Lovely words

“The tea ritual: such a precise repetition of the same gestures and the same tastes; accession to simple, authentic and refined sensations, a license given to all, at little cost, to become aristocrats of taste, because tea is the beverage of the wealthy and the poor; the tea ritual, therefore, has the extraordinary virtue of introducing into the absurdity of our lives an aperture of serene harmony. Yes, the world may aspire to vacuousness, lost souls mourn beauty, insignificance surrounds us. Then let us drink a cup of tea. Silence descends, one hears the wind outside, autumn leaves rustle and take flight, the cat sleeps in a warm pool of light. And, with each swallow, time is sublimed.” ~from The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery

Friday noon

Sorta crashed last night, and could feel the beginnings of a migraine coming to roost. Have been taking some meds and will lighten up my mental load today.  Will take the kids to the library (walking very slowly) and then to our priest's for dog-checking-up-on.  Need a couple of things from the store, but hoping for someone to miraculously do that chore for me.  Takers? :)

Anyway, was walking through the house today, which looked remarkably tidy (for us) and took some snaps.  We're in pre-Christmas mode, so only have our Santa on the dining room table as of now.  Might spring to hang out our wreaths this weekend, but will see.  Nothing's hanging fire, and can have a quiet next few days. Sounds just the ticket.  Oh, and if anyone needs a movie to watch---I saw one on Netflix the other night---a French one called The Hedgehog---strange title, but a wonderful film.  I'm going to pick up the book it's taken from, The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery this afternoon.  With some Christmas-themed books, sounds like a plan.

It's not about me...

It's a fact.  I empathize way too easily.  If someone's suffering, I suffer along with them.  One of our boys, and oftentimes middle daughter are just the same way.  We take on other folks pain.  It's exhausting.  And while I'm not quite sure what purpose it serves (I take that back...it does actively put feet to your prayers, that's for sure), it is what it is.  We just have to make sure to not embrace it to the extent of making it our own.  And even now, we're having to use restraint in praying for/worrying about an elderly neighbor who sometimes seems more like a grandparent to some of our children than even my mom does.  He's in his nineties, has had several falls lately, and is in the hospital with brain hemorrhaging. He's holding his own, but it's a waiting game with the treatment.  He's refused surgery to relieve the pressure and has had to be taken off of blood-thinners (he has a history of strokes) in order to do the next thing, whatever that might be.  As I said, it is what it is.

And found out last night that Lesley Austin's mom had passed away.  Lesley has been carrying for her mom during her trial of Alzheimer's for the past two years in their home.  I know it hasn't been easy, not that I've ever experienced caring for a parent to that extent, but can imagine the exhaustion and sacrifice that results.  I will say, though, that Lesley has exhibited such grace and calm throughout the past two years, both in her manner toward her mom and in the way she's had to put her own needs aside to care for her. Truly admirable.

Anyway, this isn't about me, but about folks who either have been or are truly suffering. Please remember them.

Wednesday evening

painting by Edouard Vuillard

What's that saying about women having the right to change their minds, and frequently?  I'm not saying it right, but you get my drift.  Don't know what I was thinking of with turning off comments.  I like folks, enjoy being talked to, and am tickled by feedback.  I must be nuts.

It was a nice day.  Got most of what I wanted done and stuck in a grocery trip as well.  Tomorrow holds the ordinary as well as a visit to our priest's house to get instructions for fourth son to house/dog sit for them for a day or so.  They have a Basset and also 3 Chihuahuas, so should be right up our alley.  And they only live 5 minutes away, so easy to arrange.  Their dogs have classy names, though, versus ours that sound like servants in Downton Alley.  We're such commoners.  You tell me---Daisy, Violet, Opal and Romeo.  Below stairs, for sure.

And here's a bit of excitement, least to us.  Middle daughter will be an acolyte at church for the month of December.  She'll carry one of the torches and will be part of the processionals.  So cool.  She's already had one morning of training and was asked at the last minute on Thanksgiving Eve to fill in.  She had about 5 minutes that night to get dressed and in order.  I think that doing it that night took the edge off of it.  With a small turnout that night, she was able to get the feel of it without pressure.  And even though she's not been confirmed, she can participate, being called a junior acolyte.

The Reformed Episcopal church (Anglican) that our church is affiliated with allows girls to be part of the service, but in a limited way.  The girls can carry the torches and cross, but they don't serve Communion.  I like the distinction of the sexes having their parts to play.  All important and all necessary.

Blog woes

I've broken my blog.  Clicked the button to not allow comments, decided I did want comments again (baby, it's lonely out here), and clicked to allow them and Blogger doesn't want to play.  Not sure what's up with that.

Anyway, as it is with my mind, I'm going to monkey around, likely change the design, and if I upload another template, maybe it'll re-boot.  WhatEVER.

We'll see if this works....

(nevermind....it works now...except on the last post....i even re-posted that one, and still, it won't the comment option there.  so odd, but fine that it seems okay elsewhere...blah, blah, blah)

Muttering to myself

Favorite chair

Sometimes I get all angsty about our finances, which is normal for me.  Self-employment can be stinky, and here's a good example:  While Gary's made a tidy sum selling his wooden vapors (to substitute for the smoker's patch), it's not enough to keep our heads above water.  He got a call from a woman last week who's been talking about a tabletop she wants built to go on a newly-made iron base.  She was supposed to come in yesterday at noon-time to talk about it and finalize the design.  She didn't call, didn't show up and Gary called her late yesterday.  She apologized for not getting back, and said there was a family medical issue that had come up and she'd get back to him when she knew what was going on.  She gave no clue as to when this would be.

Huh.

If I'm feeling insecure, a situation like this can really set me back.  But as it is, my faith is steady now, or maybe I'm just refusing to give in to doubts.  Regardless, I know God's got us covered.  He knew this would happen, and while allowing for it, will take care of us. Not always my initial thought, but it should be.

And, yes, there are some bills that are late, but when my heart's settled, then that's okay too.  Well, maybe not okay, but more like acceptable.  I do harbor envy sometimes, though, for those whose husbands make a regular paycheck which allows for taking care of the necessities (and then some).  Folks with that work situation are blessed in a way that I never have been, even as a child with a self-employed father.  Different situations and different folks.  It's how we all roll.

And it's not a grudge-holding envy, in case that crosses anyone's mind.  It's more of a thinking that wonders if people realize how fortunate they are.  Like the family at church who have a nine-year old daughter who's dealing with cancer.  I would figure they'd wonder if those who have all well children appreciate their kids' health.  Probably not.  I know I can't get my head around living with the stress of a chronically ill child.

As we say at our house---everyone's got something to deal with.  I'd rather have our financial tight times than a rocky marriage, rebellious kids, or challenging illnesses.  None of us pass through unscathed, do we?

(and btw, have turned off comments for awhile, following the lead of my friend, Kim....have done it in the past briefly, and trying it on for size again...my email is located at my profile...just sayin'!)

Every morning

Later on Monday night

*Squeezing every bit of autumn out of November that I possibly can.  December isn't on my mind so much, as it seems to be on everyone else's.  No way.  No how.  If I think of Christmas, I get an antsy feeling that settles in my insides, and I'm not ready for the pressure.  Am just fine looking at oranges, golds and browns. The red and greens will just have to wait.

*Got a pile of books at the library today.  Well, a small pile, including Walker Percy's The Moviegoer which has pretty sparkly reviews. 'Course, it's not a new book, but it will be to me since I've not ever read it.  And I've said this before, but I tend to avoid Southern writers.  Folks in the South are so often portrayed as mental, or overboard in their behavior.  Might be true that we are, but I don't have to read about it.  But still, would prefer to read a book by a Southerner about us than by someone from another part of the country who attempts it and fails.

*Listening to our clothes dryer which has a bit of a thump when it spins.  And it sounds like a chain of some sort got in between the drum and whatever it spins in.  Not excited at the prospect of us having to take the dryer apart and look inside.  Yuck.

*Wishing for the thousandth time, as I have with all of our boys, that we had wood to chop.  Our youngest son is driving me slowly around the bend, and am having a challenging time thinking of enough things for him to do.  Have heard others talk about how hard it is for some boys to have to listen to their mothers boss them, being that it's the male/female issue rearing its head.  They don't want to listen to motherly instruction and it's an age thing.  Odd that it's been the same for each of our boys.  Thankfully it passes.  Can't happen soon enough for me.

*That's all I got.  Going to stick my nose in a book and fugettaboutit.

Good grief

People are so odd.  Yesterday at church, I figured I'd gotten away with not having to speak to the 'man who is there.'  The kids and I had been in Sunday School, with me helping with the little ones, and so far, so good.  Most times I'm able to avoid meeting this man's eyes in the hallway, and don't go into rooms where he's either sitting or carrying on a conversation. Last weekend was wonderful because I had no contact with him whatsoever.  It's helped since we've decided the back row gives me a bit of a buffer. Besides, he really irritates the kids when he's so forward.

Anyway.  About yesterday.  The kids and I came into the nave from the front of the church, as everyone was getting settled.  The service had about 10 minutes to go before beginning.  We were walking toward the back row and were on the outside aisle by the windows (epistle-side, to be Mitford-like)---almost there, when out of the blue, that man rushes past his wife (he was sitting on the inside of the pew, and, yes, he actually was hurrying) toward me as we were about to pass his pew, forces me to stop, puts his arm around me in the aisle and asks if I know who a particular man is who's sitting a couple of rows in front of him.  Are you kidding me? Do we really even know one another?  A resounding no is the correct response.  And also, why the enthusiasm to get my attention? So very strange.  And, honestly, I couldn't make this stuff up.

The kids and one of the acolytes had been right behind me and middle daughter made a joke about the pile-up of folks who were backed up against me.  Funny if you think about it, but wasn't amusing at the time.

I didn't look up at him, but just muttered that I didn't know who the man was, which was a true statement, but still.  How forward does he have to be?  Anyone who was watching this nonsense would likely pick up the fact that I was irritated.

He reminds me of our year old puppy, Romeo, who thinks everyone's thrilled to see him no matter the circumstance.  Unfortunately, that just ain't true.

Pug love

You can't beat Violet and Daisy for sweetness.

The stuff in my head

In a book I just finished one of the characters asks another one what his 'drug' of choice was.  Apparently the guy used to have a drinking habit, brought on by his wife's death. Eventually he turned to rock climbing to cope, and that ended up being what gave him a rush and made him feel alive.

Good question.  What's my drug?

Seriously.  I don't have a clue.

When I made time, I'd have told you it was writing.  To get into the thick of writing a story put a gloss and joy in the everyday.  But living too close to my depressive personality has sent that desire packing.  Seems I don't have the energy for that right now.  I sit and stare and think about it more than I do anything about it.  And, yes, I could muster up some energy, probably, but not that interested right now.

Patricia

I'm afraid I'm continuing to struggle with dealing with friends' deaths (especially the most recent back in April) and not succeeding awfully well.  Time.  It all takes time.  Be patient with me while I cope, and don't get fretful with me.  Resist telling me what I need to do.  I do get tired of having my eyes fill with tears out of the blue.

I remember when my neighbor died of ALS five years ago this week, the hospice nurse said to give it, I think she said, 8 years. Grief.  Eight years.  You've got to be kidding.  

Wondering what purpose depression serves?  Making me more understanding with folks who feel down?  Making me more sensitive?  Causing me to see things that busy people miss?  Drawing me nearer to God?  All of the above?  Wish I was allowed an opinion on the subject.  

Friday afternoon

Weeeeeell, the turkey from last night is mostly gone.  We didn't eat on it at lunch today, though I am partial to cold turkey sandwiches.  Saving it for leftovers for tonight.  One of the downfalls of a big family is not having satisfactory leftovers the next day....unless it's something obnoxious like white beans or the like.  They don't go over well here afterward.

Was imagining how nice it'd be to buy a small-ish turkey today and roast it this afternoon.  Felt we needed to add to the paltry bit of turkey that's sitting in a plastic bag in the fridge.  There wasn't a thawed one in the store, and not even any whole dear little chickens.  Could've bought a rotisserie chicken, but it'd take two and that total out to eleven dollars, and I wasn't prepared to spend that.  Bought a package of bone-in chicken breasts instead, and they're in the oven as we speak.

Why am I telling you this?

Feeling pretty smooth, though with a bit of a caffeine-generated buzz.  I'm watching the sun go down from my bedroom window and trying to plan out 30 minutes before dinner to plant the flat of pansies/violas that's been sitting on the porch for a couple of weeks.  It's supposed to be darn cold this weekend....well, in the 30's overnights, and I need to get the flowers in the ground.

A nice, boring weekend ahead.  One of my favorite things.  Groceries in and not one darn thing pressing me to do.  Bliss.

Thanksgiving Day

It's just past 1:30pm and the turkey went in about an hour ago.  Twenty-one pounds of poultry goodness. They never take quite as long to bake as I imagine.  Stuffing's mixed and in the fridge.  Sweet potatoes simmering on top of the stove.  The rest can wait.

When I was a kid, my mom would get up at dawn to put the turkey in the oven.  When we used to go to my in-laws for Thanksgiving (over the river and through the woods), my MIL would do the same.  Then everyone who was a worker bee in the kitchen would be exhausted by the time dinner was ready at 1pm or so.  And neither my mom or my MIL seemed to enjoy the meal because they were stretched to the limit.  I changed those rules for us way back when.  Didn't seem to make much sense to get up so early in order to eat for a late lunch.

So....

Now I'm in bed, still in my jammies.  The house will get picked up later this afternoon. First born is sleeping, so we'll stay quiet.  He went into work last night at just after 9pm, got back at 7am this morning and has to go back at 5pm this afternoon.  It's just not right.

I'm reading more and more about stores being open earlier and later for this season's shopping.  I don't think people realize the pressure this puts on the retail salespeople.  Our son is the manager of a toy department at a major chain store, which is open 24 hours a day anyhow.  Thankfully he'll be off this weekend, though.  But still.  Takes a bit of the sparkle off the day knowing he won't be able to eat with us.  I offered to get it ready earlier, but eating a heavy meal after you've slept several hours just doesn't sound appealing, does it?

Must go now.  Enjoy your sweet days.  Eat lots and rest.  It'll get busy soon enough.

Thanksgiving Eve

Went out for a late lunch with third son...drove to Midtown, a part of the city that's near Downtown, but is wonderfully quirky.  It's the artsy part of town. Anyway, went to a pizza place and got sandwiches...meatball for me, and it was yummy.  Then went to the Hippie Store (not its official name) around the corner from the restaurant and we both got some incense, and I picked up some Vanilla Tea and also some cayenne capsules for Gary, who's trying to kick some nagging sort of sniffle/cough.

A wonderful outing.  And when we got back, fourth son had made pies for tomorrow.  Two pumpkin and a chocolate chess.  Delish.

Now chillin' before we go to church.  Dressed comfortably and looking forward to seeing the church at night.  Hope there are lots of candles.  Counting on the incense.

(the photo was found online and is called 'the cloisters' but i'm not sure where they are...lovely, though)

Late Tuesday afternoon

The photo is of my new hair-do thing.  I was invited to an online party by a friend from church, and part of the fun was that one participant would win a piece of hair jewelry.  Happily I can say that I was the lucky winner.  Got the piece in the mail this week, and today was playing around with it. Much nicer than the plastic claw I sometimes use. The site is called Lilla Rose, and really, their hair clips and sticks, etc. are exceptional.  Bendable as well (I heard that the figure eight part is made of piano wire, so it moves and isn't stiff), so that you can cram a lot of hair into one.  And I've got a lot to cram, especially considering my mop of hair is down to the middle of my back.

Anyway.  That's about as exciting as it's gotten here today.  Finished up school for the week.  Will whip the house into shape tomorrow with hosing off the siding and hosing off/sweeping the porches.  Planting a flat of pansies and violas. Baking pies and just having a restful day.  Church will cap off the evening, and you won't hear any complaints out of me.  Thanksgiving is one of my very favorite days of the year, with cutting and simmering celery and onions being at the top of my JOY list.  It just smells so good, and when I'm doing that, I'm happy.  Now I'm off to cook scraps for everyone. Plain old mac and cheese from boxes tonight.  They'll be starving come Thursday. :)

Thanksgiving week

Well, the Thanksgiving shopping is done.  Even got an extra turkey to save for Christmas, because, where we shop, they raise the prices again the day after Thursday and don't reduce them for Christmas.  I find that a bit puzzling, but my mom always made ham for Christmas dinner, so don't remember what folks did in the old days (meaning when I was a child!).

Planning on going the the prayer service tomorrow morning, and then puttering in the church kitchen, getting it all tidy for the dinner our priest and his wife will hold there on Thursday for anyone who's not got anywhere to go.  Then on Wednesday night, will go back for services.  Maybe I can twist Gary's arm to go as well (crossed fingers).  I've not been to an evening service, and with the lights muted, it ought to be breath-taking.

Oldest daughter told me as we were driving home from the store that now I can relax, and really, she's right. There's no reason at all that I can't take a DEEP breath and enjoy the rest of the week.  I know I'll avoid the topic of Christmas.  I mean, really?  It's way too early for that.

(the photo is of gary when we visited his parents up in baltimore when we were engaged (1982---doesn't feel like 30 years ago)....we were at atlantic beach in this picture...he just began growing what ended up being his huge mustache during this trip!  to see a more current photo of him, go here.)

Sunday afternoon

A quiet morning at church.  Refreshing.  No stress, and with us sitting in the very back, it was a nice change to not have someone right behind us. Sometimes it's nice to be left alone and left to your own business.  I came home rested and peaceful, and I'm thinking that's the way it ought to be.

Ate a lunch of a steak from the restaurant that the boys brought home (we get treats that way sometimes when a customer refuses them...folks can be pretty particular about how their meat is cooked) with eggs and toast.  Gary loves it when that happens.  Steak and eggs---his favorite.

And now in bed resting.  A good day.

(and yep, i did putter around with the template again...what else is new!?)

Pre-Thanksgiving chatter

Bought a turkey.  A bit shocked at how busy the grocery store was this afternoon. What was I thinking?  Of course it was busy. But truly, I've found that the very best time to shop is after dinner.  Most folks are home, and have either already been out, or will go the next day.  At least at the store we go to---people don't buy groceries much after 7pm.

Trying to get it in 'major chill' mode.  Over the phone this morning got into a discussion with Gary about the bills that are wedging into being late, but not too awfully late.  He's already worrying about things that have to be paid after Thanksgiving, and I was trying to reason with him, saying that we have enough to think about without that being a bother while we're stuffing ourselves this next week.  I mean, really.  I want to eat turkey and all the trimmings with a free conscience.  No worries, and don't think that's too much to ask.

Anyway.  Fed the family homemade rolls and tuna salad tonight, though I'd not say that canned tuna fish is cheap fare, anymore.  If I'm going to spend around seven dollars for meat for a meal, it'd better be something more interesting than tuna. Huh.  And at nearly or at a buck a can, I say 'huh' again.

Best go.  Am reading a couple of Thomas Howard's books, and thinking about things. Thankful for the lull of Thanksgiving week before the full brunt of Christmas smacks me in the face.  I'm more into anticipation of events, and would be fine with passing over the real thing.  Looking forward is always more fun.

Designer pugs and blog re-decorating

Yowza.  Really liking the look of the Dynamic blog view design. My goodness. Simple to set up, a few options to play with and voila....neat result.

Nice to be able to play with the blog design without driving myself nuts at the same time.  Usually it's an evening's work, and not satisfying at that.  What's nice about this is that you can set it to show whatever you want the default homepage to be, and then folks can pull-down the menu on the left at the header, that displays other options.

Now then, on to other things.  Must needs get the Thanksgiving grocery shopping done, most likely on Monday.  I starve the family on the nights preceding next Thursday, and that always makes them laugh.  Waffles, macaroni and cheese, eggs, and anything that's cheap and filling.  Helps when I need to save money for dinner anyhow.

The weekend will be pleasantly dull, however.  Will pick up some more Thomas Howard books on hold at the library, putter around the house, and we're only doing the church service on Sunday---skipping Sunday School, which is a small, but sometimes pleasant change of pace for the weekend.  Tired of the sameness of our Sundays, so a change is good.

Take care.

Daisy the sweater girl

Wednesday night's thoughts

• Kids at my mom's or at their jobs this afternoon.  
• Time alone---even brief is a blessing. 
• Relief at a major overdue bill getting mailed today.  
• Thinking on Thanksgiving.  
• Went to the Intercessory Prayer meeting at church today.  Seven of us.  Lots of older folks dressed warmly causing the room to smell comfortingly of mothballs.  Woolen coats.  
• Two Thanksgiving Eve services will be held next Wednesday.  The noon one will be minus incense, but the 6pm one will be, as our priest laughingly put in the Sunday bulletin---smokey.  The church seems to be split about using it, but thankfully our priest is open to both views, and won't simply stop using the incense for the few who object.  He's covering all the bases.  Must be hard.  And glad he's cool that way, though also very old-fashioned, or maybe he's just being liturgical.
• Oldest daughter bought the pugs sweaters to wear.
• They're pink for Violet and black for Daisy.
• Daughter said she got the black because it's very slimming.
• Daisy is a bit fluffy, or chubby.  Depends on how you look at it.
• Taking fourth son to the dental school tomorrow---at 8am.  Way too early.
• Thankful to have something to read so as to entertain myself.
• But mostly thankful to get that bill paid.  Makes everything better.

Autumn lovely from Pinterest

Mental house-cleaning

The Anglicans are into repetition.  Our priest tells the story of one person he knew who was dying, and verging on incoherent, but who could repeat the prayers along with him. There's something to that, stirred up with a dose of comfort.  The Psalms are good in that way as well---words that come to you when life pinches overmuch.

I was praying the Lord's Prayer this morning, trying to ward off my mood of yesterday.  The part about trespasses jumped out at me---reminding me of my need to forgive this man at church who irritates me so much.  Thud.  The anger fell off of my shoulders, and honestly, I felt tremendously light-hearted afterward.  And while the situation might not change, my way of dealing with it (hopefully) will.

And thinking on things I need to pare down.  Habits that weave their fingers into my days to the extent that I waste way too much time.  Internet.  Reading to the point of excess.  Worrying.  You get my point.  I believe that the Lord would have me with a much cleaner slate.  He sometimes only gets the barest corner of my slate.  And even then, I seem to be able to spend hours reading, but not so much time praying.  Not uncommon with Christians, but sad, nonetheless.

Deep breaths.  No big changes, but small ones that should relieve some of the weight in my heart.

One of our boys sent me this text message earlier, "Relaxxx we aint in control in the first place."

Amen. (said Southern-style with a long 'a')

The rain matches my mood

Today has been a bit off kilter.  Began it alone with quiet time in church while Sunday School was in session, and while the organist was practicing.  A welcome lull in my morning.  Was happy to have oldest daughter come to the service, and my husband.  He's still uncomfortable---or at least it seems so.  He tries to sound more enthusiastic than I think he's really feeling.  He can't get into the swing of the upping and downing of the service.  Says he wants more time to think on things, but really, an Anglican church service really is busy, or at least that's my experience.  Worshipful, but busy.  There is absolutely no time to nod off, not that I've ever seen Gary do that.  I'm grateful for his effort, though.

And frustrated at the older gentleman who seems to chat up the ladies and work the room a bit too heartily.  This was at the chili luncheon we had today.  And it's not that he's lonely, but sort of fresh.  It's uncomfortable, and he generally sits right behind me in church.  (And keep in mind, since we use kneelers and if the person behind you kneels more than you do, then they're sort of in your hair...note to self:  change my pew.) He finds things to say, and I've really never even had a real conversation with him.  Just brief small talk....too friendly.  His wife wasn't there today, and nuts to that.  It appears that when she's there, she keeps him on a short leash.  He's much more subdued when she's about.  What is it with some people?  Puts a shadow on my church experience to have to deal with him.

Honestly, since I've found this church to be such a blessing, I'm put out at having to deal with this nonsense.  And nothing's going on that anyone can do anything about, but it's aggravating.  Gary says the guy's harmless, and I agree, but it's annoying.  I want to be left alone.

Forgive this rant.  Probably too personal to post online, but I just don't care.

Thomas Howard

The newest book I've gotten in the mail is The Night is Far Spent, which is a compilation of Thomas Howard's work.  Beautifully written.  I've only read a bit, but it's the sort of book you read a little of, underline with pencil (which is more forgiving than a pen), walk away from---then immediately pick it up again for another taste.  He has a couple of quotes that are ringing in my ears.

"But do know one thing:  the Romantic Ideal will send you to hell eventually. Luxuriating in fornication and sodomy will too.  The modern world (partly fed by The Atlantic Monthly) pursues materials in this connection with the most sober assiduity.  Do we (Christians) demure somewhere in here?  How countercultural are we?

Before it is too late, should we, and if so, how are we to develop a "taste" for the annals of sanctity?  And will there come, at last, an actual preference for these over the topics filling the columns, again, not only of the cheap magazines in the airport racks, but also of the highbrow journals?  (It is not all, of course, scandal; but totally godless respectability---Virginia Woolf, say---holds the field, surely, over the narratives of souls struggling toward God.)"

And, by the way, Mr. Howard is a brother to Elizabeth Elliott.  I'd made that connection 'way back when' but not sure in what context.  It rang a bell to me.  Must have been in one of my rabbit trails of book-hunting on Amazon.  One book leads to another, you know.  Am off now hopefully to reserve several books from the library, one being his Evangelical Isn't Enough (as you mentioned, Sara...thank you), and Evelyn Waugh's Brideshead Revisited and T.S.Eliot's The Four Quartets---the latter ones being volumes that Howard speaks highly of.

He's got an interesting history.  Raised Evangelical, moved on to the Anglican/Episcopal church, and has been Catholic for the past 20 years.  Would like to pick his brain.  My goodness...he's covered some territory.

A restful weekend

Saturday has turned out to be my favorite day of the week.  Things have winded down, nobody can get me (not meaning to sound mysterious with that comment), usually the groceries for the weekend have been bought, and there tend to be few---if any errands to run.

Used to, I dreaded Saturdays.  That was after we'd been going to the mega-Presbyterian church for a few years, and then I added the Anglican service on Sunday morning.  That was exhausting.  Too many people to please, and making sure I took care of my church needs as well.  Way overmuch running around.

Now it's much better.  The four youngest children seem to really enjoy St. James (which is such a joy for me to witness), and the weekends have taken on more of a relaxing mood.

For this weekend, I figure I'm hitting on a positive 98% in a measurement of how I feel.  That 2% would be covered if we were flush with money.  But as Gary said to me last night---having financial frustrations are minimal considering we have a strong marriage, good kids, no illness and most other things are fine.  He emphasized that a steady relationship between the two of us is key, and he's right.  Can't ever take that for granted.

Now spaghetti's simmering, and I just got out the yeast for making bread for dinner.  We'll have salad with that and Gary's favorite German chocolate cake for his birthday dinner.  Middle daughter will bake shortbread to take as a dessert for tomorrow's church lunch, and I'll make jalapeno cornbread to take.  Easy and yummy.  A glorious day, all around.

Friday before dinner

Winding up the week....and here's what's spinning through my head.

• enjoyed lunch out with one of our sons a couple of days ago
• he shared that he got 2 tattoos on his chest (secretly) and i'm afraid gary will hit the roof if/when he finds out
• they're pretty big
• it made me laugh, though
• surprise at this son's courage and audacity
• seriously, i don't care, but not sure about his dad
• sometimes folks surprise me, both in what they do and how they react
• son cracked me up when he said he fears getting injured and us having to call an ambulance, and then having to take his shirt off
• i told him he'd best not get a chest infection, because then on goes the onion poultice
• kidding
• have to go shopping for gary tonight---his b'day is tomorrow
• need big bags of cash
• i have only a small one
• which will be empty when i get home
• dorothy parker said, "i've never been a millionaire, but know i'd be darling at it."
• i agree, and would jump at the chance to demonstrate
• tired already of folks talking about christmas
• thanksgiving i can manage
• but anything further makes me twitchy
• talk about BIG bags of cash
• must put in my order for one
• need to figure out what to take to church for the chili cook-off on sunday
• not a clue
• something cheap
• i think i'm in a financial rut, least in my language, eh?
• must look up--i hear tell the Lord has it all under control
• need to act like i believe that
• time to go---split pea soup for dinner, and maybe some sort of bread if i can muster up something
• take care

Pug drama (trauma)

Violet thinking about it...

Okay, so I've had stress overload, but no more than most folks. Having company in the house for almost 4 days, keeping the house straight during that time (which made my feet hurt---was on them way too much), a sick pug, the storm up East, and 2 birthdays with the 3rd coming this Saturday---well, it's been busy.

And the oddest thing happened yesterday, not that you'll appreciate hearing it after I'm done. Scroll past these paragraphs if you don't want to hear about Violet the pug's ailment.

She'd been wetting the floor for about 2 weeks (which she's never done), giving all evidence of a bladder infection...I won't go into details, but anyone who's either had this illness, or knows of someone (or a pet) who has knows how irritating, and oftentimes painful it can get. Well, we'd really gotten tired of cleaning up after her, especially with company in the house. Sorta embarrassing, but the girls who were here didn't care. They come from a home with 10 kids, so what's new to show them? Nothing!

Anyhow, had given Violet the rest of an antibiotic left over from Daisy's cough, and then went to echinacea and colloidal silver. Worked slower, but still worked. Her bleeding had stopped, though it was not much to begin with. We figured we about had it licked when she began to seem in pain on Tuesday night. She was straining to go to the bathroom and we figured a trip to the vet would have to happen on Wednesday. Even considered she might be constipated. Really, she'd seemed better each day until then. Did some online research on a medicine I had for bladder infections, to see if it was okay to give it to dogs. I did give it to her and she seemed to gradually relax---am thinking it lessened the pain a bit.  And, yes, we prayed as well.  Here's the interesting part. Yesterday morning, she was more relaxed and sleeping in my lap, when I had to get up and so I put her in the chair. I left the room, she trotted over to Opal's light blue cover and promptly went to the bathroom like there was no tomorrow. Her bladder must have been filled to the brim. Plus she left behind a small stone about the size of an English pea. THAT was the problem. Imagine. A kidney/bladder stone. Remember when the other pug, Daisy, had the surgery in January? Violet's never been sick at all, and we were so surprised at the little rock. Eeewwwww.

Why am I telling you this? Guess to share in case any of you run into this, and to keep a record of it. From what I've read online, one stone is common and with treating with using distilled water for several weeks instead of tap water for them, a further attack can be prevented. Aren't you glad you read to the end of the post?!! Funny, some of the kids wouldn't look at the stone (middle daughter gets grossed out easily) but the rest of us were just shocked at its size and the ability of Violet to throw it off herself. Amazing and sickening at the same time. And, by the way. She feels wonderful now. All better.

Drat

Feeling a bit 'sucker punched' after last night.  I was so hopeful that we could get out from under this current administration.  I do realize, though, that God selects our rulers, but dislike hearing folks say that 'we get what we deserve.'  Sounds sorta cocky to me.  Maybe we get what we need.  Like a whuppin' from time to time. Tired of getting whupped.

It's hard to focus after so many weeks of a heavy political diet.  So many hopes, plans and dreams go by the wayside.  At least to me, when we have a Republican in the White House, I feel that a party is in charge that can lead in a rational way.  I feel safer and more secure, not so much like someone's going to pull the rug out from under me.  Now, I don't follow the Republicans blind...I realize they're flawed as well, but their party platform isn't left-wing like the other guys.

Still makes me want to gag that my mom and two older brothers supported this president.  Don't know if she voted, but it puts a bit of wrench in a relationship when something so important is looked at differently.  When our mindsets are on opposing sides.  What's up with that?  Why did all three of them veer off course, and in such a clone-like fashion, even back 4 years ago?  Off they went.  Carrot dangling...it's all about carrot dangling.  That and promises that just don't pan out.  Maybe that's the same thing.

For many, it seems, politics is about what they (the government) can do for me.  For others, it's coming against those who would choose to take something from me....freedoms, most likely.  Bummer.

'Soul's Gate' by James L. Rubart

James L. Rubart's book titled Soul's Gate is incredible.  I was anxious to see what played out and desperate for the ending, but at the same time---I really didn't want it to end.  And taking into account that Rubart's book has been compared to Frank Peretti's writing, I was confident it'd be a thriller, though possibly over-the-top in possible demonic characters.  Yes, it had demons, but no, they weren't overwhelming for the reader, but bearable.

In the story, a man of mystery named Reece calls together four friends/acquaintances to go on a religious retreat with him.  The goal was for spiritual enlightenment, however, the real focus was on spiritual power.  The group were to be trained to enter the souls of those who needed help, and were unable to resolve their issues themselves.  The twist comes first when one of the four isn't able to come, and then several things don't play out correctly, which are attributed to evil influences.  What I'm writing, though, is in mild contrast to the tension and turn-the-page-quickly mood of the book.  Rubart makes the story come alive, and with his heavy use of prayer among the characters, along with pure joy at God's power, the reader is lifted up to appreciate the wonder of the Lord even more.  I loved it.

"The Father's desire for restoration an truth in the innermost being will always be more powerful than signs and wonders.  The signs and wonders serve to point us to him and his unfathomable love for us."~page 146

For anyone who enjoys reading books that clearly portray God's dominance over the evil one will be encouraged.  It's a powerful read, and as for me, I was deeply touched.

(i received this book free to review from thomas nelson publishers/booksneeze)

Election Day

Woke up way too early (considering I went to sleep at 2am) to do the dogs, but with one of the big ones whimpering to go out, there wasn't opportunity to do otherwise.  Then I got to thinking about the day (it was about 6:15am--waking up time for lots of folks, but not usually me) and in the quiet, got out my iPod to listen to a song that was spinning in my head last night. Listened to it by Sarah Hart, then found it by Kim Hill as well.  My goodness, pick one.

Went to prayer at 8:30am, was asked to be the reader which I consider an honor, then asked Fr Keith if I could clean the kitchen in preparation for Sunday's chili cook-off.  A couple of the women were there as well to take care of the altar linens, fill the oil candles and clean the vases.  Just tidying up, all of us.  After a bit, everyone left and I was waiting for the dishwasher to stop.  I was alone in the church.  Amazing.  I was glad, though, when I was able to leave.  Too much responsibility.  Pretty awesome, nonetheless.  To be trusted is priceless.

Praying for the day.  Keeping busy.  Feeling God's touch and His comfort, which is awesome as well.

Liturgy

"For the form sets you free from the shallow puddle of your own ad hoc resources of the moment and draws you into the dignity, nobility, and splendor attending the angelic worship of the Most High, and for which you and I yearn with fathomless yearning."~from Thomas Howard's book The Night is Far Spent

 I just ordered the above-mentioned book after reading the quote used by someone who reviewed it.  That's all it took.

The author is an Evangelical turned Anglican turned Catholic---least that's what I understand.  The bits and pieces I've been able to glean about him have centered on the Church (and by that I mean the universal church, not Catholic), and the beauty of the liturgy.  He reminds us that it's holy, and it is.  The Anglican service I attend is worshipful.  To walk into the nave and see folks kneeling and not being ashamed is so sweet.  There's a humility and honesty about it.  Now, everyone doesn't do that when they enter the pews, but no matter, it's so reverent.

Yesterday we had to sit on the left side of the church, mostly because I had more kids with me and we needed more room. Usually we're on the right-side.  Anyway, we were able to see the choir, which sits on the right side of the chancel.  They face the center, or toward the sanctuary (the raised altar area....most evangelical churches call the main seating area the sanctuary, but anglicans call the place at the front by that name), so that we see their profiles. Anyway, at one part of the service when we were all standing, the members of the choir and acolytes suddenly all faced to the right toward the altar/cross.  En masse.  I love that.  I can't remember what words were said, but at that specific point, they turned.  I'm still learning, so don't have it all figured out with who does what and when.  But it all focuses on the altar/the sacraments and God. All of it.  And it's the same every week.  Might get repetitive to those who are unfamiliar with it, but the words, to me, are always a comfort.

A quiet Monday afternoon

painting by Edouard Vuillard

Having a lazy day.  Told the kids we'd have a day off from school, to just rest and get back to normal again.  Several days of company wore us out---and I'm sure the two sweet girls who were here will crash when they get home.

Besides, it's a nice, drizzly sort of day.  I'll need to go out in a bit to get something for dinner, since I can't whip up anything out of the cabinets or fridge, because there's nothing to whip!  And something easy sounds much better than fussing.  I'm sorta tired of cooking.

Anyway, will climb out of bed here in minute and get it in gear.  It's 3pm and I'm still in my night-clothes.  Very cozy.  Will putter a bit, watch 'The Voice' with the girls so I can see Adam Levine, who I have a tiny crush on, and then hopefully an early night.  My plans for early-to-bed usually fall miserably short.

Take care and remember to pray over the election (though I realize I'm speaking to the choir).  Praying for God's favor....and as my Sunday School teacher said yesterday, or something to this effect....he's been praying about the election, but laughing he said more so he's praying for God to work his way.  I get that.  Don't we all?  One of the women capped off the conversation saying she understood, but knows we need to pray, "Thy will be done."  That's the classic Father Tim (from Mitford) prayer, and it's always spot on.

So, if an early night transpires, will go to prayer tomorrow morning.  And afterwards I really want to tidy the church kitchen in preparation for the chili cook-off that's this-coming Sunday.  It's a mess!  Too many cooks, you know.

Sunday night

Began reading a review book for Thomas Nelson this weekend and it is GOOD.  The following snippets of a quote have really stuck with me and made me think....

"She'd heard God's healing power preached in church for years.  She's prayed for others to get healed.  But she never believed it would really happen...... 

It had always been so distant.  Like looking at a snow-capped mountain through binoculars turned the wrong way--not ever really knowing if her prayers made a difference.  Yes, sometimes people got better, but whether they did or didn't, it never diminished or increased her faith."~from Soul's Gate by James L. Rubart (emphasis mine)

Mull over that quote for a minute.  My problems is that, quite honestly, in my deepest of hearts want to enthusiastically believe in miracles, healings, and anything God can throw at me.  But my wanting to doesn't transfer over to me believing it can actually happen.  And, you know, that's just sad.  There's likely stuff that the Lord would like to bless me with, but my faith....pretty pathetic.

Something to think about.

Saturday afternoon

A lovely day.  High in the 80s and will be the last warm one for awhile.  We'll get a bit of a chill starting tomorrow, so for now, the windows are up and the clothes are blowing on the lines.  Love weather like this.

Minestrone for dinner, and afterwards, Gary and I will go out for oldest daughter's birthday shopping.  She turns 25 tomorrow.  How'd that happen? I seem to be caught in a time warp!

Anyway, now is good.  The company is sweet and they're going to church with us tomorrow.  I think this will be their first Anglican experience, and with it being All Saints' Day, hopefully they'll use incense in the service.  With a goodly number of eye-rollers in the church regarding incense, I'm one of the few enthusiastic ones, it seems.  Well, if you've not been brought up on it, it IS pretty amazing.   Besides, I'm very into the layers of events and situations---scents, colors, flavors.

Going to go read awhile.  Oldest daughter took our company to the India Festival here in town, and am assuming they'll meet up with SIB's family there as well.  I've already chased around the vacuum, washed clothes and dusted, so am ready for activity again.  But a break and quiet is welcome.

(inside living room/dining room today)

Dolling up the kitchen

Last night, fourth son and I went to our moving-out-of-town neighbor's house to clean for her before her renters move in (see previous post---gender issues person is the new addition).  Anyway, our neighbor left two rugs behind on the street, and I've always enjoyed the one shown in the photo.  Had told her in the past to use the colors in that rug as a focal point in painting her bedroom.  Well, now she's gone and left this pretty and one that will go nicely in the younger boys' room.  Such a treat.  Can't believe she didn't want them, but they're in good condition, and we hung them over the play set overnight, and they got sun today.  Plus we whacked them with the broom.  Pug hair which cleaned off (she has two as well), but that's all.  Kim, thought you'd appreciate the pattern and colors!

And since the kitchen is pale green, with rose appliques on the walls, this fits in perfectly.

Friday afternoon

About to dash up to the living room to give a quick vacuum to the floor.  Sweet Indian boyfriend/sister will be here about 7pm, and the rest of them (with the exception of the 2 little girls) have made a drugstore/Target run.  The girls are a bit miffed, but I figured their time would be better spent in them resting than running around town.  A tired daughter equals a cranky daughter.

Gonna check to see if first born is up yet.  His wisdom tooth yankin' recovery is likely keeping him in bed longer (remember he has night working hours), but he doesn't work weekends, so is off until Sunday night.  Thankfully our new vacuum is quieter than the last one. He'll probably sleep right through my rummaging around.

And thinking on some odd folks who've moved in the neighborhood.  One renter down the street commented to one of our across the street neighbors about wanting to hire help to do his yard, but said he'd have to 'sell a few more bags' before he'd have enough money?  Whaaaat?!!  And, yes, they have children in the house, though are living with a generator from having their power cut off.  And today someone else who's going to be renting from a friend who moved yesterday said that she's anticipating surgery for a gender change?  Seriously?  We're really having this conversation?  Makes me feel like I walked into the wrong theatre, and need to go out and come back in again.  And lest this sound like gossip, I heard it directly from the ones it was told to.  Wish I'd not, though.

Glad we're normal here.  Old-fashioned normal.  I do the mom thing and Gary does the man-at-work dad thing.

I just shake my head, and wonder about our kids having to hear this stuff.  I mean, really.

Thursday afternoon

Waiting in a pretty clean house (with my pile o' pugs) for our weekend guests to get here.  I never like the initial 'hey, how are you?' period in seeing folks either for the first time, or after a prolonged absence.  Would prefer to pass over that few minutes.  Not unlike that uncomfortable time when you have to say good-bye. Nevermind.  I'm not much of a social butterfly, in case you'd not noticed!

Nice to have the house tidy, though.  I don't want to do anything but sit for fear of making a mess.

First born is back from his dentist's appointment just now.  He's still go to go into work at 10pm, since he's continuing his holiday hours....10pm-7am.  He's adjusted to the time change, but I'm sure his wisdom tooth extraction will make him a bit slow tonight.  Would me.  We'll have to grab the dogs when they get here, because they absolutely explode when someone new comes.  All four dogs will go nuts.  I have kids that behave in public, but can't say the same for the dogs.  A bit over the top, you might say.

But for now, will relish the fun times the kids will have with the company coming.  Add two more girls...one 23 and the other 17 and we'll have a houseful.  Keep 'em fed and let them entertain themselves.  Works every time.