoyed sweet Indian boyfriend's graduation last night---and after the service his folks invited oldest daughter and I out to dinner with their extended family to have Chinese with them, their treat!
• curious to be out with a group of Indians, the two of us being the minority
• some of them have very thick accents
• but I will say this---SIB's family is comprised of very strong Christians (with some Hindus thrown in for good measure, who live out of town), and when the men pray (as his uncle did before we ate), there's such a power in their prayers---bold and no-nonsense
• very wonderful
• for those of you with my address, our house is now on G**gle street views---funny because fourth son can be seen walking toward our house---he remembers the day the G**gle truck passed by, last summer---his face is blurred, though
• and our next door neighbor is mowing his grass with one of those push mowers---instant celebrities
• must go make my grocery list---what you can make with manna is limited :)  
• I've always visualized manna as looking like cotton candy
• whatever....

Friday afternoon

Oldest daughter and I went to the first gathering of, what will be, monthly Bunco at church last night.  We had such fun....really everyone agreed it was nice to just be silly.  Our priest's wife, who is very unconventional given her role, said it was like playing nothing.  The game is so ridiculous, but we laughed and turned off our worries.  All of us, it seemed.  And oldest daughter got one prize that allowed for her to be hostess next month, so she and I will buy inexpensive gifts for that go-round.  Nonsense is always a good idea.  I hadn't played in over 25 years, and didn't remember one thing about how to play, but thankfully you don't have to be intelligent to get it. :)

And it was interesting, speaking of our priest's wife.  She was telling me as we were cleaning up that there'd been an upheaval at her work.  She said that 55% of the work force had been laid off, but she wasn't one of them.  Something about over thirty folks lost their jobs.  Then she shared about how one woman would have to move out of her apartment in the next couple of weeks and a few other sad stories.  As she talked, I began to get fearful, thinking for those few moments that God had taken His Hands off of us.  I know this to NOT be true, but fear really is a powerful emotion.

To cap it all off, I thought this was sweet.  Last night Gary and I were in our bedroom reading, and the girls were in the kitchen (off of our room) fixing something to drink.  They were singing together some honeysuckle song from John Wayne's movie, 'McLintock'.  They'd sing it one way then another, in harmony and not.  Just having fun.  Gary made the remark, "I'm so glad we have such happy kids."  Pretty much puts life in perspective.

In other news, same daughter and I will go to sweet Indian boyfriend's graduation tonight.  She's getting off early to rest a bit before we have to leave.  Hoping the rest of the weekend can be quiet and peaceable.  No frets (well, there's not a thing I can do about them anyway, can I?) and recuperation from the week's busyness.

Take care.

At the finish line...

Okay, so you're going to regret having visited my blog today, because I have my rant pants on.

I don't have a clue as to what's going on, but it's clear that the Lord is at work.  I'm just not keen on how things are playing out.  My truck is dead (as you're aware). My laptop has, what appears to be, a fried motherboard.  I have one more serving of clothes soap and about 2 tablespoons of dish soap to finish out the day, and we're broke.  Not just sorta broke, but really broke.

One of our kids talked about someone the other day who mentioned how poor they were, but it wasn't our kind of broke.  They weren't able to indulge in a vacation or something to that effect, and were harping on the fact that they were unconvenienced.  I'd say that's not that awful of a predictament to be in.  Least you have grocery money.  And quickly I'll follow that to say that we always eat. Never fear.  Always food on the table, just sometimes a bit more unusual than I'd prefer.  The combinations can be startling.

Gary's busy working on two bookshelves for the church---they're doing a remodel of an area, which will be a gathering room sort of place, and he volunteered his time, and our youngest son's as well, to do coffers on the ceiling, which are amazing.  Just saying...he has been busy.

As for now, his phone is silent, but he has things for sale, including my truck.

I've heard it said that if your life is going swimmingly, then you're not on the evil one's radar, but if the opposite is true, be thankful.  You're doing something right. Well, the only thing I'm doing today is gripe, and not sure of the appropriateness of my mood.  I'm just tired of making do, while we wait for something to happen.

Like the women who wait to see if they're expecting a baby---every month waiting and watching.  Then crying when their wishes aren't answered.  Or like praying for someone to turn to the Lord and you wait and wait, and nothing seems to happen.  It's the not knowing that's such an effort.  P U.  I realize that's not a very prayerful attitude, but I'm human.  I'm allowed to show that side of myself.  It's the folks who always behave as if everything's fine that get to me.  It's okay to admit that life is hard.  You're not bad for feeling that way.

I did say to Gary last night, though, that I seem to be caught (this very minute) in a situation where I'm more drawn to what I think won't happen, than what I believe He can do.  I'm going to the dark place.  Maybe it's exhaustion.

Anyway, I know something will break.  It always does.  I tend to have to get to the place called surrender before He works.  Just having the ability to say, "Whatever.  It's in Your hands.  I give up.  You can have the house, the kids, my marriage, my refrigerator,  my kitchen cupboards, and all my stuff.  I ain't got nothing to fight with, so have at it."

So, now, let's sit back and watch.

Blogging by phone :)

By necessity this will be short...just miss tapping my fingers here. Updating those of you who pop in here.

I was washing dishes, this morning, and suddenly my heart got to beating up a storm.  My cue from the Lord to pay attention to the gut feeling I have at that particular moment. This was about calling my mom, which I did, and we proceeded to have a nice, newsy, and low-key chat. Quite nice.

And it's interesting, but it seems as if the Lord is shrinking my life up a bit.  Several things have happened lately that force me to pay better attention to what's in front of me.  Not always comfortable, but probably beneficial in the long run. 

Well, must go. Take care all.

Computer issues

Laptop sorta dead...will have to troubleshoot. Turns on, lights on the keyboard turn on, but it won't boot up. Writing this from my phone using my index finger. Not. fun. Just saying why I might be absent for a bit. Borrowing everyone else's computer doesn't appeal, but at least there's that!  I'll see you when I see you. :)

Another 'pass the cheese' moment...

I figure my blogging reputation is one of a person who, pretty much, tells it like it is.  Not looking for the pretty aspect of life, so much as the accurate one.  I take that back.  I'd prefer life not be so difficult so the darling stuff would outweigh the things that drive me nuts.  But as it is, and generally stays, we're cutting that idea close.

Got to thinking on things last night, or tried to.  I was sitting in the dark on the front porch, and it was cool and nice out there.  Then after about five minutes, our across-the-street neighbors decided to congregate out on their porch, talking VERY LOUD so that I could hear every word.  I just don't get that.  And when they get on the phone it's worse. Why people have to be so noisy I do not understand.  It's like they're competing for air time.

Well.  Then I figured I'd go out back and sit.  I've got it figured out that (have done this before) if the neighbors get loud, I can be in the backyard and our house sort of serves as a barrier, and I can't hear them so well.  So, here we go again.  With the dogs inside and the chickens all cooped up, that seemed appealing. That is, until the Pugs realized I was outside and they told oldest daughter to let them out. Okay fine.  They did their business and I put them back inside, and whattayaknow but 10 minutes later, they were pulling the same stunt though they'd asked a different child to open the door.  Clever.  I like spending time with them too, but all the time?  No.

I just wanted to be by myself.  It'd been a busy day anyhow with taking fourth son to the dental school.  We got out early there, which was a nice change, but still, we were out and about.  I do love being at home.  But even so, I like being here alone sometimes, which never happens anymore.

What a whiner.

I have a hard time being thankful when I'm frustrated.  And when I'm frustrated, it's difficult to see the blessings that are smack in front of my face.  Round and round I go.  And then I beat myself up about all of it, thinking that unless I hold my mouth right, the Lord will turn away from me.  That's not how He works, though.  Considering I can never hold it right, it's best to just avoid going there in my head.  Grace and mercy aren't performance-based gifts (an excellent tattoo idea---though it'd be rather large). Thank goodness for that (the grace and mercy part---not the tattoo).

So, that said, I'll continue to wait on the Lord.  He forgives my frustration, and even so, is there.  Just sometimes He's very, very silent.

Tuesday's mutterings

It appears that sometimes a person is meant to get down to bare knuckles before life begins the upswing. Feeling a bit raw around these parts, and curious as to the pattern the Lord will unfold before us.

Heard from the daughter of our recently-deceased neighbor about his house which it turns out she's selling to our next-door neighbor.  When the neighbor moves up the street (there are only about 4 houses between her now and her soon-to-be house), we'll then have an empty house on either side of us. Huh.  While I'm happy for her to be moving out of the house she shared with her ex-husband (who's being a big stinker), I really will regret her not being next door anymore.  And for any of you who feel confused by this paragraph, I totally understand.  It IS confusing.  In text fashion it'd read like this: Neighbor moving.  House empty.  Annoying to us.  Darn.

I could do with some good news.  Oldest daughter invited me to go to St@rbucks with her after dinner, just to get me out of the house.  Not having a vehicle during the day is a bit off-putting, but I've adjusted well, I think.  Last night, got all antsy, told Gary I was feeling twitchy and, bless his heart (said sincerely), he began asking me what had gone wrong.  Just told him it was hard to be here all the time, with the noise and activity and constant children's demands.  He got it.  And oldest daughter got it when she invited me out.

Anyway, she said she thought it'd been a tough year.  We agreed we'd like a re-do.  A fresh start.  A new calendar page, preferably one with January printed on it.  No such luck.  Her pain partly has been the death a couple of months ago of sweet Indian boyfriend's aunt.  Her cancer was long-lived and the family is still reeling with the experience.  And my mom's odd behavior which has totally messed with my head, capped off with both of my brothers going into ostrich mode.  And Gary's workshop being oddly quiet these past couple of months, and 2 of the boys moving out.  Lotsa stuff.  Stressors.

But really, when you spell it out with words, it doesn't look so awful.  Sentence form maybe is a wise way to look at frustrations.  Like when you pray out loud and put into solid words what you're upset about---emotions run a bit nutty when you're just thinking about stuff.  Words really are settling at times.  Solid things.

Time to go now.  Rest well.

Sunday evening

One reason I changed the background of this blog, was the simple fact that I just LOVE the foggy-looking backdrop. Looks all cool and restful.  And since I first did it over here, I noticed that every time the page pulled up, a feeling of comfort washed over me.  So----wanted it on this site as well. And since chickens are always a good thing, well, you know.

Feeling a sense of quiet tonight. Got some things figured out in my head, and think this week will be a mini-sabbatical sort of one.  The only thing hanging fire is to take fourth son to the dental school for a crown on Wednesday.  Yep.  We sort of live down there.  I should have my own parking space by now, don't you think?  But, hey, the savings of going there are so impressive.  And since this son is paying for all of his own work with his hard-earned money, it's all good.  I asked him the other day if he resented having to foot the bill and he said it made him proud.  He even teased about a girl at his job whose parents paid for her car insurance and college education.  I told him my parents did that for me, and he just shook his head.  He said he preferred to take care of it himself.  Way to go, Joshua.

So, just a few more precious weeks before school starts here.  No plans.  Some mental rest is in store, I believe, and much playtime needed.  Can I hear an Amen?

On a hot Saturday afternoon

Drained.  This has been some week.  While I've felt the Lord right by my side every day, I've also felt an enormous pressure.  I yearn for a bit of time with no burdens pushing up against me.  You'd think I had a handle on that with my talent for juggling, but that would be a lie.  My emotions are showing a tiny bit much, and my head is thumping just a tad.

I need to turn off my brain (as I mentioned over here), but easier said than done.

I think partly it's about how God answers a prayer just enough, and not overmuch.  Say you're praying for paying for a bill, and He allows that amount and not a penny over.  Pretty astounding to see Him work, but I still scratch my head like an Israelite saying, "Now that's wonderful, Lord, but how 'bout some more?" Never satisfied.

Or I read the verses about looking to today and not borrowing tomorrow's responsibilities or worries.  So, what do I do?   Yeah, I borrow tomorrow's responsibilities and worries.  I can be so dense.

I'm very thankful for what He's doing, but maybe I'm just tired to boot.

Friday night's thoughts

Okay, if I had my druthers, the man who came over this morning to look at my truck would've bought it.  If I was God, I'd have nudged him and the driveway would be empty now.  He said he'd call at the end of the day, but didn't.  He did hem and haw a bit over some things that were already stated in the ad.  Things he didn't really like, but were apparent and unchangeable.  Busted stuff.  A twenty-year old truck.  That's how it goes. But he walked away interested.  He might walk back.  Could happen.

Well, I'm alright with all of it.  I'm trying to get my head continually in a place where I accept God's will, even if it doesn't make sense to me.  What makes sense to me is cash for the truck, bills paid, and a content heart to go along with it.

What I've got is a content heart anyway.  Guess that was the lesson.  Is it easy?  You're kidding, right?

In other news, am a bit taken aback with a phone conversation I had with my mom yesterday.  She called to figure out what was going on between us, but things aren't any better.  I don't know what else to say.  She wants to have a close relationship, but it's never been that way.  I'm sure being 84 years old enters into the picture. The years are getting shorter and to have hurt feelings isn't God's best.  Estrangement is hard. Reconciliation is a good thing.  Misunderstandings get in the way.  But at the same time, mental health is important.  Hard to make a distinction on what's best.  I know I don't like feel wadded up inside.  Time away from the extended family drama has been a very welcome break.

Think I'll take the weekend off from stuff.  Third son bought me the newest Backstreet Boys CD.  That's what I'm talking about.

Thursday afternoon

Violet's home from her morning surgery, and all is well.  Two large bladder stones.  Yuck.  Daisy was all droopy while her sister was gone, but perked right up when we came back home with Violet.  We're all exhaling.  My goodness.  Loving things, either people or creatures takes it out of you, doesn't it?

Trying to focus on just today, not borrowing any baggage that has tomorrow's name on it.  A simple dinner of scrambled eggs and toast, I imagine.  The house is a minor disaster, but that's okay.  We'll just kick things out of the way on the floor, and move items off of flat surfaces as need arises.

Take care and enjoy your day.  Stay cool, 'cause it's a hot one here.  Typical August. :)

Oh, and also posting at A Quartet of Things.  Interesting how a focus on thankfulness can be of a comfort. I'm enjoying it.

And so it goes...

Might have rattled some cages yesterday with my list of nouns and adjectives to describe my mental state. But I figure most of you know what I'm talking about.  Just stating the obvious of what goes on in my thoughts when a major prayer session is in progress.

I've never been one of those women who has a restful, pleasant manner when it comes to prayer.  I tend to get rowdy---not loud, but busy in my head.  I tend to experience such an abundance of emotions, just wrestling with God and puzzling over His timing.

Still, nothing has happened in the material world, but my heart is peaceful, so I guess that's something.  There comes a time, for me, when I quit fighting and just let go of my worries.  Now, I don't guarantee I'll be so settled tomorrow, but maybe I will.  Hope so.  Well, honestly, I'll be preoccupied with Violet's surgery, so that's something.  Nervous?  Oh yeah.

In other news, Gary put my truck up for sale online, and he's had a couple of calls.  One a good old boy (the South is full of 'em) who just wanted to chat and another who appeared to be a scammer.  They're pretty obvious. Anyway, we wait for God's timing.  Folks say it's perfect, but sometimes that's hard to swallow.  I mean no disrespect, but I like my timing better. :)

Reminder:  Life isn't all about what we want.  It's not about the job, or the way I feel about things.  Not about paying bills or MONEY.  It's about God's plan for my life.  It's about how we're raising our kids.  And it's about eternal sorts of stuff.  Rinse and repeat.  Lock and load.  You know what I mean.

All in one day

Prayer.
Desperation.
Silence.
Frustration.
Hair pulling.
Sadness.
Anger.
Worthlessness.
Fear.
Anxiety.
Wretchedness.
Tears.
Swearing.
Praying.
Exorcising.
Yielding.
Surrendering.
More tears.
Peace.
Thankfulness.
Waiting.
Anxiousness.
More prayer.
Hesitation.
Exhaustion.
More waiting.

Sunday night

There's a family at church I really like, not for any particular reason, but I just like 'em.  The daughter-in-law (in her twenties) went through Confirmation with me last year, and I've jokingly told her she's like family to me because of that, and sweetly she agrees.  It's true.

Well, that group of folks has been through some stuff.  She had a relationship before her marriage and has a 4 year old son.  Her husband (who is simply wonderful) and she have a one year old daughter and a new baby.  Busyness.  I totally get that.  Add to that, the husband's dad has recently been diagnosed with kidney cancer and is going through chemo. The blessing of the illness is that he's been going to church since he found out he was sick.  God will get you anyway He can.  Love that.

For months we've all been praying for the family, the dad in particular with the cancer.  He doesn't look too good, has suffered a great deal in the last year, but is hanging on.  He's fighting.  You should see him holding that baby.  Nothing sweeter.  But it's so odd.  He's been our focus, and of course his son and wife with all the children, but mostly the dad.  Get this.  The dad's younger brother died suddenly this past week of an aortic tear.  All of a sudden, gone in an instant.  Not even sick.

Isn't life the strangest thing?

We spend so much time trying to orchestrate our lives, manage them to the hilt, and still we deny God's in charge.  I'm trying to turn backflips in wondering how to generate some income, and it's all in His timing.  I look at the bills due, scratch my head, remember it's not my job, but still, stick my face in it.

Life can, and does change in an instant.  It's a good idea to pay attention. And have you noticed---when you go through a struggle and stop long enough to listen to what the Lord is telling you, things begin to make sense.  The reason for delays, etc., often don't seem as puzzling.  The hard part is that His time isn't ours.  That's always been a frustration for me. Likely always will be.

Pug updates

Well, a couple of curve balls later we find that both Violet and Daisy will have to have bladder stone surgery. Daisy last went through this January 2012, so her problem is minor now (but increasing), and Violet is toting around a pretty sizeable stone.  Dagnabbit.

We could've gone all day without this news, but it is what it is.

Seems some breeds just have this issue, toys being the worst hit.  And Dalmatians.  Not sure what's up with that.  And to think we were so careful with their diet, must be some genetics going on.  And also, the Pugs eat the same exact diet, but one is 5 lbs. heavier (that would be Daisy, my chubbalina).  Oh, and they have different stones than one another too.  I'm totally confused.

The lesson here is that you can do everything right, and still things don't follow the plan you expect.  I think we can call this a spiritual lesson.

Guess we'll have to overhaul their diet again....told Gary I wish someone could say to me, "Melissa, this is exactly what you should do to prevent bladder stones.  It works 100% of the time."  But there's not that fix. There just isn't.  No guarantees, which is what we want in this life.  Least I do.

And I'm so stressed.  Drove Gary's truck out today for errands (remember, my Suburban died a slow death) and since his was broken into a few months back and someone busted his steering column, you have to start it with a screwdriver.  I can do all that.  But at one point in our outing, I had to turn off the truck.  Sat there for a minute and couldn't for the life of me think of how to turn it back on.  Time to chill, I'm thinking.

Btw, Violet's scheduled for surgery on Thursday.  Daisy later.  Too much money to do them at once (which actually would be sweet, but is impractical now), but thankfully, we have sweet, generous kids who will help with both.

Now will go soak my head.

Irrational Pug frets

Silly me.  Thinking I could stay away from this blogging stuff in order to do listing stuff and not just plain old write.  Who am I kidding?  I like to put my thoughts down, work out things and share with my buds here. That's what settles my mind sometimes.

And feeling all wound up right now is testing my spirits.

Two of the boys and Gary will take the Pugs to the vet at 10:30am tomorrow. I've chickened out from going, and thankfully Gary is indulging me in this.  I'm worrying, and I realize it's 'over the top' but I can't seem to help it.  You know how you get unreasonable at times, know you're that way, and it'd take a strong dose of something to settle you down.  I need that something!

The kids keep saying, "They'll be fine.  Not a big deal, and if either of them needs surgery, we'll take care of it and everything will be alright."  I hear them, but my insides are wound up just the same.  Don't like it when the kids have to bear me up, when actually, it's supposed to be the other way around.  But really, everyone realizes that the Pugs are mine.  They all love them, but they really are my dogs.

I hate it when it happens that I'm being unreasonable, but am on this merry-go-round of emotions.  Less personal drama would probably be a good thing, eh?

I just want to exhale.  Figure I'll be able to do that around 11am or so tomorrow.

Looking forward to buying the altar flowers tomorrow afternoon.  We'll know what's up with the Pugs by then, and no matter what, all will be will. All matter of things will be well, thank you sweet Julian of Norwich.

Temporary digs

Posting over here for August...see you there!