Progress at the infirmary

Thank you for your kindnesses.  The words have brought tears to my eyes, in just caring about us in our sickness.  It really has been so wearing, but to read your comments of compassion really has made a difference.  I put a lot of stock in a loving word said at a needed time.  And when you feel beaten down, just a simple sweet phrase can be an encouragement.

Even this morning, as my hard-working husband was getting up to go to the shop, I asked how his throat was and he said it felt like he was swallowing a hot baseball.  Not unlike having those prickly gumballs forced down past your tonsils.  I likened it to swallowing broken glass, but I guess it's all the same. Finally mine hurts just on the left side, up under my ear.  So odd.

But thankfully everyone's healing even more---a slower pace than I'd like, but can't complain.  Well, I can complain, but doesn't do any good.

There are positives to illness, though.  A slower pace for me and time to think on things.  If I can avoid looking at the atrocious state of the house (avert the eyes---avert the eyes), then I can focus on dispensing the ever-ending cups of hot tea and popsicles that are so soothing.  Just the taking care part of mothering.

Right now clothes are washing, with a big towel stuffed under the front of the machine to catch the leak from the water pump.  It went out last week, and I ordered the part a couple of days ago (should arrive this afternoon), so I figure Gary will likely put it on when he gets back home.  Small potatoes.

Now I'm in bed.  A diet root beer by my side, courtesy of one son who bought a six-pack.  A fresh journal to work on to get ready for my first herbal class lesson.  Just piddly things today, to make up for my extreme running around yesterday.  Gary told me to stay in bed today, but while that's not possible, being careful is possible, and necessary.  Kind of that three steps forward, two steps back---or is it the other way around?

Again, thanks for showing love to me.  It means a great deal.

The state of the sickroom

Well, now I can say that the whole family has officially gotten sick, though suffering in various stages of blechy-ness. Youngest son, who had something wrong with him last week (or was it the week before?), had recovered only to get the conjunctivitis et al last night.  The house is one huge bedroom.  Sheets spread out over the sofa, the extra comfy chair, and trickling down onto the floor.  Clean piles of clothes being sorted in a need-to-know manner.  Like, if you need it, I know where to find it.  Oldest son, who also has the eye infection went to work this morning only to return shortly thereafter.  Way to go.  Work beckons and it's darn hard to not go sometimes.  I admire our kids' work ethic, but really, health does trump work at times (should at all times, if you ask me).

it's what it is...

I think I'm confused.  My brain function is sorta stinky.  And I keep biting my tongue in the same spot, which is no help at all when I cough.

I hope none of you fine folks out there get what we've had.  Bonnie, you said you guys had had it, or I'm guessing something similar.  And you, Aneta...maybe yours was flu.  It stinks big time, doesn't it?

I don't think our house or lives will ever run smoothly again.  It's like we're stuck in a vortex of head congestion, sore throats and tissues.  A revolving door illness.

Had to take second son (who is also sick, yet working) to leave off his car to get new tires, then take him to work.  His timing for getting the car worked on is choice, I'm thinking.  ::sarcasm::  Thankfully he's off tomorrow.  He can do nothing for a change.  My bad move was going afterward to the drug store (for necessities, really) and then the grocery store (which was really more than I could bear).  But, shoot, if everyone's sick, who's going to run errands?  Well, Gary called me when I was waiting for our son, said he'd do the store trip, but he's sick too!!!  It's a sad state of affairs.  ::whining::  When Gary found out all I'd done (checking on me from the shop, where he was working as well), he gave me the lecture about doing too much.  Am laid out in bed now.  He was right.

Fortunately tomorrow will be an at-home day except for taking son to get his car which will have been outfitted with dishy new tires. Looking forward to warmer weather (sometime, don't know when), but 70+ degree weather and sunshine sure would be nice right about now.

Tales from the sick ward

the least one's photo of our first daffs.

Third son brought home bowls of ravioli soup for Gary and me from the restaurant last night.  I had mine for lunch today and it was wonderful.  So nice to have something different, and a luxury to boot that someone else fixed it.  My on and off again sore throat is still undecided about crunchy food, so ravioli just slipped on past without making me wince.  The perfect meal.

Everyone's healing here, but fourth son got sent home from work today since he's still showing signs of conjunctivitis.  I realize it spreads like wild-fire, but the way the working world is today, folks work through all sorts of symptoms and illnesses and everyone turns a blind eye.  Refreshing to see his superiors make a stand in favor of everyone's health.  Good call.  

And with my research hat on I was able to pinpoint what we've all had, and it's called adeno*virus.  We don't have the sort that causes stomach issues (thankfully) but it's limited to the above-the-neck troubles---sore throat, runny noses, endless coughing and for most, the pink eye (not me, though...yay). Seems to last 10-14 days start to finish.  Darn long.  Oh, and did I mention fatigue? Definitely don't like that part.

Well, time to run.  Am just being a slug in bed with Daisy, and need to put the chicken on to simmer for a pie later on. Gary says we need to eat, and all the while he's talking, the sick ones are looking at him with one eye and seeing a cabinet lined up with soup with the other.  We're two ways about eating.  Mostly not in favor.  Not the best way to lose weight, but it is one way.

When the pugs were new

Some of you have been my blogging buddies for years, and remember my talk about getting baby pugs.  That happened back in 2007, just before Christmas.  Well, here's a photo Gary found over the weekend of me holding little Violet.  Compare it to her resting on my shoulder in the sidebar.  She and Daisy were only just over 5 weeks old when we got them (victims of a puppy mill in a neighboring state).  They had to be taken from their mother early in order to process the huge amount of dogs that were involved.  The woman who was guilty of raising the dogs in crowded and unkind conditions was given just one pet afterward, and it was our pugs' mother.  Just thought this photo was so adorable. We'd bundle the puppies in tea towels and hold them to our chests to keep them warm.  Best Christmas present ever. :)

Thoughts from the sick room...

There's something that happens to the clarity of life when I'm sick for a few days, especially if I spend time in bed.  By necessity, I go about my tasks (whatever they might be) slower, and with my head stopped up, my life seems swallowed up in cotton.  The edges are blurry and everything slows down.

Told oldest daughter that I'd like to hold onto this feeling of quiet a bit longer, and not bow down to the busyness that seems to swamp me.  So I guess you could say that this illness has been a blessing.  I'd not have said it yesterday, though, after suffering from a ripping sore throat for four days.  Felt like I was working through a mouthful of broken glass whenever I'd drink something. I'm thankful that viruses run their course, and barring the occasional emergency of symptoms, we all do indeed get well again.

Now besides the stuffy head, and sore throat twinges for some, we're all coughing.  Some of the kids have ended up with a conjunctivitis-like problem in their eyes.  Only lasts just over a couple of days, though.  That's sort of interesting.  No joint pain.  Mainly just that super obnoxious sore throat and a cough that likes to set up house.  What's really curious is the search I've done online that points to certain flu strains as providing pink eye as an added twist.  How kind.

In the winter months, the word flu is the unwanted guest that most everyone is on the look-out for, but don't want to deal with.  Then after the sickness is past, we all breath a sigh of relief, mainly because we tend to enjoy a year's immunity, least that's our personal experience.

So for now, I'll try to appreciate the muffled sounds in my head.  And try to laugh at the kids asking what's for dinner when they know full well I've not been to the store and what's in the fridge was also in there a couple of days ago. :) They must think I'm some sort of kitchen magician.

'A Pug's Guide to Etiquette' by Gemma Correll

As a pug owner of over five years now to sisters Violet and Daisy, I can honestly say that this book by Gemma Correll is the most honest portrayal of pug life of any I've ever seen.  A Pug's Guide to Etiquette had all of us laughing as we'd read a few pages, point at our pugs and then laugh again.  Seems that all pugs are alike, and truly are the funniest breed of dog.  No other dog that we've ever owned has seemed more like a human in dog form.   Her drawings are wonderful, very simple and clean.  And the expressions on her pug faces are spot on.  I love this book.

Yes, our dogs lick the air, stand between/on our feet, shed endlessly, have feet that smell of popcorn---though we think ours smelled a bit like tortilla chips as well.  

Correll takes from real life by using her own pugs as inspiration.  And really, that's the only way to do it since I had no idea pugs were so adorable and addictive until we got ours.  Pug owners truly are kindred spirits.  Nobody else can really get it.

Thank you Gemma Correll for telling the world how glorious pug ownership is.  After this book gets out in public we might just experience a pug shortage.  

More of Gemma's work can be found at her website at GemmaCorrell, and on her Facebook page.

A Pug's Guide to Etiquette by Gemma Correll is published by Dog 'n' Bone at £9.99 and is available from www.cicobooks.com

(i received this book free to review from CICObooks)

Herbal stuff

assorted cups of tea for sore throats

So, last night my woodboy signed me up for a pretty extensive herbalist's class online.  Not something we could ordinarily afford, but those tax refunds do come in handy just at the right time.  I think I'm in shock.  This is something I've dreamed of doing for years and years, already treating our family with herbs, etc., but to now be learning in more of an official capacity will be thrilling.  He's even talking about making our former breakfast room into a sort of still room.  Says he'll put up racks for drying and talked about shelves for bottles and all.  My goodness, I think he's more excited that me, if that's possible.  I like this idea much better than putting a treadmill in that room. Much better. And last night he downloaded an herbal book onto his Kindle reader on his phone and proceeded to read it to me.  Not my idea of a bedtime story, but I'm not complaining.  That'd be foolish.

I think I'd be more wound up if I wasn't sick, though.  In between careful gulps of tea and coughing fits, I am looking forward to it.  Even before he set up the classes I'd ordered several packets of seeds online. Now the classes will just put feet to my gardening this spring and summer.

He said last night that there are two things I get worked up about---one being the herbs and the other being art history. Bless him for always making attempts at me being more of who I really am.  Sometimes takes awhile for us to even know ourselves notwithstanding those who live with us.  But to have a heart's desire met is amazing.  Truly amazing.

Quarantine

outside the girls' window today...so rainy

Woke up frustrated this morning, needing this sickness to be gone.  Sore throat for much of the night, but was able to sleep in between painful swallows.  Middle and oldest daughter spent much of the night coughing even with meds./etc. to help.  I made a cup of hot lemon tea first thing and I'm telling you---the sensation of hot tea washing over my throat was a delicious experience.  Pure exquisiteness.  I made a cup last night while I was in bed, and after every sip I gave a big sigh.  I think Gary got tickled at me, but really, it was bliss.  Oh, and fourth son brought home some purple grapes from work yesterday and froze them.  Another winner for a sore throat.  My goodness.

Thankfully today is better.  We're drinking copious amounts of tea (seems the kettle doesn't cool off before the burner is turned on again), eating herbal cough drops, sloshing colloidal silver over our tonsils and taking careful doses of acetaminophen.

I think if middle daughter hadn't shown improvement today, I'd have screamed.  Careful screaming, but screaming nonetheless. It's frustrating when you're doing your best to cure an illness and it takes so long to see results.  And while this doesn't appear to be the flu, it acts like it's just this side of it.  Hard to lick.  Seems to take a week before it's in retreat, if I can use youngest son as an example.  And even then, it seems 2 weeks is more the case. Anyway, that's all my news.  Seems I just wanted to fuss a bit. :)

Books to read

~forced forsythia by the kitchen sink 

Last night I ordered a couple of books online using my Swagbucks that had added up to $10.  Love using their search engine, earning points, then getting Amazon gift cards to use online without any cost whatsoever.  No hidden strings.  Just free stuff.

Anyway, one I ordered is called Evangelicals on the Canterbury Trail by Robert E. Webber, and another is Ex Libris: Confessions of a Common Reader by Anne Fadiman.  And tonight, with $2 left over, only had to pay 2 additional dollars to get Thomas Howard's Splendor in the Ordinary: Your Home as a Holy Place. Sounds like I'll be busy.  But do I need more books?  Really, I'm such an addict.  No question about that.

And on hold at the library I've selected two by Erica Bauermeister---one called The Lost Art of Mixing (her newest), and 500 Great Books by Women:  A Reader's Guide.  Her book The School of Essential Ingredients (which I've read before) and Thomas Howard's Evangelical Isn't Enough aren't in yet (Sara, I think the Howard is one you mentioned to me).

And...just finished re-reading SarahWoodhouse's Meeting Lily, which has a title that is at odds with the story.  But that's okay.  I've enjoyed Woodhouse's other books as well.  The title is incidental.

Mid-week rambles

• sick
• sore, lumpy throat and a bit of a cough
• not pleased i caught what the kids have passed around
• figure i've just been worn out and my resistance let down
• in a way it's nice
• while the house is messy, it's a comfortable mess
• at least that's what i'm telling myself
• puttered around in the kitchen this morning
• no guilt about schoolwork since the kids were all laid up
• i think i get so preoccupied at teaching them that the enjoyment of it is sometimes nil
• figure if it's a worry then it's really not a concern, 'cause if i was a real slacker, i'd not worry in the first place
• that makes sense in my head
• was fretting over middle daughter last night
• her temperature rose, she was flushed and just seemed to wither
• she's better after a night's sleep, but has orders to stay in bed
• the least one is watching an old movie in the living room, with violet the pug in her lap
• daisy is here with me in bed
• don't tell gary
• she's a cozy little muffin
• if you look at the weather map, it'll fool you into thinking we're covered in sleet and soon-to-be snow
• the sun's actually out
• huh
• there's something a bit comforting about having a houseful of sick ones
• the energy level goes way down and that's a relief
• it's way too noisy here most times, and our youngest dog, romeo, who has no idea that he can have an inside barking voice, is VERY loud
• to him, everyone (including us) who comes to the door is a stranger
• i think his vision is impaired, really
• he'll study you when you come in the door, before he gets a good whiff of you
• will certainly rattle your cage
• must go now...will rest, then putter some more

Monday night

Well, second son is going to sign a year's lease for an apartment on Thursday.  Gary and I had a chat with him tonight, just wanting to make sure that he's doing it for the right reasons and that he's not bowing to peer pressure.  Seems he's good to go.  Not doing it for anyone but himself.  He'll likely look for a room-mate soon, but thankfully makes enough with his job and can be comfortable.  We've seen an apartment there, and it really is charming.  About the age of our house (built around the late forties/early fifties) so it'll feel like home to him.  Excited for him, but it will be strange to not have all my chickens here all the time.  Gotta grow up, gotta grow up...

And for any of you who still have your taxes to do, here's what we've experienced.  We did our taxes online with HR Bl*ck a week ago Saturday, and had our refund direct deposited and it took exactly seven days.  Never have we had it finish up so quickly.  Now time to get up to date on bills, etc. with some left over for some fun.  A treat to be sure.  It's taking a bit for it to clear (being the weekend and today being a holiday) but just knowing it's there is a relief.

Now off to get ready for bed.  Tired, but good tired.  The kids are almost well, even though youngest son had a bit of a relapse.  I'm going to read my new magazines in a bit---bought with birthday money---the newest Romantic Homes and the British issue of Country Living.  Got them this weekend and have hardly cracked the covers.  I love saving things, the anticipation being almost as good as reading them.

Rest well.

Late Sunday afternoon thoughts

Here it is, a new week, and I'm trying to think of how to work this one so that I don't have a meltdown.  I've got to process the strange relationships I'm carrying on with my mom and 2 brothers---and that part of my life is making no sense at all.  I mean, really.  It feels like they have pow-wow sessions behind my back, and then they paste on these pretend faces, causing me to feel that I'm in one of those mirrored buildings at the fairgrounds. The sort that distort your body.  Exactly.  What is going on?  And one brother has continued to block my emails, so that communication is gone.  We're definitely unequally yoked.  And on almost every plane.  Remember The Stepford Wives?  I think they've taken over my extended family.  Thank goodness for Gary and the kids.  Really.

So, every morning, and I mean, every morning the three of them pop into my head and I have to settle my heart and my mind so as to not take on that burden first thing, and it's very hard.

Anyway.  That's one issue.  The other one is getting back into the swing of my ordinary rhythm.  I've really been off-track for ages and ages.  I can't remember feeling myself in so long.  Sometimes I'll look at old magazines or run across something in the house and will get hit with a wave of nostalgia.  I'll think, "Oh, there I was, but where have I been in the meantime?"  This is a very familiar feeling, but one I can't place.

I have a big glass bowl on the side table in the living room filled with embroidery thread, needles and my linen---the project I began a few months ago.  There it sits.  And I have a beautiful bag filled with paints, pastels, and have several wonderful notebooks for working in.  Dusty.  All of them.

So, this week while the kids recover from their bad colds, and while we get back into some schoolwork, will stick my hands into my threads and paints.  I want to organize the multitudinous book piles by my side of the bed too.  Order would be a good idea.  Might help my head to feel more settled as well.

Now I'm waiting for the chicken to cook for Tortilla Soup, and looking forward to The Amazing Race and Downton Abbey.  It's my only night to watch t.v., not because I'm avoiding it, but it's the only night that has good stuff on, I think. Well, second son watches Kojak when he gets home from work, so that's fun, but is about it.  Pardon me while I turn up my Backstreet Boys CD now.  I love them so.  Take care.

And, by the way, it's my 54th birthday today. :)

(photo from pinterest)

A non-post

Sick kids.  Well, just a few.  Coughs, exhaustion, achiness, but not the flu.  A long afternoon at the dental school with 4th son.  Glad to get home.  Actually crazy happy to get home.  That's the way with me.  Take me out of my little cocoon for too long (3 hours is plenty of time to be gone) and I'm giddy to be back in our house.  There might be some sort of phobia at work here, but no matter, I do love to be safe and with my people.

Gary will say the same thing as well.  Pretty cool for a guy to say that, I think.  He enjoys new stuff, but has no problem with being home for extended periods.  Just boring ol' home folks, I reckon.  Could do worse.

After we'd been home a bit, I got the bee in my bonnet to take down the Valentine's decorations and put up the Easter garland, etc.  It ranks alongside tacky, but is sparkly and makes me happy as the twinkle lights play on the glittery bits.  Any excuse to hang up more twinkle lights is fine with me.  Now for a quiet weekend and no drama.

Ash Wednesday

Took the two youngest girls to Ash Wednesday noon-time services.  Really, I should be an official spokeswoman for the Anglican church.  I love it so much. And am so regretful that the Protestants dropped off so many traditions with the Reformation.  The Liturgy is beautiful and the kneeling and the sign of the cross, and the repeated phrases.....it's wonderful.  The call to prayer is 'The Lord be with you' and we respond, 'And with thy spirit' and the priest says, 'Let us pray.'  I love that.  It's the small, yet comfortingly repetitive phrases and verses that stick in your heart.  Even last night at dinner someone I was talking to called it Catholic-lite (not the first time I've heard that phrase), especially this being, pretty much, a High Church congregation.  All Anglican parishes aren't as liturgical as the one we attend, but glad ours is old school.

For me there's something endearing about the services.  It's worshipful in a day and time when churches are modernizing at such a rate, and more contemporary music is used, and the sense of the Holy is often diminished.  I read about other churches (thinking about the Emergent congregations) that are reaching out to the old traditions, but the handling of them isn't always on target.  They're grasping at the old ways but without the real knowledge of what it means.  Church for them often becomes simply decorative and not long-serving, if that even makes any sense.  It becomes an outward expression without the roots.  Oh well, enough deep thought...

Anyway, resting now and will go pick up 4th son in about an hour and then shop for Valentine's Day.  Fun.  Taco Soup for dinner which is what one son requested.  At church our priest talked about fasting, being that Ash Wednesday and Good Friday are typical fasting days with the Anglicans.  The way I see it, my anemia won't allow me much room to fast, and anyway, with my older sons and husband not being Anglican, it'd be mean to enforce a meal restriction to those who don't agree.  It'd be a bit horsey on my part, and you can't make that right no matter how you slice it.

Take care.

A mental slowdown

I'm so tired, I can hardly move.  Began re-reading Gail Godwin's book called Evenings at Five and so enjoying it.  Will finish it this evening in bed.  A quiet book.  Sad, but sweet at the same time.

Think if one more thing happens, I'll just fall over.  Life has been so over-full, and one more thing just keeps happening.  As soon as a day quiets down or settles into a groove, one of the kids requires me to do a task.  Even tomorrow, I'm thinking about going to Ash Wednesday services at noon, but 4th son just reminded me of 5th son's responsibility to check on a neighbor's dog at about the same time.  That son is sick, so I'll have to do it. See, not a big deal, but that 'one more thing' thing.

I want to listen to restful music and stay in the bed.  To make a delicious soup for dinner tomorrow and read.  To not be asked to do more than I feel I can get my head around.  There really does come a time when enough is truly enough and our powers to do more have reached a stopping point.  I think I've reached that point.  Must send out a memo.

Even here lately, I've gotten into an odd place where I begin to tell someone something on my mind, and get so sidetracked with working up to my story, that I forget what I was meaning to say.  It's happening all the time---sort of funny, but at the same time, makes me roll my eyes.

Time for a re-boot of my system, I guess.

Tuesday, but feels like Friday

need one of these

So, the other night oldest daughter ordered herself a fold-up-able pink exercise bike which came by UPS late yesterday.  She put it together, and it really is peachy.  Not big, tucks out of the way and seems very well-made.  On the same note, Gary's got a bee in his bonnet to buy a treadmill and put it in 'what used to be' our breakfast room, but which now has a table, bookshelves, our deep freeze and my craft stuff (sewing machine, basket of mendables, etc.).  Since I've been very slow at getting my craft space underway, and since the table seems to attract all sorts of oddments, he probably figures it'll never get used for its proper purpose (aka knows as 'my' purpose).

Am in a bit of a quandary about that area now.  Actually this morning I cleaned off the clothes that had lost their way, a lone white potato, clothespins that had wandered from the pin bag, plastic grocery bags, and bits off of a plant that sits on the table.  A catch-all is what that room and especially the table have become.  I figure until he really actually buys a treadmill (our tax refund at work), I'll use the space for me.  We'll see how long this lasts.  Maybe he'll get distracted.

Wish I could get motivated to simply use the sidewalk outside as our treadmill.  I mean, there's plenty of it, and it does wind all around the neighborhood.  It's the lazy side of me that resists doing that, though.

That's about all on my pea-brain mind.  Not major worries, but just trying to fit it all in.

Will rest for a bit, then go pick up 4th son at work.  Stop at the store on the way home, then turn right back around and take the little girls to the Shrove Tuesday Pancake Supper at church.  Youngest son is sick, so won't be going---Gary's working late, two oldest boys will be at work, and oldest daughter, oldest son and 4th son will likely not be tempted by pancakes.  Just me and the little girls.

Sounds way too busy, though, doesn't it?  Still working on the mental attitude of knowing my limits.  Guess it's just not clicked yet, eh?

Time out

I promised the three youngest that we'd get out and do something different today---something to break the monotony.  Unfortunately I woke up on the far, grumpy side of the bed.  So cranky.  It got better, though, when I was dressed and ready to leave.  We just went to McD. for their dollar menu and took our lunch to a park with a lake nearby.  So nice.  I was thinking it'd be cloudy today, but it's warmish and sunny.  Perfect.

Seems I rarely spend time outside anymore.  It's work, work, work for me.  I go out to hang out clothes, but just that.  It's so hard as a mother to find time to just stop.  I moan and groan about it, but do little to change things until I either get sick or hear of someone else's trials.  That sort of puts it into perspective.

We stopped at the grocery to pick up things to make marinara sauce for dinner (my sweet friend Tina's recipe).  And we were able to see one of the men who works there who we've not seen since before the holidays.  He had a massive heart attack on Thanksgiving, and has just come back to work.  As I said, these sorts of stories put life into perspective.

Enjoy the day.  That's the message here.  Enjoy it.

(my three youngest..can you see that daughter on the left has pink hair tips?)

Sunday afternoon

So, I'm lying in bed here, and one of those silly window things that flaps its wings in the light (in this case, Tinkerbell) is clicking back and forth, back and forth. Chili's a-cookin' in the big blue pot and the house is in a reasonable state of cleanliness.  It's always an added perk when sweet Indian boyfriend comes over for dinner or afters because we whip the living room/dining room/kitchen into shape.  Remember, he was here last night, so we're still tidy.  And just found out he's coming back tonight, along with his sister, so we'll be entertaining once again.  That'll be nice.

Oldest daughter went to church with his family this morning, and visited his aunt in the hospital afterward.  I think they're sort of bummed and need a distraction, so they'll be here for dinner and Downton Abbey later on.  A low-key night.  His aunt is very ill with a wretched form of cancer, and sadly, when our daughter gets texts and phone calls at odd times, I'm always wondering if it's "the call."

And on top of that, we heard that the grand-daughter of our elderly neighbor who just died had a stroke this week. She's only in her thirties, but has MS, so life is hard enough as it is.  She's paralyzed on her left side, and while I don't know details, hope she's able to fully recover.

Makes me pause and look at my life and wonder at all the crap (pardon me) we fill our lives with.  I add into that category all the stuff like extensive schooling for kids, mindless shopping, wasted time in being Marthas, and just anything that makes us tense.  I get aggravated at my own life and my inability to just slow down.  And with my history of migraines, I definitely need to get a grip on stress.  Rarely do I feel completely relaxed.  You know what I mean.  Even now if I move my fingers from the keys, I have to take a deep breath to appreciate the quiet.  It's got to stop.  Really.

But the world is always at our backs to do more, and do it now.  It takes a concerted effort to turn away from that mentality.  To plan my time during the day so I'm not always running around, but know how to seek pleasure as well. Shoot, maybe my Lenten focus should be on letting go of the rat race that's in my head.  To really apply myself to focusing on what's important, not just for my family, but for me.  Might think about that.....

Saturday night

• drinking a cup of tea I flavored on a whim---put some black tea bags in a ziploc bag and sprinkled them with vanilla extract, then sealed the bag for a bit
• trying to copy the loose tea flavor I got at the hippie store
• close, but not quite---probably add more vanilla next time
• added sweetener and half and half to my cup
• half and half makes most everything better
• sweet Indian boyfriend is over and helping oldest daughter bake some cookies
• with m&m's in them
• considering leaving sugar out of my diet for Lent
• Lent begins on the day before Valentine's
• do you follow my thought pattern here?
• might have to re-think this
• ::laughing::
• got the taxes completed this afternoon
• had them done a week ago, but a form wasn't available online before today, so couldn't finish up
• figured I'd have it licked in 30 min. today
• over 2 hours later I was pulling my hair out
• the form wasn't working right
• logged out, went to the store, came back, tried again and it worked
• whatever
• relieved, no matter
• made me tired
• I feel like something is eating on me, but don't know exactly what it is
• I think it might be second son and his overworking pattern of late
• he's way involved in the inner-city church he's aligned with and he's doing more than many of the other men put together
• he's gonna burn-out if he's not careful
• hard to watch and wait for it to possibly happen
• oldest son says it's just a matter of time
• he can relate from experience
• parenting is harder when they're older
• they have their own opinions now and don't hesitate to express them
• I blame it on the fact that Gary's got so much Irish blood in him---very passionate
• I don't blame myself and the German strain in me that probably adds to their stubbornness
• gonna go now---need to turn off my brain, be thankful for what got done today and leave everything else alone
• take care :)

Friday morning

photo by oldest daughter, anna

Woke up this morning to half of my brood already having flown the coop.  First and second sons were out the door by 6:30am and husband and fourth son both overslept and whoooshed away just in time to get son to work on time.  Daughter left a bit ago, third son is sleeping off and on at neighbor's house (the home of the elderly man who recently passed away), yet I'm left with the 3 youngest.  Did I forget anyone?!??!

It's still nice and quiet with the kids getting up one by one.  We rarely get up early, since the restaurant working boys get home so late.  It puts everyone off their schedules.

Later on this morning I'll take the least one to the thrift store and dollar store nearby to find something new to wear, plus a gift for the birthday dinner we're going to this evening.  She's about to go crazy with excitement, and that mood is contagious, so that's a treat.  Little girls.  There ain't nothing like 'em. :)

But nonetheless, looking forward to a low-key weekend.  I've done enough running around, and when she and I get back tonight, there's no pressure to do anything else except get some groceries in for the next couple of days.  And next week will be busy enough with Ash Wednesday services and the beginning of other mid-week/Friday night services. Looking forward to the Stations of the Cross next Friday evening.  The Easter procession of activities last spring were really what convinced me that the Anglican church was where I wanted to be.  Such holiness and reverence that I'd never experienced before.  Looking forward to all it has to offer during the next few weeks.  Makes me feel all warm inside.

Now must go.  Since I was out last night, the kitchen and dining/living room need attention.  Looks a bit rowdy.  Take care now, and enjoy your day.

Just jotting down my thoughts...

Went to the Intercessory Prayer group at church after lunch.  Such a sweet group of folks, ones I'd call the core group of the church.  They're the older members, former Episcopalians from the mainline Episcopal churches, who were disillusioned at the liberal stance that denomination has chosen.  They're very conservative folks and so sweet to me.  There were only five of us at the prayer meeting, but it was perfect.  And as I've said before, EVERYtime I walk in the door at that church, I'm thankful.  Overwhelmed at how much I enjoy it there.  It really is amazing.  So many times we settle when we decide on things.  We balance what's good versus what's an annoyance.  I can honestly say that the negatives are so minor, as to be almost non-existent.  And the gentleman who was a little bothersome awhile back doesn't irritate me anymore.  A bit of an attitude adjustment on my part was important, but thankfully, it's not an issue.

Afterwards came home after a trip to the dollar store for some more battery-operated tealights and a couple of Valentine things.  This is, once again, the Carousel of Gifts for Gary.  Every February I shower him with one gift/day. Just nonsensical stuff, but he seems to enjoy it.  Today he gets one of those balloons on a stick---a monkey.  As I said---nonsense.  Tomorrow it's an owl Valentine cookie.  Just sayin' it's very silly.  And it's just what I do what with our anniversary, Valentine's Day and my birthday being wrapped up in one month.  I do love February.

Hoping to chill tonight.  The rest of the week feels full.  Tomorrow night, oldest daughter, fourth son and I are going to eat at the culinary school where sweet Indian boyfriend takes classes.  Supposedly it's pretty swanky.  He wanted us to come see what it's all about.  And Friday the least one has a birthday dinner to go to at a local fast food place.  She's beside herself with excitement.

Will be glad when Saturday is here with nothing to do!   Old homebody me likes to stay put.

'Baby Names' by Laura Emerson

Now, if I was about 20 or 30 years younger, I'd likely pick up a copy of Laura Emerson's book called Baby Names, just because.  Just because I'd have babies on my mind and would enjoy hearing about some names that nobody else uses.  This book is full of those, and is so sweetly presented.  It's hard-covered, and chubby and my own daughters all oohed and aahed over it.  Well, quite honestly, I did too.

My experience with baby names book is that they're dry and full of names everyone's heard of.  Emerson's book has a section for princess names (always needed), and popular names in England/Wales and the US.  She also added lengthy lists of beautiful Irish and Scottish names. What surprised me was the names that are growing in popularity.  Some are very unusual, but that's half the fun, so to me this book is very much in a league of its own.

She included pronunciation for names that were a bit out of the ordinary, and that was a help.  And she put in clever comments about names that were popular for their usage in modern books and movies.  A nice touch.

This is a book I'll tuck away for my own children to browse through when 'the time comes.'  I'm sure we'll wear it out, but until then, no hurries.

(i received this book free to review from CICO books)

'Tinkered Treasures' by Elyse Major

I recently received a new book to review, and I must say, it's delightful.  As a follower of Elyse Major's blog, I was aware of her love of paper, flowers and glue. But what's so wonderful is to see her projects in book form.  And what's so inspiring is that her crafts aren't expensive or difficult.  She simply gives you the excuse to gather some ordinary little things from around the house and make something adorable.  The book is Tinkered Treasures, and it really is just what it says.

My favorite project in her book is the bookmark made from paint chips.  A little punching, some decorative-edged scissors, a ribbon and a string tie for the top and you're set.  If you have stickers, it's even better.  I've used paint chips as bookmarks, but have never embellished them.  I figured I was doing pretty good by sticking the plain, old chip in a book---but now I'm inspired and perhaps even a bit challenged to go to a bit of trouble for a change.

That's what's so fun about the book.  I first skimmed through it, noting the wonderful colors (she's stuck on pastels like I am) and flowers.  But as I got to really reading it, noticed that ordinary things around the house---like empty spools of thread, matchboxes, Mason jars, babyfood jars, and even cupcake wrappers can be rejuvenated into something cute and special.  And her directions are so simple to follow.  I'd recommend this book to anyone who enjoys making something out of nothing.

For more information see her blog here, and her Facebook page here.

(i received this book free to review from CICO books)

Happy 30th anniversary

at his brother mike's wedding 1984

So, 
today's our 30th anniversary, and like most folks will say, it doesn't feel that long ago.  I can remember so clearly the first time I saw him at a single's get-together at the church we were both going to.  Remember what he was wearing.  I can recall the gut-dropping sensation I felt after he left that night.  No turning back.  He was jaw-droppingly good looking (minus the mustache---that came later) and there was no turning back.  Love at first sight.  Yes ma'am.  Okay, maybe lust at first sight, but so be it.   Looked a bit rowdy?  Absolutely.  Lover of the Lord?  Yep. What a great package.

a year or so ago

Prettiness

Source: cyndylou3.tumblr.com via melissa on Pinterest

Books and such

Last night I began reading another Susan Howatch book in her Starbridge series.  They're about the Church of England in a time span of somewhere in the 1930's, and the one I've just begun (6th, I think in the series) is in the 1970's with a brief journey to the sixties.  Since I'm a new Anglican, I find them curious, but am sort of surprised at the worldliness of the priests.  Guess they're just folks like the rest of us, but frankly, I tend to hold priests, ministers and other church leaders in high regard, so figure they're above certain behavior.  But if this book is any indication, I need to let these guys off their pedestals. It's not fair, I reckon.  Humans.  We're all humans.  Some of us are redeemed, but even so, we mess up.  I guess it's the degree of the messing up that's held up to standard.  For some, there is no standard.  Fail.

And from the Little Lending Library behind the church I grabbed a Flannery O'Connor.  My husband is a huge fan of hers, and has made me (yes, made me) read a few of her short stories, getting a kick out of the horrified expression on my face when I finish them.  O'Connor was an expert at shocking her readers, and must have gotten great pleasure in that. My goodness.  Anyway, Gary's already read all or most of her writings, but I thought maybe he'd not read this one.  'Course he had, so I might get into it, but I'm scared.  She really does disturb me.  This one is Wise Blood, by the way, and the first few pages look familiar.  I might have started it and chickened out at some point.  Likely.

That's about it for here.  The house, at least the public parts, are almost tidy enough for company later on.  The chicken is cooked and ready to be made into our Greek pie.  The fillo dough is thawing and I just have to assemble the deliciousness. Hoping someone gets the clever idea to go buy some dessert for afters.  It won't be me, but am open to takers.  Cake would be perfect.

Well, must go.  Need to rest, and figure out what to read.  Take care.

'Three Against the Dark' by M.K. Christiansen

There's a saying that a book you remember after you've read it is one worth recommending to others.  While I guess we sometimes tend to retain the memories of ones we dislike as well, I think it's more the treasures that stay in our minds.  Three Against the Dark by M. K. Christiansen definitely belongs in the treasure category.

The story follows the adventures of three siblings named Cecil, Carla and Connie who move into an old rambling house which turns out to be more than just a new home for them.  In typical childlike fashion, and soon after moving in the children begin exploring whenever their parents are away or otherwise occupied.  They stick their heads into cupboards, behind the bathtub and whenever a door appears before them.  And one day when their mother is safely settled in the kitchen cleaning, and just when they've about exhausted exploring the main house and attic, they get the wild hair to investigate the basement.

But without giving too much away, I loved the way the basement changes depending on who comes into it.  Light alters, furniture moves and the three children relate to that space in different ways.  And later on, they travel into various worlds, all connected with the house and its past.  Amazing.  And there's a spiritual lesson here too, without becoming preachy.  It is, after all, called Three Against the Dark for a reason.

In all honesty, this book is wasted as an ebook and definitely should be printed on real paper.  It needs to be well-thumbed and set on the bedside table with a bookmark stuck in it.  It's a book you'd loan to friends with the hope it would be returned quickly.  More please.

(m.k. christiansen's book can be found here at amazon and her blog is over here)

An eye-opener

I said slowly:  "I hadn't realized I was so desperate."
"That suggests you've been living with the problem for so long that you've grown to think of it as a normal part of life.  Are you going to tell me what the problem actually is?  After making such a hash of our introduction I feel the least I can do is make amends is to listen if you want to talk!"
I was still trying to find the words to thank him when the receptionist arrived with my medicine, the strong tea.
~~~
"I'm often asked to help people who express distress through their use of food or some other substance, and I can tell you that adopting an authoritarian stance and giving lectures is usually a complete waste of time."
~~~
"She's probably despaired of solutions.  The despair's eaten away at her and created an empty space which in turn sets up a pain so excruciating that she feels she can only drink to blot it out."

I've realized something the past few days that's been a real eye-opener.  And the truth has come in a bit of a comical way. Two times in the past couple of weeks my rings have fallen off of my hands.  For many years I've not been able to wear my wedding rings---weight gain with lots of pregnancies and the expense of re-sizing them hasn't been part of the budget. Gary bought me another ring for our 24th anniversary (6 years ago) and I've been wearing that with a thin band against it. Neither were expensive and have served as substitute rings.  Well, back to the falling off rings---twice in the past two weeks they've fallen off, once in a pile of clean laundry and then once when I was changing.  And oddly enough, my wedding rings fit again, with no effort of mine at all.  Had to put away the substitutes though.

It hit me that I'm finally dealing with some emotional pain that's been a burden for years.  And oddly enough, it stems from the spoiled relationship(s) I'm experiencing with my mom and 2 brothers right now.  Finally I'm taking a role that is one of control and not being controlled.  I'm not bingeing and not craving food when it's not mealtime.  And I'm losing weight without even having to think about it.

The quote above talks about expressing distress through the use of food or another substance---and how the despair's eaten away at her and created an empty space.  Exactly.  I knew Gary and the children weren't my trigger, but hadn't realized to what extent my relationship with my extended family was to blame.  Always I've given in and have played the little helpless girl.  I'm not doing that anymore, and while the word 'empowerment' is sort of too much like a feminist's word, it seems to fit.  I feel stronger and more able to stand up for myself.  That void that's been filled by food isn't empty anymore, or at least, is getting smaller.

The book I've taken the quotes from mentions something else I can't seem to locate in it.  The woman in the book with the weight problem berates herself for being so heavy, but the priest she talks to says that she doesn't need to diet.  He says something about how she just needs to be listened to and cared for---something like that.  Turns out later on in the book that he was right.  The weight fell off without any effort on her part.  She just learned to love herself regardless of what anyone else said.

(quotes taken from Susan Howatch's The Miracle Worker)

The weekend

Looking forward to the weekend, and sort of surprised that it centers on the Super Bowl.  We're not very sports-oriented, even with having five sons.  Their dad (thankfully) isn't much for watching sports on t.v., but we all enjoy the baseball end-of-season excitement.  That's usually about it.  But this year, oldest son has said he'd enjoy watching the game with the boys (but he said it sarcastically), so they will.  The boys who work at the restaurant will be off, since the restaurant will be closed---supposedly because nobody comes in on Super Bowl Sunday.  All good.

And, sweet Indian boyfriend and his sister will be here as well.  They're experiencing a growing grief these past few weeks with an aunt here in town suffering a meningitis type of cancer.  The survival rate is not something anyone even talks about, with the prognosis being very grim.  Still, she's undergoing radiation now and had chemo the other day.  SIB and his family are devastated, anticipating what's to come.  Unless the Lord causes a miracle, it's just plain sad.  So, as a distraction, SIB and his sister will come over here to be swallowed up in children.  That way I'll have ALL my chickens with me.  I figure SIB and oldest daughter will marry some time in the future (not near), and might as well treat him and his sister as family.  They add some spice to this anglo-saxon household.

Anyway.  That's about it for me.  Still enjoying quieter days, just puttering around.  Has done my spirits good, and I highly recommend it.  I've made the mistake of relying on scheduled holidays as our off days and my stress wasn't on the calender.  Sometimes you've just got to quit.  Glad I listened to that.  And not sure I'm through yet---might need some more time. :)

(a cozy pinterest photo)