There are times when I can tell I'm trying too hard. This is one of those times. Oldest daughter and my husband have ordered me to cool it----lay my burden down, so to speak. Mild headache bothering the left side of my head----cough remaining. And it's funny. When you actually make a concerted effort to do that and slow down, the deep breaths follow and rest comes naturally.
I'm the person who does my mom's clothes. Took her some things on Wednesday and she was looking at me getting her pants out of the plastic bag and commented on how pretty her red pants were, and she followed up with, "Now, why do you think that is?" Sometimes she surprises me with what she says. Strokes must leave some unusual residue in a person's brain. Often she sounds like a child with her responses, and I just scratch my head.
I say that to say this----it wears on me.
A history of a mom who was critical and hard to please. Who was harsh with me in regards to my endless pregnancies----not able to empathize with the exhaustion and moodiness I dealt with. To the outside world, a pretty much, angelic human being. One of those moms who my friends always complimented me on. Now in a mental place where she's sharp as far memory goes, but has odd lapses with a child-like flavor. Keeps me on my toes. Who is she now? I have no idea.
Some days I need a break from tension of it. Now she's asked me to do her Christmas shopping for her. I really think she could give it a pass, but guess she wants to be as normal as possible. Honestly would prefer to not have one more thing on my list of things to do, but the question wasn't 'will you do this for me?,' but 'do this for me.' Uh, yeah. Okay.
Folks are hard on each other. Not sure why that is so, but it is. I think I'll follow Lesley's idea of 'hibernation as retreat' this weekend. My mom has enough clothes to last her until Monday. I need to deal with this headache and be kind to myself. If I don't, nobody else will do it for me.
Take care of yourself too, you hear?
