New Year's Eve

Happy that tomorrow is another day off for many of my brood.  Gary probably won't go into the shop, and a few of the other kids will be home, or possibly will be by here to eat.  Second son is going to grill something delicious (as yet to be decided), and I'll make homemade Boston Baked Beans and Cole slaw.  We'll see how that flies.  My brain can take a holiday as well.  It needs an extended break, let me tell you.  More than a day's worth.

As to housework, pull the other one.  Have been hit with a huge dose of lethargy.  Not much tidying up is going on, but the tree is down (and in the backyard, waiting for the next garbage pick-up), and the decorations (except for the lights and greenery around the outside doors/wreaths/Nativity scene) are put away.  Going to let Baby Jesus stay out until Epiphany.  Sounds like a lot of work, taking all of that down, but not so.  The girls did most of it.  I dumped out the 50# bag of chicken feed in the container we use, changed the vacuum cleaner belt, and marveled at how well it sucked (yeah, well) afterward.  That was my yesterday.

Love days where I can really take those necessary deep breaths.  And New Year's Day provides a bit of time where I don't have to think about responsibilities, but can enjoy the day.  

Not sure what plans I want to tackle for the coming weeks.  Would like to be easier on myself, expect less, and as my mom said after her stroke, "I wish I'd had more fun."  That's it, pretty much, in a nutshell.

Happy New Year!

New starts...

Told oldest daughter yesterday that I wanted a goal of some sort for the new year.  Nothing spectacular, but something.  Said I needed to take better care of myself, mostly as an aside, not really thinking of anything in particular.  She mentioned why not let ME be my focus.  Huh.  Never thought of that one.  Spend so much time taking care of others, that I allow myself to be put way over to the side.

.

I need to lose weight.  That would make my knees happy, and my insides as well.  Been toting around extra baby pounds for way too long.  But the thing is, with my tendency to have a bad self-image, it's easy to look at myself as being unworthy.  Gosh, this is a never-ending conversation in my head.  Stop it.

It's not about the food, it's about stuffing down emotions with the temporary fix of something to eat.  If I was drawn to alcohol, I'd be a drunk---or had a yen for cigarettes, that'd be my habit.  Seems I've always needed something to be a comfort.  Something additional.

I realize the Lord is supposed to be sufficient.  I know that.  But my tendency is to reach for a food item when I'm stressed---engrained like nobody's business.

Going all-out like some folks with being in a denial sort of diet doesn't work for me.  To say no to flour or sugar makes me feel scolded.  I realize I'll hate myself if I mess up, then I'll throw up my hands.  Limiting portions works.  Loving myself works.  Caring enough about ME works.  But the bad habits of years---hard to make work.  

Today is good.  I can live with baby steps.  Really the only thing that makes any sense.

Monday night

Got Mom taken care of today.  Groceries and supplies.  She was a bit depressed, linked I think with her Christmas plans which fell through, but we were unaware of that until the day after.  A mess. Communication skills lacking in everyone, including me.

When we returned home today, I had to decompress.  I always feel so darn guilty.  Gary keeps telling me things aren't my fault, but it's hard for me to accept.  I was brought up to be the scapegoat.  Isn't that still my role?  Upset at Mom's long-term situation, which (as they say) 'is what it  is.'  Our youngest son hates that quote.

Deep breaths.

Spring cleaning tomorrow.  Roach bait bought.  I know, eeeewwww.  Cabinets to tidy up.  Pots and pans to sort.  Walls to wash and freshen up.  Overall kitchen cleaning.  Sounds inviting.  

But I don't want to be overly consumed with housework though from the look of the place, I should be!  But still, I need to rest.  We all need a time to relax and take care of ourselves.  I read something on an herbal site the other day---talking about drinking Chamomile for relaxation, and how the present-day pace has interfered with our ability to say no and just take it easy.  We're not able to slow down because we're so driven to do the next thing.  It takes a concerted effort to actually stop.

I don't want our children, especially our girls to see me doing that.  So, rest it is.  With tea.  Always tea.

Sunday night

Another week off from school.  Yes.  Beef Burgundy ala Julia Child for dinner tonight.  Yum.  Life and deep thinking sort of on hold for a few days.  Absolutely.  Bills paid.  Thankful.

Daughter worn out from heavy schedule at work because of Christmas.  She's really considering an extended leave of absence from work for a bit.  She's so exhausted.  Her break-up from her boyfriend a few months ago is still hurting, and she's buried herself in work.  Time to just take time.  Needs some mothering.  And she's not missing him, but smarting from his treatment of her.  Wounded.

Thinking that after we get Mom all settled tomorrow with groceries and all, I'll focus on some early spring cleaning.  We have this roach problem in the kitchen---some new breed that the boys seem to have brought home from the restaurant.  Not a huge issue, but in this old house, an issue nonetheless.  Having a crawlspace underneath the house contributes to the situation.   

Looking forward to some breathing space.  Not sure exactly what that means, but I'm willing to make an attempt.  Two kids off work this week (and around which is nice for a change), and the ability to play, read and sleep in without feeling guilty.  I'm in.

A Merry Christmas Eve

~an old photo of my favorite ornament

An overcast day.  Not raining, but restful.  The girls are watching 'all-day' Christmas movies on t.v.  Lame acting, but that fits with what a Christmas movie is all about, yes?  Hallmark on steroids.  But sweet, and that's what counts.  No heavy thinking.  My woodboy is puttering with his pens.  He went to the shop briefly, but nobody was about, so he came home.  Nice.

Baking the Cranberry Christmas Cake for divvying out to the older boys.  We'll have a simple dinner tonight of potato salad (already made) and tuna fish sandwiches which Woodboy will make since he says we all use too much mayonnaise.  

Church will be after dinner.  Late enough so folks can be together for the evening meal at home beforehand, which is a good idea.  Candles, but no incense.  Think I'll try to get photos since it's so absolutely stunning with the lights low and the hurricane lampshades in the windows.  Greenery and red ribbons.  Should be a restful time after weeks of preparations with life in general.  Holy Communion, which we do whenever the doors are open, but it's a wonderful way to be open to new beginnings.  I do love the idea of fresh starts, especially since the last two years have been so draining.

Not sure which boys will join us for dinner tomorrow night.  Everyone will be here in the morning, which is a huge blessing.  Boys-with-girlfriends will likely not be here for the rest of the day.  So thankful to have all my chickens early on, though.  Mending fences as we speak.  Wounded relationships are healing.

Wondering if any of them will have announcements to share.  Oldest son is making noises about changes.  Quiet noises, but noise nonetheless. He rents an apartment with second son, but only pays rent.  He's never there, and said he won't be part of the new lease come spring.  Third son is officially engaged, but they're not talking about wedding plans.  Yet.

A no-drama Christmas sounds just the ticket for me.  Quiet, which is what we all need so desperately.  And the ability to listen.

Take care.

The twenty-third

~daisy has the right idea

Here's the thing.  I've been reading other blogs and seeing what everyone's up to for Christmas.  Some are rattled (like yours truly was yesterday), some are overly precious (which isn't me, but is sometimes so doggone cute), and some are all caught up in the joy of the holiday.  Really experiencing it.  I enjoy all the stories.  Traditions are so special and individual.

Thankful for a short trip out with fourth son this morning, which was totally not planned.  Got bath towels for one son who lives away, since his towels sort of disappeared.  Not a clue.  I bought cheap, white ones that can be bleached to heck, because he tends to get into stuff when he works on his car.  And we still do his laundry here, so I figure I can buy him the most sensible towels known to man.  And cheap is the most sensible.  Besides, thick and plush towels take forEVer to dry in the dryer.

No chores to do now except make another batch of that Cranberry Christmas Cake from the other day that was such a hit.  I'll do that tomorrow---will pack some up for the three oldest boys.  It was a tad too tart for me, but a drizzle of confectioner's sugar frosting ought to fix that.

Listening to old Justin Bieber and NSync (feeding my special fondness for boybands).  If the girls would quit putting their CDs on my laptop, I'd not go through this temptation (read sarcasm---nobody's twisting my arm here).  They were making Christmas cookies and gingerbread men before I went out today and first began playing Josh Groban Christmas music that was making me sad.  Just so melancholy.  Then they suddenly switched to Elvis which made me want to do the Twist.  The least one ADORES Elvis.  Got her some dangly earrings with him on them.  She'll have a fit.  You should hear her sing along with him.  She knows all the words.  Who knew?

Everything's (hopefully) winding down for all of us.  Get some sleep.

Only Monday

Packages in the mail.  My true love received some ink for his fountain pens, and also an old Scheaffer pen and pencil set.  He's a new addict for pens, it seems, while his wife has her books.  We struck a deal (and I'm running behind, it appears), where for every pen he buys, I get to purchase a book.  Seriously, I need more. Okay, so maybe I don't.  That's the question.

And speaking of books, my Christmas present from said husband came today---the Julia Child cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking Vol. I.  I remember as a child watching her show in b/w while my mom cooked dinner.  I'd sit on the floor and just soak her up.  My mom wasn't a fan, but I sure was.  Still am.  As to the book, I've not opened it yet.  Saving it for Christmas morning.

Maybe going to the library tomorrow.  Hoping to get a book or two to last me the Christmas weekend.  J. F. Powers book called Wheat That Springeth Green is my current look-see.  They have it at the main branch, and I figure I've earned an outing alone.  I'm a bit overdone with talking to my family and being with people.  And the dogs.  I'm tired of them as well.  Constantly in need.  Pugs pretty much have bottom-less pits for stomachs.  They'd eat all the time if we'd let them.  Sort of piggish.

On the plus side, I went to the Mediterranean store for more Cardamom tea and the guy wished me a Merry Christmas.  No, I don't look Middle Eastern, pretty much western European, if you have to ask. Dark hair, light eyes---we're not thinking of Iraq here.  Made me happy he'd say that in his thick accent.  All customers welcome, at least that's the impression they give.  

. 

Now must chill.  My mood is saying I'm a bit weary of talk, and most of the people I live with love to talk.  I can feel myself getting antsy.  If it wasn't raining, I'd go sit on the swing in the backyard.  Might have to escape to the front porch for a spell.  Must.  Have.  Silence.

Round two...

~sunday's treat...donuts

We'll do Mom's shopping in the morning.  I want to have her all set-up before the week gets in full swing.  And with her going to other family for Christmas Day, I'm free later on.  Hope that doesn't sound mean, but I'm tired.  Tired of caring for folks, and tired of spreading myself too thin.  After church this morning I was hit with a wave of exhaustion.  All of sudden I wasn't feeling so good, and came home and got into bed.  Perfect.  Gosh, Christmas-time is wearing, isn't it?  All the emotions tied in with it, trying to do more than necessary, and making attempts at pulling the world all together.  

Not so good at that.  The pulling together part.  Got lots of loose ends, but maybe that's just the way of it with me.

Even after dinner tonight oldest daughter asked my opinion about her changing her work schedule, possibly just working two days a week.  The thing is, and we discussed this, her employer depends on our daughter to do most of the work.  She works at a small shop specializing in machine embroidery...monograms.  She's the only full-time employee, and the void with her gone or working less will be huge.  Anyway, we both told her she could actually stop working completely for a bit.  We offered the same to our oldest son after he became exhausted with his job.  He took off a year, and it was only contingent on him being able to pay his own bills.  Had to have enough savings to take care of insurance, etc.  We said the same to her.  She's good with that, even got a bit excited about it.  We'll pray and see what happens.

Speaking of praying, Yesterday I read Anne Lamott's book called Help, Thanks, Wow and it was wonderful.  Got it for 2 bucks at the library bookstore, and while it was a quick read, it was just what I needed to read at that particular moment.  She makes me cry.  But who doesn't?

Take some time.  Remember that.

'The Daniel Cure' by Susan Gregory and Richard J. Bloomer, PhD

One of the opening chapters of Susan Gregory's The Daniel Cure says the following:  "The sad truth is that millions of people exist in a state of severe spiritual and emotional hunger.  Some experts even describe it as a kind of malnutrition.  Men, women, and children who are hungry for love and significance feel a painful emptiness, and many will battle this pain throughout their lives.  What do hungry people do?  They eat."

Yes.

If I didn't ever read more of Gregory's book, I was empowered by those simple words. Truer words have never been spoken, and as one who lives bound to a form of emotional deprivation, I can attest to its hold on me.

This book cuts to the quick of our bad eating habits, and our emotional stresses which drive us to rewarding our bodies with food.  I appreciate the way she addresses our spiritual/mental health in terms of how we abuse ourselves.  And how the mind and heart have to be healthy for our physical selves to heal.

My plan is to follow the Daniel Cure after the New Year.  A fresh beginning.  Twenty-one days to start.  That long to adjust to a new set of eating habits.  I'm looking forward to it.  And with recipes and a devotional to follow for those 21 days, there's plenty of help for success.

(i received this book free to review from booklookbloggers)

'Novel Interiors' by Lisa Borgnes Giramonti

As a follower of Lisa Borgnes Giramonti's blog, A Bloomsbury Life, I was very pleased to hear about the publication of her book called Novel Interiors:  Living in Enchanted Rooms Inspired by Literature.  Happily it lives up to the writing and photographs I'm used to her sharing.

This gorgeous book is divided up into six decorative styles including the cozy, cottagey look found in Elizabeth Gaskell and Kenneth Grahame's writing on to the fancier styles that are reminiscent of F. Scott Fitzgerald, and lots in between, including a Bohemian section that's wonderfully colorful.  And to add further to her beautiful writing, Lisa has brought together the photographs of Ivan Terestchenko and paired them with literary quotes that match in clever ways.  

"Simple elegance is what we aim at...make it all look pretty, and impromptu, and natural."~from Elizabeth Gaskell's Wives and Daughters

Happily her decorating advice is creative and helpful.  Ways to use color or accessories in order to achieve the look she's focusing on---causing you to think beyond what's currently being used in your home.  And with the book sectioned off into the six style categories, you're able to focus on whichever style appeals to you the most.  But maybe my most favorite part is reading the quotes she uses.  For a reader, this is rich indeed.  More books to hunt for, and being further inspired by the beautiful rooms.  Interior design and reading.  The perfect match.

I found it a very charming book---very much like her blog.

(i received this book free to review from bloggingforbooks)

Saturday evening

So, I wonder how many women woke up this morning all bent out of shape because of having too long a 'to-do' list.  Holding up hand here.  I got to sleep a bit too late, but with the help of some wonderful herbal tea oldest daughter shared, slept fine.  Then woke up to let out the chickens.  So far, so good.  Got back into bed.  Brain began spinning.

Man.

Breakfast tea and a bit of quiet time.

Went to church with Gary to set up the Altar.  Finished decorating one tree that needed more of our homemade Crismons on it.  Hung around for heating guy to check the church furnaces.  Left and did some shopping, which actually was a splendid time.  The bulk of the shoppers had already gone home.  Whupped, I reckon.  We only went to Michael's and Fresh Market.  Avoided the malls for sure.  No need, anyhow.

Home to a honey-baked ham husband's shop landlady gave us, along with some scalloped potatoes and angel biscuits I made.  

And all my anxiety was for nothing.  

All is well.  Shopping done except for groceries and some stocking stuffers.   

Take a breath.  It's all okay.

Thursday night

This is such a silly admission.  Last night, youngest son was watching a video that our second son had rented---'Guardians of the Galaxy.'  At the beginning, the lead character has on headphones and is listening to old (sounds like 80's music---my generation) tunes.  He gets his groove on, is dancing and looks so cool, and I had the craziest thought, that that's the way I am in my head.  I can dance really well, and always have my groove on.  In my head.  Yeah, I can moonwalk.  In my head.  Like when you're in the grocery store and a great song comes on over the stereo system (when they're not announcing specials), and how you get the strongest urge to do a dance down the cereal aisle.  

Am I the only one?

~ ~ ~

Got out to do some shopping today, and went to the library's used bookstore first.  Found a few Frederick Buechner's for second son, and a John Keats for oldest daughter, along with a couple of vintage Christmas children's books.  Another Miss Read for me and a Susan Hill, also an Anne Lamott.  Addict.  

Moving on.

~ ~ ~

Going to bake tomorrow.  On Pinterest I found a recipe for Christmas Cranberry Bars, and it's showing up at the bottom of this page (well, today it is).  The other day in the misfit pile of seconds at the store, I got four bags of sort of fresh/not so fresh cranberries that'll be perfect for this recipe and some cranberry bread.  Looking forward to it.  For three boys who don't live here I'll make goodie bags with their gifts.  I'll put in some of the cranberry stuff, depending on how it works out.  Figure we'll give some to our neighbors as well.  I'm thinking the Bars will make a lot.  Hoping so.

Time to quit.  Listening to One Direction, and second daughter is feeding my pigs on HayDay.  She's got a silly grin on her face, so will see what she's actually doing on my phone.  We're so lame.

A Wednesday that feels like Friday...

Just came in from cleaning out the chicken coop, putting fresh straw underneath in their hidey-hole, and generally tidying them up.  I sat on the bench out there, and Milk came and hopped up in my lap.  She and I watched the sparrows eat chicken feed.  Peaceful and sweet to be out there.  I do love birds so.  And keeping an ear out for the Owl, who showed up yesterday, but hasn't been by today.  YET.

Thinking about things.

Oldest daughter's best friend has a brother (who I briefly mentioned a few months ago), who got into a compromising situation while drinking which resulted in a baby, who was born last week.  Darling little boy named Jackson.  The interested parties are having paternity tests done this week, and we're all silently waiting on pins and needles. Silent because the friend's younger siblings (there are ten children total) are unaware of what's happened, and our youngest don't know either.  It'll impact everyone in some way or another.  Daughter's girlfriend is so shamed by this that she is making herself miserable.  Sort of like us with having sons living with girlfriends, seems if you've raised them right, this shouldn't happen.....but it does.  Sin is out there whether you want to recognize it or not.  But I understand the reality of a baby is different than not having a baby.  The child is proof of the indiscretion, whilst horsing around can be shrouded in having a good time, without paying the piper, so to speak.

Makes me tired.  And you know, all of these kids know better.

I was reading a blog earlier today, and the woman was talking about her two sons.  They're Godly young men, apparently behaving, and both have a strong Christian witness.  She talks about reading to them, devotionals they'd have, church-going, etc.  Credits the way they were raised with how they'd turned out.  Well, yeah, but only to a certain degree.  You really can do everything in your power to raise them up in the fear of the Lord, but after that, they're on their own.  And you can't beat yourself up when they stray.  I've cried myself dry over our children, their sin and their apparent enjoyment of the same.  Tears me up.  We did all the things that other mother did, but at least now, some of them aren't following that teaching.  I'd tell that mom to be very, very thankful.  Not to take it for granted, which I don't think she does, and to cherish her sons' faith.  What a gift.  I just might have to wait a bit until the kickback occurs.  

~ ~ ~

Drinking a hot cup of Darjeeling and eating a heavily frosted and sprinkled Christmas cookie from the pile the girls made today.  About to get up and maybe make a quick little pot of potato soup for the festivities at church tonight.  Not very motivated.  Might take cookies instead, just as an offering.  We always take stuff, and with consistently being involved doing, it'd be a nice change to back off a bit.  The least one will be Mary in the Pageant.  One family with four little girls moved away this summer, so the number of children available for the play have dwindled, but my goodness, it's sweet. 

~ ~ ~

Oh, and it seems like our dog, Romeo, has had, as Gary puts it, a Come to Jesus experience.  Since he hit his back and wigged out a couple of weeks ago, he's a new man.  His disposition, which can be sort of scary, has quietened quite a bit.  Can't explain it unless his brief attack of paralysis affected his brain.  He'd been pushing it, over-barking when someone's at the door, which is nice in a guard dog sense, but when it's the family who's coming in, it gets a bit much.  He's not known the meaning of the words self-control.  Now he's actually nice, and pleasant all the time.  A change for sure.

~ ~ ~

And in further Christmas news.  Gary said last night that he wanted me to have Julia Child's cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking.  He said that if I'd order it---being that ordering can be tricky, and considering that there are two volumes put out in different years---it would be his present to me.  He's already given me a poetry book, so he didn't have to do this, but I'm proud he brought it up.  Hard to find that cookbook in used bookstores.  Darn near impossible, and I've been looking.  Next hard book to find is the Latin Vulgate with the English translation alternating the verses.  Gary was reading that CS Lewis had written that it's a wonderful way to learn Latin, by reading the New Testament in Latin/English verse by verse.  He already downloaded it on his phone, but I'd prefer a hard copy.  Fun to look, especially if it's difficult to locate.  I could go to the Catholic bookstore to get it, but that's way too easy.

Yak, yak, yak.  Got to go now.  You take care.

Mom's business

I was all twisted up this morning, thinking of all that needed doing for my mom.  Makes me crazy.  Woke up, bam.  First thing on my mind.  Had my quiet-time anyway, which is so necessary to my sanity, prayed about my situation, then got to it.  First called my mom to find out what else she needed, then went to the store for her. Came home, made the spaghetti she wanted for my brothers' dinner with her on Wednesday, and then did schoolwork with the kids.  Then left again with the girls to clean Mom's house, and take her groceries.

My bad attitude reared its head this morning when I realized I was making their dinner which I wouldn't be sharing.  Historically for me this has been a sore point.  My brother comes into town, my other brother goes over to Mom's as well, and the three of them share a meal.  Okay, so Gary says, "But you don't want to eat with them."  True story, but the fact remains I feel left out.  I'm never invited to be part of their gathering.  Yeah, immature.  Sue me.

So I have to get over my sour mood, make them food, clean house for my emotionally-detached brother's visit, and move on.  I can't hold onto the anger.  I've got no room for it, you know?

~ ~ ~

But I was so pleased at how her house shone after the little girls and I left.  It smelled good, there was food in the house, and she had her bath. I was satisfied.

We got back home after dark, and Gary met us outside.  He hugged me, and said he realized it was tough for me to be the one Mom always depended on, and he said the sweetest thing.  Funny, but sweet.  He said that while I sometimes had a bad attitude, I still did what needed doing for her.  I suck it up and do it.  True story.  There's nobody else who will.  I needed to hear that.

He allowed for me that it's hard, and that meant a lot.  I don't always have to be happy about what needs doing, but doing it is the main thing.  

Now, with my brother coming in town tomorrow, I'm off duty until the end of the week.  He leaves on Thursday.  A mental break for me, and she'll enjoy the company.  We all win.

A tiny bit of Christmas spirit

Got a tree.  Fraser fir, and seems very fresh.  We've not had a real tree for, gosh, I don't know how long it's been.  So long ago, we even had to get a tree stand.  Way back when I was in the midst of making babies, I became allergic to both cats and Christmas trees.  I remember the last year we had a real tree in the house (twenty-something years ago?) and I had bronchitis so bad that I took the tree down right after dinner on Christmas night. Happened several years in a row before I figured out what was going on. That's been so long ago.  We got an artificial the next year, and our second fake tree fell apart last year.  I promised the kids we'd go the real route this year.  We'll see how it goes.  Gary says that at the first sign of me not being able to breathe, or beginning to cough, out it goes.  My hero.  Usually I'm good until it begins to dry out.  That's why we waited so long.

Shopped with oldest daughter yesterday.  As we were heading out of town, she asked if we could just take it slow, and not hurry at all.  And that's what we did.  Went to a small town east of here, puttered around, bought things in a couple of consignment shops and had a restful day.  Came home to an easy dinner, since Gary had already bought some groceries while we were gone.  

Speaking of which.  I realize I don't appreciate him like I should.  He really does take good care of me, puts me first and guards our time jealously.  He's the romantic, I'm the practical one.  Isn't that backwards?

A busy week ahead.  Must get my head on straight, so I can E.N.J.O.Y. it.

Friday night...

Some days are days of no accomplishments, but simply maintaining the normal flow of things.  Today was such a day.  Rest and then, more rest.  I still tend to walk around with tense shoulders, but here in bed now, all is well.

Tomorrow, oldest daughter and I are going out to lunch and then to putter around at the shops.  I make that sound maybe more quaint than the reality, but we are determined to find some out-of-the-way spots to browse.  No heavy-duty shopping, but lighthearted fun.  Hoping.

~ ~ ~

*Next week promises to be a tad busy, with a call from my mom yesterday asking me to make some spaghetti for my out-of-town brother's visit to her from Tuesday through Thursday.  We'll shop for her Monday morning, make food, then take it over and clean her house in a company-coming fashion. 

*Then Tuesday, we'll go over to the antique shop where Woodboy has his shop and clean for his landlady.  Her life is overwhelming difficult now (husband with Alzheimer's & a recent robbery at her home) so a clean antique shop might brighten up her day.  

*Then....wait for it.....more to do.  This will be fun, though.  Church dinner on Wednesday, ornament (Chrismon) making---lots of glitter, singing caroles, and my very favorite past-time will be the Christmas pageant.  I love it.

~ ~ ~

But this weekend, hopefully we'll find a tree.  Simple meals.  The calm before the so-called storm of Christmas.  Not a big fuss at our house, but we tend to make it sort of quiet.  And the kids are agreeable to that.

You take care.

Things at home...

A better day than yesterday, which saw me going out to the bookstore after dinner for a little pick-me-up disguised as used book buying.  I needed a fix.  Found a perfect copy of Elizabeth Buchan's Consider the Lily.  Never have read that one, but have read all of her other books---Revenge of the Middle-Aged Woman, etc.  Three bucks.  Deal.

I had to get out of the house, after youngest son drove me nuts earlier in the afternoon.  We've been having these episodes of clashing wills, but I refuse to allow one more child get the better of me.  I tend to go into their rooms, confront them, and at least attempt to clear the air.  As I knocked on this son's bedroom door yesterday afternoon, I distinctly heard the Lord tell me, "This might not be the best time."  And yes, I disregarded the warning.  Should've listened, but eventually it worked out.  Later might have been better, however.  Several hours later, he hugged me before bed.  Oh my, glad of that, but parenting will eat you up and spew you out.  Hugs are a good way to end a trying day, though.  Children whose moods are unreliable, are, well, not my favorite thing in the world.

Tomorrow should be low-key.  This particular son will take his schoolwork over to my mom's for the day, and the girls and I will get a break.  I need to get it in gear in terms of Christmas.  Have ordered a few things online, which should be here soon.  Need a tree.  Cut one?  I'm thinking a Cedar found in some out-of-the-way location would be nice.  Wreaths are still in the attic, as are the decorations.  Guess you could say we're taking it slow.  We are reading Advent selections every night (thank you sweet Sara) and lighting the candles.  That's about it.  Nobody's complaining, so I guess it's not a problem.

Off to read now.  Several review books to dig into, and my E. Buchan.  Take care.

Well, here I am again...

Well, this just feels foolish.  Had such high hopes with the blog at the other site, but I'm having awful issues with that blog loading up (very slow Internet speed at our house) and so, here I am again.  ::shrugs::  Much ado about nothing.  Rather than beat myself up about it, though, will move along, and stay put.

The thing is, we have Internet through our cell phone account since we cancelled Comc*ast, and for the money we're paying with our re-worked budget, our fast speed service runs through very quickly with 3-4 users.  Then it's gone.  Afterwards we're stuck with a slower speed, that is, until the T-Mob*ile resets each month.  Can't load movies or videos unless you're very patient.  And I mean, VERY patient.  With the Weebly site, I'm waiting for about fifteen minutes or more for pages to load so I can post.  On Blogger, it's much quicker.  Like a couple of minutes.  I don't have time to wait for Weebly to load.  It's just ridiculous.

Sorry for making you run over there, just to run over here again.  Sort of embarrassing, which is where my life is at present.  Or not embarrassing, as much as maddening.  Yeah, maddening.  Sons.  Not even talking about those two of the three who've moved out.  The two at home are my present frustration.

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I think one thing is valid.  My boys, for the most part, are seeing women out in the world who are professionals, or striving for that goal.  I stay at home, though I'm well-educated.  They see the opposite of what I'm striving to achieve here, which puts creating a life at home on the back burner for many women, or not even making it to the stove.  I took one son to the orthopaedic doctor last week, and I made an idle comment about how it's often hard for me to be out and about, preferring to be at the house.  The noise and busyness of folks distracts me.  Everyone's so serious.  He said something about how I couldn't manage outside the home, and couldn't relate to the business world.  I meant I can live without the drama and rushing around.  He thinks I don't have a clue.  Oh brother.  I've not been living under a rock all this time.  Give me some credit.  Please.

Thankfully one son is very supportive of our lifestyle here, and seeking a girlfriend/wife who has the goals my husband I have been working so hard on.  Our girls are the same.  Sometimes feel like I was handed the wrong script.

Is it because the younger generation has misplaced their values and goals?  Is achievement the main objective here?  Money and stuff?  There's a disconnect I'm sensing and it's not an advantage.  From my seat here, I see the trend of pulling away from their roots as being a very definite negative.  Thoughts?