Late Sunday afternoon thoughts

Here it is, a new week, and I'm trying to think of how to work this one so that I don't have a meltdown.  I've got to process the strange relationships I'm carrying on with my mom and 2 brothers---and that part of my life is making no sense at all.  I mean, really.  It feels like they have pow-wow sessions behind my back, and then they paste on these pretend faces, causing me to feel that I'm in one of those mirrored buildings at the fairgrounds. The sort that distort your body.  Exactly.  What is going on?  And one brother has continued to block my emails, so that communication is gone.  We're definitely unequally yoked.  And on almost every plane.  Remember The Stepford Wives?  I think they've taken over my extended family.  Thank goodness for Gary and the kids.  Really.

So, every morning, and I mean, every morning the three of them pop into my head and I have to settle my heart and my mind so as to not take on that burden first thing, and it's very hard.

Anyway.  That's one issue.  The other one is getting back into the swing of my ordinary rhythm.  I've really been off-track for ages and ages.  I can't remember feeling myself in so long.  Sometimes I'll look at old magazines or run across something in the house and will get hit with a wave of nostalgia.  I'll think, "Oh, there I was, but where have I been in the meantime?"  This is a very familiar feeling, but one I can't place.

I have a big glass bowl on the side table in the living room filled with embroidery thread, needles and my linen---the project I began a few months ago.  There it sits.  And I have a beautiful bag filled with paints, pastels, and have several wonderful notebooks for working in.  Dusty.  All of them.

So, this week while the kids recover from their bad colds, and while we get back into some schoolwork, will stick my hands into my threads and paints.  I want to organize the multitudinous book piles by my side of the bed too.  Order would be a good idea.  Might help my head to feel more settled as well.

Now I'm waiting for the chicken to cook for Tortilla Soup, and looking forward to The Amazing Race and Downton Abbey.  It's my only night to watch t.v., not because I'm avoiding it, but it's the only night that has good stuff on, I think. Well, second son watches Kojak when he gets home from work, so that's fun, but is about it.  Pardon me while I turn up my Backstreet Boys CD now.  I love them so.  Take care.

And, by the way, it's my 54th birthday today. :)

(photo from pinterest)