My brothers are stepping up to the plate in regards to our mom's situation. When we offered to take her in, they were briefly able to stand back and allow that. Now that I've stated that I can't, they're pulling their weight. A huge blessing. I told Gary I felt I'd gotten so that I pick up this heavy backpack on a daily basis, trying to tote my mom on my back all day----figuratively, you know. And all the crying I've been doing has made healing from this cold and cough practically impossible.
One of fourth son's co-workers knows our family and he'd shared with her our talk about taking in Mom. She told him we just couldn't do that on the long term, maybe briefly, but not day after day after day. She said we'd be totally exhausted. I'm learning from many sources that this is the most practical way to think. You can be optimistic about your goal, but the realities really do hold sway.
This whole situation has stolen my joy and it's hard to not go there. I was looking at a gift shop we passed earlier today, all decorated with lights and pretty ribbons and couldn't help wondering how they could do that. Where is my holiday joy? Huh. Ain't nowhere in sight. And really, I don't think it's healthy for me to allow this situation with my mom to completely overwhelm my every waking thought. But not letting that happen is the hardest part.
I need perspective again. Simply that.
