Oldest daughter's candy corn nails

For birthday girl

Tuesday's this and that

• early voted today for the first time (early, that is) and was in line about 45 minutes.  by the time we left, there were probably 200 folks in line behind us
• trying to chill my brain
• thinking ahead to company and just can't get my head around the busyness
• not excited about it
• needing quiet, and not quite sure how that's going to come about
• tonight we shopped for middle daughter's 14th birthday tomorrow (Halloween)
• tortilla soup and carrot cake with cream cheese frosting
• the least one is making herself a pilgrim's outfit to wear 
• she ran out of tape, so is having to be creative with the hat she's making out of paper (grocery sacks, most likely)
• got my natural good mood drugs at the store tonight
• 'bout time
• have been very testy here lately
• you'll be able to monitor my rising mood here on the blog, no doubt
• thankfully the stuff works quickly
• wanting my happy back
• it's been gone a LONG time
• sad about the destruction from hurricane sandy, but thankful gary's family is fine, though without power
• hard for folks, especially when life is difficult as it is---complications don't help
• must go...much to do tomorrow in preparations for company
• will get cozy with library books after a bath
• smartest decision i've made all day

Monday's quiet

'Interior of My House in Paris' by TF Simon, 1909

A pretty painting found online just now---seems to be soothing to my melancholy mind.

When I'm so down, there are certain sparks that flash up at me at odd times.  Can't ever tell when the clouds will part long enough to give me a lift, but for some reason, this painting did just that.  Especially love the way the curtain looks.

About to listen to some music.  That's a help as well.

I'd tell you about the after-dinner drama involving 2 of the kids which put paid to my day, but you'd want to run and hide.  Let's just say it involved fourth son's newly-broken tooth, sweet Indian's boyfriend's sister who's coming to dinner with him to meet oldest daughter's best friend and her sister on Friday.  Try to say that five times quickly.  Add to that SIB's sister's unrealistic fear of balloons, and the story just gets strange.  Just for spite, I want to have balloons.

Monday noon

Striving to be up-beat today.  A tiny bit anxious for Gary's folks/brothers/sisters-in-law up in Maryland.  His parents are staying with a brother, since their house near the Chesapeake Bay might get a tad damp.  Understatement.  They're usually so laid back about the weather, though, that seems we get more worried than they do, and they're in the thick of it.  Must copy that behavior.

Anyway, back to the mood adjustment.  Will get the schoolwork done in swift time and then we'll begin sprucing up the house.  I like looking at photos of our home when company comes, because it's all extra-tidy and shiny.

Plain old white beans for dinner.  Something simple that can simmer while we tidy.

Have a nice day.  It's still chilly here, and we caved and turned on the heat yesterday.  Cozy.

(one of the outside doors during the summer)

Sunday night

Church was sweet as always, and I helped in the little ones SS, which was sweet as well.  Little girls--always adorable.  The one boy who is usually in the class wasn't there, so we just had a delightful handful of girls.  One of them said the cutest thing when the Sunday School teacher asked where Moses went to get the Ten Commandments.  She said England.  Pause.  The teacher didn't bat an eye.  Gently told her it was Mount Sinai, and then asked the same little girl what he did up there. She said he slayed dragons.  Sometimes life is just golden, you know?  I love things like that.

Anyway, after a short nap---a real nap with sleep, I decided to take the four youngest to the Halloween festival.  The church was all decorated outside, even with cobwebs on the stone front, which was a surprise---yeah, me coming from a church background that holds crossed fingers up against anything that smacks of Halloween.  Have decided that some things don't require me to get my knickers in a twist.

Lots of pumpkins and fall decorations.  Just cute.  Tables set up with hot drinks and cookies to decorate.  Simple things.  The neighborhood kids went to three churches, which had events---just small happenings, but entertaining and safe for the little ones.  The neighborhood firetruck stopped by as well, and who doesn't like firemen?

Tired, though.  Achy bones.  So cold outside, even with the fire pit they'd lit in front of the church.  Middle daughter got disappointed when a boy who's showed her a tiny bit of attention turned out to have quite a mouth on him.  Not sure what his parents think about that, but he was very vocal.  My goodness.  Daughter hasn't been smitten with him, but he's talked to her, and with her growing up, male attention is appealing.  I remember those days.

Thankful for our kids being taught to behave in public, and have high standards.  We're not perfect by any means, but try to act right.  Seems the bar of decency is pretty low for some folks, but I think in part, this young man was trying to impress.  Too bad that foul language (and I mean foul) is considered by some to be 'cool.'  Think again.  All the young girls aren't falling for it.

(photo of the altar late this afternoon...the risers on the steps are really white, but look a beautiful blue with the light)

Before dinner

Feeling the need of a retreat. Will be helping in the least one's Sunday school tomorrow, and that's fine, but would rather not.  Not a big deal, though.  I'm just tired. It's sort of a deep tired, the kind that can't be solved by a good night's sleep, but requiring avoidance of activity.

Not sure when that'll happen with lots of busyness scheduled for the next 10 days or so.  Three birthdays, company to stay the night starting on Thursday through Sunday, many things to clean in the house beforehand, and my tired old body.

Blah.

Will try to make tomorrow afternoon a quiet time.  The younger girls want to do the Halloween neighborhood thing the church is involved in, which is at 4pm on Sunday (and I think I've already mentioned it).  As of this very minute, I think not. The thing is, they almost all come to me to do things, and I rarely say no.  I feel that I've been going 'great guns' for several months now, and need a bit of a rest.

A slower Sunday afternoon, and maybe a sleep in Monday morning, before we hit the books and cleaning.  Maybe that'll help me to rise above my inner exhaustion.  You think?

(a delicious pinterest photo)

Late Thursday afternoon

Some days you just want to stop.  This is that day.  While we've gotten accomplished what I set out to do, I'm plain old tired.  Thankful for an easy tuna casserole for dinner, and that the bills are paid for now.  They'll loom in front of my face before long, but this weekend, all's well.

This Sunday there's a hoop-de-doo in the neighborhood of the church.  Three congregations get together to hold fun stuff for the kids to enjoy and our youngest ones want to go.  I'd prefer to avoid this (being that I'm allergic to crowds), but they're excited and who am I to be a party-pooper?  Ahem.  Anyway, will put on my 'grin and bear it face' and do it anyway (common occurrence). Next Wednesday we have middle daughter's 14th birthday to celebrate.  Plus on next Thursday, oldest daughter's best friend drives in from Oklahoma with one of her sisters.

Much house tidying to do.  If I look at our house with someone else's eyes, I can see what needs doing.  Gosh.  Must make out a list of bits to do each day so we (I) don't become overwhelmed.  Me and Overwhelmed are oftentimes kinsmen.

But tonight's free.  Might take a night off from editing our fourth son's novel.  Had a glitch with my word processor saving it correctly, and went to bed scratching my head.  Time away from it would probably be a good idea.

Now, must rest a bit before fixing dinner.  Take care, all.

(clickable photo from pinterest)

'Borders of the Heart' by Chris Fabry

Chris Fabry is a fine storyteller.  Let me state that right off the bat.  Reading a book by him is like being told a tale from someone long ago.

His newest book Borders of the Heart tells the story of a grieving song-writer who's run away from his real life in Tennessee to began again in the west.  J.D. Jessup is looking for answers and peace of mind.  He's trying to make up for past failures and seems to be looking in all the wrong places, as the saying goes.

He gets caught up in a dangerous situation when he picks up what appears to be a Mexican illegal in the desert of Arizona.  She's in trouble, is being hunted down, and J.D. gets caught in the thick of it.  But as the story unwraps, it's clear that she's not an illegal and is involved in a situation that can only be described as violent and deadly.

I enjoyed the book for the most part, but found that it dragged a bit.  Maybe that was the way the author had of putting his readers in the head of the main character.  Things didn't change for J.D. quickly, and the reader sort of slogs along with him.  It was a fine story, but there weren't any unexpected happenings.  The ending is as you'd expect, and if the reader is wanting a simple story where good wins out, then this book is perfect.   Remember, a good story doesn't have to wow you---just entertain, and this one certainly does that.

For added enticement, I'm including some information about the book and author.
Here's a link to a Q and A with Chris Fabry.  And here's the first chapter to read.  Enjoy.

(i received this book free to review from tyndale publishers)

Election angst

Have run out of the natural supplement I take for my mild depression, so the personality you see is the accurate one. Sometimes I think it's wise to get off the stuff, so your body can re-boot, so to speak.  I'm in a 'what you see is what you get' mode right now.  Disclaimer:  It ain't pretty.

Was at my mom's earlier (and pardon, Kim, for hearing this a second time) and we got to talking about the election.  Odd thing. I was raised to always vote Republican, and my dad was heavy into campaigning for candidates.  I remember as a kid, going door-to-door with my mom, putting flyers on folks' doors.  We did that a lot.  Now fast forward to my dad's passing almost 20 years ago, and my mom being a bit unsure of how to vote since he'd always tell her who to choose.  Add to that 2 older brothers who've joined the liberal train (one because he's turned his back on basic morality, and the other one for social issues) and all three of them helped elect our present failure in the White House.  Makes me crazy.

Today she said she might not vote being that the long lines are hard for her to bear, and (not remembering at the time her voting record 4 years ago), I told her she'd better think again, and maybe she could find a chair when she got there.  Our polling location (though not sure of hers) is very generous to those who have standing issues, and has chairs all over the place.  She looked at me and said I might not like the way she'd vote, so might not want to encourage her.  Freeze frame.  I suddenly remembered her last vote, and got to sizzling....the real me.  I brought up abortion (my simple defense---and one I believe is totally valid), she brought up social security (her simple defense---being that she fears poverty) and the conversation ended. She walked out.  End of story.

Running over to husband's family's side, since there's not a Democrat in the bunch......and sorry to not have political solidarity on my side.

Beautiful use of color...

Source: pradaanswer.tumblr.com via melissa on Pinterest

Deep breaths...

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others. Left Brain Dominance: (11) Right Brain Dominance: (10) Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

(Just took this quiz, and if I was wanting to know which side of my brain was dominant, I think I just sort of lost out!)

Nerves are a bit in a shambles.  Pugs licking and scratching and driving me nuts.  Noise all the time.  Way too much grooming going on.  But if you want pugs, you put up with the almost-constant carrying on.  Then they'll look up at me with those eyes that remind me of cicadas.  Eyeballs on the sides of their heads.  A bug's face on a dog's head.  We must be crazy to have pugs and 2 other dogs as well.  And eight kids.  What's up with that?  Sometimes the sheer volume of beings in this house astounds me.  Oh, and a conure.  Another noise-maker.

The washer just stopped spinning.  The pugs are now quiet and at this very minute I can barely hear our neighbor's compressor running...the almost-silence is nice.  We think their power got cut off and that they're living on portable electricity now.  Not easy for them and noisy for everyone.  Life pinches from time to time.

Tonight we're having second son's best friend over for dinner.  This son (the grill cook at a restaurant) will make dinner---he's thinking a steak chili from the Food Network website.  Yum.  I love it when he cooks, and he's not done it in awhile.  It's always a treat.

Since I don't have anywhere to go today will try to relish some creative time.  I found a link on Pinterest where a woman made a handmade journal out of paper sacks.  She cut out portions for the pages, wet them, hung them to dry, ironed them (iron paper is SO wonderful), arranged them, sewed them together (using a coptic stitch, which I'd have to look up) and voila---a rough, and at-the-same-time, beautiful journal. Might have to think about that.

Sunday night

Oldest daughter took these photos of the church today when we were at the Fish Fry for St. James' Feast Day.  Wonderful shots of the church inside and out.  Just wanted to share how pretty it is.  The first photo shows the Little Free Library they just had installed in the back garden---great idea.  It's maintained by the neighborhood association, and the idea is to take a book/leave a book.  Perfect for this particular area since an old public library a couple of blocks away closed recently because of endless water damage.  A tiny substitute, but it's something!

Saturday afternoon

by Adolf Heinrich Hansen

Went out for a bit last night with oldest daughter and saw this painting on a 2013 calendar.  Hadn't heard of this artist, and thought it was a nice, cozy scene. Found it curious when I hunted it down online that it went up for auction at Christie's last year.

Have been busy puttering around, putting a load on the lines after bringing in the things that hung out overnight.  I have plans to dust the shelves a bit, make a pot of white beans for dinner, and just generally straighten up the house.

Broke my diet a bit last night with some cookies I baked.  Hadn't baked in forEVER, and it was nice to drag it out and enjoy it.  One batch was plenty and these were so good.  Tweaked the recipe a little with added salt (which I think every sweet recipe needs), and what's underneath here, is what it is...

Mace Cookies
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup butter (I used margarine)
1 egg
1/4 cup milk
1/2 t. vanilla
2-1/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 t. baking powder
1/4 t. salt
1/2 t. mace

Mix all ingredients and chill for about an hour.  Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees, roll out cookies and bake for 7-8 minutes (ours took a tiny bit more).  Yield was about 2-1/2 dozen cookies, using my grandmother's circle biscuit cutter.  And they smelled wonderfully festive while they baked...an added benefit.

Take care.

Winding up the week

painting by Gari Melchers

Have been plagued by some demon-like creature called FEAR for quite awhile now.  Used to, when I prayed for something and the answer was provided, I'd rest in that and go about my day.  Here lately, it seems, I almost covet the fear that's been dogging me.  I look up, expecting it to visit me.  What's up with that?

I was praying about it earlier this morning before my off-spring got up, asking for deliverance and a clear spirit.  Not easy.  Sometimes I feel immediate relief, but this time, the wicked little creep seems to have gotten his claws in me a bit.  It's taking more to dislodge.

I'm afraid of the what-ifs and I need to quit it.  The major bill got paid, only to have another bill stare me in the face for next week.  This is the way with everyone, but some of us get rattled more over it.  The verse about not worrying about tomorrow is very appropriate, but to put it into effect, I have to PRACTICE it. ::dust self off and get it in gear::

Guess today will be a continual feast of taking authority, without letting it take the sparkle from my day.  It is lovely outside.  Even hanging out clothes is a delight.  Must focus on that!

The thing is, when I allow fear to hold sway, I'm denying God's influence on my life, and that's just a wretched way to be.  Who's in charge anyhow?  I know the answer, but don't always live in a way that shows it to be true.  If fear is my bedfellow, then apparently I'm quite comfy with it.  NO!

Talking about it, and stating this right here is a help.  I'm not going through anything new, but just need to continue to address it until it's conquered.

Stuff and nonsense

Okay, so I don't think cr*p is a bad word, and will say it around the house when I get cranked up.  Yeah, that's not too awfully rowdy, and since profanity in books really offends me (except for Elizabeth Berg who writes really good stuff), this is as bad as it gets coming out of my mouth.  Well, mostly.  But out of respect for my friends here who have better taste than I do, I'll use the little star instead of the A.

The funny thing is that the girls tell me that I say, CRAY-up.  That puts a whole Southern spin on the word, doesn't it?  And now it doesn't even sound bad.  It just sounds ridiculous.  Unfortunately it's easy to make Southerners sound ridiculous.  I think it's 'cause we talk slower than most folks.  But maybe we make fewer mistakes because of that internal pause.  Will have to get back to you on that one.

Must go now.  Time to quit.

Thursday noon

Taking Fall Break for a handful of days, and grateful for the chance to just breath a bit more deeply.  Not to feel a burden on my back that needs tending.  Must focus on what's right in front of me and not dwell on what's ahead.

This weekend should be a fun one.  The weather is absolutely stunning, with a fast rain that came through here last night.  Left us with cooler temperatures and a delicious day.  It's just in the 60's now and I'm looking forward to digging in the mud later on.  Must make one quick trip to the drugstore, then it's all about home.

And on Sunday we go to a Fish Fry, which sounds dishy.  The girls and I are baking pies to take---middle daughter has a hankering for pumpkin and the least one wants to make a chocolate chess, which is so good it'll make you want to slap your mama!

Now it's time to go.  Put a wash in, get dressed (finally), and think briefly about what's for dinner.

Enjoy your day.

(a borrowed photo, sadly not my house)

The Confirmation prayer

ALMIGHTY and everliving God, who hast vouchsafed to regenerate these thy servants by Water and the Holy Ghost, and hast given unto them forgiveness of all their sins; strengthen them, we beseech thee, O Lord, with the Holy Ghost the Comforter, and daily increase in them thy manifold gifts of grace; the spirit of wisdom and understanding; the spirit of counsel and ghostly strength; the spirit of knowledge and true godliness; and fill them, O Lord, with the spirit of thy holy fear, now and for ever.  Amen.

Then immediately all of them in order, kneeling before the Bishop, he shall lay his hand upon the head of every one severally, saying,

DEFEND, O Lord, this thy child [or this thy servant] with thy heavenly grace, that he may continue thine for ever; and daily increase in thy Holy Spirit more and more, until he come unto thy everlasting kingdom. Amen.~from the 1928 edition of The Book of Common Prayer

Mid-week ramblings

Okay, I'll admit it.  There really is something to this Confirmation stuff.  It's not just words being said over you by the bishop.  Something happens.  Something spiritual.  I really, really have felt under attack since that weekend, and while I don't want to give the dark side too much credit for things they initiate, I believe with all my heart that they're angered when believers make a stand, and maybe even more so, when it's a public stand.  I realize I brought this up recently, but to me, it bears repeating.  Keep on your toes....or better yet, stay on your knees.

Am having to stay prayed up, and it's not always easy.  Those little sneaks creep in when I don't expect it.  And usually it's the smallest and most ordinary things that will rankle me.  But at least I'm aware.  I know what to do.

Thankful to get that overdue major bill in the mail--which will happen tomorrow.  Have to quit the martyr routine, which is where I sometimes go when the kids have to be part of the bill-paying situation.  They don't pay rent, but with their regular 40 hours/week incomes, are able to help when we ask.  Glad it's not been necessary for awhile.  It is SO DRAINING to have to ask them.  Humbling and humiliating.  Get your head around those emotions.  But they're always so sweet, never grabby and glad to help.  Honestly I think it makes them feel grown-up.   Well, some of them are, I guess, so it's time to realize how expensive and worrisome life can be.

We were hoping to have it so they'd not have to be involved, but a client who asked to try out one of Gary's vapors, is having to return it before paying, because her mother had a financial emergency.  It happens.

Anyway, today's fine.  Went to the Intercessory Prayer group that met today at church.  One of the women called me on the phone, inviting me to come and I'm very glad I did.   They follow prayers from The Book of Common Prayer, and at the risk of anyone thinking there's little power in these old prayers, think again.  The service lasted about 30 minutes with actual prayer and about 5 minutes into it, I began to cry.  The Holy Spirit was at work, I have no doubts.

(julian of norwich quote courtesy of bonnie)

Tuesday, early afternoon

Running on slow today, and that's acceptable.  Isn't a mother's burden to feel guilty when things don't get done in a regular sort of fashion?  Least that's the case with me, especially with the homeschooling.  I looked up the public school's calendar online to find out when their fall break is and turns out, it was on last Thursday and Friday.  Who knew?  I didn't notice the neighborhood kids out more than usual, but there you have it.  I try to line up our holidays with theirs so we don't stick out like a sore thumb.  We try to play the homeschooling as low-key and below the radar as possible, and that includes days off.

So.  Guess maybe we'll stick in our days off this Thursday and Friday.  Oldest daughter's best friend, who lives in Oklahoma, is driving down the first weekend in November for daughter's 25th birthday, and that'll be nice.  It requires us to go to a bit more care in housekeeping, though, which is good, but sort of a pain as well.  Yeah, I can be lazy.  But if we do little bits and pieces as we draw near to November, the house will be all clean and shiny in good fashion.

Now must go.  Need to get something at the store for dinner---thinking vegetable soup and cornbread would be dishy.  Am about to have the kids help me in clearing out the front flower beds of dead black-eyed Susans and what-have-you.  It's a mess.  Some fresh air will be nice, and the day is beautiful.

Hope yours is a sweet day as well.

(photo by woodboy)

Phew!

Thankfully after several weeks of taking oldest daughter to various places to get her dental work done, we're finished for now.  Today she had a back molar removed, and it was all done in quick time.  That was our specific prayer, especially considering how long we'd heard the appointments could last at the dental school.

About 10 minutes before she came to the waiting room, I'd been reading my book and was pretty into it.  All of a sudden I got tears in my eyes and just felt a bit overwhelmed.  I told her about feeling like that, and she said it was at the time that they pulled the tooth.  It took awhile to get her numbed sufficiently, but when the tooth was out, it was all over. Guess that mother/child connection can be pretty potent.  It's not the first time I've felt what they feel, but it's always a surprise when it happens.

I do realize that folks have teeth pulled everyday and going to the dentist isn't like a huge, major happening.  But for her, it was stressful.  Anything out of the ordinary can put us over the top---I just think folks are so used to shoving down their emotions, that they don't always allow themselves to heal.  But that's just me talking.  I do believe that, though.

Now chillin' while chicken simmers.  Not a clue as to what's for dinner, but there's chicken for sure.  We have rice, and the least one was eyeing the spice cabinet and the cellophane packet of curry seasoning from the Mediterranean store.  She has such adult tastes sometimes.

Tired.  Feeling for my girl and relieved that all's well.  Man, this mothering business is exhausting.  The kids razz me about how they'll have to put me under when the girls have babies.  Ha, ha.  Not funny.

(photo of violet being sympathetic)

'Lifted by Angels' by Joel J. Miller

Joel J. Miller's book Lifted by Angels is full of information about angels, both the biblical/historical/true-to-life ones and our personal guardians as well.  He pulls writings from the church fathers, which is a huge resource for this book, and also the Bible, and makes what turns out to be a huge amount of information, very readable.  I found it a comfort.  And with the modern-day preoccupation with making angels all cute and fuzzy, Miller paints a picture of powerful beings who are working for us.  They're not to be worshiped, but are living in such a way that directs the attention to the Father and not to themselves.

The following quote, pretty much, says it all:

"Go back to Augustine's crowded urban streets.  We live in a larger city, one where angels and people rub shoulders.  While we feel alone, sometimes horribly alone, we nonetheless stand and pray amid a host of angels.  If we could pull the veil, we would see them watching, suggesting, participating, sharing, and interceding."

Exactly.

(i received this book free to review from thomas nelson/booksneeze)

A lovely Sunday

Church.  Delightful.  And I guess that's a fine word to use.  After we got there this morning, the rector greeted me, then asked if I minded doing the flowers.  I told him I was honored, and I really was.  To be so new (with the secret handshake...kidding) and to be asked is wonderful.  And the last time I was asked was on Confirmation weekend, not that long ago.  To feel a part---you can't put a price on that.  And after church, as I shook his hand, I asked him about our middle daughter going through Confirmation at the next opportunity.  She just wasn't ready when I was, but was hopeful to do it soon.  Anyway, after the service today, they had some go-overs for the ones who want to be acolytes and he said that even though she's not confirmed (one other isn't either), that she could be a torch-bearer.  I can't remember the term he used for those who are newbies, but guess I could call it acolyte-lite. :)  I'm so proud of her---it caught her off guard, not expecting to be involved today with the routines, but it's all good.  I'll make little Anglicans of all of 'em before much time is past.

Don't mean to wear it out, but church really is incredible.  There's only one irritation, though.  There's an older man (about 10+ years older than me) and he's way too friendly.  Probably was a flirt in his younger days, but it doesn't fly now.  He wasn't there today, so that was a relief.  I mean, really---is it appropriate at our age?  I think not.

Now will rest a bit and oldest daughter will bring sweet Indian boyfriend over for dinner.  Will vacuum after she calls to let me know they're on their way.  Waiting as long as possible since first born is sleeping, in preparation for working overnight.  He'll leave about 9pm, but is sleeping until dinnertime.  I'm thinking the shop vac I'll have to use (my Dirt Devil died this week), might be a bit LOUDER.  Must tippy-toe until then.

Take care, all.

(photo by my woodboy)

Gary's workshop stuff

My woodboy's been building a box for a client out in California---a box to hold his e-cigarette paraphernalia.  Just thought you might like to see.  What I always enjoy looking at in his workshop photos is seeing a beautiful new piece in the midst of all the disarray.  He amazes even me.  And for anyone who's interested in the woods---it's Spanish Cedar with African Rosewood veneers.  Smells wonderful!

Saturday night

Needed to change up the room in here a bit.  While I LOVE the book template I've been using, it'd gotten a bit dull for me. When things look the same for ages and ages, there needs to be a re-do.  Hence, the tidying up.

Hope this gets me in the mood for an uplift in other ways.  Btw, it's been 6 months since my dear friend, Patricia, died in her sleep, so that's sobering in itself.  Now must breathe deeply and move on.  She'd not want me to linger in sadness too awfully long.  But she'd understand if there was a pause from time to time.

Y'all take care.

Lil Miss Grumpy Pants (again)

Sometimes I just don't get life.  You'd think I sort of had a handle on things, but that's not the case.  I don't pretend to know it all, but would like to for even a brief span of the day.  Good luck with that, you might be saying.

A bit wired just now.  Just feeling that a touch from the Lord would be a refreshment.  I told Gary before he left for the shop this morning that I needed to see a miracle, and he reminded me that they're happening all the time.  True, but maybe I'm wanting to be slapped upside the head with one.  You think?

One of Gary's vapor customers received a piece (the one shown) on Tuesday and hasn't responded to him.  He was sending it to her to try out, and she's not said a WORD about it.  Huh.  All she's got to do is email him.

See, this what gets to me....I just want stuff to happen, and it drives me nuts when I have to dredge up extra patience.  I count my pile of money, seeing how close we are to paying a bill, but it all depends either on one of those miracles that are supposedly spinning around here, or it depends on this customer.  It makes me feel so horsey.

It'll serve me right if she Paypals today and I'm left swallowing my mad.

When God is silent, I get antsy.  Not ashamed to admit it, and am being honest with my frustration.  But I also know that He just waits me out, and rarely comes running in to save the day while I'm all grouchy. Have to get it out of my system first, and then things tend to flow.

So, here we go again.  Ready, set, go.

Online magazine treats...

This is probably the coolest thing you'll see all day....I, pretty much, guarantee.  Lesley Austin, who runs Wisteria and Sunshine, shared a link to an online magazine today (click image for link).  It's called Heather Spriggs, and while at the site, browse the other issues as well.  Wonderful stuff.

And, btw, Lesley's on page 113. :)

Adorable...

Source: st.houzz.com via Mary on Pinterest

A good start

Got it in gear and went to prayer at church this morning.  It always makes me cry, e-v-e-r-y time.  The particular prayer from The Book of Common Prayer that gets to me has a part that says this:

"Finally, we commend to thy fatherly goodness all those who are in any ways afflicted, or distressed, in mind, body, or estate:  that it may please thee to comfort and relieve them, according to their several necessities; giving them patience under their sufferings, and a happy issue out of all their afflictions.  And this we beg for Jesus Christ's sake.  Amen." ~from A Prayer for all Conditions of Men

So sweet, and a perfect way to begin the day.

Take care.

A spiritual house-clean

Okay, so I've felt under some sort of attack from the dark side especially since Confirmation.  Stands to reason.  When a person does something to enrich their spiritual life, the evil one enjoys sticking his foot in it.  Enough already.

And unfortunately, it's easy to get busy and/or excuse those hiccups in life as just ordinary occurrences---to not address them as to what they really are, which is demonic nonsense.  Yeah, it might just be minor things, but still---I tend to want to kick some major b*tt and be done with it.

So, with the kids at my mom's today, I had quiet time to take authority. Funny, but for me, when I feel attacked, it's always in my soft spot.  It'll generally be money-related, or to do with how Gary and I get along, or something minor will bother the kids.  Or even with the pugs, things will pop up.  I guess those are numerous activities, but you see that they rarely deal with me personally, but with things that extend in my path.  Curious.

That's my thinking today.  Chicken curry simmering.  The least one was licking her chops this morning when she suggested it for dinner.  A sweet lady at church gave me a gift card to a grocery store, as a Confirmation token, and she bought dinner tonight.  So........now you know everything.  I don't have one more thing to add.

Enjoy the rest of your day!

Mom stuff

Tired in a motherly sort of way.  Took oldest daughter to the dentist and it turns out, this tooth was saved from a root canal and only needed a sizable filling.  She is scheduled to get a crown on it at some time, but for now, that tooth is secure.  A blessing. She still has to get a back molar pulled on Monday, but we'll take care of that then and not fret too much yet.

And second son was called in to work this morning, unexpectedly.  On his one day off.  Makes me SO mad.  I have to watch my tongue, though, because I'm liable to express my opinion too loudly and this son in particular, doesn't like it when I get too vocal.  But as Gary tells him---I'm just looking out for him and am entitled to get upset with/for him.

Also feeling for my husband who's trying to get a job completed for the paycheck.  Such is the self-employed life.  Staying on your toes and trying to get it all done.  Do-able, but exhausting.

This is my day.  Wearing some burdens (some not mentioned), and as I told oldest daughter, feeling a bit worn down which is where the Lord allows me to be when He's got things working in the background.  Feeling fragile and thin-skinned.  It seems when I get to feeling so mentally depleted that I see Him taking action.  That's the way with me and maybe for you as well. It's one of those surrendering times that have to have their way.

About to schedule some schoolwork then it's a nap and reading for me. Take care.

Hangin' in there...

I was thinking just now that it'd be interesting if a person could just search the Internet for answers to those unaswerable questions.  To know what would happen in the future and for those unseen things to be uncovered. Somewhere along the lines of a Magic 8 Ball.  I do realize that sort of thing is God's business. But still---it'd be neat. Nice and clean and out in the open, so to speak.

But do I really want to know everything?  Nah.  My mom says that the Lord has told her when she's going to die.  Not quite sure how to shelve that in my head, but it's what she says.  And, no, she's not share with me, and that's the way I want to keep it.  At lunch out with her on Saturday, after our food had been brought to the table, she began talking about cremation.  I gently steered the conversation to the shrimp on our plates and the wonderful rainy day and thankfully the talk went uphill again.  Some things aren't appropriate mealtime talking points.  I think she wants to clear the air and not have any surprises jump out at anyone in regards to her plans, but I'm not so keen on going there while I'm eating.

Not knowing is most times a good thing.  And not so much along the lines of ignorance being bliss, but I like not being in charge of stuff.  Security, yeah, I love feeling secure.  To know the bills are going to be paid (hopefully in the general area of being current---sigh), and that certain daily bits of life will go smoothly.  I do like that part of life.

That trust part of living in God's life is a challenge.  Seems we never get a true handle on it.  Surrendering to it is another matter.  I sometimes think the Lord keeps us guessing just so we don't get too cocky.  Hopefully I'm nowhere near cocky.

(last year's fall photo of the house....will look like this again soon)

Sunday evening

Sunday school was cancelled since our teacher was home sick, which gave a perfect opportunity to visit with church folks in the library/parlor.  Had an interesting conversation with some of the other members about the incense used last week---me being pro-incense and a few saying they weren't too keen.  I asked one man what the wonderful fragrance was that was used and all he said was that it was the most hypo-allergenic one that was made.  I think he missed my question!  I wanted to know the scent.  And while we're at it, what's the scent of that holy oil again?  Mmmmmm.

Anyway.  Church was wonderful and that's just the way it is for me.  I can't be any more thankful that I am this very minute.  I prayed for YEARS for a church just like this to go to, and my prayers were answered above and beyond what I believed for.  And the lesson here?  Never, ever give up.

Must go now.  The girls and I are going to watch 'The Amazing Race.'  A good ending to a sweet day.  And there's cake, and I'll enjoy a small piece. Mmmmm, again. :)

(an old photo of a pile of crochet yarn...just homey stuff)

The election

With the Presidential election just a month away, I figured I'd say a brief word on my reason for voting for Romney/Ryan. Or maybe I'll let someone else do the saying since I don't want to get into a tussle with anyone, and just want to state my opinion and leave it at that.

And, for the record, do I care that Romney's a Mormon?  Well, I'd prefer it if he wasn't, but it's not a major sticking point.  I personally believe our current leader has no faith at all.  So you choose...which is more valid?  For those of you old enough, do you remember the ruckus over Kennedy being a Catholic?  I was too young for it to matter to me, but I know my folks talked about it (and voted for the Republican candidate, though not because of religion).

The blog post I'm linking to is written by an Episcopalian, who seems to have his head screwed on straight.  And I'm not concerned whether I agree with everything in the post I'll send you to (linked here), but the comments about us needing a successful businessman to run the country make excellent sense to me.  

Time for a change?  Absolutely.

Late Saturday afternoon

Went out to lunch with my mom....she had a gift card for Olive Garden, and it was nice.  We had an exceptional waiter, and I wouldn't have minded bringing him home.  Such a sweetheart. And the food was yummy...shrimp scampi and the salad/bread. Always good, but then again, I'll eat out anywhere.  I do adore going out for a meal.

Rainy day, overcast and no hurries.  A few errands, and home to rest.  I tidied up after I got on comfortable clothes and that's always nice to get me into an at home mood again.  Have already shared that I really don't like to be gone long, just long enough to cause me to appreciate getting back.

Will go now.  Have a bag of those Indian red/orange lentils to prepare along with some rice.  I'll tell you...with this diet I'm on, and I will call it a diet....I'm heavy into the grains, not so much the fruit/veg (expenses mostly) and it's working for me.  None or little bread and very minimal sugar.  The fiber must be a plus for me, for some reason.  It's filling and keeps me from yearning, and of course, that's a very good thing.

Next stop.  The kitchen and dinner.

Perspective

When I wake up in the mornings and am reminded of our waiting for God to answer prayers, I feel like I'm holding my breath.  Exhaling seems difficult sometimes.  I get anxious and sometimes almost feel that I can't enjoy the day until I see some evidence of His working.  It's almost like my anxiety is propping me up, when it ought to be that my faith does that job.

Huh.

While we tally up moneys to pay a particular overdue bill, I get edgy.  I want it over.  I want the relief of not having that hanging over us.  On the up side, though, Gary has work in the shop, and just has to 'get er done' in order for us to have the proper funds necessary for said overdue bill.  I'm not ashamed to admit we fall behind.  I wish more folks would share these sorts of battles.  There are really lots of us who are struggling.  Thankful it's not always a daily thing, but really, there's no shame in hardship.

I have to remember what my job is, though.  I'm the keeper of the home, the axle at the middle of the wheel (as Gary refers to me) and the one who holds it all together (in a human way, of course).  My tasks are to manage the home fires, not make the income, and provide a safe haven for all of my chickens.  Worry doesn't need to be my side companion, but trust does.

It's going to be okay.  Life is sometimes hard, but it doesn't have to be unbearable.  Must give myself the opportunity to experience joy today.  And that's all I have to do.  Today.

(by the kitchen sink last fall)

Deep breaths

Feeling a tad overwhelmed.  Not sure why, and this is usually how it goes.  I'm thinking partly I feel smooshed by all the humanity/dog-ness I live with here.  As soon as I open the bedroom door in the morning, Romeo the puppy is RIGHT THERE with his wet nose nudging me.  And since our bedroom is 5 steps below the level of the kitchen door, as I walk up the steps, his nose is level with my face.  Not the way I want to begin the day.  I appreciate his enthusiasm for my presence, but really, is it necessary first thing in the morning?  I think not.

Just now went over to one of our neighbors with 3 of the kids to clean out her bushes of convolvulus and honeysuckle.  Her huge azaleas have been buried over the summer with vines and now they can b-r-e-a-t-h-e.  This is the sweet neighbor who's got her Zen on that I mentioned last week. Remember she gave me a huge jade then, and today gave me two cuttings from one of her orchids.  I told her I was scared of them, and it might just be a matter of time before they pass on.  She laughed and asked if I wanted to see the African violet she had to throw away earlier today. That does help!  Fortunately she lent me an orchid book as well.  We'll see how this flies.  And to think that I used to have such a green thumb.  Sadly, it seems to only be working on what's outside, though.

And trying to let God work and not fret.  Will have to get back to you on that one.  A major bill is past-due and while I bragged the other day about not being such a worry-wort, I'm showing my stripes today.  Maybe still tired from the cold that's just now leaving, and not feeling rested like I'd like, plus old evil one, or his cohorts have been picking at me since Confirmation day.  Rats.  Note to self:  He does have it under control.

Oh well.

Looking forward to Saturday.  They observe St. Francis' Feast Day and have a blessing of the animals.  Gary just rolls his eyes at that, but I think gets a kick out the Anglican frills, as long as he's just hearing about it and not having to participate.  Middle daughter wants to take Violet the pug, but she's such an excitable dog, that that won't happen.  Daughter said she wanted Violet to get confirmed since she herself will go through the process next fall.  Silly girl.  We'll just go to watch.  Might be fun.

Must be off now.  Schoolwork to go over and then the post office and must needs get some potatoes.  Remember to tuck some fun into your day....I'll do the same.

Taking it as it comes

Took oldest daughter to the dentist for her long-awaited appointment for root canals only to find out that one tooth has to be pulled.  Not the greatest news.  The appointment took so long to get (going through a local church-run medical group for those without insurance) that one tooth deteriorated.  Makes me tired when our kids get bad news.  It hurts and Gary and I both wish we could switch places with her.

On the plus side, the tooth is the back one, and with her tiny mouth and with that tooth gone, she'll have more room for the other teeth to stretch out a bit. There's always a hidden blessing, I guess.  And it's good to keep a healthy focus when life throws these curve balls.  It's really okay.  Really.

But I'm in bed now with Daisy, resting myself.  I'm tired.  Being outside the home, away from my usual haunts tends to exhaust me.  I don't have that malady where a person is afraid to go out (agoraphobia)---I do leave the house, but really prefer to keep my outings to what I know, with few surprises.  I think more I just get antsy with things that come at me from out of the blue.  Figure, my life is full enough with all that the kids are involved in, and quietness is something I crave like an addict.

Think I'll drag out making dinner so it'll be more enjoyable.  Getting out my bag of paints and drawing tins sounds good.  Nice, rough paper---and doodling a bit sounds refreshing.  I'm just plum wore out and need to do soothing tasks.  Sounds good.

And I'm glad oldest daughter took tomorrow off from work, as well as today.  I'm a great believer in healing when something happens.  She did have the tooth drilled and temporarily filled, and got a heaping dose of pain killer, even though there wasn't an official root canal done.  Her body needs rest, so that's a blessing to have an extra day, as well.  Like I tell the girls, "You're tender flowers, and don't forget that."  We're not all machines, though the modern world would convince us otherwise.

(fall photo by oldest daughter)

Monday late

Having a tiny bit of quiet before getting ready for bed.  First-born is at work now---he works as a manager in retail and has overnight hours for the next 3 months. Imagine.  It's a Christmas thing. I will say, though, that his attitude is brilliant.  He just does what he does, rewards himself at regular intervals (by taking trips, etc.) and just plows ahead.  As he's fond of saying---"it's a means to an end."  And I guess he's right.

And thinking of taking oldest daughter to the dentist tomorrow. I'll have a spell of quiet while I wait for her and am thinking of what to put into my bag of tricks.

Bought some simple things at the grocery store, including chicken soup, jello, and chocolate pudding for her to eat tomorrow.  An easy chicken dinner to put in the crock pot while we're gone, and plain old navy beans and ham for a soup on Wednesday.  Warm, snuggly things to eat.

Must go now.  Second and third sons are on their way home from the restaurant and I need to get their dinners out of the fridge.  Will listen to their chatter and will get ready for bed myself.  By then it'll be time to quit.

Rest well.

Monday before dinner...

Today has sort of been draggy.  Got up later than I'd planned, but that's okay.  Weekends tend to be full, but still, I got the kitchen cleaned and most of the huge pile of laundry done.  Schoolwork was finished as well.

Told one of the kids that I don't give myself credit, though.  Really, I washed 'who knows how many' loads of clothes---thinking it was about seven and put them in the dryer.  It's been chilly and rainy so hanging them out hasn't been an option.  Folded the working boys' pants/shirts so they'd not have to be ironed (insert hearty laugh here).  Cleaned up after everyone's eating since they'd been sloppy about it themselves this weekend.

I tend to do a whole lot of stuff and then fuss at myself that my over-long list didn't get finished.  What gives there?

And tomorrow will take oldest daughter to get 2 root canals done.  Not sure how long that will take, but will leave work for the kids to do so that they don't turn into idiots while I'm gone.  I think they'll be fine.  Just kidding about the idiot part.

Now will warm-up the leftover spaghetti.  Putter around and make out a small grocery list.  Must have something easy for dinner tomorrow.

Take care.