Off I go.....

Like lots of folks I have a Facebook account, one at Twitter and also at Tumblr.  I just spent some time on FB clearing out some pages I follow because they get contentious and ugly. Throw up an opinion, even on Anglican boards, and folks come out of the woodwork wanting the world to hear their points of view.  My head can't take it anymore, so check them off I go. I still follow, but don't have to read every discussion and every opinion.  So many folks vary on their faiths, and it's a day's work to keep up.  As it is, I know what I believe, am no theologian so sound lame when I defend my own beliefs, so it's best I stay out of it.

And even on our neighborhood association's page, I'm constantly amazed at how nosy folks are.  Controlling and in your face.  I don't have time.  Last week, I read that we were criticized for our landscaping---that it was to blame for our daughter's truck getting stolen.  That's a stretch.  A lesbian couple (not an issue, but it is an issue), who are very militant in their lifestyle tend to let it spill over in how they treat folks.  Said on the board (within my reading, not privately), that everyone knew about the house on 'our' street with the lovely flowers and nice landscaping....how we can't see criminals on our property and how we're overgrown, which is fine (said quietly), but we're tempting fate by not cutting down our bushes, etc.  She actually said the thieves could have changed their oil in our driveway in the time it would've taken us to catch them.  What?  Who's watching out their windows between 2am and 5am? They want us to look like everyone else who has rounded bushes, no privacy and are paranoid about their sterile yards?  Again, I have no time.  I called her on it, saying (nicely) that it was rude to single out our house, which she apologized to.  I offered then to cut her some flowers. Nuts.  She was fine after that, but really, you need to exercise some self-control.  It's our neighborhood, but it's not her house we were talking about.  Which, by the way, is painted an ugly orange color.  We should hold a meeting and ban her hideous color choice.  Not my business.

Get a life.  Plus the time it takes to argue with strangers.  What's up with that?  We talk to folks we don't know online in a way we'd never speak to someone to their face.  And we do it very willingly.  I've been guilty.  But I'm done.  Life is too short.  Heck, life is too short for the nonsense in my own life to borrow someone else's.

And, as you see from the porch, we have LOTS of privacy.  The thing is, in this day and time, people stay indoors most of the time, but come out to argue and holler and leave loud rap music playing in their vehicles while they go inside, at least that's our experience with our neighbors.  We've planted specifically to block our view from what they're doing.  Might still hear them, but we don't have to see them.  Our oasis, and that's as it should be.

Why am I all worked about folks I don't even know?  Ahem.  Thinking I need to look elsewhere, eh?

Saturday evening

“There always comes, I think, a sort of peak in suffering at which either you win over your pain or your pain wins over you, according as to whether you can, or cannot, call up that extra ounce of endurance that helps you to break through the circle of yourself and do the hitherto impossible. That extra ounce carries you through 'le dernier quart d' heure.' Psychologists have a name for it, I believe. Christians call it the Grace of God.”~from Elizabeth Goudge's The Castle on the Hill 

 Hot as the dickens today, so put the a/c back in the bedroom window.  Much heavier putting it in than taking it out!  Something about bending over, versus just reaching over.  Well, it's done.  Blasting away now.  If we can stomach tomorrow, then Monday should be pleasant again.

Went to hippie store and got 2 ounces of Chasteberry, which is supposed to be excellent for peri-menopause.  Going to make a tincture on Monday. Also got some Black Currant loose tea, which I'm drinking now.  Also, planning on coloring my hair tonight when the bathroom is empty.  Vidal Sassoon has a new color (not sure I've ever used this brand), and it was on sale and it's called Deep Velvet Violet.  Trying to live a little.  My grey is freshly covered in dark brown, so this might just be a sweet freshener.  Change can be good.

With my Staycation mindset, I'm succeeding in slowing down my thoughts and actions.  Even my tendency on the blog here has switched from madness to a bit of contentment.  And what I can't change (a lengthy list, let me tell you), will have to be dealt with by the Lord.  I think that's the way it should be after all.

Take care.  Find time to rest, and let it go.  Seems to be good advice.

Friday night's thoughts

~our dear little chickens are just outside

Took the little air conditioner out of the bedroom window this afternoon, not too awfully heavy, and the relief of having the fan blowing fresh air is worth it.  Glorious.  I have this thing about continuous canned air.  Eventually makes me squirmy.  And I don't care if it gets warm outside, I'd prefer fans to air conditioning, unless it's blazing outside.  Give me curtains blowing.

So.  Here I am.  Piles of books on the bed, a cool breeze, and just taking some time.

Tomorrow's supposed to be hot again, but by Monday night or so, we'll have a bit of a chilly weather to fly past once more.  This has been a pretty decent summer.  Plenty of rain, not too many wretchedly hot days, and a break every-so-often of what they're calling that silly 'polar vortex.'  Whatever.  I just call it nice.

My mom's been saying lately she wanted me to buy something for myself.  I'm thinking I'll take her up on it tomorrow...maybe some lunch out, some makings for more tinctures.  Time to brew.  Might go to the hippie store for some different dried herbs.  I need the time to lose myself in mixing up some concoctions.  It's therapeutic.  A restful weekend of this, I'm thinking.  And for the altar will cut our own flowers.  Easy all around.

Talked to first born tonight about son-who's-engaged.  He calls him Knucklehead.  Yeah.  Pretty spot on.  That son won't listen to anyone, but I came to the brilliant realization (slow on the up-take) that we can't change him.  We can pray, and that's about all. And be here when he falls, and he will fall.  Gary's talked to his folks about it and they agree.  They had their own son who fell by the wayside once upon a time.  I married him after he came up for air.  I believe he's the better for the hard way he traveled before the Lord led him to me.  Praying that that may be so for our son.

Tonight is good.  Almost all my chickens under my roof, that is, all the ones who live here.  Just waiting on oldest daughter to come home from her dinner out with sweet Indian boyfriend.  Safe and sound, least will be soon.

Thursday afternoon

It's nice when the chores get done early enough in the day, and there's not another reason to have to leave the house.  And fortunately the weather turned late yesterday, bringing some rain (not a dry summer this year) and cooler temperatures, which makes makes me feel friendly toward all my fellow humans.

Earlier today the two younger girls and I went to my mom's and I helped her shower and put in her rollers.  Trimmed toenails, and tidied up the house a bit again.  Took her some new reading glasses, and picked up a new checkbook.  Diddly things, but necessary to her well-being, and the running of her household.

Considering hiring an Aide to keep her bathing regular, but not sure.  She enjoyed taking her time in the shower, and not being hurried, and she could do it herself.  I just had to hold the towels for her.  Not such a big deal, but it's just finding the time that's hard.

Now I can breathe.  And hopefully tomorrow can be more of the same.

Oldest daughter is fixing dinner tonight, and there's nothing hanging fire to make me squirm.

This is good.  Now, I'll rest for the remainder of the day.  Not going to borrow frets, especially since most things are out of my hands.  Looking forward to a cup of tea later.  Got a new 1/2 # box of loose Lipton at the store.  Tipped it into my tea tin and added Cardamom, Coriander, Ginger, a few whole Allspice and shook it all up.  A nice treat for later on.  :)  Take care, all.

Good communication

Had a sweet conversation with our son today.  I was able to say what needed saying, without hard feelings, and he appeared to listen.  He filled me in on things, and he's determined to get married.  Not sure about the hurry, but he's pretty well convinced that they're doing the right thing.  Something about her mom being heavy-handed and wanting to run the show if they had an actual wedding.

I expressed concern with them having a civil ceremony, side-stepping a ceremony with the Lord's words spoken over them.  He says they want low-key.  I asked him again about his girlfriend's faith, asking directly if she's a believer. We've covered this territory before, but I wanted to look at him directly in the eyes to see what he'd say.  He paused. Said something about her being a good Catholic, which is a bit of a stretch since she's been away from the Church for a long time, has only begun attending recently.  He's asked me to go to church with them tomorrow night, my first visit to a Catholic Mass, and her mom might be there as well. She's looking for another Catholic church to attend.  This ought to be interesting, to put it mildly.  I've never met her mom before.  Anyway, back to my question.  He said that no, she's not a believer.

Reminded him that church affiliation didn't equal salvation, and he gets it.  He knows all of this, but is shoving it aside. He's putting his emotions and love for this girl ahead of what he knows to be true.  He gets the unequally yoked teaching, but is adamant in wanting his way.

"Marry in haste, repent at leisure."  That quote's been in my mind's eye for awhile now.

Maybe the Lord has a special purpose for this union that we just can't see.  I pray that it's so. They've made it hard, though, with being so secretive.  I regret that if this follows through, my first child to marry will be under circumstances that are less than ideal.  So many negatives piled up against them, without a common faith to hold them together.  How folks manage to live day to day without a sense of God's Hand on them is a continued mystery to me.  God help us all.

A moment's pause

~madelyn, nora, milk and anastasia was in henhouse laying

Got up early, just after oldest daughter had let the dogs in/out, and fed the chickens.  I couldn't get back to sleep after hearing her (quietly) move about.  At around 6:30am I got my tea ready.  Set up my tray and went out back with the chickens.  I wasn't in their run, but sitting outside of it on the patio.  Cloudy, quiet, birds, squirrels, silence, not much traffic yet to hear passing by, bliss.  A pause before the day began.

After my tea, I sat inside the pen on a bucket I have in there, and after a few minutes Milk hopped in my lap, got some lovin' and then Nora hopped up.  I love that.  A cool, cloudy day and a chicken in my lap.

Perspective.

I read the Daily Office on my phone, and that gave me a peace to pad the day.

~my love

Gary and I agreed that we've felt dazed and confused today.  Not sure what our son will do. Praying, letting go, and praying some more.

The thing that's hard is doing our best, or what's been a faulty best in raising our kids, and feeling that they sometimes lose their way.  This son has been attracted by shiny things just like a magpie.  The world is dazzling to him, he's not one to look far ahead and can only see that this choice will be magical.  He can't see the challenge, and will likely plow ahead unless something stops him in his tracks. Bless him.  I think part of him sees a situation where he can show up our oldest daughter who's been dating sweet Indian boyfriend over two years----he's trying to best her and first born, who's newly dating someone.  He wants to be the first, I think.  Not sure why this is a competition, but that's how it appears to me in a small way.

First born and oldest daughter have washed their hands of him, hurt by his disregard for their thoughts or care.  He doesn't seem to see that their concern is driven by love for him.  To hate to see him walk into a hard situation at the get-go.

One day at a time.

Monday

A day of cleaning, with the two youngest girls taking over.  The work they get done in a short amount of time is amazing.  With that done, sort of a Monday routine, we can relax a bit tomorrow.  It's second son's 25th birthday, so we'll make curry and naan for dinner, plus middle daughter will bake his cake. Unfortunately he's working (and lives away in an apartment with first-born, so we can't hit up on him first thing).  He'll probably pop in mid-day before he goes on into work, but he'll be here to eat after his stint at the restaurant.  That'll be late, though, about eleven pm or so.  We'll eat at the regular time and save his...with him blowing out candles late.  Can't be helped.

Just finished watching some old home movies. Everybody is in them, with the least one being less than a month old in one (2002) and walking in the next one (2003). Everyone was so cute, eating all the time, but being silly.  Guess they had a happy childhood, hmmm?  Oldest daughter cuts a look at me when I say things like that.  Just checking. ;)  Making gingerbread cookies, the vacuum cleaner still sitting in the hallway as it is this very minute, folded clothes piled up on the back of the sofa, middle daughter who was about 3 wearing her turtleneck shirt inside out with the tag hanging out, g.i. joes, but lots of laughs.  It passes way too quickly.

I had tea on the front porch after dinner....still raining. Supposed to be cooler tonight and the next few days. Bliss.