Perspective

When I wake up in the mornings and am reminded of our waiting for God to answer prayers, I feel like I'm holding my breath.  Exhaling seems difficult sometimes.  I get anxious and sometimes almost feel that I can't enjoy the day until I see some evidence of His working.  It's almost like my anxiety is propping me up, when it ought to be that my faith does that job.

Huh.

While we tally up moneys to pay a particular overdue bill, I get edgy.  I want it over.  I want the relief of not having that hanging over us.  On the up side, though, Gary has work in the shop, and just has to 'get er done' in order for us to have the proper funds necessary for said overdue bill.  I'm not ashamed to admit we fall behind.  I wish more folks would share these sorts of battles.  There are really lots of us who are struggling.  Thankful it's not always a daily thing, but really, there's no shame in hardship.

I have to remember what my job is, though.  I'm the keeper of the home, the axle at the middle of the wheel (as Gary refers to me) and the one who holds it all together (in a human way, of course).  My tasks are to manage the home fires, not make the income, and provide a safe haven for all of my chickens.  Worry doesn't need to be my side companion, but trust does.

It's going to be okay.  Life is sometimes hard, but it doesn't have to be unbearable.  Must give myself the opportunity to experience joy today.  And that's all I have to do.  Today.

(by the kitchen sink last fall)